Glutton for Punishment

Muckraker stopped by yesterday to chat. He was the one who had asked to stop by, but he acted like I had asked him, saying, "What did you want to talk about?"

Whatever.

I was immediately put off.... and he exhibited massively rude behaviour that I know I would never be able to tolerate in someone I was dating. I had to bite my tongue to keep from telling him, "I know why you're single... it may have something to do with your belching..." So grossed out.

Last week we had talked about some writing I had done, which was not coming along well. He had offered his critique-- some points were valid, some points were really because he doesn't appreciate/get the type of writing I do--- which is very woman-centered, and focusing on emotions. Since I have yet to ascertain whether or not he actually has emotions, it's not surprising that he didn't like it.

All the same, I was rather put off when he said to me. "I was disappointed in you. I think you're a much better writer than this, and you're not pushing yourself."

It hurt. Yes, yes it did. Part of it is because I know he's right-- it's not the best writing I've done. The other part is that I know he wouldn't like much of any writing I would do. And the third part is that I know I'm taking the path of least resistance where this project is concerned, but because of work circumstances it's what makes the most sense.

But mostly I was angry. Who the fuck are you, dude, to tell ME that YOU'RE disappointed in ME? WHO are YOU to ME? No one. What gives you the right? Asshole.

On the plus side, this exchange really helped convince me that I need to get back in the dating game more seriously. I don't know why I keep waiting around for various people to grow the fuck up. (Maybe because it's easier than meeting new people?)

I need to find some people who are grown ups already.