It's called NETWORKING, you idiot!!

Jedi is driving me fucking nuts.
And this is making me want to be really mean to him and call him names. (Which I've refrained from doing thus far. Aren't you proud of me? My therapist is proud of me!)

Now, to be fair, I walked into this relationship knowing these were Jedi's failings and my eyes were wide open. I weighed the pros and cons and decided that having someone who was nurturing, unfailingly kind, and thoughtful was worth more than having someone who was ambitious, worldly, and could spell.

That doesn't mean it doesn't drive me fucking nuts.

As I've mentioned before, Jedi hates his job and is actively looking for a new one. He's settled back on teaching/working with kids as his career path. Ok. Fine. I'll support him in that. (I did convince him to stick to elementary education because frankly middle schoolers and high schoolers would eat him alive.) 4-6 grade would be a good fit for him, I think, I can honestly say that.

To help him get more experience working with kids I put Jedi in touch with the husband of a friend of mine who runs the Boys and Girls club in our area. Lo and behold they were looking for volunteers over the 4th of July, so we volunteered and were happy to help out, and Jedi made some good contacts with people who run other programs and have other opportunities. Jedi had a good conversation with a guy named Kevin and Kevin said, "Email me! I'll put you in touch with so-and-so who runs such-and-such. I also run ABC program which I'll need some help with if you want to volunteer for that. I was a principal in xyz school and I know all the principal's around here. I can help you out and serve as a reference if you need one in the future."
Now....

Wouldn't a logical person think that Kevin was offering to serve as a reference AFTER Jedi volunteered with some of the programs he runs? Hmmm...? Given that he'd known Jedi all of 2 hours when he said this?

The Following is the text message exchange:
Me: (a week after meeting Kevin) Have you contacted Kevin yet?

Jedi: No.

Me: You should get his email from [Friend's husband.]

Jedi: ok.
...A day later...

Me: Have you contacted Kevin yet?

Jedi: No.

Jedi: Ok, This is the email I'm going to send him. "Hello Kivin,[sic] I was wondering if I could use you as a reference? Can you call me? -Jedi"

Me: [inside my head and over text] NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! [Inside my head, "You DOLT!!!!]

Me: You can't send him that! You don't even know him yet! Don't send anything yet.
Jedi: What am I emailing him about then?

Me: [In my head: "YOU IDIOT!"] To get more info about the volunteer opportunities and to get the email for so-and-so who runs the rec program!

Jedi: I can ask [friend's husband] about that.

Me: You need to make contact with Kevin and form a good relationship with him before you ask him for a reference! Esp. since he's worked with all the schools around here. It's called NETWORKING!!!!!!!! [In my head: "You IDIOT!"]

Jedi: Don't get mad.

-----------------
Like I said, aren't you proud of me for keeping the name-calling in my head? I told my therapist that I am undoubtedly a bad person who should not be getting married if my instinct is to call the man I love an idiot (even if it is only inside my head. Who knows when that might just slip out of my mouth?)

Sigh... All this is while I'm in the middle of (online) dress shopping during my lunch break.
Which makes me think-- Have I turned into one of those people whose focusing more on the wedding than the marriage? God, I hope not. This exchange does make me wonder though if I'm doing the right thing.

In other news... wanna see the dress I picked out? Look away now if you want to be surprised!It's from David's Bridal-- Which is a shitty shitty store, I know, (which I always swore to avoid) but at the same time I'm very poor. I like the style of this dress though and it's cheap enough that if I get it and hate it my future mother-in-law (she of the mad sewing skills) can use it as a pattern and do it in a fabric I like. (e.g. NOT cheap industrial polyester. Ew.)

Additionally, do you have any idea how HARD dress shopping is when the nearest bridal shop is 2 hours away!? Freakin-A! The weird thing is the David's bridal seems to be the only place that actually tells you their ACTUAL prices on their website (everyone else has some variation of $, $$, $$$, $$$$... which is effing STUPID given that depending on the website $ could be $100 or it could be $1000. WTF?) This also makes wedding dress shopping nearly impossible... and then add to that that I'm what they delicately call plus-sized... which seems to relegate me to a muumuu or tent variation. (Also, have you noticed that the plus sized dresses seem to have excessive beading and lace and ugly shit on it? Is that to detract from my hideous plus-sized body? Cause it ain't workin'!

They have a 14 day return policy-- this dress is only available online, so I think I'm going to get it and just see how it goes. Wish me luck!

Wow! You're such a catch!

I am a take charge kind of guy with a dominant personality. I love life and I have a positive attitude regardless of circumstances. I am charismatic and humorous. I am emotionally available, and I know how to please a woman.I am more dominant than submissive in the bedroom, and I like to talk dirty, role play, and fantasize. You should be an alpha female who may be dominant in her life , but who submits to her man outside of the bedroom. You should have a positive attitude,be humorous, and be educated ( or self-taught ),intelligent, and enjoy sex often. Please : don't have children that live with you, be a convicted felon, do drugs, be a party girl, or have a mental disability ( been there, done that ). If you smoke, be willing to quit ( I did, I'll show you how to). If you are overweight be willing to loose the weight ( I did, I'll show you how to ). Please be willing to dress sexy with make-up in private for my eyes only. Finally, this is not a sex ad, if that's all you want, please find someone else. Thank you for reviewing my ad.

Who can resist a guy like that, huh? Ooo baby! Sign me up!

Not...so...impressive...

From NPapaya. Though I'm sorry for her crappy options, I'm glad they give me fodder for the blog!

"Hey, lady, wanna armwrestle?"

In a potentially further inversion of traditional gender roles, let me tell you that i probably have spent more time cooking than you have. I have yet to meet a woman whose cooking is better than mine. Does that sound immodest? No matter: it's true! I get down. But i would not object to hanging out with someone who cooks well. For all i know, you cook very well. Just not better than i do (i am trying to exhibit my "boldness/assertiveness," so that you can check that off of your list).

No Energy

There's been nothing to report lately, and I don't really have the energy to date right now. I'm not so much disheartened as I am exhausted.

I'm sick of constantly looking for the "right" person. Certainly not sick enough to settle for the "wrong" person-- (Heaven forbid! I'll NEVER be one of THOSE girls!)-- but just generally tired of the online scene.

One of the crazy guys from a month or so ago that I had contemplated going out with (but then cut off contact when he started being really odd... and insulting!) contacted me again. I contemplated saying yes for a millisecond and then told him that based on our previous contact I didn't think we were a good fit--but best of luck.

His response? "I wasn't in to you anyways."

*Sigh* Dodged that bullet, but whereas I could have laughed at it awhile back, I'm just too tired to come up with something snarky in response.

Hopeless? I'm not entirely hopeless, but I do feel like it shouldn't be this hard. I admit that a lot of this is colored by hearing a fair number of stories recently about people who "Just knew!" when they found "The one!"

Now, I don't even know if I believe in the idea of "the one!" (Or even, of many ones!), but I certainly like the idea! And I alternately feel hopeful, hopeless and inadequate in hearing those "happily ever after stories."

I know many people felt I didn't give Atlas a fair shake. I didn't feel much attraction to him, but I admit that even I don't know how much of that was because there really *wasn't* any spark there... or that I was unwilling to let one develop because I was looking for a reason to push him away from the beginning. Honestly, I don't know the true answer to that.

All I wonder is, should this really be this hard? I'm NOT unhappy being single, I actually enjoy it 99.9% of the time. But it would be nice if there were viable options out there. Ya know. Just to take for a test run.

Well I certainly know why YOU'RE single!

Received today... You might remember this guy! This is the same moron who wrote to ask me why I was looking for people across the state line!
Don't you think he should be grateful I didn't answer him the first time?

Do you think I should answer him after this missive...?

If someone takes the time to write maybe you should answer them. I don't care how much your bikini shots* get you mail--civility's for everybody.

Maybe to inform him what a douchebag he is? Anyone have some creative responses? Or do we give this exactly the response it deserves... which is nothing...

*There are no bikini shots in my profile. I don't even own a bikini. There's one of my face when I'm obviously at the beach.

You only get one shot!

It's hard enough to make a good impression across email... so why would you deliberately make it worse by injecting sarcasm? Sure, you might just be kidding-- but the person on the other end doesn't know that. (Also, I don't think you should sarcastically insult anyone you barely know either... but apparently I'm weird that way.)

So... Here is the actual transcript of an email exchange with a guy who contacted me.


=====I wrote=====
wow. that's pretty snarky.


=====Guy wrote=====
plans on a sunday night...well then, aren't we miss popular


=====I wrote=====
Can't, sorry. I have plans.


=====Guy wrote=====
what about tonight? just go for a walk after dinner or something...

_____________

Yea, ok he may have been kidding. But frankly? This doesn' t make me want to go out with him. I barely know him and he's "teasingly" insulting me? Gee... What's it going to be like if we ACTUALLY start dating!? Can't wait for more belittling comments!

Dimitri thinks there's nothing wrong with him. Can YOU figure out what's wrong with him?

(Many thanks to ARF for sending this one in!)

Also...see this hilarious related video...

The way to get a girl? Start off with an insult!

"well, we seem very similar...you're a little militant on a few issues though...

-[redacted]"