Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Weddings are boring

No, really, they pretty much are. I've been to two weddings in my life that were AWESOME and AMAZING... and the rest were kind of just meh.

I get it, I totally do. I mean, most weddings follow the same script and unless you're intimately involved with the bride or groom... as a random acquaintance/cousin/date... it just all blends together.  That's not to say that a lot of thought didn't go into the wedding-- I'm sure it did-- but really, for the most part, every wedding is about 90% the same. Entrance... sermon... song... reading...vow...rings...exit...reception/dinner/dancing (obligatory chicken dance).... and, the end.  All the "My colors are Blush and Bashful," talk, all the debates over menus and centerpieces... well, it all blends together.

That's not to fault the simpler weddings--hell, with a $5,000 budget I think my own falls under that label-- but none of it is too interesting, even though it's usually the bride's obsession.

Hell, I'm sick of talking about/thinking about my OWN wedding-- and I'm in it!  I would say that talking with y'all here on the interwebs is the most kvetching about wedding stuff that I've done, other than my discussions with Jedi/his mom/my mom. (And most of my conversations with my mom end with, "I don't care! Do whatever you want for the flowers!")

I've been on the receiving end of obnoxious brides who have their bride books with all the colors laid out and all the table settings and they make you look at all the potential pictures of cake until your eyes glaze over.  I always swore I wouldn't be one of those people because A) it's super annoying and everyone hates you... B) there are more interesting things about me than my wedding... and C) talking about it stresses me out because it just reminds me of how much more there is to dddddoooooooo!  So, as a result, I've made a pretty concerted effort not to bring up the wedding unless someone else brings it up first.

Yesterday I was at Jedi's mother's office, where I frequently am (Did I mention that Jedi, his mother, and I all work for the same organization, though in different buildings) and we were discussing invitations.  Mostly we were discussing the fact that we're really going to have to trim the guest list because with the current proposal from the caterer we're feeding people cheese and crackers and that's not ok. (IMHO) If I'm inviting people I'd rather show 50 people an awesome time and serve them a dinner they'll remember for being delicious than invite 100 people  to a dinner where they'll get rubber chicken.

Anyhoo, as we were discussing this at the conference/lunch table other people sat down and started asking questions about the wedding/telling their own stories about their weddings.  Before I knew it the lunch hour had passed and that had pretty much been the topic of conversation-- though it seemed (to me) that everyone around the table had willingly participated in the conversation. I didn't try to keep the conversation only on my wedding and stop it from meandering to other topics as conversations have a tendency to do.

At the end of the lunch though one woman stood up and said, "All you ever talk about is your wedding."  I was pretty taken aback, esp. given that I usually try to NOT talk about the wedding. I said, "That isn't true!" She kept insisting, "Yes it is. That's all you talk about."

Now, this is a woman I see a few times a week, either in passing or when I visit Jedi's mother. Admittedly, when I visit Jedi's mother in the office it usually DOES have something to do with the wedding, but I can count about 2x in the last 2 weeks that I spoke about the wedding in this woman's presence and at least 5 other times when we had conversations about work related issues.

I was really, really, really hurt. Irrationally so, perhaps, but I just felt like it was a misrepresentation of reality. Part of the other reason I've been quiet about the wedding is also because I've had a couple of friends who are single flat-out say to me that it's too hard for them to hear anything about it (because they'd like to be married. (This isn't my, "Oh, the whole world must be jealous of me!" imaginings, they flat out said they were happy for me, but that it was too difficult for them.)), so I've gotten in the habit of not saying anything, unless, of course, I've been asked.

The woman sent me an email later to apologize, which I appreciated... I still can't help being upset though, and feeling weird for being upset... and then, there's another part of me that's kind of resentful. I feel like I've really tried my best to be respectful of how others feel... But goddamnit, it feels like no one is happy for me, and that I have to find reasons Jedi ISN'T amazing and wonderful so that I can prove that I'm not *quite* that happy, lest I offend someone with my happiness.

Edited to add: Even though I KNOW I've done more wedding talking on this blog than any other place (other than with parents) the "Wedding" labeled posts only #22... which is very far from being the most common topic on this blog. I feel slightly vindicated.


Anonymous said...

I think there's so much pressure on us not to talk about things that might make someone else sad: being careful of talking about your kid around people with fertility issues, for example. And I think that's good in someways, because yes, it's good to be sensitive.

But on the other...well, we all have lives and things that are important to us, and things that are dominating our vision at a particular time. You're going beyond what's expected in trying to be sensitive about it, which is probably why she apologized.

Now, on another note: facebook. You weren't kidding, the two of you are mother-effing ADORABLE. Seriously. Like, so beyond cuter-than-average that it isn't even funny.

Hypatia said...

Aw, thanks. You've got a cute family too.

Lindsey said...

Well you shouldn't feel bad or as if you have to edit yourself. Your wedding is the one time when it's all about YOU and it's ok to be excited and want to share what's going on in your life. You shouldn't have to dial down your excitement for something that is important to you.

I agree with you about some of the weddings...I've been to several in the past year and most of them do have the same cookie cutter type thing. Weddings are all about what you put in it, the personal touches, the little details and the people you invite. Look, mine was under $4,000 and friends and I hand made most of my stuff (centerpeices, both cakes, cards for guests to write well wishes/words of wisdom) and I think we ended up with just over 60 people so you can have a great wedding w/o spending $22,000 like my friends did.

My point is, make this day special for you and Jedi...the people that love you most will listen to all the little details even if their ears start to bleed. :)And the ones who won't....who cares about them? They're just pissed b/c they aren't going to be invited.