Sunday, January 10, 2010

Being Grown Up

So, I'm still in a bad mood, but Jedi and I had a talk about my bad mood and the fact that I am frustrated with him and his apparent lack of motivation.

It was good, it was calm.

I wanted to yell, I restrained myself from sinking into unproductive venting and accusations-- e.g. "You're not motivated," "Why don't you shut up and DO something if you're so unhappy," etc and stuck to the more productive (and therapist approved) "I" statements... such as- "I get frustrated when I feel you're not making constructive choices. I care about you and want you to succeed, but I feel like you're getting in the way of your own success..." etc.

I'm still in a bad mood because I followed up this incident with Jedi with an argument with my mother which totally did devolve into yelling about how she's such a pain in the ass.

So I'm not always a grown-up... so sue me.

Excuse me now while I go and drown my sorrows in a cup of cocoa with marshmallows.


Perpetua said...


Maybe you need a little time apart? Not in a break-up way, but in a "let's go back to our own places and relax a bit and have some time to miss each other" way. Back at the beginning of our relationship, Wizard and I basically lived together too, and since I wasn't at all used to having someone share my space, and since he sometimes ANNOYED THE HOLY EFF OUT OF ME, we needed some nights apart.

Then we missed each other. Plus, his inability to put a cup in the sink didn't make me want to kill him. As much. :)

I hope it gets better. As far as I'm concerned, short periods of "I can't stand you!" are normal in any relationship, but I know not everyone agrees with that.

Hypatia said...

Yes, yes we do. Hopefully he'll respect that. (See post I just put up.)

I agree with you that issues of frustration and "I can't stand you" are part of the ebb and flow of a relationship. I'm not sure Jedi agrees with that though given his, "I never want to be apart from you!" style personality.