I think the most disappointing part about being a grown up is the realization about how many people never out-grew junior high. So many of them, stuck in a loop, re-living it, over, and over, and over, and over again, and dragging you down with them, against your will. It's exhausting, and pathetic. And I just look at them, over there, with the most toys, smugly on the top of the pyramid, and think to myself, "So the fuck what? Great. Now you have the most toys. You can't take it with you." I'm so, so, so tired of it all. And so disappointed in people.
I came across this site a year or so ago, and while I've never been one much for Tarot readings, I thought I would give it a try. Since then, I've kept coming back to it. I've found one deck to be eerily accurate in my life. I'm not a huge believer in things like this, I believe people read into it whatever situations they happen to find themselves in... and yet, with some decks in doesn't work, and with one deck it always seems to be spot-on.
"The best laid schemes of mice and men
Go often awry," - Burns
I know this blog is often silent because it's "same old, same old, nothing to see here" kind of stuff going on in my life. Work is cyclical, Jedi is wonderful and loving and constant, but that doesn't make for good drama in writing...
That is not why I've been silent lately however. Right now so much is going on I feel like I'm in the eye of a hurricane and who knows what the landscape will look like once the winds settle down.
I had a plan for my life. If you may recall, this time last year I was actually struggling between a couple different plans and decided on plan B. We'll call it plan B because it wasn't what I really wanted to do, but it was what made the most sense to do. It was to go to school to get an Ed. D, to continue working full time, to have Jedi continue working part-time while he went to school. Plan A would have meant that I would have to quit a job I love to go back to school full time for a program I was really interested in but I just couldn't justify the cost or the time and the cost/benefit analysis didn't make sense.
What's that? Oh, do you hear God laughing? I think I do... Let's just say that recent events have conspired to make Plan A an almost inevitable choice at this point.
And that's cool. And fucking scary. And great. But terrifying. And in the long run will mean that I get to have a really wonderful job (ahem, assuming I can get a job), but I have to go through a lot of years of uncertainty first. And that uncertainty is freaking me out.
I have to make a choice pretty soon. Leap? Or spend my life wishing I had?
Something has changed within me Something is not the same I'm through with playing by the rules Of someone else's game Too late for second-guessing Too late to go back to sleep It's time to trust my instincts Close my eyes: and leap!
It's time to try Defying gravity I think I'll try Defying gravity Kiss me goodbye I am defying gravity And you wont bring me down!
I'm through accepting limits ''cause someone says they're so Some things I cannot change But till I try, I'll never know! Too long I've been afraid of Losing love I guess I've lost Well, if that's love It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy Defying gravity Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity I think I'll try Defying gravity And you wont bring me down!
I'd sooner buy Defying gravity Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity I think I'll try Defying gravity
