Well Done, Young Jedi!

I must say, thus far I am very impressed with Mr. Far-too-young-for-me! (And, I probably only say he's far too young for me because he's the same age as some of my students... though he is NOT my student.)

But, I have to give him massive praise for outshining men 20+ years older than he is!

When I told my co-worker to give Mr.Young my info, I didn't really expect him to be in touch. Hell, even guys many years older fail to be in touch, and it always is kind of an awkward scenario to cold-approach someone.

However, Mr. Young emailed me a nice, funny, cute, and direct email! Good job!! (He even used proper grammar! Bonus!) He endeared himself to me immediately, and he was very quick to say, "Would you like to get a drink sometime?"

Bravo!
He showed initiative! He was direct! He was courageous! (It does take courage to randomly approach someone!)

No wishy-washyness! No meandering emails that never go anywhere! No psuedo-passive-aggressive doucheyness!

Well Done. Well Done. He could teach his elders a few tricks.

We're getting together on Wednesday.

I can tell this is not going to end well...

.... So why am I bothering to go out on a coffee date?

*Sigh* Maybe because it's been since about January, I think, since I've met someone new? (Cause I was kind of obsessed with some fuckwits in between now and then. Let's not revisit that, shall we? Side Note: Muckraker is suddenly emailing again. Shocker.)

Now, call me pessimistic, but there are some warning signs here:

1) This dude is really overly complimentary when it comes to my looks. Like, that's what he focuses on to the exclusion of anything substantive. (And I am NOT that attractive...)

2) He once contacted Npapaya with the same M.O. (Very complimentary... and she IS that attractive... but I digress.) And then he disappeared off the face of the earth.

3) He is rather pushy about wanting me to email him/call him using my real accounts. No Way. Not until I know you're not a crazy stalker... and right now that's looking kinda suspect.

4) He's a kindergarten teacher. (Yes, yes. Call me sexist.... Bad feminist! Bad feminist! But... I find this... peculiar. And, shades of "To Catch a Predator..." But I'm obviously just jaded. Right?)

5) He's a kindergarten teacher... who can't spell/ doesn't know his homonyms. (I don't know which is worse.)

So. You know. Of course I told him I'd go out with him. Because I'm special like that.

Happy Monday!

No, that was NOT a good joke.

HI and hello,how are you? you are a funny girl i like that. you have very pretty green
eyes. i love a good joke. i was just wondering what your age limit was, cuz otherwise i
should be contacting your mom right? lol! i didn't know how this plenty of fish works,
but i would like to leave you my contact number if i could. if you would like to talk, its
XXX-XXX-XXXX. i wold love to hear one of your good jokes! Oh and the dishes thing,
i got stuck doing that all my life, so i am use to that. o.k i have a joke. what dose a
pair of panty hose,and the Taliban have in common? they both bother bush!!! i hate
george bush,i wish that shoe would of nailed him in the mouth! anyways hope to hear
from you, and i hope that it was a good joke. take care!

Really? You "Sware"?

"hi there have a ?? for you?? were you in kmart tonight??? i sware i saw you...."

No, no you didn't. And I will not be going to Kmart EVER AGAIN.

Scary, not sexy!

Subject line: Take away love, and our Earth is a Tomb

Message: HI,

I just came across your profile, and find you
very attractive. I hardly thought that there
existed such a woman outside the picture frame,or the covers of a romance nove. Call me! {user name)

All "expensive" paid? Sure, just let me pack my bag!

I think this may be my favorite email that I've ever received from a complete nutjob stranger!


i like that u straight forward i'm ali i 'd love to meet u if u like to visit tampa al expensive paid for if interested hit me up bye

What do you think? Should I take him up on his offer???

Actually, I think you might be better off meeting my friend...

...proper grammar!

hey i just want to say that ur sexy and pretty and i like the way u smile, i will really like to know u more better if you dont mind

I think you're just too picky, who doesn't like knuckle-dragging mouth breathers?

From my friend "D"--

I went on plentyoffish.com, thinking I would try a free site first, and replied to one of the few reasonable guy's ads my town of 10,000. Here is his reply:

i love football but im not into fantise football,what are ur likes and dislikesim 6f2in,240pounds,brown hair,blue eyes,wear glasses,i have a 9yearold daughter,what teams do u like in football? talk to u later

If you can't form a full sentence, shouldn't you be disqualified? He probably grunts instead of talks. By the way, EVERY SINGLE guy up here likes the "outdoors, hunting and fishing." UGH.

Why exactly is this a point of pride?

Received today:

Hate to brag but im a normal guy; no surprises, complications, weird tendancies...
Enjoy meetin new ppl a lot :)

A couple of good ones today...

"hmmm interesting quote however wouldn't you call that a generality or a formula for all matters posed?....

Ummmm.... To which quote would you be referring? The one that's not in my profile? (And yes, that was the ENTIRE email.)

And this other gem...

"bush iz dum lol.

P.S. So are you!

Yes, my antipathy towards the shrub in chief is highlighted in my profile, but I'd rather (well, almost rather) be with someone who likes bush and is articulate about it than someone who reflects my same views in such an illiterate way.

Morons.

I think I might be in love.

Atlas sent me an email today.

He appropriately used a semicolon.

My heart is all a flutter.

What! You mean you're not trying to sell me penis enlargement pills?

I received an email to my work address yesterday that contained the following:

From: Leif Jinks (not his real name, but close, and the same gist)
"Hi, would you be avalable to do somthing some time?"

My work email program blocks images so I assumed that this email must be spam, and I just wasn't getting the dirty bits. (total bummer, I assure you!)

Before sending it straight to the trash bin though, I thought I would look up this person's name in our school directory.

Surprise! Surprise! This person was in fact a real individual!

I then assumed that this person (since I had no inkling as to who this person was) must have mistakenly sent me this email, and intended it to go to someone else.

I looked up his department to see if he was a student or a staff member, and it turns out that he works in maintenance.

Oh. Lights are dawning. I had a desk delivered yesterday. oh.

I vaguely remember the guys who delivered it. I think I remember "Leif"... But, at the same time, I didn't say more than 2 sentences to him either-- and those sentences were "Don't put it too close to the wall, I need to plug in the computer." and "Thanks so much! I've been waiting for this! (Ok, I realize that last one could perhaps be interpreted as being overly flirtatious....)

So, on the one hand I felt like I should go out with him because:
#1) I never get asked out
#2) Hardly anyone ever gets up the nerve to ask someone out these days, which leads to a vicious circle of nobody dating.
#3) I felt like I should 'reward' his initiative.

On the other hand (and many thanks to NPapaya and KN for pointing this out)-- I could never be with someone who makes two simple mistakes in one sentence. (Well, and it was further pointed out that the fact that he didn't even introduce himself or say- "Hey, you may not remember me, but I delivered a desk to you..." in his email was very lame, and indicative of his overall lameness, and why waste time?)

On the third hand, it did make me smile.

Attention shoppers! Alphabet Needed! Aisle 2 for clean up!

Nothing inherently wrong with this message...other than the spelling! (Is it too much to ask for someone who can write complete phrases...using, you know, ACTUAL words, as opposed to numbers and letters?)

"hi i just wanted 2 say u are very beautiful.. i was floored when i saw ur pic.. very pretty. c u l8r"

Start 'em with low expectations...

"Its late and I'm tired, ready to go to bed after a long day of work. I was about to shut the computer down when I saw you. You have a pretty smils, nice teeth, and beautiful eyes. Me, I work alot, almost to a fault. I don't always return calls on time. But other than that I'm a pretty good guy. So I'm about to go to bed, but would absolutely love to hear from you. -- [Redacted]"

I didn't think you were racist...but now I'm not so sure...

"hi there, i am [redacted] i am visting from africa and i am looking for friend more like a girlfriend and i like jews. ps i think u are hot!"