A Bad Day

Tomorrow will, very likely, not be a good day.

I got an email from my boss' boss on Friday (my day off) that ruined my weekend, left me sick to my stomach, asking me for a meeting first thing 9am on Monday. Tomorrow.

*sigh*

I'm pretty certain that this meeting will be to put me on warning for being insubordinate.

*sigh*

Nevermind that the email this meeting is going about was only to point out how it would not really be feasible for me to do the work they want done in the time period they want it done, (and oh- btw- had they looked at the spreadsheet I'd sent them 2 days ago because if they had bothered to open it they would have seen that it was already formatted in exactly the way they were requesting me to format it in the subsequent email.) Ok. I said it a bit more nicely than that, but I'm sure my frustration came through. Bad me.

Like I said, I"ve been SICK-- physically, emotionally, mentally-- about this all weekend. To the point where I started cutting myself again.

I KNOW this is stupid, believe me, I know. I also know that nothing makes me feel better faster.

I know that I will not care about the office I work in 5 minutes after I give my resignation. For all that I've been looking for new positions over the past year I've been somewhat lackadasical about it too-- only applying to jobs that I would REALLY want.

Yeah. No more of that. At this point I feel like I should just go an apply for anything and everything I'm qualified for and hope something sticks.

Jedi and I were talking about just packing everything up and moving back to the midwest without having any jobs lined up-- just giving 1 months notice and --boom-- we're out of here. It's very tempting, though not very practical, I know. It would feel super satisfying though!

The truth is that my patience with where we live is running out. There are basically 2 employers here-- the hospital and the college-- and all the other businesses service these other 2 businesses. We have a wal-mart, a kmart and a khol's and that's basically it. It is very pretty, but soul crushing with the cost of living and the lack of activities and non-transient young people.

I'm just feeling very discouraged at the moment. I know I don't technically have a lot to complain about-- I have Jedi, I have a roof over my head, I have a full stomach... But is it too first-world of me to want a job that's fulfilling and with people who value my input and insights?

When I was a kid I was "diagnosed" with Oppositional Defiant Disorder
This has to be the most seriously fucked up diagnosis ever, to tell you the truth--

Symptoms of ODD may include:

• Frequent temper tantrums
• Excessive arguing with adults
• Often questioning rules
• Active defiance and refusal to comply with adult requests and rules
• Deliberate attempts to annoy or upset people
• Blaming others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
• Often being touchy or easily annoyed by others
• Frequent anger and resentment
• Mean and hateful talking when upset
• Spiteful attitude and revenge seeking

Um... Yeah. Could all of these symptoms also be explained by the fact that the adults AROUND me were complete controlling asshats who gave orders that made no sense and were frequently narcissistic and controlling also?

So, yes, I recognize I have a bad attitude at times... As an adult I've learned to control it most of the time and at least pretend that I"m semi-civilized... but I swear! My workplace is making me want to react in childish ways. (You'll have to take my word for it that 3/4 of my colleagues are CRAZY people... but trust me, they are.)

*sigh*

Anyone want to hire me?

(I know, I know! After that you surely will, won't you?! But trust me! I'm a fantastic employee when my employer isn't insane!)

Official?

So... I think we might be getting engaged. Jedi & I, I mean. (Well, Obviously.)

(Though am I only engaged if I have a ring? That seems like such an artifact of a time when a women's worth was LITERALLY measured in terms of monetary units. If so than I might not be getting engaged QUITE yet.)

So, basically for a month or so everyone has been asking... "So, would you marry him if he asked?" "Do you think you guys are SERIOUS?" ... or some variation of it. And the answers have been Yes, and YES.

And the truth is, he HAS asked me... numerous times. It's been more playful than serious (Well, the first time was serious... the rest of them have been, "Are you SURE you still want to marry me?"), but we've both been talking about the future in less and less hypothetical terms and more and more in concrete "When we do XYZ." terms. I gave him a ring a few months back... because I'm all non-traditional and awesome like that, and people have been looking at it askance and asking questions like... "Sooooo what does that ring mean???"

Do I love him? Do I want to be with him? Is it still scary? Yeah, absolutely.

Is it TERRIBLE of me to think-- "Hey, an engagement is JUST an engagement. It's not a marriage or anything!" Cause, frankly, I picture a long engagement-- 2 or 3 years. So, what's the difference if we get engaged now or a year from now if our goal isn't to get married tomorrow?

Well, for me it's just a higher level of commitment.

You know, I went to an awards ceremony for Jedi's grandfather. I was seated with his family in the FAMILY section. They asked the family to publicly introduce themselves. I introduced myself as "Um... well... Jedi's girlfriend."

There's nothing wrong with that, in and of itself. But his family treats me like family. They feel like family. Jedi's mom keeps saying to me, "Oh, I can't wait until you're my daughter in law!"

My mother (ever the party planner) can't seem to help herself from planning the wedding (Even though I keep saying, "NOTHING IS OFFICIAL!!!") My mother's planning has gone from the hypothetical to "I'm putting the event package together. What do you think about these flowers?" (Do you think that's weird? you don't really know my mother...) But it just seems WRONG not to include Jedi's mother in this... which I don't feel comfortable doing since nothing is "official" yet. (As for me being involved in it? Just tell me when & where to show up. I don't want to have to think about it.)

So, all of that would be easier if we would just make things official. So, well, I think we're going to talk about that tonight-- the official officialness of it all.

(And yes, it does all still feel a little weird!)

Like cologne, it's never good to come on too strong...

Or, alternately titled:
THE FADE.

RinkRat is creeping me out.

Like Mr.2Young he's come on REALLY strong since our last date... but unlike Mr.2young he doesn't seem clear on where the boundary lines are.

Nothing specifically nefarious or sinister... but he's left me uneasy. And I trust my gut.

Since this is a SUPER small town I was not surprised to find that we had a couple of the same friends on facebook. So, I asked our mutual friends what was up with this guy.

Answer #1) He met me at softball practice. He asked if I might like to play hockey sometime. I said sure. He emailed me... and emailed me... and emailed me... and is still emailing me. Even though I've never answered any of his emails after the first one to say I wasn't interested after all.

Answer #2) I lived next door to him. He seemed nice enough but was always coming over at odd hours, uninvited, and just hanging around all the time.

So.... not super awesome.

I've tightened up the settings on my facebook page, but I'm regretting letting him friend me. (Ah well, I'll do better next time!) I don't want to UN-Friend him because that seems like it would set me up for a barrage of more persistent emails/conversations.

I'm just going to do the "FADE"... y'all know what I'm talking about? Just because it seems like being direct with this guy would be counter to my best (safety!) interests.

I might be over reacting, but if the guy is THIS clingy now... who knows how much worse it would get if we actually dated!!?!

(Also, I have to compare and contrast with Mr.2Young, who has also been attentive and emailing/texting frequently. I think the distinction is that Mr.2Young is not aggressive about it. I'm 99% certain that if I told him to drop it, and not to contact me anymore, I wouldn't hear from him again. He respects boundaries and he's made that clear in our other interactions.)

Scary, not sexy!

Subject line: Take away love, and our Earth is a Tomb

Message: HI,

I just came across your profile, and find you
very attractive. I hardly thought that there
existed such a woman outside the picture frame,or the covers of a romance nove. Call me! {user name)

10 messages too many...

I was contacted by a guy a few weeks ago. He seemed fairly cute and reasonable in his profile on Yahoo. I don't subscribe to yahoo, but that's not usually a problem. When I'm contacted by someone I like, I usually send back a free "wink" and the person on the other end usually gets the hint and sends back their email address.

So, that's what I did with this guy. And he didn't get the hint. And now I'm sooooo glad he didn't. Because I sure as hell now know why he's single!

10 messages in two weeks. TEN!!!!to someone who has never written you back! Each message increasing in intensity and craziness! TEN! Each message getting longer and longer about how we're soulmates and destined to be together and how he only has to look into my eyes (um... on the fucking computer screen!) to know it!

SCARY! Thank god we didn't ACTUALLY meet! Or communicate! I can practically see the Lifetime movie of the week now... "She thought he was prince charming, but he was the devil in disguise... he thought she was his soulmate, he could see it in her eyes... Dangerous Love, Fatal Obsession this week... only on Lifetime..."


There is an awful lot of crazy out there in the world, let me tell you!

Creepiest Boyfriend Ever!

Ok, so I am mildly obsessed with bad television in a WTF! kind of way! One of my shows of the moment is "The Secret Life of the American Teenager." Have you seen this? It is WRETCHEDLY awful! (If you've seen "7th Heaven"...well, it's by the same writer, so that gives you some idea") I can't even describe the half-assed storyline, but it's basically this-- A christian morality tale where "band-geek" Amy gets knocked up by "bad boy" Ricky (who's also doing it with every other girl in school!) during summer vacation.

The first day of school she meets Ben, who falls in love with her on first sight. Now Ben? Is supposed to be Amy's "Twoo Wuv," but instead he's just a creepy obsessive that Amy needs to stay the hell away from. Case in point? Last night's episode where he tells Amy (In a serial killer voice) "You Belong to Me"..... And this is supposed to be ROMANTIC!!! ARGH!!! I fear for the 13 year olds watching this show and getting this half-assed notion of what love is supposed to be! Heaven help us all!

Think I'm exagerating? See the clip below were Ben (Who has known Amy for TWO weeks! And is 15!) Asks her to marry him. Because she's pregnant by some other dude. Yea... #1) *Totally* realistic! and #2) CREEPY! (See previous post for levels of creepitude!).... Hmmm, I think I need to start a Creep-o-meter to guage the levels of creepiness put off by guys. Perhaps for future posts! What do you think!?

In the meantime, enjoy the creepiness I mean true love that is Ben....

Not Creepy, or Anything...

Many thanks to Nikole for sending this one in!!!

She received the following....from a total stranger...

SCARY!


"TODAY IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE WHEN I GET TO SEE YOUR PHOTOS, when you accept me as a friend, when you smile to me, god i think i am falling in love with you, now all i wish for is hugg you for a a million years, and kiss you for a bilion time, the would be the luckiest man ever walk on earth, it was a long wait for you today, for you the girl with lovly eyes, i collected few flowers for, so happy that you might show up, you my friend, you are a gift from god to this world, i know your value as a beautiful, sensetive, unbeleivably kind, i love you my friend, and all i wish for is that you smile back to me, even though i can't see you, but my heart feels your rosy lips smilling to me, just like a moon looking at me with love and kindess.
love"

A hint on profile pictures- #1) Try not to look like a serial killer...

So, there is definately a trend I'm noticing in profile pictures. For women (yes, I look at the women. Gotta know what the competition is!) there is usually some sort of a "Come hither" look accompanied by much cleavage baring. Not *my* idea of attractive, but I get what they're going for. At least they seem to be putting forth some sort of effort.

Where the men are concerned....not so much. Don't believe me? Browse through some profiles sometime! I swear, at least 3/4 of the pictures on there look like they'd be more appropriate on the FBI's most wanted list!

(I have, actually, browsed the most wanted list a few times to compare it with some of the profiles I've seen...no joke!)

So, my question is this... If you're looking for a date, wouldn't you put the best, most flattering picture of yourself up for viewing? And assuming that is in fact the case, what does it say about these guys that these are the BEST pictures they could find.....

Yikes!

Daters, it's a scary scary world out there! Proceed with caution!

Dimitri thinks there's nothing wrong with him. Can YOU figure out what's wrong with him?

(Many thanks to ARF for sending this one in!)

Also...see this hilarious related video...

Not the only one!

So, my lovely friend, Sassy Pants has a lovely blog, and you should go check it out. (Mostly because she was kind enough to link to me!) And check out THIS story!

But also because she has some lovely stories to share that involve dating idiots. (We have, in fact, gone out with many of the same idiots. It's a small town.)

So, in the spirit of a new blog, she wanted to contribute some of her horror stories, and she sent me this:

""I have recently received, through MySpace, the following from a British,mildly LLCoolJ look alike:

"hello baby how are u doing how is life with u i went throught ur profile itnice and i would love to know u better. cares"

Followed within a half an hour by a more mild but still a little concerning-

"you looked beautiful and i live near you so i decided to message you."

The "I live near you" thing is a little scary. I can imagine it being followed by -

"so near you in fact that I see you every day. You don't know it though. I like watching you. I'd like to smell your hair."

Women do not send men messages like this. Do we fear rejection more? Do we know we'd sound ridiculous? Or *do* women send these messages? "

I don't know. No one *I* know sends messages like this (that's because I only know brilliant, well-adjusted people,) but that doesn't mean other women don't. So, since we're all for equal opportunity snark here, anyone have a cringe-worthy story about a woman?