I have been accused of being negligent in my blogging duties. (Hi Camera girl.-- To which I pointed out, I am much more apt to blog when I get comments. Then I don't feel like I'm just talking to myself. I mean, I know there are more of you out there-- I have methods of finding out, you know.)
I would say that my lethargy is not limited simply to my blog posting-- it's extended itself into my work too. Oh, I get my stuff done... but I don't get additional stuff that I really should be getting done at some point started. Because, you know, it's not due tomorrow. Bad me! But hey, I get stuff done when it's due, and isn't that what really counts?
In the meantime let's talk about weddings and what a PITA they are, shall we? Hmmmm. So, I may have mentioned previously that I'm totally opposed to having my father walk me down the aisle. This does in fact stem from my feminist conviction that it is nothing more than a symbolic transfer of property from my father to my (soon to be) husband. Ick. Ew. Phooey. I protest mightily!
My grandmother was trying to convince me to reconsider by pointing out that it's important to my dad (who never has an opinion about anything, but has expressed an opinion about this. *sigh*) by saying, "I view it as a symbolic moving from my father's house to my husbands."
*Sigh* Also- Ick. Ew. Phooey.
Hell, if ANYONE is moving from their parents' house to their spouses' house it would be JEDI. Perhaps his parents should be walking HIM down the aisle?
I am also mightily opposed to a father/daughter dance because... Ick. Ew. Phooey.
One of the major reasons for all this-- in addition to my feminist convictions-- is that is just not the relationship I have with my father. It's the relationship he thinks we have, but it's not actually the one we have. I haven't lived with my dad since I was 3. There were no good night stories or special outings or birthday surprises when I was growing up. When I was visiting him he spent more quality time with his TV than he ever did with me. I learned at an early age not to expect the phone call or card that he would swear would arrive because at least 3/4ths of the time they wouldn't.
To suddenly pretend at my wedding that my dad has been there for me my whole life and that he was the rock on which I built my foundation is not just icky and disingenuous, it's something I find maddening. Why should I put on this charade for family and friends? Why should my dad get a bunch of unearned accolades for being a great dad?
I mean, that's not to say he was a BAD dad, don't get me wrong. He's just a dad who tends to show his affection through money because he doesn't really know another way to do it. ... actually... that's not quite true-- he's a great dad to my brother (age 16). But the dad my brother has is not a dad I ever knew.
Because of the various issues outlined above-- and my parents' acrimonious divorce-- my mother has always insisted that if anyone is going to walk me down the aisle, she should be the one to do it. *sigh*
I know she'll throw a hissy fit if I did have my dad walk me down the aisle so my feminist convictions are pretty convenient in this regard.
I still don't know how I'm going to get out of the father/daughter dance since Jedi is adamant that he wants a son/mother dance.
I did have a dream last night that my father died very suddenly and then I was filled with remorse that I hadn't had him walk me down the aisle after all. I'm still leaning toward NOT having him do that, but that feeling of remorse is a tough one to shake today and I'm wondering if I made the right decision.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
What a difference a year makes...
A year ago (tomorrow) Jedi and I will have been going out for 1 year.
I mean, technically we didn't start going out exclusively until sometime in October (I can't really remember when) but we did meet one year ago tomorrow.
Who could have guessed, right? In this post from a year ago you can see I didn't really have high hopes. If you had told me at this point last year that this year at the same time I'd be trying on wedding dresses I would have told you that you were clearly insane because-- #1) there's no one to date in my podunk town and #2) there's no way I would move that fast!
This should probably teach me a lesson in making pronouncements of which I feel certain as I'll only end up being wrong. (Dear Universe, There is NO WAY I would ever win the lottery. Especially not $90 Million dollars. Especially not in tonight's Powerball drawing! I dare you to prove me wrong.)
Speaking of shopping for wedding dresses, my mother is giving me the silent treatment since the last debacle in which I yelled at her for being an unsuportive beeotch. (Believe me, she totally is. I swear I'm not just being a Bridezilla or something.)
Npapaya (Yes, she of the "Always Right" fame in the aforementioned post) has been kind enough to agree to go with me to try on dresses on the 25th. We have to go to a town an hour away to try stuff on, but we're going to 3 different stores and each store has 4-6 plus sized samples (wowwee. If we lived in a metropolis I think I know how I could make beaucoup bucks-- open up a plus-sized wedding dress shop.) I'm hoping that each store doesn't have the EXACT SAME DRESSES (as has happened in other locations) but we shall see.
In any case I think that after that shopping trip I will have made up my mind. If I still haven't found anything I like better than #5 I think I will go with that one.
P.S. to Jedi if you ever get around to reading this-- Happy Anniversary, Sugerplum. Mwah!
I mean, technically we didn't start going out exclusively until sometime in October (I can't really remember when) but we did meet one year ago tomorrow.
Who could have guessed, right? In this post from a year ago you can see I didn't really have high hopes. If you had told me at this point last year that this year at the same time I'd be trying on wedding dresses I would have told you that you were clearly insane because-- #1) there's no one to date in my podunk town and #2) there's no way I would move that fast!
This should probably teach me a lesson in making pronouncements of which I feel certain as I'll only end up being wrong. (Dear Universe, There is NO WAY I would ever win the lottery. Especially not $90 Million dollars. Especially not in tonight's Powerball drawing! I dare you to prove me wrong.)
Speaking of shopping for wedding dresses, my mother is giving me the silent treatment since the last debacle in which I yelled at her for being an unsuportive beeotch. (Believe me, she totally is. I swear I'm not just being a Bridezilla or something.)
Npapaya (Yes, she of the "Always Right" fame in the aforementioned post) has been kind enough to agree to go with me to try on dresses on the 25th. We have to go to a town an hour away to try stuff on, but we're going to 3 different stores and each store has 4-6 plus sized samples (wowwee. If we lived in a metropolis I think I know how I could make beaucoup bucks-- open up a plus-sized wedding dress shop.) I'm hoping that each store doesn't have the EXACT SAME DRESSES (as has happened in other locations) but we shall see.
In any case I think that after that shopping trip I will have made up my mind. If I still haven't found anything I like better than #5 I think I will go with that one.
P.S. to Jedi if you ever get around to reading this-- Happy Anniversary, Sugerplum. Mwah!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Dilemma solved!
So, in the comments of the post below, Perpetua wondered what the insulting things were that Muckraker had posted and she also suggested that I send Jedi to pick Muckraker up from the hospital.
The insulting things were along the lines of-- (After posting a news article about economic gender disparity)-- "Oh, Poor Hypatia! The world is really conspiring against you. Boo Hoo Hoo. Yes, it's all an elaborate plot to keep you down." There were a couple more comments along those lines that I just didn't even bother responding to. It's one thing to disagree with me, but to turn it into something personal (when it wasn't to begin with?) WTF is that? Not worth getting into it.
I jokingly suggested to Jedi that I would send him to pick Muckraker up from the hospital and he said, "Only if Muckraker wants a punch in the face." Ha.
Well, in any case, I solved my dilemma of the previous post by asking a mutual friend of mine and Muckraker's if she would be able to pick him up from the hospital. She said yes.
I now feel absolved of any lingering sense of responsibility. Well...Conscience SEMI clear! Why do I say that? Well, because the friend I asked to pick Muckraker up is Nell. This is what you have to know about Nell-- She's a very smart woman. She's actually an engineer working on hybrid technology. HOWEVER... She is the FLAKIEST person I know. Like, a croissant has nothing on her.
To give you an example, last week we were supposed to have lunch on Monday. She had to cancel. We moved it to Tuesday. She had to cancel. We moved it to Wednesday. She had to cancel. We moved it to Thursday. She had to cancel.
She SWORE up and down that we would do it on Friday, no excuses. We made plans for noon. Well, on Friday at 11:45 I was in a meeting and my assistant tells we (when I get out at noon) that a woman had stopped by for me. I assumed Nell would be back in a little bit and come and get me at our agreed upon time.
12:00...12:10...12:15...12:30.... No Nell. I'm hungry and fed up at this point, so I leave to go grab a bite and take a walk.
I come back and there's a note on my desk and a slice of Pizza from Nell. She wrote, "Sorry I missed you! I stopped by to have lunch at 12:45, but you weren't here. Oh well! Have a good day."
Like, seriously?
Ok, so you're probably thinking, why are you friends with someone like that? Well, like I said, you just have to accept that she is terribly scattered and know that she's not very reliable. She's a good friend when you're with her, and really fun, but you just have to know you can't really count on her for much.
Heh. Heh. Heh.
Um. Does that make me kind of evil to entrust her with picking up Muckraker???
I told Muckraker that the next time he was gearing up to ask me a favor he might want to try using a little more honey and a little less vinegar.
The insulting things were along the lines of-- (After posting a news article about economic gender disparity)-- "Oh, Poor Hypatia! The world is really conspiring against you. Boo Hoo Hoo. Yes, it's all an elaborate plot to keep you down." There were a couple more comments along those lines that I just didn't even bother responding to. It's one thing to disagree with me, but to turn it into something personal (when it wasn't to begin with?) WTF is that? Not worth getting into it.
I jokingly suggested to Jedi that I would send him to pick Muckraker up from the hospital and he said, "Only if Muckraker wants a punch in the face." Ha.
Well, in any case, I solved my dilemma of the previous post by asking a mutual friend of mine and Muckraker's if she would be able to pick him up from the hospital. She said yes.
I now feel absolved of any lingering sense of responsibility. Well...Conscience SEMI clear! Why do I say that? Well, because the friend I asked to pick Muckraker up is Nell. This is what you have to know about Nell-- She's a very smart woman. She's actually an engineer working on hybrid technology. HOWEVER... She is the FLAKIEST person I know. Like, a croissant has nothing on her.
To give you an example, last week we were supposed to have lunch on Monday. She had to cancel. We moved it to Tuesday. She had to cancel. We moved it to Wednesday. She had to cancel. We moved it to Thursday. She had to cancel.
She SWORE up and down that we would do it on Friday, no excuses. We made plans for noon. Well, on Friday at 11:45 I was in a meeting and my assistant tells we (when I get out at noon) that a woman had stopped by for me. I assumed Nell would be back in a little bit and come and get me at our agreed upon time.
12:00...12:10...12:15...12:30.... No Nell. I'm hungry and fed up at this point, so I leave to go grab a bite and take a walk.
I come back and there's a note on my desk and a slice of Pizza from Nell. She wrote, "Sorry I missed you! I stopped by to have lunch at 12:45, but you weren't here. Oh well! Have a good day."
Like, seriously?
Ok, so you're probably thinking, why are you friends with someone like that? Well, like I said, you just have to accept that she is terribly scattered and know that she's not very reliable. She's a good friend when you're with her, and really fun, but you just have to know you can't really count on her for much.
Heh. Heh. Heh.
Um. Does that make me kind of evil to entrust her with picking up Muckraker???
I told Muckraker that the next time he was gearing up to ask me a favor he might want to try using a little more honey and a little less vinegar.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
The Cherry on Top
Oh, did I mention that my mother... My VERY conservative mother... now knows the Jedi & I are (for all intents and purposes basically) living together.
You can imagine she was thrilled.
------
And... I'm SOOOO looking forward to going back to my ever-increasingly stressful and unsatisfying job tomorrow.
Awesomeness all around.
You can imagine she was thrilled.
------
And... I'm SOOOO looking forward to going back to my ever-increasingly stressful and unsatisfying job tomorrow.
Awesomeness all around.
Being Grown Up
So, I'm still in a bad mood, but Jedi and I had a talk about my bad mood and the fact that I am frustrated with him and his apparent lack of motivation.
It was good, it was calm.
I wanted to yell, I restrained myself from sinking into unproductive venting and accusations-- e.g. "You're not motivated," "Why don't you shut up and DO something if you're so unhappy," etc and stuck to the more productive (and therapist approved) "I" statements... such as- "I get frustrated when I feel you're not making constructive choices. I care about you and want you to succeed, but I feel like you're getting in the way of your own success..." etc.
I'm still in a bad mood because I followed up this incident with Jedi with an argument with my mother which totally did devolve into yelling about how she's such a pain in the ass.
So I'm not always a grown-up... so sue me.
Excuse me now while I go and drown my sorrows in a cup of cocoa with marshmallows.
It was good, it was calm.
I wanted to yell, I restrained myself from sinking into unproductive venting and accusations-- e.g. "You're not motivated," "Why don't you shut up and DO something if you're so unhappy," etc and stuck to the more productive (and therapist approved) "I" statements... such as- "I get frustrated when I feel you're not making constructive choices. I care about you and want you to succeed, but I feel like you're getting in the way of your own success..." etc.
I'm still in a bad mood because I followed up this incident with Jedi with an argument with my mother which totally did devolve into yelling about how she's such a pain in the ass.
So I'm not always a grown-up... so sue me.
Excuse me now while I go and drown my sorrows in a cup of cocoa with marshmallows.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
A Thanksgiving to Remember
Thanksgiving... didn't quite go as planned.
Apologies for the delay in updating, but I didn't have internet!
Jedi and I went up to my grandparents' place on Wednesday night. We drove separately (a 3 hour drive) because he had to work on Friday.
First- The good part. My grandparents (and my 97 year old great-grandmother) really liked Jedi. Really, Really, Really liked him. (Though, as Npapaya says-- What's not to like about him? There's nothing objectionable!) I know that in her head my grandma was probably planning a wedding (though they did make him sleep chastely on the couch. Ha ha ha.) Jedi also really liked them. He liked my grandpa (who is a difficult personality) and of course loved my grandma (who doesn't!)
I felt bad taking him away from his own family, but he kept insisting that he wanted to be with me.
Now for the BAD part...
On Wednesday night Jedi started feeling unwell. He thought it might just be acid reflux, and so he powered through. On Thursday the pain got worse and moved up into his chest which caused him some slight difficulty breathing. He was supposed to go home on Thursday night (And one can't go home just ANY old time round these parts... you have to wait for a ferry, and so you're trapped on their schedule.) He laid down to rest after Thanksgiving dinner and fell asleep. He asked me to wake him, and I did, but given that he still wasn't feeling well (at this point he'd tried prilosec, rolaids, tums, pepto, xantac, etc.) he decided to take the 1st ferry back in the morning.
My plan had been to stay at my Grandparents' through Monday, and then come home Monday night. When Jedi woke up on Friday morning though (5am to catch the ferry), he was doing worse. It was decided that he needed to go to a doctor. My grandma suggested he go to her doc, but I pointed out that didn't make much since since 1) we'd have to wait 3 hours until his office opened, and 2) he'd only send us to a larger hospital an hour and a half away because he wouldn't be able to do tests in his office.
Now... I admit. I had more than a moment's hesitation about Jedi's illness. Not that I didn't think he was feeling poorly, but I thought he might be playing it up for effect. Maybe that makes me a bad person to have had that moment of doubt, but I kept thinking about how much Jedi didn't want to go back to work that Friday (He'd asked for it off 3 times, but was told no), and how much he ALWAYS wants to be with me, and the fact that he had stated more than once that he would have wanted to spend the whole weekend with me.
I was kind of annoyed. (again, maybe this makes me a bad person) but I totally thought he was playing it up with his unverifiable symptoms. Someone (I don't remember who, maybe my grandma) suggested that he couldn't drive himself. Who knows what would happen if he passed out or something.
Ok. Ok. I decided to drive him home so that he could come to the large hospital closest to our town. If he had to stay in the hospital he wanted to be sure to be close to home, he said.
Well, on the ride home I began to be more worried as it started to be obvious that he wasn't faking his chest pain. I thought he was going to pass out a few times actually, and almost went to the hospital that was closer, but he kept insisting he wanted to be at the hospital close to home.
We went to the ER and I called his mom to come and sit with him while I dropped off my dog at home. I then came back and sat with him and they found that his heart rate is really elevated and irregular and that he has high levels of lead in his system and his hemoglobin levels will cause serious liver damage if it's not reversed. Weirdly enough, they said his chest pain isn't caused by any of those things, and they couldn't figure out what that was. They released him after they deemed it wasn't "life threatening", but have scheduled more tests for later in the month with specialists.
I had had to leave my car up north and so Jedi offered me the use of his car in the meantime and he used his mom's car, which she offered to let him use-- very nice of her.
That time in the hospital is the most time I've spent with his mom actually, and it was nice to get to know her better. Jedi went back to her house to recover over the weekend.... (and yes, I feel bad that I thought he was faking.) I ended up spending a fair bit of time over at their place this weekend though-- had a couple meals, helped to put up the Christmas tree. It was nice to get to know the family better.
I still don't know his prognosis since they're still doing some tests, but he's still having some pain.
On another note-- my grandparents have called 4 times to see how he is.
Guess they must really like him, huh?
(Oh. Did I mention that he surprised me with a pair of earrings I had mentioned liking? Yeah. He's sweet like that.)
Apologies for the delay in updating, but I didn't have internet!
Jedi and I went up to my grandparents' place on Wednesday night. We drove separately (a 3 hour drive) because he had to work on Friday.
First- The good part. My grandparents (and my 97 year old great-grandmother) really liked Jedi. Really, Really, Really liked him. (Though, as Npapaya says-- What's not to like about him? There's nothing objectionable!) I know that in her head my grandma was probably planning a wedding (though they did make him sleep chastely on the couch. Ha ha ha.) Jedi also really liked them. He liked my grandpa (who is a difficult personality) and of course loved my grandma (who doesn't!)
I felt bad taking him away from his own family, but he kept insisting that he wanted to be with me.
Now for the BAD part...
On Wednesday night Jedi started feeling unwell. He thought it might just be acid reflux, and so he powered through. On Thursday the pain got worse and moved up into his chest which caused him some slight difficulty breathing. He was supposed to go home on Thursday night (And one can't go home just ANY old time round these parts... you have to wait for a ferry, and so you're trapped on their schedule.) He laid down to rest after Thanksgiving dinner and fell asleep. He asked me to wake him, and I did, but given that he still wasn't feeling well (at this point he'd tried prilosec, rolaids, tums, pepto, xantac, etc.) he decided to take the 1st ferry back in the morning.
My plan had been to stay at my Grandparents' through Monday, and then come home Monday night. When Jedi woke up on Friday morning though (5am to catch the ferry), he was doing worse. It was decided that he needed to go to a doctor. My grandma suggested he go to her doc, but I pointed out that didn't make much since since 1) we'd have to wait 3 hours until his office opened, and 2) he'd only send us to a larger hospital an hour and a half away because he wouldn't be able to do tests in his office.
Now... I admit. I had more than a moment's hesitation about Jedi's illness. Not that I didn't think he was feeling poorly, but I thought he might be playing it up for effect. Maybe that makes me a bad person to have had that moment of doubt, but I kept thinking about how much Jedi didn't want to go back to work that Friday (He'd asked for it off 3 times, but was told no), and how much he ALWAYS wants to be with me, and the fact that he had stated more than once that he would have wanted to spend the whole weekend with me.
I was kind of annoyed. (again, maybe this makes me a bad person) but I totally thought he was playing it up with his unverifiable symptoms. Someone (I don't remember who, maybe my grandma) suggested that he couldn't drive himself. Who knows what would happen if he passed out or something.
Ok. Ok. I decided to drive him home so that he could come to the large hospital closest to our town. If he had to stay in the hospital he wanted to be sure to be close to home, he said.
Well, on the ride home I began to be more worried as it started to be obvious that he wasn't faking his chest pain. I thought he was going to pass out a few times actually, and almost went to the hospital that was closer, but he kept insisting he wanted to be at the hospital close to home.
We went to the ER and I called his mom to come and sit with him while I dropped off my dog at home. I then came back and sat with him and they found that his heart rate is really elevated and irregular and that he has high levels of lead in his system and his hemoglobin levels will cause serious liver damage if it's not reversed. Weirdly enough, they said his chest pain isn't caused by any of those things, and they couldn't figure out what that was. They released him after they deemed it wasn't "life threatening", but have scheduled more tests for later in the month with specialists.
I had had to leave my car up north and so Jedi offered me the use of his car in the meantime and he used his mom's car, which she offered to let him use-- very nice of her.
That time in the hospital is the most time I've spent with his mom actually, and it was nice to get to know her better. Jedi went back to her house to recover over the weekend.... (and yes, I feel bad that I thought he was faking.) I ended up spending a fair bit of time over at their place this weekend though-- had a couple meals, helped to put up the Christmas tree. It was nice to get to know the family better.
I still don't know his prognosis since they're still doing some tests, but he's still having some pain.
On another note-- my grandparents have called 4 times to see how he is.
Guess they must really like him, huh?
(Oh. Did I mention that he surprised me with a pair of earrings I had mentioned liking? Yeah. He's sweet like that.)
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Nervous
Have I mentioned I'm nervous to have Jedi come to Thanksgiving?
I'm all... "What the hell was I thinking? Why did I think this was a good idea!?"
Not because I don't think it will go well. Not because I think he'll embarrass me in front of my family... or worse, that they'll embarrass me...
But... well... because I'm not really sure how I feel about where this is going. I don't know where this is going. The greater part of me feels like this still isn't going anywhere--- and if that's the case, then why would I introduce him to family? On the other hand, this is the most serious I've been with someone in over 10 years.... so, well, maybe this is long overdue, eh?
I'm all... "What the hell was I thinking? Why did I think this was a good idea!?"
Not because I don't think it will go well. Not because I think he'll embarrass me in front of my family... or worse, that they'll embarrass me...
But... well... because I'm not really sure how I feel about where this is going. I don't know where this is going. The greater part of me feels like this still isn't going anywhere--- and if that's the case, then why would I introduce him to family? On the other hand, this is the most serious I've been with someone in over 10 years.... so, well, maybe this is long overdue, eh?
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