Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Take care of your own onions, BEOTCH!

(Take care of your own onions is the French equivalent of "Mind your own beeswax," and one of my mother's favorite sayings... I just had to use it.)

Jedi stopped by my office yesterday and while he was here he went up to the second floor kitchen and ran into Nosy Beotch (NB for short.) Jedi is actually friends with NB and her husband C and he lived with them at one point for several months. Jedi helped them remodel their house trailer home and all was hunky-dorey.

Except... well... that... even though NB is married and has a kid... she has always seemed a little too interested in Jedi. (That's cause my man is smoking hot-- oh yeah-- in addition to being incredibly sweet.) Additionally, she hated me before she even met me.

She started working in my building around the same time Jedi and I started going out. She was always very cold to me and I just couldn't understand it.

One day-- after an argument in which I told Jedi he'd better come clean about EVERYTHING I didn't know if he ever wanted to be with me-- Jedi admitted that he thought he knew why NB didn't like me.

It turns out that back when we were first dating Jedi had told NB that he would go to a comedy club with her in Boston. He felt sick the day they were supposed to go and he canceled on her. I called him up that afternoon and asked him to go with me to a jazz club. Even though he wasn't feeling well he didn't want to pass up the chance to see me... so he went...

... and my friends took some pictures... that ended up on facebook... and BOY was NB livid when she saw them! (Not that I blame her... but blame Jedi, not me!)

Well, even though none of that was really my fault-- and I didn't even know about it until several months later-- she has persisted in being rather rude and backhandedly mean to me.

Another example-- I had put up on my facebook status on day that "Having Jedi around is better than having a Roomba." (Jedi and I had been laughing about this together.)

NB didn't post anything on my status, instead she just posted, "I think people who compare their significant others to an appliance are horrible."

Geee-- real subtle there, Nosy Beotch. Jedi responded on her profile saying that he thought what I had said was funny, but she never responded.

For the record, I'd also like to point out that when we were making wedding guest lists Jedi didn't include NB or C on his list and I pointed out that he really needed to invite them. That was MY idea, in spite of what a Nosy Beotch she's been.

Well, to get back to yesterday, Jedi ran into her and they proceeded to have a discussion which included Nosy Beotch saying the following: "Are you really sure that you want to marry Hypatia? Are you sure you're happy with her?"


To which Jedi of course responded that he was deliriously happy with me (no, for reelz, he did.).

Sadly, he did not tell her that she should really take care of her own onions!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


Have I mentioned I have the best future in-laws ever? Yes, it's true!

My condo's water heater has been needing to be replaced for about 3 years... (ahem. That would be about the time that I bought my condo! I've been living with rusty orange-colored water for all that time... and of course, the threat of impending biblical-sized floods.)

Well, Jedi's dad is a handy-man extraordinaire and offered to replace it for me...! Yippee, right? Saved me about $300 in plumber's fees.
What did I do with those $300? Well, Home Depot was calling me. I've been wanting to replace my fugly '70s style bathroom I moved in. I figured it would be insanely expensive though, so I never looked into it. (Have I mentioned that I'm poor? I mean, yeah, not third-world, poor or anything, and I have health insurance and all that jazz, so I guess that makes me comparatively rich, but believe me, Paris Hilton would blow through what I make in a year in about 30 minutes in a night out on the town.)
So, well, in Home Depot there was this vanity that was positively calling to me...
Jedi's mom was with me (while the guys were looking at water heater parts) and the vanity was positively calling to her too.

Well, I figured, Jedi's dad is a handy guy! Surely he can put this in in 20 minutes! How hard can it be!

So we got the vanity (and I should point out I did not get the $78 fixtures... I got the $24 ones. (Have I mentioned I'm ppppooooorrrrr?)

Little did I know that this would lead to new bath fixtures... and new towel racks... and a new medicine cabinet... and new light fixtures...

... and if I get new light fixtures for the bath, I may as well get them for the kitchen at the same time. And if I'm doing all that, I may as well repaint the kitchen and bath. And maybe repaint the kitchen cabinets. If I'm repainting the kitchen cabinets, maybe I should replace the hardware... and maybe I should paint my entertainment system as long as I've got the paint out. And if I'm repainting the cabinets, maybe I should make some new curtains to match... (and by I I mean Jedi's mother should make some new curtains to match...)

Suffice it to say that I'm now not only the proud owner of a new vanity, I am also the proud owner of a Home Depot consumer credit card! (um. Yippee? It will be paid off in 6 months at 0% interest, I swear! Lest Suze Orman come and hunt me down!)

Jedi's mom is a painter extraordinaire and she's been helping tremendously with that.

Phew! I can't wait to live in my new and improved cardboard box!

Friday, July 23, 2010

Writer's Block

I want to write a book.

Doesn't everyone?

Not just ANY book... of course!

I want to write a NY Times bestseller!

...of course...

And earn the fame and acclimation (and money!) of J.K. Rowling and Stephenie Meyer!

...(well, maybe just J.K. Rowling. Have you read Twilight? shudder.)...

I have an idea (ok... about a million ideas, but one in particular at the moment...) in my head. It's a great idea! Trust me. If you were in my head you'd think it was a great idea too. (You would be amazed by my breathtaking brilliance, I can assure you.)

I even have most of an outline.

So why can't I seem to actually write the damn thing?

Not even the whole thing... maybe just a chapter?

Why can't I just write a chapter?

I think I need a writer's support group.

Or, well, at least someone to keep me accountable.

As we've learned from my thesis writing, (can you even believe I actually got that done? I can't!), if I don't have someone holding my feet to the fire I'll do something else, something much more important, instead. Like, watch the Real Housewives or something...

Friday, July 16, 2010

I have become a crazy person.

Remember how I said I didn't want to get too into wedding planning? Well, I still don't! Honest! I swear!

The problem is that I have no money so I keep googling cheap wedding ideas and coming up with great stuff! Which in turn makes me more excited, which makes me want to keep finding new ideas!Now, the thing is, the ideas I'm finding have to not only be CHEAP they have to be EASY! I'm sure you've seen, as I have, DIY wedding ideas that that take eons to make. Yeah, no thanks. If I can't do it in 10 minutes-- while keeping it looking KLASSY, beotches!-- then no thanks.
One slight problem I had is that I didn't know what to do for the wedding cake. My future MIL had originally volunteered to make it (which I thought was crazy, but I was willing to go with it!) Well... then she talked to a friend who has made wedding cakes before and realized it would be about 6 weeks of work to make it. Yeah, I don't blame her for backing out of that one either!

So, I was brainstorming other options and one thought I had was-- Hey! What about those Pepperidge Farm cakes? Now, I don't know if you've had those before, but they're fantastic! Really! If you haven't had one, run out and get it! They have a ton of flavors and the best part is that they're only like $3 each! Sweet, right?

Well. Except for the fact that they look like store bought-out of the box cakes. And like I said, I'm going for KLASSY all the way! So I googled for some ideas... found a lot of bad ones... (Dear lord, one of them --which I won't link to out of pity for the bride-- had just a pile of pepperidge farm cakes, one on top of the other, with no attempt to disguise it! Sad!)... And fortunately I finally came across a really good one!!

Pretty, right? Almost looks professional! All it is is Pirouette cookies along the side of a pre-bought cake and then berries on top. I can tie it with a ribbon that matches my other decorations and-- Voila! Custom cake for about $6!!! (Shhh! Don't tell the guests!)

This comes from Texas Monkey Which I only discovered accidentally, but now I'm hooked.
Some other pretty ideas include these:

Nice, huh?

I'm getting a little too excited about this, I admit!

I'm going to experiment with this tonight. I'll let you know how it turns out!

Friday, July 9, 2010

It's called NETWORKING, you idiot!!

Jedi is driving me fucking nuts.
And this is making me want to be really mean to him and call him names. (Which I've refrained from doing thus far. Aren't you proud of me? My therapist is proud of me!)

Now, to be fair, I walked into this relationship knowing these were Jedi's failings and my eyes were wide open. I weighed the pros and cons and decided that having someone who was nurturing, unfailingly kind, and thoughtful was worth more than having someone who was ambitious, worldly, and could spell.

That doesn't mean it doesn't drive me fucking nuts.

As I've mentioned before, Jedi hates his job and is actively looking for a new one. He's settled back on teaching/working with kids as his career path. Ok. Fine. I'll support him in that. (I did convince him to stick to elementary education because frankly middle schoolers and high schoolers would eat him alive.) 4-6 grade would be a good fit for him, I think, I can honestly say that.

To help him get more experience working with kids I put Jedi in touch with the husband of a friend of mine who runs the Boys and Girls club in our area. Lo and behold they were looking for volunteers over the 4th of July, so we volunteered and were happy to help out, and Jedi made some good contacts with people who run other programs and have other opportunities. Jedi had a good conversation with a guy named Kevin and Kevin said, "Email me! I'll put you in touch with so-and-so who runs such-and-such. I also run ABC program which I'll need some help with if you want to volunteer for that. I was a principal in xyz school and I know all the principal's around here. I can help you out and serve as a reference if you need one in the future."

Wouldn't a logical person think that Kevin was offering to serve as a reference AFTER Jedi volunteered with some of the programs he runs? Hmmm...? Given that he'd known Jedi all of 2 hours when he said this?

The Following is the text message exchange:
Me: (a week after meeting Kevin) Have you contacted Kevin yet?

Jedi: No.

Me: You should get his email from [Friend's husband.]

Jedi: ok.
...A day later...

Me: Have you contacted Kevin yet?

Jedi: No.

Jedi: Ok, This is the email I'm going to send him. "Hello Kivin,[sic] I was wondering if I could use you as a reference? Can you call me? -Jedi"

Me: [inside my head and over text] NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! [Inside my head, "You DOLT!!!!]

Me: You can't send him that! You don't even know him yet! Don't send anything yet.
Jedi: What am I emailing him about then?

Me: [In my head: "YOU IDIOT!"] To get more info about the volunteer opportunities and to get the email for so-and-so who runs the rec program!

Jedi: I can ask [friend's husband] about that.

Me: You need to make contact with Kevin and form a good relationship with him before you ask him for a reference! Esp. since he's worked with all the schools around here. It's called NETWORKING!!!!!!!! [In my head: "You IDIOT!"]

Jedi: Don't get mad.

Like I said, aren't you proud of me for keeping the name-calling in my head? I told my therapist that I am undoubtedly a bad person who should not be getting married if my instinct is to call the man I love an idiot (even if it is only inside my head. Who knows when that might just slip out of my mouth?)

Sigh... All this is while I'm in the middle of (online) dress shopping during my lunch break.
Which makes me think-- Have I turned into one of those people whose focusing more on the wedding than the marriage? God, I hope not. This exchange does make me wonder though if I'm doing the right thing.

In other news... wanna see the dress I picked out? Look away now if you want to be surprised!It's from David's Bridal-- Which is a shitty shitty store, I know, (which I always swore to avoid) but at the same time I'm very poor. I like the style of this dress though and it's cheap enough that if I get it and hate it my future mother-in-law (she of the mad sewing skills) can use it as a pattern and do it in a fabric I like. (e.g. NOT cheap industrial polyester. Ew.)

Additionally, do you have any idea how HARD dress shopping is when the nearest bridal shop is 2 hours away!? Freakin-A! The weird thing is the David's bridal seems to be the only place that actually tells you their ACTUAL prices on their website (everyone else has some variation of $, $$, $$$, $$$$... which is effing STUPID given that depending on the website $ could be $100 or it could be $1000. WTF?) This also makes wedding dress shopping nearly impossible... and then add to that that I'm what they delicately call plus-sized... which seems to relegate me to a muumuu or tent variation. (Also, have you noticed that the plus sized dresses seem to have excessive beading and lace and ugly shit on it? Is that to detract from my hideous plus-sized body? Cause it ain't workin'!

They have a 14 day return policy-- this dress is only available online, so I think I'm going to get it and just see how it goes. Wish me luck!

Thursday, July 8, 2010


Hmmm... I am now rethinking my potential future career as a counselor after seeing these pay stats.

How stark! eegads! Do I want to shell out $60-70k to make what I'm making now? No thanks...

Am I crazy, or what?

Sooooo.... Remember how excited I was to be DONE with my thesis? And potentially DONE with school FOREVER?!

Well, for a few years I've been toying with the idea of being a therapist. However, in my area there aren't any part-time programs and I am a little too afraid to quit working in order to go and do something like that full time.

I was idly looking online for a program similar to the one a friend of mine is in (only she's in San Francisco and I live on the East coast, so that particular program is out.) Her program is great though in that it meets for 1 weekend a month and the rest is online.

Weeeeelllll ... It turns out that Penn has a similar program! 1 weekend/month + 1 week in the summer!

Now, Penn is about 7 hours from where I'm at-- Not great, but doable if it's one weekend a month, right? There's also a train directly from my town to Philadelphia (though that is a 10 hour trip, somehow, inexplicably...)

The big catch? The program is $67k, by my calculations. EEEGADS, right? (As compared to similar programs nearby which are full time but would only be about $20k.)

*sigh* Right now this is just and idle thought-- I wouldn't even be able to apply until next June anyway, so I have some time to think about it.

The idea of being able to set up a private practice is very appealing, but I don't know if I'd be able to justify the cost. (I'm very wary of loan debt! I've managed to get through school with only putting $5k on a credit card (0% interest, thank you very much).

I even looked into Penn's tuition assistance program for employees (assuming I could get a job there... but who wants to live in Pennsylvania? eww.) but that would only cover 50%. Worth uprooting my life for? Meh. I don't know. I've grown accustomed to my little town and I like it. I wouldn't mind moving, but only if it was to someplace like the Bahamas or Paris or something more exciting than where I'm at now. Philadelphia? Not better than where I am now. (IMHO, YMMV and all that.)

So, do y'all think I should go for it? Or just stick to what I'm doing now and thank my (mostly) debt-free stars?

(PS- I should add that they have a distance learning doctorate program as well which seems pretty sweet-- Same type of set up-- 1 weekend a month, and it's only a 2 year program... But it's only $20k (odd, no? I may be wrong about that-- It may be $40k... hard to tell from their site if that's the cost for the entire program or just 1 year.) That one is appealing too-- Because I would really love Dr. in front of my name!-- But at the same time I feel like the counseling degree would give me more flexibility. I'd love to open up a private practice, but it leaves the door open to continue to work in a college setting. I can't decide which one would be best... Probably the doctorate would be a better return on investment, but I feel like the counseling one might be more satisfying. Choices, choices, choices... and all of this is assuming I get IN, of course.

I'm also a terrible snob (as well you know!)... and the fact that it's Penn makes me feel better about the investment. I don't think I'd be considering it if it was someplace like DeVry or U of Phoenix... )

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Worst Blogger Ever!

Wow! Practically a whole month since I've updated! Am I trying to drive what few readers I have away, or what? I'm really sucking at this blogging thing at the moment... and I don't even have an excuse like a thesis to fall back on anymore either! (Can I blame the heat wave? I feel totally lethargic!)

I guess maybe is that part of the reason I'm not writing is that I don't feel like I have much to say these days! My life is calm and not angsty which doesn't make for great reading, eh? I mean it's angsty in the sense of ... "I don't know what I'm going to do with my life..." but there's not much I can do about that right now, especially as I think it's only fair to let Jedi complete his Associates, which he will hopefully do in the fall.

Well, all the stuff about money got cleared up. Everyone is contributing a modest amount, so back to kumbaya and all that!

I suppose I can tell y'all about wedding planning, eh? I'm doing my best not to talk to people in-person about it because there's nothing more boring than someone else's wedding... I'm aware of this!

I'm trying to do the wedding with the most minimal fuss and planning possible. I scoff- (SCOFF I tell you!)- at's planning checklist! So much pointless stuff! So redundant!

But here are the things we have:
Reception Space!

(I'm particularly proud about the invitation one! I'd been freaking out about the cost of invitations.. (so pointless for something people are just going to throw away!)... The cheapest ones I found were $1.44 each! And that was if you bought over 200 of them! Eegads. And that was not including reply cards or anything like that. But... Yeah! I was at my local super store this past weekend and right there on the end of the clearance aisle was an entire section of WEDDING STUFF! yippee, right? They had boxes of 50 invitations marked down to $10! They included all the envelopes, reply cards, ribbons, vellum, etc. Sweet! So, we got three boxes!

.... and then over the weekend I changed my mind for the style we originally picked out... and I panicked... and I went out and bought 3 boxes of a different style (but they were still on clearance, and I can return the others... so still not bad!) But that was my little Bridezilla moment. Jedi was slightly annoyed-- Mostly because I kept asking him, "Are you SURE you like these ones?" YES! "But I mean, are you REALLY sure? Or just KINDA sure?!"

Incidentally-- We've decided to do without reply cards. Is that terribly gauche of us? I just feel like it's an added mailing expense (both coming and going) that is unnecessary. We have a website where people can register online and we'll have the phone number up as well where people can RSVP. So, is this a terrible faux pas or not? I could wade into the forums of to find out, but I'm a little afraid to venture there. Just going to the site itself is enough to make me crazy.)

Other items we got from the clearance bin:
Favor boxes! (Which we'll fill with Jordan Almonds, a traditional treat at French weddings.)
A veil (Which I don't even know if I'll wear-- probably not-- But it was only $3, which is great given the cost of veils (crazy $$$ if you haven't checked lately!)

Also, I think my future mother in law wants to make the wedding cake-- Which I think is CRAZY. I keep telling her she really doesn't need that stress the week before the wedding but she wants to try it out. Well... I'm happy to taste her tries anyway! Cake isn't really important to me so even if it's imperfect I don't mind-- (Just as long as it tastes good! I'd rather have a great tasting cake than a pretty one!)

I had hoped she would want to make my wedding dress but she keeps saying, "NO WAY!"... Which is too bad because she actually has mad sewing skills. She says THAT would stress her out too much. To me that seems weird since a cake is much more unpredictable than a dress, I think, but I'm fine either way.

This weekend we're going to a discount fabric place about an hour away and we'll pick out fabric for the table runners. Keep your fingers crossed that we find something good because the rest of the wedding will be based on that!

My plan is to take the pattern from the table runner and incorporate it into the invitation and then take the colors from it and incorporate that into the rest of the decor/accessories. Hopefully all for cheap! I think we'll forgo flowers (unless we can convince the ones in the garden to grow!) and go for candles instead. (12 candles for $6 at Wal-Mart baby! Klassy all the way!)

So, that's where we're at... Pretty good, dontcha think? For the entertainment I think I'll hire some student bands (very good ones).

The only thing I don't really have under control is a photographer. I was hoping someone on Jedi's side of the family might have some talents in that area (because my side doesn't) but no luck. Prices are CRAZY! $1000 for 3 hours? Um, yeah, no. That's like half the budget. So, not too sure what to do about that...