Where do we go from here?

When I started this blog a part of me thought I'd be single forever. Or, at least, if I wasn't single then I certainly wouldn't marry in any case.

Well, we know how that went.  Hmmm.  I'm still not quite sure how that happened. It's kinda fun having a blog detailing it, so that at least I can jog my memory once in awhile. I'm not shutting down the blog, but I am wondering where I go from here.  No, not in the white house, picket fence, 2.5 kids kinda way... (Though I wouldn't mind the house & fence, I certainly hope the kid (singular!) is a good 3 years away.)  But, mostly, I feel my life isn't very interesting. And I'm actually ok with that. I like that!  It's comforting to have routine and that the most exciting part of my day is when I had lunch on the Terrace @ the local inn.

I sometimes feel guilty for un-cluttering my life. (Though I am incapable of uncluttering my house... grrr.)  I'm not taking classes anymore, I've stopped babysitting/nannying for the most part, I don't really make plans with anyone other than close friends, I keep getting asked to be on various volunteer committees... I've limited my volunteer work to 2 orgs which equals about 4-5 days per month.

I know people with kids who do a lot more volunteer work. Who manage to see friends every night. Who host parties and benefits and go to the gym regularly.

Me? I'd rather have time to read a book. Watch the Real Housewives. Do NOTHING.

I feel kind of guilty about that. Society makes me feel guilty. After all, I don't have kids, what else do I have to be doing with my time, right? Couldn't I take on a few more things? And the tempting thing is that these are things I want to take on. I want to work on community theater. I'd like to help with the food drive or the sustainable yard sale. I want to be a "big sister" and work on the elementary school literacy project... I DO!  I just don't want to do any of those things more than I want to have time to go for a walk or have a free weekend to take an impromptu road trip. 

According to society, that makes me selfish. Society can go fuck itself. Why is it always women who are being asked to sacrifice their sense of self and sanity for the good of others. I can tell you that none of the (grown) men I know feel this kind of conflict.  (Interestingly , I do see it more in the students. However, working for Goldman Sachs seems to squash it right out of them.)

Jedi's cousin was talking about going on a trip and leaving her baby home with his grandmother overnight. The baby was born in May.  From the horrified looks she got you would have thought she had said she was going to be leaving the baby home alone with a beer and a pizza and he could fend for himself. Somehow though that's what society expects.

Well, I'm not to that point yet, but I think it's good to start the precedent, don't you? No, I will not cook something for the bakesale, and NO I will  not bring the treats for the meeting, and NO I will not collect signatures for that petition, and NO I will not help plan that benefit, and NO I will not go to the gym (ok, that one is more laziness than anything else...), and NO I will not reconsider, NO, not even just this once.

I do my part, but that doesn't mean I have to do everything. NO. NO. NO.

Better than I thought...

I had tea with my friend Nell today. We talked about a lot of stuff... (One of which, her brother, who is the subject of my next post...) including my coffee date this afternoon.

She rightly pointed out that with as enthusiastically as I was going into it, the poor guy didn't have a chance. (Which. DUH. Isn't that the point... ? Ha. Ok, ok, I know... my issues!)

So, as much as I felt trepidation about it, I decided to at least feign a good attitude.

And the date went well. Better than expected.

He was cute (if a bit shorter than I had expected... but, aren't they always?). He insisted on paying for my coffee, even though I had my wallet out and offered to pay for his. (So! Bonus points!)

He was polite in ways that count, and in ways that my mother would approve of... (For example, excusing himself when he coughed. Which is more than I expect of anyone, but indicates that he would excuse himself if he... oh, say... burped in my face. Which muckraker never did. Bleh. Let's not talk about him.... moving on.)

The conversation was a bit stilted at first, but that's to be expected.

One thing that did bother me a bit was that his eyes were darting all over the place when we talked. I took this as a sure sign of his disinterest... (I kept trying to check behind me to see if there was some unbelievably hot chick.)

He was a little hard to read-- there were a couple of red flags (ok, maybe pink flags...) He was talking about trying to find a new job-- which is fine-- except that he just started this job 10 months ago. And it's not like he's wanting to go into an entirely new field because he's burnt out or something, he wants to do the same thing-- only elsewhere. And apparently he's done the same thing in the last 2 jobs he's had.... suspicious.

He also talked about how his online profile wasn't filled out because he doesn't "DO" the online dating thing. (Except. You know. That he DOES. Because that's how we met... and he's gone out with other girls from the site.) But somehow his attitude that he wasn't one of THOSE people who NEEDED to date online really ticked me off. Like-- Dude? You're really not that much better than anyone else. Online dating is NOT for people who are maladjusted shut-ins. I just got the impression that he felt that he was too good-looking for it. Which-- he's not. (No one IS, but while he's not unattractive, he's not George Clooney either.)

On the other hand, the conversation flowed, and it seemed to warm up towards the end. He mentioned several times that he'd like to see me again. We had a couple good laughs.

All-in-all, one of the better coffee dates I've had.

I emailed to say I'd enjoyed meeting him and I'd be open to getting together again if he felt like it.

We'll see...

Out of my league... in one way at least

I just got contacted by a guy on plenty of fish. (Now, mind you, I just keep a profile up there for blog fodder purposes these days because most of those guys on there are CRAZY.)

This guy's email was short, and nice, and used proper grammar--all pluses! So I wandered over to his profile.

His profile was actually quite good in the written section (and we know how hard that can be!) Funny, introspective, not-overly high on himself, yet illustrating his good qualities. All in all, yes, I would respond to this person. (Though, he doesn't have a college education, which is something I find problematic. Classist perhaps, but there you have it.)

And then the pictures....

This guy is good looking. Like, really, really ridiculously good looking.



Yet, the problem is that he's stereotypically good looking-- out of my league good looking. Not really my type because these guys tend to be incredibly shallow and want to date supermodels- good looking.

I know, I know... I can't fault the guy for being ridiculously good looking, right? But can I fault him for the cheesy zoolander-esque pictures at least? Of him in a wifebeater... of him riding a horse bareback... of him weight lifting... of him extreme skiing... of him mountain climbing...of him on the cover of a skiing magazine... of him looking strongly off in the distance with his cleft chin jutting out as he stands atop a mountain? Seems a bit... much.

Especially as I am just about the least athletic person you could possibly meet. If fact, I'm ashamed to say that I am a complete couch potato & a junk food junkie... (And more that a little plump. No need to be crane lifted out of my house... but there you have it.)

And so, I'm really surprised a guy like that would contact me... especially since I haven't updated my POF profile in a long time-- and I realized that the picture of me on there is of me about 20+ pounds heavier than I am now... and yet he still contacted me. And his profile actually makes mention of the fact that even though he's athletic, he's not necessarily looking for the same thing. Huh.

Interesting.

So, you'll be glad to know that I didn't hold his ridiculously good looks against him, and I told him we could get together when he comes back to town.

To leave you with some idea of how out there he is... here's a video of the type of skiing he does. (Extreme heli-skiing)



I can already tell you this is going to go nowhere... but it should be an interesting meeting in any case.

Muckraker, I really kind of hate you.

Or maybe I really only hate myself for hoping what I hadn't allowed myself to hope in a really long time.

As I said in a long ago post, I rarely allow myself to be hopeful on first dates anymore. I used to get happy with anticipation, thinking to myself, ok! Maybe this guy will be great! Maybe this will be the start of something! But after awhile I just got-- I don't know-- beaten down with disappointment.

And so I stopped hoping and I started looking at dates as interviews and began looking forward to them just as much.

All the joy of discovering another person went completely out the window.

This isn't because I'm "goal-oriented" in the sense of... "I must get married, have a white house with a picket fence and 2.5 kids..." but rather I'm goal-oriented in the sense that I want to be completely open and comfortable with someone, and I have spent my entire life being closed and uncomfortable with people.

I think that would surprise my friends actually, because I know I present as someone open and at ease most of the time, but I do think they'd also acknowledge that the closer I get the more of a mess they realize me to be.

And so even though I was dating up a storm, I was getting nowhere, and I was (am) more closed off than ever.

And then muckraker caught me off-guard. And he saw me at my messy, stubborn, annoying, petulant self.... and he seemed to like me anyways. And he seemed to be interested in me anyways.

And maybe it was because I was so off-guard that I let him in more than I've let any guy in for years, and the connection seemed so real, so strong. And I started to hope. I hoped in a way I hadn't hoped in years. I hoped harder than I ever had before, no doubt because I hadn't let myself feel any hope in years.

And then... NOTHING. From one day to the next-- intense interest, then NOTHING.

The connection I felt with muckraker may have been a one-sided one, but it didn't feel that way at the time. And I don't think I imagined his interest. Some might say it was based on wishful thinking, but I do take solace in the fact that my friends who observed him say that he was definitely into me.

And so I was in denial... was there something else going on in his life? There had to be a reason, an excuse.... but it really doesn't matter.

I know some people must be wondering why on earth I am so hung up on something which was the flirtation of a month or two, nothing more, and I understand that. I probably would be wondering who on earth is this loony chick too. The reason? Is hope.

It's not the loss of muckraker I'm lamenting because I never had him. It's the loss of hope that is causing me despair.

And I really kind of hate him for making me believe in hope again, and then just as abruptly taking that hope away.

And I don't know how many times I can keep being disappointed before I just give up completely.

Playing Catch Up

A quick run-down of my week by Muckraker interactions:

Monday: Ignored!

Tuesday: No class, no contact (But lunch with a friend who said "Either let go, or force the issue, but do one or the other.")

Wednesday: A little flirty, but still nothing much to indicate interest

Thursday: Muckraker randomly... deliberately... sits several rows away in class. (He usually sits next to me.) I call him on it, and he comes to the back and is all flirty and shit. After class, as I'm leaving towards the back of the classroom he calls after me. He asks where I'm off to, and I say I'm probably going to grab a bite. One of us, I don't remember who, (but I'm pretty sure it was him) suggests grabbing lunch in town.

On our walk to town he asks me about my plans for the weekend. I mention I might go see a movie and ask if he'd like to join me and some friends. He says that he probably can't because he has to be away this weekend. He gets all cagey when I ask what he's doing-- he says he can't talk about it, which pisses me off.

He asks where we should have lunch, and I suggest a quick sandwich shop, where we could grab and go. He asks if I have time for a sit-down meal, and suggests chinese food.

The conversation is more stilted than our previous encounters-- due in a large part to the fact that I'm rather pissed off at him. But a couple of things stand out-- 1) his lamentable table manners, and 2)When I offer to share my food with him (he accepts...) he doesn't offer back. No, those aren't *big* things, but they annoyed me, more so than they would have if he hadn't just spent about a week ignoring me, I might say.

So. Pretty uneventful for a lunch actually. What did we talk about? Nothing of significance or that would give me hope that he's into me. Oh, yeah... We each paid for ourselves-- which would seem to indicate "He's just not that into me" also.

(I know all of you playing along at home are like-- does this girl just need to get hit by a clue-by-four, or what???)

Friday: A friend asks me to dinner and Muckraker happens to be there along with 8 other people. It's a nice, fun dinner-- though Muckraker is at the opposite end of the table, and he and I don't really talk.

At my end of the table though people are talking about their plans for the weekend... In listening to their conversation I figure out (without any difficulty) what Muckraker's "mysterious" plans for the weekend are-- the ones that he refuses to tell me. The dude is working on a group project. Seriously... Why the fucking secrecy? I don't get it. I don't get his deal, whatever the fuck that is.

We go out for drinks after dinner, and I end up sitting next to him. I can't say the conversation is particularly sparkling, but I can say that a sparkle is gone from his eye in the way that he looked at me a month ago.

You know that certain-- je ne sais quoi-- that people give off when they're into you? You can't define it, but it's almost like a vibration? He doesn't give that off anymore.

He left early, but before he left asked if I was going to another party later that night and said he would be there, and that I should stop by. (I contemplated it for half a millisecond before concluding that I would only end up more frustrated and depressed if I went. I went home instead.)

Lena, a girl in our program turned to me after he left and said, "I feel a certain vibe between you and muckraker, what's going on?" I gave her a bit of the background. Her response, "If you like him, go after him! He's a prize! He really is! Yeah, his thing is to be all weirdly mysterious, but don't let that stop you. Chase him!"

My response? I have too much pride to want to be with someone who obviously doesn't want me. If he likes me, he can get his act together

* * * * * * * *

So that's that. Given all the NOTHING going on, I'm sure you're wondering why I'm even blogging about muckraker anymore. Believe me, so am I.

In the meantime, things are--- interesting--- With science guy. Unlike with Muckraker, he is (SHOCKING!) attentive! I do so admire that trait in a man!

I invited science guy to the same movie I invited muckraker to. HAHA! Yes, both of them, same movie, same place. Why not, right? I'm "Just friends" with both of them. A few other of my friends will (Hopefully!) be there-- or it could just be me and Science guy, I don't know. I don't anticipate that muckraker will show up, though he does know the time and the place.

Science guy also called me tonight, just to see how my week was, and to see if I wanted to have lunch tomorrow. I couldn't... but I appreciated the thought!

********************


Don't know where all of this is going... probably nowhere with both of them... I'll leave it up to the universe.

Yes, Yes, I know he's just not that into me...

Muckraker again proved just how NOT into me he is by virtually ignoring me in class today.

Let's see... Npapaya, Ro, Jan, Nell, Di, Kay, Megs (and probably many of you out there) have a uniform response. "We don't like him." "He's just not that into you!" "Don't waste your time!"

And as Ro said... "If you value our opinions at all, you'll move on."


I do. And I am.

But....

No, really, I am.

But....

I swear, I totally am.

But....



But, like I told Nell... I'd feel really bad if there was something going on in his life-- like his mom is sick or something-- that is distracting him. So, ---mmmmaaaayyybbbeee--- I could give him one last shot, before I'm like "DONE!" ????

(Ok, yes, I can hear the collective heads hitting the desks. Yes, even I know this excuse is TOTALLY feeble.)

Ro says to me, "I've known guys like him-- they get off on the attention, and the moment you stop giving it to him he'll be all back into you again." (Which is more than likely true, I know. And if he were to demonstrate a massive amount of interest again? I can't say I wouldn't fall for it again. I could lie and say I'm stronger than that... But it would be a lie and y'all would see right through me.)

I think a big part of it that makes me want to hold out and hope has to do with the books he wrote. Really, they were beautiful and sensitive! And I have trouble picturing someone able to write those things being a complete dolt! I know it's entirely possible, but somehow that's the reason I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt.

*sigh*

That, and the fact that there are no good prospects around here!

*Sigh*

Yes, I know it seems like I date a lot, but the amount of effort it takes for me to date that much is excruciating! And exhausting! And the prospects are so dismal!

Which is a big part of the reason I'm so reluctant to let go of this one, I know. There are so many things right about him.

Oh, yea... except for that one little thing wrong with him.... that he's demonstrated that he's just not that into me.

THUNK! kjsf92035r830 5uiodfjn dls
{Yes, that was the sound of my head hitting the keyboard.}

Shady McGrady

Well, that's what Npapaya calls Muckraker. I have come to the point where I agree with her, as sad as I am to say that.

Monday was a promising day, if you'll recall... and then? Nothing.

That's right... NOTHING.

In fact, on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday Muckraker all but ignored me. After Monday's interactions the WTF??? Response to this I had was off the charts.

My friend Jan (Thank goodness she's in my class and there to back me up on this or I'd be going out of my mind thinking I had imagined his interest and then subsequent disinterest,) thinks his behaviour is totally shady too.

What's the reason for this Hot/Cold mess? I don't know, and I don't care anymore.
Tonight, I am officially done with Muckraker (the Weirdo) as Nell calls him, with "the adventurer" as another friend calls him, and with Shady McGrady as NPapaya calls him. Ok, so this is a very one-sided DONE as he doesn't care one way or another apparently, but it's good to finish it in my own mind.

So why this tonight? Well, here's what happened (or didn't happen...)

On Monday I asked Muckraker and a few other mutual friends to go to Nell's exhibition. Muckraker responded quickly saying "I'm There!" (Promising, right?) Today (After basically being ignored for several days) he says to me-- oh, that thing tonight? I may not be able to go. I have some other plans." Jan, hearing this, rolled her eyes at me, and I just responded to him, "Ok, well, see you if you get there."

This evening I was looking... dare I say? Cute?! Hot? Well, as hot as *I* get, which may only be as hot as my grandma's mildest chili, (but it was about as good as I get.) I went to the exhibit with a couple of my gay boys (still hoping to see muckraker, I admit.)

We were there for a fairly long time-- probably about an hour before muckraker finally showed up. He came and talked to us for about 2-3 minutes, and then went to go congratulate Nell.... and then he never came back...

My boys and I were waiting for Nell to finish the exhibition so we could go out to eat, but it was taking much longer than expected. We decided to head out to a restaurant to grab a bite to eat, and so we tracked muckraker down to ask him if he wanted to join us (which, frankly was the plan to begin with when we were all talking about going out that evening.)

Muckraker informed us he was meeting up with some people at a local indian restaurant, and that we could join him if we wished. I asked him "oh, who are you meeting?" and he responded, "Are you being discriminating?" My response? "Yes! I have no wish to hang out with people I can't stand!" (In addition, Nell was planning on going to a restaurant across the street with some of her other friends, and we didn't want to ditch her.) Muckraker headed out without waiting to see if anyone else was coming... and, well, that was that.

My boys and I ended up grabbing a bite elsewhere, and that was that too...

Crappy evening overall, huh? (All that cuteness totally WASTED!)

I was hopeful. Perhaps too hopeful. Muckraker's issues... I don't know what they are, but if he persists in being -- well, a total douche -- there's nothing I can do about that is there? Except not waste my time.

So this strikes me particularly hard this evening as another internet connection has fizzled out, and since Science guy is no longer in the picture (being super attentive. Ok, yeah, he was kind of a douche too.)

It's on nights like this when I ask myself, "Why do I even try? Why do I put myself out there? Why do I put myself up for rejection? Why do I care?" I could be sitting at home every night and have the exact same results I do now-- which is to say, NONE AT ALL!

I don't know, maybe Muckraker liked me (or he liked the chase, and when I started to reciprocate it was no longer fun for him.) Whatever. I at least feel reassured by some of my friends' observations enough to tell myself that at least I wasn't imagining his demonstrated (real or feigned) interest. What happened between demonstrating that interest and TONIGHT? I have no fucking clue. Maybe he got sick of me, maybe he found himself a girlfriend, maybe he's just an annoying fuck.

As for me? I'm fucking sick of this whole fucking dating game. I'm not having fun anymore and I don't want to play.

Well, with all that to recommend you,

.. How could I say "No"?

hi how are you i am 37 i have afull time job and own my own car and home

Things could always be worse...

Yes, I've been missing in action for about a week... but that's because I was at the most amazing 3-day wedding extravaganza in San Francisco! So fun! So over-the-top magnificent!

The only damper on things came Wednesday morning when it became clear Proposition 8, an intolerant, discriminatory proposition preventing gays and lesbians to marry passed.

My lovely friends, who have been together 10+ years, got married the Saturday before the election, and now they're in limbo. It's a very sad outcome.

As my friend B. said-- Was there a memo that went out saying "Racism is so passe, everyone hop on the anti-gay train!" Discriminatory propositions also passed in Florida & Arkansas.

While America congratulates itself on electing Obama (Thus proving how we've "overcome" racism... NOT QUITE!), let us not forget there are a few things to be ashamed of as well.

No one is equal until ALL are treated equally.

....

And I'll step off my soapbox to submit a very amusing (though not for her! Sorry, NPapaya!) story!

Enjoy!

************************************

So, some of you know that recently the ex-fiance of a work acquaintance was in
touch with me on match.com. After a bit of debate I decided it was kosher for me
to go out with him at least once. I should mention I don't know why they called
off the engagement or what any of their issues may have been. Our date was
scheduled for tonight.

This morning I checked email and saw two messages from this person sent late
last night. (As an aside, no this is not some sort of Halloween prank).

The first email:
Subject line: Well, I am having a baby

Message
So Sorry, I had NO idea but guess she trapped me? Says she is thinking about
what to do. She never liked my family and to be honest never liked hers myself.
Well, I do wish we had met last year!

Good luck with [your job] and if you see the kid, let me know what he/she looks
like.


----
the second email :
Hi,

Just a follow up. Long night for me. Upon recent news I don't know if dinner is
a good idea tonight. I was looking forward to it but having not been together
with my ex for quite some time was taken aback. Scary for [the ex] too but I
thought to let you know the reason behind me canceling.

To be perfectly honest, I have a feeling it may not be true due to past events
but we will see. So I guess my Match days are over, at least for a while, until
everything figures itself out. Sorry again. I contacted you with honest
intentions but I guess life got in the way.


----

Of course, I have a lot of comments to make, but I'd just like to let the beauty
of these message stand as a testament to how shady and how poor the pickings are
in this area. Let this be a lesson to anyone who is thinking of ditching a nice
guy. Myself included as the perfectly nice, reasonable person I had coffee with
earlier this week has now been bumped up to a prime position as "not crazy."

Laughing in NH,
NPapaya

(Point taken, NPapaya! I'm going out with Atlas again this weekend. I'll keep you posted!)

From NPapaya... Good times, good times... reminds me of some dates I had not too long ago...

(Also reminds me not to be so dismissive of Atlas. I'll admit that I'm gowning fonder of Atlas the more I think about him. Not ready to give up on him just yet.)



Recently someone looked at my online profile, but hadn't contacted me. This
happens a lot and to be honest, most of the time I am glad they just kept on
truckin'. But this one didn't look so bad and he lived nearby. The downside -
kind of old by my standards for dating :46 (I'm 33).Not being super picky these
days I email him and he responds immediately. We make a plan to meet for coffee.
The night before I take another look at his profile to remind myself what he
said about himself. I take note of his height which I apparently glossed over
before: 5'6". Huh. Missed that one. I'm not quite 5'5" and I prefer someone
tall, but as long as you're taller than me we're in good shape.

When he arrives for our coffee date I am thinking - he is short. I mean, I'm
wearing nearly flats and looking him in the eye. But he does look like his
profile which means he's not bad looking, but I'm not ready to suggest we get a
room.

Next thought: poor guy, he's got something stuck in his teeth. Bummer on a first
date. We sit and chat. He smiles a lot which is good and bad. Good because it
shows he has a cheery disposition. Bad because it is clear he does not have
something stuck in his teeth. He has rotting teeth. 4 words: Veneers are your
friend.

More chatting ensues and I am aware of doing my own song and dance routine with
little audience participation. Oh, he's answering questions beautifully with
some detail, a few stories. But he's not dishing it back. I am exhausted looking
at his bad teeth and trying to think of things to ask him. Then I notice 2 of
his fingers have some sort of nail fungus and are oddly short. The freak show
must end.

As we leave I notice he is not the same height as me with my shoes on. So, he's
probably closer to 5'4" than he wants to admit. A fairly nice man to be sure,
but this was too much even for me and my new "baseline" standards. I fled.

I'll bet you think your cat talks back to you, don't you?

well.. i hate drugs and smoking.. voted for George since Kerry scared me.. but at least theres only a few more months left of W..
TNG is really the only STrek.. yet SWars is better! :)
I found a new Thai buffet that im dying to try!

And what, exactly, is the point of your message?

I think you're just too picky, who doesn't like knuckle-dragging mouth breathers?

From my friend "D"--

I went on plentyoffish.com, thinking I would try a free site first, and replied to one of the few reasonable guy's ads my town of 10,000. Here is his reply:

i love football but im not into fantise football,what are ur likes and dislikesim 6f2in,240pounds,brown hair,blue eyes,wear glasses,i have a 9yearold daughter,what teams do u like in football? talk to u later

If you can't form a full sentence, shouldn't you be disqualified? He probably grunts instead of talks. By the way, EVERY SINGLE guy up here likes the "outdoors, hunting and fishing." UGH.

Why exactly is this a point of pride?

Received today:

Hate to brag but im a normal guy; no surprises, complications, weird tendancies...
Enjoy meetin new ppl a lot :)

Definitely an Epidemic

Tales of Woe from NPapaya:

So, I met G this afternoon (the 46 yr old from match (mind you, NPapaya is in her early 30s, but this area leads one to be...flexible...in one's dating requirements))- he was generally ok.
He seems like a nice guy, not exactly the greatest conversationalist...I asked
him a bunch of questions, but he didn't really reciprocate. Perhaps he thought
I'd just offer up the info in turn? A lot of men seem to do that. He's not bad
looking per se, but I'm not attracted to him in person. His teeth are not in
great shape and he's got a couple of stubby fingers with bad nails. Oh and that
5'6" he put on match is an overestimate. I'd say he's closer to 5'5"-on a good
day!

Of course, this being my lot in life he's totally willing to go out again. I
have to figure out some way to politely decline b/c this is so not going to
happen.

Note the highlighted part above. This selfish conversationalism is definitely an epidemic. I've had this happen on numerous occasions (Notably with soap-making soup-swapper guy. (Have I mentioned him on the blog yet... ? Hmmm... I may need to put that story out there for the rest of the world to enjoy.)

Seriously though! What is with that? Is it just poor socialization? Something they never learned in kindergarten? Evidence of underlying narcissism?

A conversation should be a give and take. Your date is not your adoring audience. Daters would be wise to remember this.

What! You mean you're not trying to sell me penis enlargement pills?

I received an email to my work address yesterday that contained the following:

From: Leif Jinks (not his real name, but close, and the same gist)
"Hi, would you be avalable to do somthing some time?"

My work email program blocks images so I assumed that this email must be spam, and I just wasn't getting the dirty bits. (total bummer, I assure you!)

Before sending it straight to the trash bin though, I thought I would look up this person's name in our school directory.

Surprise! Surprise! This person was in fact a real individual!

I then assumed that this person (since I had no inkling as to who this person was) must have mistakenly sent me this email, and intended it to go to someone else.

I looked up his department to see if he was a student or a staff member, and it turns out that he works in maintenance.

Oh. Lights are dawning. I had a desk delivered yesterday. oh.

I vaguely remember the guys who delivered it. I think I remember "Leif"... But, at the same time, I didn't say more than 2 sentences to him either-- and those sentences were "Don't put it too close to the wall, I need to plug in the computer." and "Thanks so much! I've been waiting for this! (Ok, I realize that last one could perhaps be interpreted as being overly flirtatious....)

So, on the one hand I felt like I should go out with him because:
#1) I never get asked out
#2) Hardly anyone ever gets up the nerve to ask someone out these days, which leads to a vicious circle of nobody dating.
#3) I felt like I should 'reward' his initiative.

On the other hand (and many thanks to NPapaya and KN for pointing this out)-- I could never be with someone who makes two simple mistakes in one sentence. (Well, and it was further pointed out that the fact that he didn't even introduce himself or say- "Hey, you may not remember me, but I delivered a desk to you..." in his email was very lame, and indicative of his overall lameness, and why waste time?)

On the third hand, it did make me smile.

So Shallow!

Yes. I am. I know it. I own it.


So, another guy got in touch with me
... sigh... seems like a nice guy.... but... he's 5'6.

Frankly... 5'6??? I don't know if I can do it. (I'm 5'8. And not a delicate looking 5'8 either. Pretty solidly built 5'8)

Since men always lie about their height (the first rule I learned in costume design class-- Never believe a man when he tells you his height or a woman when she tells you her weight.), we know that must make him closer to 5'4.

Freakin A!

Unless he's dyslexic and really meant 6'5, I don't know that this is going to work.

I'll give it a shot. But..... yeah... not too promising.

Sounds like many a date I've had!

From the Jezebel comments section.

Triphena at 12:53 PM on 09/19/08 Don't tell me how you live alone with 3 cats named Judy Liza and Bette, all your friends are girls, your day was ruined because the salon was out of your favorite mousse, "cirque du soleil is fun, but nothing beats Broadway", you love sewing and make yourself and your mom new matching aprons every Christmas interspersed with increasingly agitated and unasked-for assurances that you are not gay.

Crazy enough to be true?

Let's put this one to a vote!

I met "S" at a party Sassy Pants had a couple of weeks ago, and she told me about the following email.

We were pretty divided as to whether or not this guy's story holds water! On the one hand, it's pretty far-fetched. On the other hand, there are just enough details to make it believable. On the third hand "S" tried to find the hospital where this guy 'worked' and couldn't find anything... Mucho Suspicioso.

Well, it certainly is the most inventive excuse I've ever heard, in any case! Shall we vote? Who thinks this story is legit? Who thinks this guy has pants on fire?




Hello S,

Let me begin by apologizing to you for failing to communicate for
almost 2 weeks. I want you to know that I'm extremely interested in
you and I hope I haven't jeopardized my chances of getting to know
you. The thing is, I feel so fortunate in many areas of my life, but I
just seem to have rotten luck when it comes to developing a meaningful
relationship.
I'm so very sorry, S. I was quite unable to talk to you for the last
many days. I was literally put out of commission all this time and I
was in no condition to send you an e-mail. I've had the most horrible
last couple of weeks. On Saturday, Oct 5th, I was working a night
shift at M Hospital. I was covering for a coworker that night. So, for
the first couple of hours I was to sterilize a huge volume of surgical
instruments by hand that had come out of the various surgeries that
evening.

The surgical instruments come to us quite bloody, with strips of
tissues and bone fragments and we need to make sure that the
instruments are 100% clean and sterilized for the next surgery. The
process is quite safe since everyone is adequately trained, everybody
generally abide by the rules and take necessary precautions.
Furthermore, the surgical techs who are in the operating room during
the various surgeries are supposed to be conscientious in making sure
that there are no disposable scalpel blades, syringes or needles left
in the sterile trays after the surgery and that all of the tools and
instrumentation are accounted for.

Well, on the night of Oct 5th, it so happened that one of the trays
that I was sterilizing had both a scalpel Blade and a syringe with
needle in it. Talk about double whammy. I can assure you that the
surgical blades are extremely sharp and I was extremely luck to not
have sliced my finger(s) in two while picking up tools from the tray.
But, instead I got pricked (deeply) by the stray syringe that was in
the tray. To make matters worse, I accidentally pushed on the
syringe's plunger when trying to quickly pull the needle out of my
hand. So, some of the contents of the syringe (a fairly concentrated
neurotoxin) was pushed into my system. I don't remember what happened
after that. One of my coworkers found me lying unconscious on the
floor and I remember waking up in a hospital bed at M Hospital (I was
told it was Monday afternoon).

I feel like I'm very lucky to be alive thanks to the hospital staff
responding so quickly and containing the spread of the toxin before it
had a chance to paralyze some vital organs. But, I did become very
sick & had a major inflammatory response from the exposure to that
substance. They ran a great number of tests on me to make sure that
there would be no other complications from the needle prick and I
stayed in the hospital for over a week before I was able to move with
ease.

I was discharged on Monday evening and I stayed in bed yesterday and
today. I slept all day today, but I'm so wide awake at the moment. I
checked my e-mail and I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. By the way,
It has taken me almost 2 hours to write this letter (a bit slower
today than usual). But, I think I'll be returning back to school
tomorrow. S, I've missed so much of my classes and I know I'm going to
be so behind with my studies. I'm praying for another miracle at the
moment.

Well, I'll try to respond to your previous e-mails this weekend. I
just wanted to tell you that I'm still interested in getting to know
you. In the meantime, I hope that you're doing okay and are enjoying
yourself. I really missed talking to you, S.

- P

I need to stop...

...lowering my standards. Not that they were super high to begin with.. (No major personality disorders, ability to hold down a full time job, and nice.)....

Argh! Now how do I get out of a coffee date with a guy that, after a few more emails, I've realized is a lunatic?

(Ok, Ok, I should have known better, I know... Sassy Pants' friend B, who was at her party yesterday, warned me about this guy. Why didn't I listen!?! Why!?? (Ok, I know why... This has been one hell of a dry spell and the pickings 'round here are mighty slim!))

Warning signs????

I recently re-signed up for Eharmony. Now, I'm not much of a fan of eharmony generally (don't like their stance on not allowing gay/lesbian members), but they were having a special and I'm desperate. (Especially since I was basically stood up today! But that's for another post...)

So, I've been emailing this guy on eharmony back and forth a few times and I'm thinking there are a few warning signs I should be heeding...

1) He likes Celine Dion
2) He likes Broadway musicals. Especially Rent
3) He likes chick flicks

Now this may not concern me so much if I didn't have a history of dating closeted gay men. And I mean A LOT of closeted gay men. (Apparently I make an excellent beard! Maybe because I'm so warm and caring they feel like they can be themselves with me! And that leads them to come out! That's what I'll keep telling myselt!)

So... do I give it a shot?