Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Can't Concentrate...

Of course I can't concentrate! I have a crush! I love/hate this part about being infatuated. I guess I'll have lots-o-time to dwell and stew on the 3 hour ride to grandma's house for Thanksgiving.

I'll also be able to stew over the fact that my 2 email overtures of interest were met with a maddening two word response in both cases. And those responses could be construed as flirty, or dismissive, or annoyed, or flirty (You can tell I'm holding on to this one as an explanation....), or quick-off-the-cuff no-thought responses.

I take solace in the fact that if I actually were to get involved withMuckraker I would surely find some reason to hate him and hastily dispatch him, as seems to be my M.O.

So really, for me, unrequited love is the best there is! It's the one with the least amount of muss and fuss. (Yes, I know. I need help.) Some making out would be nice though...

Oh well, I'm sure I'll find someone else to crush on in the next month or so. In the meantime I guess I'll just have to continue not being able to concentrate...


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I was totally wrong. Now what?

I have a myriad of bad habits; this is something I not only acknowledge but take a certain amount of pride in. I don't ask anyone else to change to suit me, and nor would I tolerate being forced to change my ways for anyone else. So I bite my nails. And leave my clothes strewn about. And am always running late. I'll make an effort, sure, to curb those habits, but at the end of the day I know they'll only resurface. So whoever ends up with me? Better be able to put up with them. (And I with his bad habits. Equal opportunities for annoyance here!)

A couple of my particularly bad habits are pertinent to this particular story though:

1) First glance judgments. Yes, I make them, I admit it. I would also say that I'm rarely wrong. If someone seems like a skeeze at first glance, generally a good idea to stay away. Do I put people into categories? Yes, I admit it. Hippie chick. Preppy Girl. Snob. Bible Thumper. Sure, I'll get to know people after that, and I try to keep an open mind, but generally my first impressions are right. Well, at least about 99% of the time.

2) Steamrolling. I have no patience. I especially have no patience for dithering. I also, when working on a project, have no time to bother with people's hurt feelings. This is work (or school). It's not personal. The project isn't personal, and frankly I'm not going to coddle you, or dumb down the project, or take my sweet time doing something should take 5 minutes because you want it to be hearts and rainbows and come to some sort of consensus on something there doesn't need to be consensus on. If you try to make it about your feelings... well, I will overrule you, and take the project into my own hands, and frankly not have any fucking patience for your dithering ass. Too bad for you!

3) Not giving a damn what people think. Now, this is only in certain cases... I care an AWFUL LOT what people I respect think about me. But people I've written off as being dithering hearts and flowers time wasters? Not so much. So, if I don't give a damn what you think, it's because you've made it onto my "no respect" list-- ( And, well, you're probably a moron.)

4) Needing to be liked. Even by people I can't stand. Now, if I've actively given you reason to dislike me-- Eh. shoulder shrug We're cool. It's no doubt because I couldn't stand you either. But... If I haven't given you a reason to dislike me, and yet you DO dislike me??? Well, I will be much bothered by it! Sure, I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but to be actively disliked and scorned by someone you've never gone out of your way to hurt? That stings. And it will bug me.

Soooooo.... What does this have to do with dating? Or the picture of Gabriel Byrne up top? (Besides the general need for eye candy?)...

I'm getting to that....

I have a crush. A mad, gigantic, all-consuming crush. On someone I couldn't stand until yesterday. And on someone I'm pretty sure actively dislikes me and thinks I'm silly, insipid, and just generally worthy of scorn and derision (He's probably not wrong about that.) omigawd do I have a crush. I can't stop thinking about him.

The Backstory

We'll call him Muckraker. I met him this summer during a graduate course in which we were randomly assigned to the same group. Now, I hate group projects (see above), and this group was filled with rather loathsome people... The hippie chick who was fond of nonsequiters, the slacker/stoner who wanted to give other people the hard work and take the easy project, the ditherer... and a couple other not-so-loathsome people such as the foreign exchange student, Muckraker... (and well, yes. Me. I'll put myself in the not-so-loathsome category, thankuverimuch, since this is my blog.)

I assumed a lot of things about Muckraker at first glance. He is a tall, lanky, kind of weatherworn guy man in his early 40s. He reminded me of a particular vermont breed, not quite crunchy-granola flower child, because he dresses far too conservatively for that with nice leather shoes, and name brand sweaters. In my mind I scornfully assigned him faux-liberal tendancies with conservative core values and tastes. He is a quiet man, saying little until he feels he has something of importance to say. (In direct contrast to me, who usually feels free to spout off about anything, no matter how inane. Another of my bad qualities!) I assumed he was a librarian. I don't know why I did, only that everything about him seemed to suggest he lived his life behind a reference desk.

There was something disquieting about him and in the way he interacted with me. It seemed different than the way he interacted with others. He put me off-balance somehow, asking questions I didn't know the answers to... and I'm someone who always knows the answers to everything. (or I think I do. Another bad quality!). Our interactions were like running your hand against the grain of fabric, not uncomfortable enough to be unpleasant, but not quite right either.

In our group, which he called together to meet that first day, he was a consensus builder-annoying in the extreme. I had a checklist, and wanted to assign roles and get the hell out of there. I admit I pushed my point of view through, and didn't give him-- or anyone else in our group a second glance. The presentation was a disjointed disaster, but with the disasters in our group it could hardly be anything else. I passed the course and thought little about any of the people in my group after that point.

This fall I started another class, and he happened to be taking it. He's not a man who draws attention to himself, and it wasn't until about half-way through the term that I even realized he was there. One of the reasons I began to notice was because he would often comment on a comment I had made in the class. And he would often contradict me.

I hate being contradicted. (Bad trait!). I'm a good debater and I can usually argue down anyone I don't agree with. (Bad trait!) I couldn't argue him down though, and I began to leave class feeling annoyed with myself, and annoyed with him, and annoyed at myself FOR being annoyed with him. Who was HE after all to be disagreeing with me? Why is his opinion so lofty? And yet, I often found myself agreeing with the points that he had made and reconsidering my opinion. Which I hate to do. (Bad trait!)

He is never mean or intemperate, rather he is thoughtful and careful and considerate in what he says and does. I admit that I don't know how to deal with people like that. I'm all loud noises and fireworks and extreme displays of emotion. He confuses me, and I don't like not having everything figured out and put into little boxes.

After class one day I was speaking with another student, and he came up to us. I felt like he pointedly ignored me, and said to her- "I need to talk to you." I took this as further evidence of his dislike, as he couldn't even be bothered to make small talk with me. At the same time I also felt like he felt that I wasn't even worthy of mustering up enough energy to actively dislike. But I rolled my eyes and left.

This past weekend we ended up at a conference together, along with a few other people in the program. The conference was dismal, and on Saturday he missed the early morning session. The other people in our group and I ended up going out to lunch, and midway through the luncheon he showed up and sat down with us, much to my dismay. I never felt like I could be easy in his presence, always feeling like every word I said was judged.

The conversation wound it's way to various topics and I started to catch Muckraker staring at me, often with a bemused expression on his face. I couldn't interpret the looks other than to feel they were somehow both amused and critical. I asked him, point blank, "What's that look for?" He just shook his head, again with the same expression.

Somehow the conversation got to the point where I asked him, "You work in the library, right?" Confused (and seemingly amused), he answered, "no," but didn't offer up any other biographical information. Everyone else in the group seemed to know him, and background information about him, but he seemed to be deliberately not giving me any information.

Annoyed, I brushed it off and as a group we walked back to the conference. He was parked intown and offered rides back, but I opted to walk, still rather shaken by our exchanges over lunch, though uncertain as to why.

Yesterday I gave a presentation in class, a solo presentation in class. I mumbled and fumbled and made some mistakes, but generally it went ok, I thought. Muckraker didn't seem to look up from the papers he was shuffling through to pay attention, but that didn't really bother me. I was just grateful he didn't bother to ask a question I couldn't answer.

Class ended, and as we were getting up to leave Muckraker came to me.

He put his hand on the small of my back, sending shivers (delightful ones, to my surprise) up my spine. He leaned in, an expression on his face I haven't seen before... dare I say-- open and friendly? He called me a rather forward and deceptively personal nickname, one I hadn't given him leave to use, and asked if he could speak to me after class...alone...out in the hallway.

My first reaction was-- "God, what is he going to criticize me about now?" What I said was, "Why?"

He said, "I wanted to talk to you about your presentation."

Me- "What about it?"

He said, "I had a suggestion." And he also said, "Why are you looking at me like that?" (Nervous/scared expression on my face, I think.)

Me- "What is it?"

Him- "Let's talk outside."

Me. (probably rolling my eyes.) "Just tell me."

Him- "I thought you might want to consider using a different title since that one has been used before."

Me- "I think it's fine."

Him- "Ok. But it was recently used in another article on the same project."

Me- "I don't think it matters." (As you can tell, I am one smmmmooothhh operator!)

And I walked away.

And something-- a slight feeling I had-- said to me that while that may have been all he was going to say, perhaps he was going to say more. Or he would have, if I hadn't completely cut him off.

And I kept thinking about him all night. And kept tossing and turning. And I felt completely off kilter.

That exchange didn't go as I would have liked. I kept replaying it, and replaying it and replaying it in my mind. I cannot figure this guy out. Does he hate me? Or not...??? I DON'T UNDERSTAND HIM!

I always felt he treated me with the same level of amused annoyance and patience one would bestow on a particularly backward child. I recognize however that a lot of that is ME projecting those emotions onto him. He's always been quiet and respectful in actions and words, but he has always made me feel unsure of myself.

(That's why Gabriel Byrne, as professor Bhaer in Little Women is at the top of this post. I realized, that's who he reminds me of-- not in looks, but in actions and words. Always kind, but at the same time always challenging and thoughtful and unwilling to accept easy answers.)

Perhaps I need to be more unsure of myself and to have someone who (unlike Atlas) feels free and easy enough to contradict me, and yet I still respect him afterwards. In fact, I respect him more because of it.

I couldn't get him out of my mind all last night, so this morning I decided to google him. And that's when I discovered that I had been wrong about him. Really wrong about him. And really wrong to dismiss him as quickly and easily as I had when I first met him.

The guy is fucking brilliant. Amazingly, astonishingly BRILLIANT.

He was a journalist. A journalist who became a non-fiction novelist. And his books? Amazing. Amazingly brilliant. And socially conscious. And important life-altering, society-changing stories. That's not why they're important or brilliant though, it's the personal sacrifices he made to write those books.

He traveled to Siberia, and Africa, and landed in an prison in the Congo, dealt with traffickers, and inhumane conditions, and did countless other things.... He's led the life I would have always wanted to live had I been born with an ounce of bravery.

Oy vey. head meet desk

So much for mild-mannered reporter, huh? In some respects, more like superman.

Wow did I misjudge him. And all this time in class I when I talked about a crisis in Africa (and other topics) and I was annoyed that he disagreed with me... I should be thanking my lucky stars he did it so nicely instead of putting me in my place as he should have, knowing much more about the topics than I possibly could.

Is it wrong of me to judge him more favorably now that I know more about his background? Perhaps that makes me shallow. (Bad trait!) But I don't like him better now because he's a writer... but rather the topics he chose, and the personal sacrifices he made to do some very important work. That, and the fact that I was wrong about him. He challenges my preconceptions, and I know I need that.

I am madly, completely, head over heels, crushing on him. And I feel I may have ruined any chances I had. Assuming I had any at all. After all, my first impression could have been correct-- he could think of me as a silly, annoying, uninsightful kid. (Or dislike me for a myriad of other reasons! Many people do!)

Which makes me sad. And I feel very ashamed of myself.

And I can't stop thinking about him....

I want him. And I want him to want me. And I don't think that's going to happen.

From NPapaya. Though I'm sorry for her crappy options, I'm glad they give me fodder for the blog!

"Hey, lady, wanna armwrestle?"

In a potentially further inversion of traditional gender roles, let me tell you that i probably have spent more time cooking than you have. I have yet to meet a woman whose cooking is better than mine. Does that sound immodest? No matter: it's true! I get down. But i would not object to hanging out with someone who cooks well. For all i know, you cook very well. Just not better than i do (i am trying to exhibit my "boldness/assertiveness," so that you can check that off of your list).

Thursday, November 20, 2008

No Energy

There's been nothing to report lately, and I don't really have the energy to date right now. I'm not so much disheartened as I am exhausted.

I'm sick of constantly looking for the "right" person. Certainly not sick enough to settle for the "wrong" person-- (Heaven forbid! I'll NEVER be one of THOSE girls!)-- but just generally tired of the online scene.

One of the crazy guys from a month or so ago that I had contemplated going out with (but then cut off contact when he started being really odd... and insulting!) contacted me again. I contemplated saying yes for a millisecond and then told him that based on our previous contact I didn't think we were a good fit--but best of luck.

His response? "I wasn't in to you anyways."

*Sigh* Dodged that bullet, but whereas I could have laughed at it awhile back, I'm just too tired to come up with something snarky in response.

Hopeless? I'm not entirely hopeless, but I do feel like it shouldn't be this hard. I admit that a lot of this is colored by hearing a fair number of stories recently about people who "Just knew!" when they found "The one!"

Now, I don't even know if I believe in the idea of "the one!" (Or even, of many ones!), but I certainly like the idea! And I alternately feel hopeful, hopeless and inadequate in hearing those "happily ever after stories."

I know many people felt I didn't give Atlas a fair shake. I didn't feel much attraction to him, but I admit that even I don't know how much of that was because there really *wasn't* any spark there... or that I was unwilling to let one develop because I was looking for a reason to push him away from the beginning. Honestly, I don't know the true answer to that.

All I wonder is, should this really be this hard? I'm NOT unhappy being single, I actually enjoy it 99.9% of the time. But it would be nice if there were viable options out there. Ya know. Just to take for a test run.

Cheesier than Velveeta

Can you give me directions to your heart? Because I seem to be lost in your eyes.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Nothing much to report

So here's some fun stuff from jezebel. Go read the whole thing.

"Oh, and let's not get started on the whole bullshit "nice guys don't get the girl" that all these guys re-hash. Well, yeah, sure, if The Girl is the head cheerleader (and she always is) — but were they ever asking out the girl who was President of Students Against Drunk Driving and the German club (i.e., dorky, awkward me)? Some of them were, sure, but I'll be damned if most of them aren't happily married to truly pleasant women who they adore. My photo albums from high school to this day are a virtual pantheon of sweet, dorky guys who asked me out or who I asked out, most of whom were actually as nice as they look and none of whom were bad boys.

I dated two legitimately bad dudes in my life — the first one, in high school, I dumped rather ungraciously on our second date for grabbing my ass, and the second one more recently who I dumped, equally ungraciously, after about a month of jealous fits. One of the supposedly nice ones tells Hymowitz:

According to a “Recovering Nice Guy” writing on Craigslist, the female preference for jerks and “assholes,” as they’re also widely known, lies behind women’s age-old lament, “What happened to all the nice guys?” His answer: “You did. You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy.”
Oh, so, the only reason you were ever nice to a girl, the only reason you ever got close to a girl, was to fuck her? Don't worry, dude, you were never a nice guy. You probably didn't get fucked more because when you were holding a girl crying she caught you feeling up her boob. By comparison, at least a bad boy doesn't lie about his intentions or caring about your feelings.

So, look, the problem is that there are no rules, and there is no one end game any more. Great. I'm glad there's not. I don't mind paying for dinner, or going to see a hockey movie on Valentine's Day, or calling first or opening my own fucking doors — and I don't mind being paid for, or getting roses or being called or having a door opened for me — and I am damn glad that I don't have to hang up my dating spurs at 31 and call myself a spinster and start knitting booties for my younger sister's eventual children. And, yes, it's more difficult because in the absence of rules and regulations, in the dearth of universal social expectations and proscribed life paths, no one knows what anyone else is really looking for in a two minute interaction. But this is solved by actually not expecting things from people you don't know, and by treating women as individuals worth more than the sexual pleasure they might or might not eventually afford you. And it doesn't help to bitch about how all women are shallow, money-hungry harpies who you're just going to game the way they've gamed you. Maybe you've been gamed because as a shallow, money- and pussy-obsessed prick who isn't interested in getting to know a person, you missed out on more than just being played."

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Too Funny not to Share!

Ok... this has nothing to do with dating, but it had be cracking up, so I thought I would share.

Why you shouldn't put a garlic clove up your vajayjay.

Yeah, I know... I'm astonished anyone thought this might not be the best idea too! Ha!

All "expensive" paid? Sure, just let me pack my bag!

I think this may be my favorite email that I've ever received from a complete nutjob stranger!

i like that u straight forward i'm ali i 'd love to meet u if u like to visit tampa al expensive paid for if interested hit me up bye

What do you think? Should I take him up on his offer???

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Good Karma!

So, I didn't get a parking ticket today that I *totally* would have deserved (I forgot I parked my car at a meter and left it there the ENTIRE day... and they're strict about enforcement around here!) So, I['m chalking that up to good Karma for facing my avoidance issues...!

Atlas got in touch with me re: my note, and it went well, I think!

His response:

I've been going very slowly these past weeks, and can understand if it causes frustration. My default disposition in recent years is caution because I have had difficult experiences, but you've been exceptionally fair and very kind.*

I agree with you; Friday felt very awkward, which set me back a bit because we had fun on previous nights. It made me think over the situation these past few days. Early on, I felt that we had rapport and some commonalities. However, I feel it's not enough to go deeper than friends.

Regardless, I think we should still be friends and hang out if you're willing to do that. If not, I'll completely understand.

Thanks for getting in touch, and I'll talk to you later.


Situation resolved and everyone gets to feel good about it! Yippee!

So, any of you want his number?

(Of course the tragic part is that I've been getting no hits on my profiles recently, which means for a slow blog and an even slower love life!)

*Also, Do you think I can use " "exceptionally fair and kind"-Says Former Date! " as a testimonial in my profiles! Ha!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Avoidance is something I'm either really good at... or really bad at, depending on how you look at it.

Do I avoid doing unpleasant things? Of course... (Usually by diving into a tub of Ben & Jerry's, but that's a post for another day....)

So, it will come as no surprise to anyone that I have avoided talking to Atlas about my feelings. Npapaya all but called me a coward today (Or maybe she was out-and-out calling me a coward... I may have been distracted by chocolate...she's totally right! I own it!) for not addressing this issue.

My mom also told me I need to have a conversation with Atlas, but with my mother's advice you should usually do the exact opposite to end up on the plus side of the equation. (Sound harsh...? Ya, but then again, YOU haven't met her...)

It wasn't until a colleague pointed out the *real* issue at play though that I decided to do something. That issue? Avoidance.

Yeah, Atlas has his issues. But so do I. And one of my big ones? Is avoidance. I may not have a future with Atlas, but I won't have a future with anyone unless I deal with *MY* issues head on.

So I dealt with my avoidance tonight. (Albeit in a probably cowardly way... Via Email. Hey! In my defense, Atlas & I have never actually talked on the phone! All our communications have been via email! So I figured it was acceptable. Stop judging me!)

Give me props. I stopped avoiding my avoidance issues. For today at least.

I can't promise anything about tomorrow....

Monday, November 10, 2008

Memoirs Of A Dater: Let's Be Open About It!

Memoirs Of A Dater: Let's Be Open About It!

I discovered this blog from Npapaya... Amusing story! Check it out!

Sunday, November 9, 2008


NPapaya has just informed me that former major crush, IT guy- (background here) has been checking her out on

I am very amused given that IT guy threw me over to date some other girl, and did it in a kinda harsh way -(Actually telling me while leaning in for the kiss that he just wasn't that into me.)

So... Bwahahahahahaha!

Sure, I'm back on the interwebs looking for love too, but I somehow feel vindicated by this...

Saturday, November 8, 2008

It's (nearly) official

I've been putting it off for awhile because 1) I genuinely like him, and 2) the pickings of nice guys around here are slim... but...

I'm going to have to break it off with Atlas.

I know, I know, I've been saying this for practically a month, hoping that I would develop stronger feelings for him, but last night it became quite clear to me.

So, I went over to his place where we were going to play video games (yes, I actually enjoy this!), and get take out (and hopefully make out.)

We went back and forth and he finally suggested that we get take out from a Japanese restaurant. I asked what he wanted, and he said he was up for anything and to surprise him.

Now, when you think Japanese restaurant, what do you think you're getting for dinner? Right. Me too. Sushi!

I get to his place and dole out the food, and we settle in front of the tv. He takes a bite of the sushi... and excuses himself.

He comes back and the conversation goes like this:

Him: "I'm sorry."
Me: What?
Him: "I thought I could but I can't"
Me: You don't like it?
Him: I don't like sushi.
Me: (confused!) But you suggested Japanese!
Him: I knew you liked it, I wanted to make you happy.
Me: (annoyed & confused) But... But... You suggested it! I would have been happy to get something else!
Him: Sorry. I tried to like it, really.
Me: And you didn't TELL me you don't like sushi! I could have gotten dumplings or something.
Him: I was afraid to tell you.
Me: (in my head- DUMBASS!) Why were you afraid to tell me? Do I make you nervous?
Him: No, why? Do I seem nervous?
Me: (Uh, yeah, duh!) Well, you said you were afraid to tell me. Why would you be afraid to tell me? It's not like I made it or anything.
Him: I know, I was trying to be adventurous. I've never liked it any other time I tried it, but I thought this time I could do it.
Me: (DUMBASS!) Why would you do that? It doesn't matter to me whether you like it or not!! But you told me to surprise you!
Him: I know. Sorry.

AAARRRGGGHHH!! Seriously! If he can't be truthful about something as minor as SUSHI!?!? There's really no hope. Ugh!

The evening was fine, but didn't really get better from there. While having dinner (He had the miso soup that came with the sushi, but wrinkled his nose at the 'weird smell') he sat next to me. When we started playing video games.... he moved to the floor.

Seriously? WTF? Kinda hard to make out with you, dude, if you're on the floor!

I waited around a couple hours to see if he would ever move back or try to make a move or anything but it was all earnest puppy-dog gazes from the floor and no action.

Finally I got fed up and I said I had to go.

He gave me a hesitant hug. Didn't even move in for a kiss.

If I'm not getting any action & there's not much personality there, what am I doing? (AND too "afraid" to tell me he didn't like SUSHI!?!? How is he ever going to tell me how he likes things in bed!? Or more importantly... LIFE. ugh.)

I haven't been in touch with him yet, but this is so over.

Remind me of that, will you? The next time he does something super sweet...? I'll need reminding.

Friday, November 7, 2008

You tell me what's wrong with this email!

After reading your profile, I think we may have alot in common and would like to get to know you.
What I have to offer is I am nice, handsome, happy, funny, trustworthy, kind, not-boring, not afraid of commitment, responsible but fun, and giving person. I am disease and drug free, and hold down a great job. I am looking for a NICE girl, and hopefully a future committment.
I hope to hear back from you, so we can start a great friendship.- randomguy

Now, I'm sure that this guy thinks this is a perfectly reasonable first email to send to someone. On the surface, there's not really anything that wrong with it... and yet... it kinda squicks you out, doesn't it?

Let's figure out why:

1) Listing of good attributes. This doesn't tell me what you're really like-- this tells me how you think about yourself. And this tells me you love yourself and AWFUL lot. Also? Telling me you're trustworthy doesn't make me trust you. In fact, it does the opposite. Trustworthy people don't go around telling everyone how much they should trust them. They kind of assume everyone is trustworthy until it's proven otherwise. That you feel the need to TELL me you're trustworthy pretty much tells me you're not.

2) You're doing what you're supposed to be doing!-- Which is- being drug & disease free, and holding down a job! Wow! you want a cookie? Congratulations. Similarly to above, people who have their shit together don't feel the need to point out they have their shit together.

3) Baggage! Saying you want a "NICE" girl (in all caps mind you!) screams "I have unresolved issues! I'm going to be mistrustful and take out my misplaced anger on you!" Sweet! Who doesn't want to sign up for that deal!

Any I missed...? I'm sure there are several. Seriously guys!? Why do you do this? Do you have NO social skills?

... sigh ...

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Things could always be worse...

Yes, I've been missing in action for about a week... but that's because I was at the most amazing 3-day wedding extravaganza in San Francisco! So fun! So over-the-top magnificent!

The only damper on things came Wednesday morning when it became clear Proposition 8, an intolerant, discriminatory proposition preventing gays and lesbians to marry passed.

My lovely friends, who have been together 10+ years, got married the Saturday before the election, and now they're in limbo. It's a very sad outcome.

As my friend B. said-- Was there a memo that went out saying "Racism is so passe, everyone hop on the anti-gay train!" Discriminatory propositions also passed in Florida & Arkansas.

While America congratulates itself on electing Obama (Thus proving how we've "overcome" racism... NOT QUITE!), let us not forget there are a few things to be ashamed of as well.

No one is equal until ALL are treated equally.


And I'll step off my soapbox to submit a very amusing (though not for her! Sorry, NPapaya!) story!



So, some of you know that recently the ex-fiance of a work acquaintance was in
touch with me on After a bit of debate I decided it was kosher for me
to go out with him at least once. I should mention I don't know why they called
off the engagement or what any of their issues may have been. Our date was
scheduled for tonight.

This morning I checked email and saw two messages from this person sent late
last night. (As an aside, no this is not some sort of Halloween prank).

The first email:
Subject line: Well, I am having a baby

So Sorry, I had NO idea but guess she trapped me? Says she is thinking about
what to do. She never liked my family and to be honest never liked hers myself.
Well, I do wish we had met last year!

Good luck with [your job] and if you see the kid, let me know what he/she looks

the second email :

Just a follow up. Long night for me. Upon recent news I don't know if dinner is
a good idea tonight. I was looking forward to it but having not been together
with my ex for quite some time was taken aback. Scary for [the ex] too but I
thought to let you know the reason behind me canceling.

To be perfectly honest, I have a feeling it may not be true due to past events
but we will see. So I guess my Match days are over, at least for a while, until
everything figures itself out. Sorry again. I contacted you with honest
intentions but I guess life got in the way.


Of course, I have a lot of comments to make, but I'd just like to let the beauty
of these message stand as a testament to how shady and how poor the pickings are
in this area. Let this be a lesson to anyone who is thinking of ditching a nice
guy. Myself included as the perfectly nice, reasonable person I had coffee with
earlier this week has now been bumped up to a prime position as "not crazy."

Laughing in NH,

(Point taken, NPapaya! I'm going out with Atlas again this weekend. I'll keep you posted!)