Pictures

As promised, here are a few wedding pictures...

Reception site (decorated by parents! Only cost $375! Who says you can't have a nice wedding on a budget!)

Wedding hair!

Jedi's Favorite Picture

Hey! Guess what!?

I got married! Woo hoo!

I feel like I should write a long post about it. Perhaps I will (probably inevitable!) but not now. Right now I'm still recovering. Planning a wedding takes a lot out of you, did you know that? Two nights before the wedding I sobbed for 3 hours straight. Not because I was sad, or didn't want to get married... no, I just sobbed because I was emotionally exhausted and drained and just needed to purge all of those emotions.

The wedding was beautiful, Jedi was handsome, the weather was gorgeous, and the parents didn't make (too much) of a scene. All in all, a success. (Well, other than the fact that we didn't get to eat but 2 bites of the terribly expensive food... and that now we are so broke that when we went grocery shopping last night we realized all we could afford for the next 2 weeks is Ramen noodles and toast... (Yes, we have wedding gift money, but I'm not spending that on FOOD!)

Pictures hopefully forthcoming once I get some back from the photographer!

It rains, it pours

So, in order of occurrence of not-so-awesome things:

(Previously, as seen on "I Know Why You're Single...)

• Grandfather diagnosed with terminal cancer  
• Bedroom closet collapsing (under the weight of my enormous wardrobe)

(Now, let us catch up with our heroine for the latest thrilling installment!)

• Newly fixed closet drenched in a deluge caused by our upstairs neighbor's water heater malfunctioning.
• Clothes destroyed
• Discovering that totally weird rancid smell that I couldn't place was coming from the closet carpet that never completely dried
• Realizing we'll probably have to replace the carpet and drywall
• Upstairs neighbor refusing to cover the damages or contact her homeowner's policy since it's obviously our fault for not properly (whatever the fuck that is) cleaning up the water damage when it first occurred
• My (great) grandmother who had 2 strokes in March going back into the hospital for emergency surgery
• Her kidneys no longer functioning after the surgery
• My grandfather no longer able to get in and out of the bathroom alone
• My grandmother tellling me she can't come to the wedding because of my grandfather's illness... (Which, I get... but I'm closer to my grandmother than I am to my mother, so this is a huge blow)
• $1400 dental bill
• Jedi's transmission giving out... (Which led to a super fun moment in the pouring rain on a back country road with no cell service and no one stopping for help and walking to a B&B only to have them tell us we couldn't use their phone)
• Two flat tires on my car. Now need to replace all 4 tires.
• Not being able to find students to work at my wedding (doing decor & moving furniture)... that's a pain- usually they are always looking for random work.
• My mom causing her usual drama (e.g. I don't want your stepmother at the wedding! I only want our "real" family there...)
• and... My great- grandmother passing away today

And what is our heroine doing today to deal with all of this? Well, right now I'm sitting on the floor of my office, crying, and stuffing my face with sticky buns and brownies. That's right. I feed my emotions.  Oh! I forgot to add "Gained 20lbs since I bought my wedding dress" to that list of awesome events.

One of my colleagues (from Jordan, I believe) said it's considered good luck in middle eastern cultures to have bad luck before your wedding.  With this kind of bad luck I think it's only fair that you should expect to hear of me winning the Powerball on my wedding day.

All over the place

My emotions have been all over the place this week.  Poor Jedi. He tries so hard to be patient and understanding. 

Sometimes his patience and understanding make me want to scream at him.  Sometimes I just want to have a fight, you know that feeling?  Like, you're angry at the world for no particular reason and you need to take it out on whoever happens to be close by.

I don't take my anger out on Jedi. But sometimes I still want to.

Jedi doesn't really ever fight.  He's usually very even-keeled.  Other than general cheerfulness pretty much the only other emotion he exhibits is pouting. (Is that an emotion? or behaviour? We'll just go with it.)  Mostly he pouts when he really, really, really wants something (like, yesterday, a Kindle) and something (like, money) stands in his way.  At that point, nothing will make him happy again other than getting his hands on the object of his desire.  Yes, sometimes I think I'm marrying a 5 year old.  (But hey, I have my own 5 year old tendency to throw tantrums, so we'll overlook it.)

Anyway, all this to say that my emotions are all over the place at the moment.  The most annoying thing is that I can't figure out whether my emotions are real or hormone induced-- (Which, I hate to say, but it's true. I become very ornery right before my period.) 

Usually when it's hormone induced I KNOW that's what it is so I'm able to take a step back and regroup and be calm(er).  However, I'm pretty sure that the last pack of birth control I took had something wrong with it.  I get it in packs of 3 months worth and usually skip my period. The past 2 month my BC has ... i don't know... konked out early, and I've gotten my period when I'm not supposed to. (On the plus side that means I'm not pregnant. On the minus side-> birthcontrol not working like it's supposed to = scary!)  I only realized when I got my period that it was probably THAT reason-- the hormones not working-- That had given me killer migraines and horrible can't-get-out-of-bed depression the week before.

Grrr. and *sigh.*

It would have been helpful to realize the depression was caused by the hormones and NOT because my life is worthless and horrible and the only course of action is obviously/logically to jump off a bridge.

So, there's that.

But, there is also lots of stuff that IS causing me stress and sadness and depression...

Like, my grandfather's failing health and cancer fight.  My gandmother (who had a stroke in March) going back into the hospital for emergency surgery yesterday to remove another blood clot.  My dad's house being foreclosed on.  My dad's diabetes getting worse, and he doesn't have insurance.

And then the petty stuff...

Wedding flowers are costing $450. WHAT THE FUCK is that about!? And we're doing CARNATIONS! The ugliest flower ever! And we're arranging them OURSELVES!!! Why does it cost so much?!  So, now I don't know if we should just skip flowers all together. And it's stressing me to think about it.

I can't find wedding shoes.  I've tried every shoestore in the tristate area.  I've spent over $1000 ordering shoes from Zappos and Bluefly and whatever else. (No worries. Getting money back when I return them.) NOTHING fits. NOTHING is the right color/heel height/style.  Everything that would work is either out of stock and on a 15 week backorder (NO JOKE.) or only comes in sizes 5-8.  This does not help my BIG FAT FEET.  Apparently I'm looking for the holy grail of wedding shoes... Ivory, less than 1inch heel, size 10.5... and, oh, yeah. STYLISH.  That last one seems to be the big problem.

Gifts for people who have helped with the wedding.  I actually got some really great gifts for cheap at a going out of business sale... but I found out that to customize them it will be $160.  Which, still brings the gifts to $9 each... but... that's about $140 more than I had budgeted.

People who haven't RSVP'd.  Seriously!?  don't even get me started on this.

... and on and on...with stupid wedding details... that are NOT important, but that still need to be thought about/taken care of.  *sigh*

I know I brought this on myself, but I'm just lacking the will or energy or anything to care about what happens to the wedding stuff... and at the same time I can't stop being anxious about it.

On the (small) plus side, I decided to take a leap of faith 2 days ago.  I have an artistic project cooking that is making me feel hopeful... so, well, hopefully that project will have wings.  If it does, I will be sure to share it with you.

Cake!

*(or should we go with Han Solo/Princess Leia Bride & Groom?)

*Edited to Add:
When I asked Jedi the question above, he answered by saying:

"No, I don't think of myself as Han Solo. I think of myself as Corran Horn and you as Mirax Terrik Horn But, because they are from the Extended Universe of Star Wars, people will not know who they are."

OMIGAWED. I am marrying such a geek! But I love him!

Mini Pity Party

This is a super mini pity party.

The dates got mixed up for my last dress fitting so my future MIL can't come with me.  My stepmom can't come with me. Npapaya can't come with me...

Which leaves me with no one to help me get into my dress for the fitting (cause the seamstress wont' do it for some reason.)

Now, I know that everyone has good excuses... but I feel like I don't have a single friend. Whaaa!  (I do have other friends around here, but none that would be appropriate to ask. It's a small wedding... so I'm not going to ask a friend I haven't invited to the wedding to help me try on the dress, yanno? I feel like that would be weird.)

The last person available is ... gulp... Jedi.  And he can't see the dress before the wedding!

I'm going to have a little pity party... because if I can't find anyone else I have to ask my-- gulp-- stepsister. And that's not a good idea unless I want my dress to smell of booze, dogs, and cigarettes... (and other "mystery" odors.)

Again, remiss

I should probably stop apologizing for my lax posting schedule, huh? It's a too common occurrence.

I've been spending a lot of time with my family lately-- you may recall that my grandfather is not doing well. He had a biopsy last week that only confirmed the initial diagnosis of 2-3 months to live.

Jedi & I thought about moving the wedding up, but my grandfather insists he'll be there.  If he can't we have a plan to live-stream it, but fingers crossed.

My dad is taking it pretty hard. I think it's not just that his dad is dying, I think it's because it's a passing of the baton in a lot of ways. My dad will be the patriarch... life goes on.  I think he feels a heavy responsibility.

It's kind of weird for me not to be the kid anymore. I mean, I sure as hell FEEL like the kid. I don't know if that ever goes away-- older & wiser folks? Does it ever go away? Maybe when one has children?

It's weird to realize-- oh, yeah, I should probably pay not only for my dinner, but for my parents' dinner as well.  When, after all, I've spent the last 25 or so years letting them pay (you know, those lean-after-college-no-money years. I can't be the only one.)  But I'm a grown up now, even if I don't feel like one.

The wedding is slowly creeping up on me. Only 45 days to go! Crazy, huh? As I've mentioned before, I really don't talk about the wedding to people other than my in-laws & Jedi, but as we get closer it's all anyone seems to want to talk TO me about.  Not that I mind talking about it, I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing people with my reactions. To wit:

Random person: "So, the BIG DAY is almost here, huh? Are  you excited?"
Me: "Sure, I guess.
Random Person: "What do you mean you guess?

And what do I mean? I guess I mean that while I'm sure it will be a fun day and all-- and i'm excited for cake!--in the end, it's just a nice party.

The whole, "I commit my life to you forever & ever" deal? I feel like I did that a year ago when Jedi & I first talked about getting married. Boom. Done deal.  For expediency's sake we've been referring to ourselves as husband & wife when dealing with strangers-- like the cable guy, the car shop lady, etc.  (It also has the added benefit of forestalling the whole, "When's the big day? What are your colors? What does your dress look like?" conversation.  Again, not that I mind talking about it, really, just that I find it so BORING and I feel like I've repeated it a million times and I'd just rather not do it again.) So, I really do feel like my life is not going to change drastically. The commitment is already there. (I will add though that newly married friends all SWEAR there's a deeper level of commitment and feeling of security that comes with being married, and that it took them by surprise. So, who knows. Maybe it will surprise me too!)

But, people tend to take my response as some sort of sign of cold feet (which, as you know, I've had-- but not in a "I'm going to run away" manner, more in a "Whoa, this person can pull the plug on my life support, and that is a BIG DEAL" manner.)

But I love Jedi. I'm sure he's the one for me. Even when he drives me nuts, he knows just what to do to make me laugh, and he's always so thoughtful and sweet. So, yeah, I think I'll keep him for the long haul.

Hair!

I am inordinately fond of my hair. This is probably because, as my sister would say, my "hair is [my] one good feature."  I would say that it's also the only feature I feel confident about as it's something I get complimented on at least a few times a week. This has been going on since I was in middle school-- people used to just randomly come up to me and start petting my hair.  Having grown up feeling fat, ugly, and just generally harassed about my appearance since I was in 7th grade, I always knew that at least I had good hair. (And my otherwise gorgeous & skinny sister didn't. Bonus!)

So, all that to say that my hair is as important to me as my dress. I've been obsessing over hairstyles and I have yet to find anything I'm in love with! So frustrating.  I had originally wanted my hair up, but I've been told that it should be down for a variety of reasons. I'm compromising I think with a half-up do... but, it's surprisingly hard to find a half-up-do that doesn't look like "prom" hair or super trashy with stringy tendrils that are supposed to be romantic yet look like someone just as an awkward case of bed head. I really want something that's more structured than not.

Here are the contenders so far: (And if you have any suggestions, please feel free to send them my way!)

#1

 #2

 #3

 #4

 #5

 #6

 #7

 #8

 #9

(Now, it is very hard to judge without taking the attractiveness of the models into account... ;-p... so, just picture me, who has a very round (slightly chubby) face, wide forehead, and reddish hair.)

Which do y'all like best?

We're going on a honeymoon!

So, I have been chided for not keeping up with posting. I won't even try to defend myself-- I'll just say, "Yeah. I know. Lame. Super Lame-O."

One nice update I do have is that Jedi and I are going on a honeymoon! Whee!  Really didn't think it would be possible because, have I mentioned?, we have no money! Whee.

A nice aspect about where we live is that while it is nowheresville, it is also prime vacation spot for the good-ole-USofA. Tourism is one of our main industries. One of the super annoying things about this is that it makes this nowheresville super expensive to live in, but we also have some great vacationing options close by.

Not needing to fly anywhere is a nice bonus (as is not getting groped by overzealous TSA agents) and a money saving highlight.

"So where are you going", I know you're just dying to ask!

We're going here:

 
Not bad, huh? My most important requirement is that I be near a beach.

We got a good deal on jetsetter.com and are going for a week for only $1000.  (Ha! "only"! Well, a week's vacation for 2 people, $1000 isn't bad... but it still makes me wince a little!)  Sure there will be incidentals, I'm sure, but I'm guessing overall we can do it for about $1400 total including gas to get there.

Fingers crossed for nice weather!

Weddings are boring

No, really, they pretty much are. I've been to two weddings in my life that were AWESOME and AMAZING... and the rest were kind of just meh.

I get it, I totally do. I mean, most weddings follow the same script and unless you're intimately involved with the bride or groom... as a random acquaintance/cousin/date... it just all blends together.  That's not to say that a lot of thought didn't go into the wedding-- I'm sure it did-- but really, for the most part, every wedding is about 90% the same. Entrance... sermon... song... reading...vow...rings...exit...reception/dinner/dancing (obligatory chicken dance).... and, the end.  All the "My colors are Blush and Bashful," talk, all the debates over menus and centerpieces... well, it all blends together.

That's not to fault the simpler weddings--hell, with a $5,000 budget I think my own falls under that label-- but none of it is too interesting, even though it's usually the bride's obsession.

Hell, I'm sick of talking about/thinking about my OWN wedding-- and I'm in it!  I would say that talking with y'all here on the interwebs is the most kvetching about wedding stuff that I've done, other than my discussions with Jedi/his mom/my mom. (And most of my conversations with my mom end with, "I don't care! Do whatever you want for the flowers!")

I've been on the receiving end of obnoxious brides who have their bride books with all the colors laid out and all the table settings and they make you look at all the potential pictures of cake until your eyes glaze over.  I always swore I wouldn't be one of those people because A) it's super annoying and everyone hates you... B) there are more interesting things about me than my wedding... and C) talking about it stresses me out because it just reminds me of how much more there is to dddddoooooooo!  So, as a result, I've made a pretty concerted effort not to bring up the wedding unless someone else brings it up first.

Yesterday I was at Jedi's mother's office, where I frequently am (Did I mention that Jedi, his mother, and I all work for the same organization, though in different buildings) and we were discussing invitations.  Mostly we were discussing the fact that we're really going to have to trim the guest list because with the current proposal from the caterer we're feeding people cheese and crackers and that's not ok. (IMHO) If I'm inviting people I'd rather show 50 people an awesome time and serve them a dinner they'll remember for being delicious than invite 100 people  to a dinner where they'll get rubber chicken.

Anyhoo, as we were discussing this at the conference/lunch table other people sat down and started asking questions about the wedding/telling their own stories about their weddings.  Before I knew it the lunch hour had passed and that had pretty much been the topic of conversation-- though it seemed (to me) that everyone around the table had willingly participated in the conversation. I didn't try to keep the conversation only on my wedding and stop it from meandering to other topics as conversations have a tendency to do.

At the end of the lunch though one woman stood up and said, "All you ever talk about is your wedding."  I was pretty taken aback, esp. given that I usually try to NOT talk about the wedding. I said, "That isn't true!" She kept insisting, "Yes it is. That's all you talk about."

Now, this is a woman I see a few times a week, either in passing or when I visit Jedi's mother. Admittedly, when I visit Jedi's mother in the office it usually DOES have something to do with the wedding, but I can count about 2x in the last 2 weeks that I spoke about the wedding in this woman's presence and at least 5 other times when we had conversations about work related issues.

I was really, really, really hurt. Irrationally so, perhaps, but I just felt like it was a misrepresentation of reality. Part of the other reason I've been quiet about the wedding is also because I've had a couple of friends who are single flat-out say to me that it's too hard for them to hear anything about it (because they'd like to be married. (This isn't my, "Oh, the whole world must be jealous of me!" imaginings, they flat out said they were happy for me, but that it was too difficult for them.)), so I've gotten in the habit of not saying anything, unless, of course, I've been asked.

The woman sent me an email later to apologize, which I appreciated... I still can't help being upset though, and feeling weird for being upset... and then, there's another part of me that's kind of resentful. I feel like I've really tried my best to be respectful of how others feel... But goddamnit, it feels like no one is happy for me, and that I have to find reasons Jedi ISN'T amazing and wonderful so that I can prove that I'm not *quite* that happy, lest I offend someone with my happiness.

Edited to add: Even though I KNOW I've done more wedding talking on this blog than any other place (other than with parents) the "Wedding" labeled posts only #22... which is very far from being the most common topic on this blog. I feel slightly vindicated.

(expedient) Feminist Convictions

I have been accused of being negligent in my blogging duties. (Hi Camera girl.-- To which I pointed out, I am much more apt to blog when I get comments. Then I don't feel like I'm just talking to myself. I mean, I know there are more of you out there-- I have methods of finding out, you know.)

I would say that my lethargy is not limited simply to my blog posting-- it's extended itself into my work too. Oh, I get my stuff done... but I don't get additional stuff that I really should be getting done at some point started. Because, you know, it's not due tomorrow. Bad me! But hey, I get stuff done when it's due, and isn't that what really counts?

In the meantime let's talk about weddings and what a PITA they are, shall we? Hmmmm.  So, I may have mentioned previously that I'm totally opposed to having my father walk me down the aisle. This does in fact stem from my feminist conviction that it is nothing more than a symbolic transfer of property from my father to my (soon to be) husband. Ick. Ew. Phooey. I protest mightily!

My grandmother was trying to convince me to reconsider by pointing out that it's important to my dad (who never has an opinion about anything, but has expressed an opinion about this. *sigh*) by saying, "I view it as a symbolic moving from my father's house to my husbands."

*Sigh* Also- Ick. Ew. Phooey.

Hell, if ANYONE is moving from their parents' house to their spouses' house it would be JEDI. Perhaps his parents should be walking HIM down the aisle?

I am also mightily opposed to a father/daughter dance because... Ick. Ew. Phooey.

One of the major reasons for all this-- in addition to my feminist convictions-- is that is just not the relationship I have with my father.  It's the relationship he thinks we have, but it's not actually the one we have. I haven't lived with my dad since I was 3. There were no good night stories or special outings or birthday surprises when I was growing up.  When I was visiting him he spent more quality time with his TV than he ever did with me. I learned at an early age not to expect the phone call or card that he would swear would arrive because at least 3/4ths of the time they wouldn't.

To suddenly pretend at my wedding that my dad has been there for me my whole life and that he was the rock on which I built my foundation is not just icky and disingenuous, it's something I find maddening. Why should I put on this charade for family and friends? Why should my dad get a bunch of unearned accolades for being a great dad?

I mean, that's not to say he was a BAD dad, don't get me wrong. He's just a dad who tends to show his affection through money because he doesn't really know another way to do it. ... actually... that's not quite true-- he's a great dad to my brother (age 16). But the dad my brother has is not a dad I ever knew.

Because of the various issues outlined above-- and my parents' acrimonious divorce-- my mother has always insisted that if anyone is going to walk me down the aisle, she should be the one to do it.  *sigh*
I know she'll throw a hissy fit if I did have my dad walk me down the aisle so my feminist convictions are pretty convenient in this regard.

I still don't know how I'm going to get out of the father/daughter dance since Jedi is adamant that he wants a son/mother dance.

I did have a dream last night that my father died very suddenly and then I was filled with remorse that I hadn't had him walk me down the aisle after all. I'm still leaning toward NOT having him do that, but that feeling of remorse is a tough one to shake today and I'm wondering if I made the right decision.

Photographer redux

Ok, I have a bit of a dilemma... I think I can kind of guess how some of you will come down on it (well, some of you  anyway... who will remind me what Suze Orman would say, but I don't want to listen to Suze right now!!!)

I have a photographer who is starting out (as previously mentioned)-- who has never done a wedding before-- who has offered to give me 10 hours of coverage plus all the digitals plus a free engagement sitting for $1100.  Yes, that seems like an insane amount of money... until you actually start pricing out wedding photography and then you realize it's the deal of the lifetime.

Here is her website-- http://chocolatepipsphoto.zenfolio.com/

Frankly, they're nice... some are even very pretty... but they don't blow me away.

On the other hand we have a different photographer who is ---GULP-- Twice as much for half the time. (Can I afford twice as much? Um, well, if you mean, do I have the money in hand... um... well... let me get back to you on that.)

However, the pictures blow me away. http://garonephotography.blogspot.com/

(Also, an acquaintance  recently used them, and her pictures are STUNNING. I figure if they can make her look good, I"ll look FABULOUS! ;-)

I know, on the one hand... MONEY MONEY MONEY.... on the other hand all I'll really have left of the day (Other than Jedi, obviously!) is the pictures. 50 years from now will I be regretting that I went with a budget photographer... um... likely? Maybe?

I know Suze Orman would say that it's not worth clearing out my bank account for this (Or maybe she would? People first, remember!)... And it really would be coming out of my own budget since Jedi is really opposed to spending the extra money. I'm thinking I would pick up a holiday job/reunion job or something to help make up the difference.

What do y'all think? Am I being unreasonable in wanting the more expensive photographer? I feel like I'm heading into crazy bride territory...  I also feel really bad about this where the first photographer is concerned because I met her and she's a lovely woman and she does have a good eye... I can tell she'll be a great photographer someday... right now she's good, but not "magazine editorial" good the way the other photographer is.

Photographer

Yeah! We have a photographer! (I think! I think!).

(If Jedi's Cousin's Friend were to change her mind again and want to photograph the wedding we would use her too--- Which would be awesome!)

The photographer I found is new to the business.  I've tried for 20 minutes to upload some of her pictures and as you may be aware, photographers are notoriously protective of their pictures, and I can't! So, you'll just have to imagine them!  For the most part, her pictures are lovely. I would say that 3/4ths of the pictures I've seen are good... (Which is a better ratio than some of the other photographers I've seen that charge $2000 for 3 hours whose pictures looked like something my grandpa could take.)

It *is* a little nerve-wracking having her test out her skills on us-- this would be the first wedding she's done professionally-- for the most part she does kids and family portraits-- but the deal is so good I can' t pass it up.

$1000 for 10 hours + an engagement sitting session + all pictures in both B&W and Color in digital.

Not bad, huh? Ok, I'll admit, if you haven't been comparison shopping for wedding photographers lately that seems in-freaking-sane.  Believe me, I would have thought it was before I started hunting around.  My original photography budget was $200.

Bwahahaha! (Yes, I invite you to laugh at me as well.)

So, I invite you to take a look at some wedding photographer websites and take a look at the prices. Go on. I'll wait.

......

{whistle}

No, really, go on.

...........

{whistle}

.........

Have you keeled over from sticker shock yet?  Do you realize what a good deal I'm getting?  Not just the cost in general but TEN-FREAKIN-HOURS of coverage?

Keeping my fingers crossed that this one works out! I may still hire a student to complement the photographer (between the two I would think that I would get a good selection of images to use.)

Wedding Shoes...?

So, do you think it's tacky to pair a $1200 dress with $5 shoes from Wal-Mart?  Nah. Me neither! 

Ok, ok, I don't actually know if these will be the 'real' wedding shoes because I'm not certain how well they match the dress-- I don't have a swatch or anything-- but I wanted ballet flats in a subtle gold color-- and Ta Da! The universe delivered!  (Hellloooo universe! I would also like to win several million dollars! Thank you!)

Jobs Jobs Jobs

So, Jedi STILL hasn't heard anything back officially from the job he's waiting on. This is totally ridiculous but also totally typical for this University.  While he'd really like this job we never know what might happen... so, on the plus side, he just got called in for another interview in a different department. Yippee!

As for me, I'm really liking my new position, though I'm still feeling nervous since it's technically a term position only through June. *sigh* I don't really know what's going to happen... people seem to like me and think I'm doing a good job... but, well, you never know what might happen!  Add to that the person who is currently my manager won't be my manager if I do get the job-- and I don't know who that manager would be-- so the job could change dramatically anyway.  Wait and see kind of thing, I guess.

In wedding news, my photographer fell through! ARGH! If any of you know of a good (CHEAP! Like, under $1000) photographer who is in the MA, NH, ME, VT area... do let me know!

Doubt

I'm so full of doubt now! I went to a bridal shop 2 horus away yesterday (To see if I could have a better experience than at the little bad bridal shop mentioned below). I had the dress I wanted in my mind but I wanted to try on a few more to see how the shop treated me.

Well, this shop was far and away better than the other shops I've been too and they also had a much better selection--esp of plus size dresses.

I found two dresses that I LOVED. One is very similar to the one up top (I can't actually find the picture of the one I liked, but it was gorgeous... more beading, more pick-ups, more rosettes...the only thing I didn't like was the way it sat on one hip.) I KNEW Jedi wouldn't like it though because it was asymmetrical. His mom was with me and was like-- "Yeah. You can't get that. Jedi would have fits when he was a kid if he wore a shirt that had a pocket on one side and not the other. He's very particular." I mean, Jedi hasn't said much about potential dresses, but he has made that much clear, so I feel like I should respect that-- even though the dress was over-the-top stunning and a STATEMENT.

I found another dress (I also can't find a picture of it... and the shop wouldn't let us take pictures) that was floaty and frothy and lace and light beading in a pinkish-ivory color. It was strapless and I loved the double layer of lace at the bottom that made it look like I was floating on air as I walked. The only thing I didn't love about it was the top. It was strapless and a bit plain-- I just felt like in pictures it wouldn't render well. On the other hand, it was probably much more appropriate for an outdoor summer wedding. It was stunning, but in a quieter way.

In the end (the store was closing, I felt a bit of pressure to MAKE A DECISION since it was two hours away) I picked the original dress from the first bridal shop. Now I keep second guessing myself. EEEK! I wish I could get all three! I put down money though... I think I probably have a couple more hours where I could switch my selection... but I wouldn't even know which direction to go.

I guess I felt that the first dress had more of everything that I liked. The two dresses I tried on at the new store, on both of them what I liked best was the skirt. In pictures the skirts won't be what is most prominent. In the first dress I loved the bodice and I loved the back... the skirt was fine (it has this opening in the front where tulle is showing and it wasn't my favorite part)... I wish I could take the skirt with the rosettes and attach it to the bodice of the first dress... but I'm not a Rockefeller so I can't just go mixing and matching dresses like that.

I guess it's pretty normal to have doubts-- it's a LOT of money!

Shadier and Shadier!

This is some seriously effed up shit.

So this morning I get not one but THREE phone calls from the "Little Bad Dress Shop." The woman on the other end tells me that they've gone ahead and repaired the rip in the sample dress and "You can't even tell the difference, it's good as new and just perfect." She then proceeds to hard sell me and tries to get me to commit to coming back in and trying it on, asking if I want to put a deposit on it over the phone (um. No thanks.) etc. To get off the phone I tell her I need to talk to my mom.

They offered me the same 10% off as yesterday (though now apparently not charging me for the rip) which brings the dress down from their price of $1238 to $1114... Frankly, not a huge savings for a dress that has been RIPPED and has had a million people trying it on. If it were 50% off that would be a different story... but 10% ? Pheew on that, I spit!

Their entire manner just left me feeling very dirty so I called up another shop that is about 2 hours away-- "Better Bridal Boutique" let's call it. Even over the phone I could tell that the woman at the shop was gobs nicer. She was the owner (Bitchy lady at LBDS was the owner of her shop too.) and she was very helpful.

I told her I was looking for a particular dress. They didn't carry it but they said that they could order it. She then proceeds to give me the info on the dress... "The dress is from the 2008 Spring Collection ... and the MSRP is $1,073."

$1,073, BITCHES!
The "discounted," used, ripped, 2 year old dress was STILL $41 more expensive than buying it BRAND NEW.

My friend Janet is like, "Oh no they didn't! You need to report LBDS to the Better Business Bureau!"

I don't know if I'll do that, but I certainly want to give them a piece of my mind! I know they'll probably call back up but I'm so mad I don't know if I can possibly stay calm and rational when I'm talking to them!

Grrr! What would you do? (Besides order the dress from the Better Bridal Boutique, I mean!) I kind of want to pull a Julia Roberts and go in there and say, "You work on commission, right? Big, big mistake. Huge. I have to go shopping now. Bye, girls!"

Super Shady

This is just a quick post (because I'm living with utter chaos at the moment! Starting a new job on Tuesday... Just wrapped up a conference for 400 people that I just ran this weekend... wrapping up the last tasks for my job... Interviewing for a part-time job tomorrow... Holding an open house for my new job tonight... writing presidential briefings 2 seconds ago... argh! It's a lot. In the middle of all of this I'm trying to plan my wedding. Is that insane, or what?)

First, the GOOD! These super great vases from the Dollar Tree are only... can you guess? $1! Sweet! At Wal-Mart (yes, I do my wedding shopping there, cause I'm FANCY that way...) they were $4.99 each. Beaucoup savings there!

Jedi's dad's friend has a big Hydrangea bush that we can denude for wedding purposes and we'll have candles as well. Not bad, right?

Second, the mildly BAD: I found out our location is going to cost me $400 to rent. SHITE! That was supposed to be FREE! Whaaa! WTF?! And then I have labor charges on top of that. I feel like I was sold a bad bill of goods, but it's probably still cheaper than most other comparable places, I guess. It's got a patio overlooking a lake, etc. As long as the weather is good, should be great. If the weather is crappy, the interior is like a hunting lodge-- so not my style. Urgh.

Thirdly, the idiotically BAD: The local store I wanted to order my dress from can't get it because the designer has a non-compete and the other store (where I tried it on, but the owner was a horrible bitch) is 30 min away. Ugh. So, I call the store 30 min away and talk to them about putting down a deposit...

The owner tells me that the deposit ($200) is non-refundable. Fine, whatever. THEN she tells me that the deposit doesn't guarantee that my dress will be available to order at the time I want to order it-- (February... since I am hoping to get down a few pounds. Ahem.) It has to be ordered in Feb. because it can take 16-20 weeks for the dress to come in. Okay... but again, if I wait until February, there's no guarantee that I can get that dress... and I also won't be able to get my money back from my deposit. (How does that make ANY sense.)

(All this time, I'll point out, the owner is talking to me as if I'm a particularly slow 5-year old. DOES NOT make me want to order from her shop!)

She then says that she could sell me the floor sample that I tried on at a 10% discount. I point out that the floor sample is ripped and she says that she can have that fixed, but that she'll have to charge me-- an amount basically equal to 5% of the dress.

What the fuck???

I ask if that's the best she can do on the price if I were to take the floor sample and she says yes.

So, now I'm harboring a sneaking suspicion that this particular dress is not selling particularly well if she's willing to let go of the floor sample. Since she has proven herself to be rather bitchtastic, I wouldn't put it past her to be totally shady as well. I'm wondering if she wouldn't take my money for the full price of a NEW dress and then have the sample dress repaired and then try to pass it off as the dress that was ordered. SUSPICIOUS!

I totally don't want to order from her, but ordering from various websites seems super sketchy too! Argh! Don't know what to do. The only other shop that carries this designer is 2 hours away. SO ANNOYING! If I do go with this shop, how do I make sure I'm not getting screwed/getting the sample dress???

I would also point out that I wouldn't mind getting the sample dress.... if it was marked down 50% or so. But for 10% off? And then I have to pay for repairs? And alterations on top of that? Forget it!

(Oh! I almost forgot to mention the SUPER SUPER GOOD! Jedi has a job interview on the 19th!!! Keep your fingers crossed! This would be so good for him!!!)

THE dress.

Npapaya was kind enough to go dress shopping with me last weekend. While down in the "Big City" I had 3 appointments with three different shops.

Well, let me just say how totally depressing it would have been had I not found THE dress in the very first store we went to. Not only that, it was also the very first dress. Thank God! The saleswoman was actually nice-- she was like an angel sent from heaven,-- tragically that was also her last day. (Probably because she was too nice. The store owner was a horrible bitch to her while we were there.)

This is THE dress. I'm not posting a pic on here because Jedi doesn't want to see it... and since he sometimes checks the blog... well... Better that it be a link.

I was SO happy to find that dress. When I put it on I just KNEW that was the dress. I felt gorgeous in it, it has everything I was looking for, it's the right color, it has straps, it is "different" -- it's old-fashioned yet not fuddy-duddy... I just LOVE IT!

Ok, it's a little out of my price range... ahem... by, um, about $700... But, in the grand scheme of things that's actually not so much, I think.

I do have to tell you about the rest of the day though. Ugh! It was so depressing! At the first store I did actually find a couple other dresses that were pretty, but they weren't a "wow." At the second store they only had two fairly fugly dresses and at the last store they had 3 dresses in my size and only one looked halfway decent... and it was really nothing special.

I can't even tell you how excited I am about this dress. First of all, I never thought I would find something that really was "me"... I was pretty sure I'd have to settle for something that was simply ok. Second of all, I feel really pretty in it. Even if I didn't lose a single pound I'd still be thrilled to get married in that dress and I'd feel like the prettiest girl in the room. (Funny thing is-- I actually looked up the dress online and I feel like the dress on the model is totally fugly! I think it's because the model is stick thin and this dress requires curves! If I had just seen the dress in the ad there's no way I would have wanted to try it on.)

Speaking of women with curves, am I the only one who finds "Say Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss" completely offensive? I mean, why do "big girls" have their own show? Are they a separate species or something? Why aren't they integrated into the "normal" show? Are "big" girls not normal? Cause that seems to be what they're implying. Additionally, the women in the ads seem to be exhibiting the worst kind of stereotypical "big girl/diva" behaviour, saying things like, "Mmmm... my curves are so juicy... Girl, if you've got it, work it, etc." (I'm paraphrasing.) Um. Ew. Look, I'm all on board for women who are larger than average having good self-esteem and for being able to find pretty things to wear... but that kind of stuff not only seems to be all about overcompensating but it also is very off-putting. The brides are described as, "Sassy" and "Confident"... doesn't that seem to be code for... I don't know... in romantic comedies the heroine always has a "sassy" best friend-- and often times that's what "big" girls relegated to in real life as well-- as though they're not the heroines of their own lives. That's what this offshoot show sort of feels like-- You're not good enough to be on the show with the "real" heroines... everyone knows you're "different."

Anyhoo-- that's how I sort of felt about that.

But yea! I found my dress! Yippee! (Now I live in fear of them discontinuing it! I'm going to put a deposit down now, but they won't actually do my measurements until March... that's a long time!)

What a difference a year makes...

A year ago (tomorrow) Jedi and I will have been going out for 1 year.

I mean, technically we didn't start going out exclusively until sometime in October (I can't really remember when) but we did meet one year ago tomorrow.

Who could have guessed, right? In this post from a year ago you can see I didn't really have high hopes. If you had told me at this point last year that this year at the same time I'd be trying on wedding dresses I would have told you that you were clearly insane because-- #1) there's no one to date in my podunk town and #2) there's no way I would move that fast!

This should probably teach me a lesson in making pronouncements of which I feel certain as I'll only end up being wrong. (Dear Universe, There is NO WAY I would ever win the lottery. Especially not $90 Million dollars. Especially not in tonight's Powerball drawing! I dare you to prove me wrong.)

Speaking of shopping for wedding dresses, my mother is giving me the silent treatment since the last debacle in which I yelled at her for being an unsuportive beeotch. (Believe me, she totally is. I swear I'm not just being a Bridezilla or something.)

Npapaya (Yes, she of the "Always Right" fame in the aforementioned post) has been kind enough to agree to go with me to try on dresses on the 25th. We have to go to a town an hour away to try stuff on, but we're going to 3 different stores and each store has 4-6 plus sized samples (wowwee. If we lived in a metropolis I think I know how I could make beaucoup bucks-- open up a plus-sized wedding dress shop.) I'm hoping that each store doesn't have the EXACT SAME DRESSES (as has happened in other locations) but we shall see.

In any case I think that after that shopping trip I will have made up my mind. If I still haven't found anything I like better than #5 I think I will go with that one.

P.S. to Jedi if you ever get around to reading this-- Happy Anniversary, Sugerplum. Mwah!