I totally thought I wouldn't have to deal with any potential remaining conflicted feelings about Muckraker since he was supposed to be away from now until the summer. Plenty of time to get over him and to keep reminding myself what a schmuck he is, right???
Imagine my surprise when he showed up at an event/party this evening. He was, predictably (since he'd been such a schmuck the last time I saw him.) charming.
*sigh* I am not proud to say that my knees did get weak.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity, Fuck Fuck.
He asked me if he'd see me next week.
Fuck.
He asked me if I would do him a favor.
Fuuuuuuuucccckkkk.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity, Fuck Fuck.
Yes, of course I will.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity, Fuck Fuck.
I know this is a mistake.
FUCK.
I am so embarrassed for myself. Frailty, thy name is woman, indeed. Gawd. No lectures are necessary, I'm more than capable of telling myself what a fool I am. When I'm around him though I can't seem to think clearly. Damn it.
I strong in my resolve though-- I'm still done. Really. I swear. REALLY.
No comments:
Post a Comment