Shady McGrady

Well, that's what Npapaya calls Muckraker. I have come to the point where I agree with her, as sad as I am to say that.

Monday was a promising day, if you'll recall... and then? Nothing.

That's right... NOTHING.

In fact, on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday Muckraker all but ignored me. After Monday's interactions the WTF??? Response to this I had was off the charts.

My friend Jan (Thank goodness she's in my class and there to back me up on this or I'd be going out of my mind thinking I had imagined his interest and then subsequent disinterest,) thinks his behaviour is totally shady too.

What's the reason for this Hot/Cold mess? I don't know, and I don't care anymore.
Tonight, I am officially done with Muckraker (the Weirdo) as Nell calls him, with "the adventurer" as another friend calls him, and with Shady McGrady as NPapaya calls him. Ok, so this is a very one-sided DONE as he doesn't care one way or another apparently, but it's good to finish it in my own mind.

So why this tonight? Well, here's what happened (or didn't happen...)

On Monday I asked Muckraker and a few other mutual friends to go to Nell's exhibition. Muckraker responded quickly saying "I'm There!" (Promising, right?) Today (After basically being ignored for several days) he says to me-- oh, that thing tonight? I may not be able to go. I have some other plans." Jan, hearing this, rolled her eyes at me, and I just responded to him, "Ok, well, see you if you get there."

This evening I was looking... dare I say? Cute?! Hot? Well, as hot as *I* get, which may only be as hot as my grandma's mildest chili, (but it was about as good as I get.) I went to the exhibit with a couple of my gay boys (still hoping to see muckraker, I admit.)

We were there for a fairly long time-- probably about an hour before muckraker finally showed up. He came and talked to us for about 2-3 minutes, and then went to go congratulate Nell.... and then he never came back...

My boys and I were waiting for Nell to finish the exhibition so we could go out to eat, but it was taking much longer than expected. We decided to head out to a restaurant to grab a bite to eat, and so we tracked muckraker down to ask him if he wanted to join us (which, frankly was the plan to begin with when we were all talking about going out that evening.)

Muckraker informed us he was meeting up with some people at a local indian restaurant, and that we could join him if we wished. I asked him "oh, who are you meeting?" and he responded, "Are you being discriminating?" My response? "Yes! I have no wish to hang out with people I can't stand!" (In addition, Nell was planning on going to a restaurant across the street with some of her other friends, and we didn't want to ditch her.) Muckraker headed out without waiting to see if anyone else was coming... and, well, that was that.

My boys and I ended up grabbing a bite elsewhere, and that was that too...

Crappy evening overall, huh? (All that cuteness totally WASTED!)

I was hopeful. Perhaps too hopeful. Muckraker's issues... I don't know what they are, but if he persists in being -- well, a total douche -- there's nothing I can do about that is there? Except not waste my time.

So this strikes me particularly hard this evening as another internet connection has fizzled out, and since Science guy is no longer in the picture (being super attentive. Ok, yeah, he was kind of a douche too.)

It's on nights like this when I ask myself, "Why do I even try? Why do I put myself out there? Why do I put myself up for rejection? Why do I care?" I could be sitting at home every night and have the exact same results I do now-- which is to say, NONE AT ALL!

I don't know, maybe Muckraker liked me (or he liked the chase, and when I started to reciprocate it was no longer fun for him.) Whatever. I at least feel reassured by some of my friends' observations enough to tell myself that at least I wasn't imagining his demonstrated (real or feigned) interest. What happened between demonstrating that interest and TONIGHT? I have no fucking clue. Maybe he got sick of me, maybe he found himself a girlfriend, maybe he's just an annoying fuck.

As for me? I'm fucking sick of this whole fucking dating game. I'm not having fun anymore and I don't want to play.