Friday, August 29, 2008

Happy Labor Day!

I hope you enjoy yourselves!

As for me, I'll be working on getting my recently crashed computer to work!

P.S. May all virus/worm/trojan creators find themselves in the 7th circle of Hell in the afterlife!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Tell me what you really think of me

"how ya doing you sexy american girl!

i like yo pics very sexy...."

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

HuH? Did you mistake me for someone else?

"[so-and-so] is editor of the [Newspaper] based in [hometown], he's one of my favorite political commenters.

Rock on with your bad self!"

Now...this would make sense had I expressed ANY type of interest in this editor, or newspaper, or even the genre, or politics in general. But I didn't. So....WTF?

Also, this is a trend I've been noticing in personals responses--There aren't any questions! There's nothing to indicate any type of interest in you! So...Why are they contacting you exactly?

The mystery of it all...

Creepiest Boyfriend Ever!

Ok, so I am mildly obsessed with bad television in a WTF! kind of way! One of my shows of the moment is "The Secret Life of the American Teenager." Have you seen this? It is WRETCHEDLY awful! (If you've seen "7th Heaven"...well, it's by the same writer, so that gives you some idea") I can't even describe the half-assed storyline, but it's basically this-- A christian morality tale where "band-geek" Amy gets knocked up by "bad boy" Ricky (who's also doing it with every other girl in school!) during summer vacation.

The first day of school she meets Ben, who falls in love with her on first sight. Now Ben? Is supposed to be Amy's "Twoo Wuv," but instead he's just a creepy obsessive that Amy needs to stay the hell away from. Case in point? Last night's episode where he tells Amy (In a serial killer voice) "You Belong to Me"..... And this is supposed to be ROMANTIC!!! ARGH!!! I fear for the 13 year olds watching this show and getting this half-assed notion of what love is supposed to be! Heaven help us all!

Think I'm exagerating? See the clip below were Ben (Who has known Amy for TWO weeks! And is 15!) Asks her to marry him. Because she's pregnant by some other dude. Yea... #1) *Totally* realistic! and #2) CREEPY! (See previous post for levels of creepitude!).... Hmmm, I think I need to start a Creep-o-meter to guage the levels of creepiness put off by guys. Perhaps for future posts! What do you think!?

In the meantime, enjoy the creepiness I mean true love that is Ben....

Not Creepy, or Anything...

Many thanks to Nikole for sending this one in!!!

She received the following....from a total stranger...


"TODAY IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE WHEN I GET TO SEE YOUR PHOTOS, when you accept me as a friend, when you smile to me, god i think i am falling in love with you, now all i wish for is hugg you for a a million years, and kiss you for a bilion time, the would be the luckiest man ever walk on earth, it was a long wait for you today, for you the girl with lovly eyes, i collected few flowers for, so happy that you might show up, you my friend, you are a gift from god to this world, i know your value as a beautiful, sensetive, unbeleivably kind, i love you my friend, and all i wish for is that you smile back to me, even though i can't see you, but my heart feels your rosy lips smilling to me, just like a moon looking at me with love and kindess.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

A hint on profile pictures- #1) Try not to look like a serial killer...

So, there is definately a trend I'm noticing in profile pictures. For women (yes, I look at the women. Gotta know what the competition is!) there is usually some sort of a "Come hither" look accompanied by much cleavage baring. Not *my* idea of attractive, but I get what they're going for. At least they seem to be putting forth some sort of effort.

Where the men are concerned....not so much. Don't believe me? Browse through some profiles sometime! I swear, at least 3/4 of the pictures on there look like they'd be more appropriate on the FBI's most wanted list!

(I have, actually, browsed the most wanted list a few times to compare it with some of the profiles I've joke!)

So, my question is this... If you're looking for a date, wouldn't you put the best, most flattering picture of yourself up for viewing? And assuming that is in fact the case, what does it say about these guys that these are the BEST pictures they could find.....


Daters, it's a scary scary world out there! Proceed with caution!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Attention shoppers! Alphabet Needed! Aisle 2 for clean up!

Nothing inherently wrong with this message...other than the spelling! (Is it too much to ask for someone who can write complete phrases...using, you know, ACTUAL words, as opposed to numbers and letters?)

"hi i just wanted 2 say u are very beautiful.. i was floored when i saw ur pic.. very pretty. c u l8r"

Friday, August 22, 2008

Might want to rethink that username...

" I like what I see! Is there more to this woman? I would love to find out. Possible?


Dimitri thinks there's nothing wrong with him. Can YOU figure out what's wrong with him?

(Many thanks to ARF for sending this one in!)

Also...see this hilarious related video...

Small Towns

So, I can't help myself--I know it's pointless, and yet I have this macabre need to browse through personals profiles tonight.

Did I find what I expected?


On ... out of the 20 "eligible" bachelors in my area, I've gone out on at least a coffee date with 5 of them, and personally know at least 5 others through various connections. Am I going to sign up and pay $29.99 to find out if the remaining 10 might just be the ones for me?

No. No I'm not. No sense in throwing good money after bad.

The funny thing is, I "run into" the same 20 people on about 5 other sites I'm on. The dating pool is small and shallow round about these parts, that's for sure.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Male confidence...too much of a...well, just too much.

"Hi hottie you like to talk with me?"

(Accompanied with a shirtless photo of him lying on a bed. Haaawwwtt!!)

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Fortune cookie pick up line

"Many things catch the eye, yet a few things catch the heart..... pursue those!"How are you? As you Wish, [redacted, but reference to the princess bride]"

Note To Self:

Remove pictures of former crush from work computer.

Why? You may ask. Well, that would be because former crush is an IT guy at my office....and we're getting new computers. Yea. And it's 9pm, and I just came into the office to find him here and transfering info from old computers to new computers.

Ooops. Probably wouldn't do for him to know the extent of my (utterly benign!) stalking of him on facebook!

So, while I'm posting about him, I may as well say something about his dating. You see, while we only went out a few times, I certainly wanted to critique his dating--namely the following. Here's what I wish I could have said to him:
(Caveat- IT guy is a totally sweet and great guy, and we're on perfectly good terms and we only went out like 3 times. But his dating needs work.)

#1) When you're not interested in a girl....don't pay for dinner

#2) When you're not interested in a girl...don't ask her out again

#3) When you're not interested in a girl...don't insist on going out of your way to pick her up for what is very obviously a date

#4) When you're not interested in a girl...don't walk her to her door at the end of the night

#5) When you're at her door, and she leans in for the kiss....that is not the time to say "Actually, I'm just not that into you

Ouch. To be fair, I much prefer that to "I'll call you sometime" or a variation thereof. So, gotta give him props for that. BUT that whole "not into you" thing would have been a lot cooler to play off if it had come, oh, say, several days before.

But wait! you say! Perhaps he didn't know he hated your sorry ass until he went on the date with you and realized what a miserable excuse for a human being you are!

Fair enough, is what I say to that. After all, that's what dating is for. To weed out the boorish and uncouth and just plain "not for me" from the loves of our lives.

But. But.

I would have gotten the whole "not into you thing" if he had just stayed in the freakin' car when he dropped me off. That simple! That easy! No awkward moment! all you daters out there....keep that in mind!

Not the only one!

So, my lovely friend, Sassy Pants has a lovely blog, and you should go check it out. (Mostly because she was kind enough to link to me!) And check out THIS story!

But also because she has some lovely stories to share that involve dating idiots. (We have, in fact, gone out with many of the same idiots. It's a small town.)

So, in the spirit of a new blog, she wanted to contribute some of her horror stories, and she sent me this:

""I have recently received, through MySpace, the following from a British,mildly LLCoolJ look alike:

"hello baby how are u doing how is life with u i went throught ur profile itnice and i would love to know u better. cares"

Followed within a half an hour by a more mild but still a little concerning-

"you looked beautiful and i live near you so i decided to message you."

The "I live near you" thing is a little scary. I can imagine it being followed by -

"so near you in fact that I see you every day. You don't know it though. I like watching you. I'd like to smell your hair."

Women do not send men messages like this. Do we fear rejection more? Do we know we'd sound ridiculous? Or *do* women send these messages? "

I don't know. No one *I* know sends messages like this (that's because I only know brilliant, well-adjusted people,) but that doesn't mean other women don't. So, since we're all for equal opportunity snark here, anyone have a cringe-worthy story about a woman?

Start 'em with low expectations...

"Its late and I'm tired, ready to go to bed after a long day of work. I was about to shut the computer down when I saw you. You have a pretty smils, nice teeth, and beautiful eyes. Me, I work alot, almost to a fault. I don't always return calls on time. But other than that I'm a pretty good guy. So I'm about to go to bed, but would absolutely love to hear from you. -- [Redacted]"

The way to get a girl? Start off with an insult!

"well, we seem very're a little militant on a few issues though...


I didn't think you were racist...but now I'm not so sure...

"hi there, i am [redacted] i am visting from africa and i am looking for friend more like a girlfriend and i like jews. ps i think u are hot!"