Shadier and Shadier!

This is some seriously effed up shit.

So this morning I get not one but THREE phone calls from the "Little Bad Dress Shop." The woman on the other end tells me that they've gone ahead and repaired the rip in the sample dress and "You can't even tell the difference, it's good as new and just perfect." She then proceeds to hard sell me and tries to get me to commit to coming back in and trying it on, asking if I want to put a deposit on it over the phone (um. No thanks.) etc. To get off the phone I tell her I need to talk to my mom.

They offered me the same 10% off as yesterday (though now apparently not charging me for the rip) which brings the dress down from their price of $1238 to $1114... Frankly, not a huge savings for a dress that has been RIPPED and has had a million people trying it on. If it were 50% off that would be a different story... but 10% ? Pheew on that, I spit!

Their entire manner just left me feeling very dirty so I called up another shop that is about 2 hours away-- "Better Bridal Boutique" let's call it. Even over the phone I could tell that the woman at the shop was gobs nicer. She was the owner (Bitchy lady at LBDS was the owner of her shop too.) and she was very helpful.

I told her I was looking for a particular dress. They didn't carry it but they said that they could order it. She then proceeds to give me the info on the dress... "The dress is from the 2008 Spring Collection ... and the MSRP is $1,073."

$1,073, BITCHES!
The "discounted," used, ripped, 2 year old dress was STILL $41 more expensive than buying it BRAND NEW.

My friend Janet is like, "Oh no they didn't! You need to report LBDS to the Better Business Bureau!"

I don't know if I'll do that, but I certainly want to give them a piece of my mind! I know they'll probably call back up but I'm so mad I don't know if I can possibly stay calm and rational when I'm talking to them!

Grrr! What would you do? (Besides order the dress from the Better Bridal Boutique, I mean!) I kind of want to pull a Julia Roberts and go in there and say, "You work on commission, right? Big, big mistake. Huge. I have to go shopping now. Bye, girls!"

To hell with dresses

I went dress shopping again on Friday and Saturday. And you know what I've realized? EVERY SINGLE BRIDAL SHOP has the EXACT SAME 4 plus sized dresses in their collection. And they're all strapless beaded massive monstrosities. (Ok, ok, sometimes they'll have one or two other gowns, but really, it's amazing how they all have the same 4 ugly dresses.)

The other thing I hate about bridal shops? The saleswomen look at me like I'm gum under their shoes. Gee, if that's how you treat me BEFORE I buy anything, I just can't wait to see what the service is like afterward!

My mother and aunts HATE HATE HATE dress #5... and that's the only one that seems like a stand-out for me at the moment. My mom actually left me a terrible voicemail comparing the dress to a bad haircut that everyone will ooo and ahh over but only SHE will tell me the truth about how unflattering it is. This drives me crazy since I know if I get the dress on the wedding day she'll be all passive aggressive and say, "WEll, as long as YOU think you look good, that's what counts!"

Sigh. She upset me so much this weekend that I was sobbing and my dad was like, "I'm going to give you $1500 so that you can get the dress of your dreams."

Well, that's nice, and lovely... but... There's no way in hell I'm spending $2000-1500 on a dress! Do you know how many guests I could feed for that!? I could even pay for a honeymoon! (Or, more importantly, save up for a house!) I was very touched, but that's craziness. I did think (for half a millisecond) about doing a whole "Say yes to the dress" day and going to Kleinfeld's, but my budget at Kleinfeld's is about the equivalent to having $500 at other wedding shops.

It's totally not worth it for just one day... but it drives me nuts that --even with difficulty-- I can go into plus sized shops and find an entire closet full of flattering dresses.... but for a wedding dress I'm limited to basically a choice of 1 of 8 dresses. Oh, sure, many places SAY that their dresses are available in sizes 0-30... but if the store only carries 4 plus-sized dresses, where does that actually leave me? The saleswomen are like, "Well, you can just hold it up in front of you to get an idea." Bwahaha! YEAH. RIGHT. I'm going to purchase a WEDDING DRESS that I can't even try on!? Who the fuck came up with this system?!? it's the crappiest system ever!

If I had money I would totally open a plus-sized wedding shop... haven't these places heard that the american woman is an average of a size 14!? Maybe they'd get a bit more business (and stop being so bitchy) if they catered to that demographic.

*sigh*

I'm sick of trying on dresses. Do I just go with #5? And tell my mother to shove it? Tha's what I'm leaning towards, but will I constantly be second guessing myself? I don't know.

Take care of your own onions, BEOTCH!

(Take care of your own onions is the French equivalent of "Mind your own beeswax," and one of my mother's favorite sayings... I just had to use it.)

Jedi stopped by my office yesterday and while he was here he went up to the second floor kitchen and ran into Nosy Beotch (NB for short.) Jedi is actually friends with NB and her husband C and he lived with them at one point for several months. Jedi helped them remodel their house trailer home and all was hunky-dorey.

Except... well... that... even though NB is married and has a kid... she has always seemed a little too interested in Jedi. (That's cause my man is smoking hot-- oh yeah-- in addition to being incredibly sweet.) Additionally, she hated me before she even met me.

She started working in my building around the same time Jedi and I started going out. She was always very cold to me and I just couldn't understand it.

One day-- after an argument in which I told Jedi he'd better come clean about EVERYTHING I didn't know if he ever wanted to be with me-- Jedi admitted that he thought he knew why NB didn't like me.

It turns out that back when we were first dating Jedi had told NB that he would go to a comedy club with her in Boston. He felt sick the day they were supposed to go and he canceled on her. I called him up that afternoon and asked him to go with me to a jazz club. Even though he wasn't feeling well he didn't want to pass up the chance to see me... so he went...

... and my friends took some pictures... that ended up on facebook... and BOY was NB livid when she saw them! (Not that I blame her... but blame Jedi, not me!)

Well, even though none of that was really my fault-- and I didn't even know about it until several months later-- she has persisted in being rather rude and backhandedly mean to me.

Another example-- I had put up on my facebook status on day that "Having Jedi around is better than having a Roomba." (Jedi and I had been laughing about this together.)

NB didn't post anything on my status, instead she just posted, "I think people who compare their significant others to an appliance are horrible."

Geee-- real subtle there, Nosy Beotch. Jedi responded on her profile saying that he thought what I had said was funny, but she never responded.

For the record, I'd also like to point out that when we were making wedding guest lists Jedi didn't include NB or C on his list and I pointed out that he really needed to invite them. That was MY idea, in spite of what a Nosy Beotch she's been.

Well, to get back to yesterday, Jedi ran into her and they proceeded to have a discussion which included Nosy Beotch saying the following: "Are you really sure that you want to marry Hypatia? Are you sure you're happy with her?"

BITCH!

To which Jedi of course responded that he was deliriously happy with me (no, for reelz, he did.).

Sadly, he did not tell her that she should really take care of her own onions!

Don't Call Me Carrots!

I've not posted about Muckraker recently because he's really quite irrelevant at this point-- someone I considered a friendly acquaintance at best.

If you may recall, back in January he asked me for a small favor (to pick up and mail something to him). He's now popped back up on facebook in the past couple of weeks making comments that are progressively more and more asstastic. I can't say there's anything particularly -- I don't know -- despicable about them, but the comments are rather mean-spirited nonetheless.

The thing is, I don't think he'd consider them mean-spirited... he would consider them teasing( and think that I'm being (a) humourless (feminist... is there any other kind?) about it.) His comments are basically the facebook equivalent of pigtail pulling-- annoying and generally unkind, but done in an effort to elicit a very specific response from me.

You'll be proud to know that I've completely ignored him. I have no need to engage in that bullshit (though, admittedly, this time last year I probably would have been tee-hee-heeing about it and feeling ever-so flattered. Damn! Was I ever a fool!!? THANK GOD I found Jedi.)

Are you wondering what Jedi thinks about all this? He thinks Muckraker is an ass, and he wanted to respond to the comments on my wall (Which I told him he was free to do... but as a general rule you shouldn't feed trolls as they grow in to even bigger monsters.) Jedi doesn't really care about Muckraker though since I've made it clear that for all of Muckraker's accomplishments Jedi is 100% the better man and there's no one I would rather be with.

So... why haven't I blocked Muckraker yet? Hmmm... that might be a good question... I certainly toyed with the idea this week since he's been so fucking annoying. There are basically 2 reasons. The first is that we're all part of the same group of friends. To do that would certainly cause a rift in the group which is, frankly, not worth it. The second is that for all the favors Muckraker has asked of me, I plan on calling in a few of my own someday. Muckraker is in a field I hope to get into, and frankly, I want the contents of his little black book.

Why do I bring all of this back up now? Well, because after all of the BS Muckraker pulled this week he has the NERVE to ask me for a favor! And a pretty big favor too! He wants me to pick him up at the hospital after surgery. He says he feels comfortable being 'vulnerable' around me. (Gack... just gag me. Like I said, 12 months ago that would have made me melt. How embarrassing to think about it!)

But... well... the worst part is that I'm actually considering doing it. Is that terribly foolish of me? I guess I'm just feeling compassion because of my own recent surgery. I know how lost and alone I felt and I had wonderful friends taking care of me, and I'm so grateful for that. I feel like I need to 'pay it forward' and put a good deed out there in the universe, yanno? I mean, for all of his bluster and bravado, Muckraker is really alone and probably pretty miserable, i think. (Not because he's alone... I know plenty of people who are happy being alone... but because of his assy personality that doesn't let anyone close.)

I haven't spoken to Jedi about this, but I know all he'll do is roll his eyes and be like, "This guy is a jerk. Why are you doing this again?" But the truth is he won't really care... (And Jedi is such a kind sucker himself he'd probably offer to drive Muckraker himself if he was asked... I say this with authority as Jedi has a couple of friends who are part of the douche-brigade and Jedi still manages to see the good in them.)

Anyhoo... I haven't gotten back to Muckraker. I think if I do I'm going to tell him that I can't believe he's asking me to do this after his douche-tastic comments. But, like I said, I do feel like I need to put good karma out there to the universe so I'd probably end up doing it.

Thoughts, interweb friends?

Heaving a Big Sigh

If you'll recall, Muckraker came out of the woodwork asking for a favor the other day.

Whatever-- It wasn't a big deal, so I did it.

He then commented on one of my newly posted pictures on facebook telling me that I looked hot.

Seriously??? (sigh) If he had done that at this time last year I would have been SQQQQUUUUEEEAAALLLIIINNGG with delight. Right now? (sigh) It's not anything I'm going to make a big deal about so I'm not going to respond (and, let's face it, it's always nice to get a compliment--whatever the source.) But wow am I not in the same place I was last year. Betcha y'all are relieved! (Esp. Npapaya!)

(And for those curious, yes, Jedi knows all about it.)

As for Jedi, his douchetastic ex Cruddy (the 35 year old with 6 ex husbands) is still texting him at all hours of the night (midnight, 1 am...) And at all hours of the morning... (6am... 6:30am...) She's also been commenting non-stop on his facebook page. (Yes, Jedi could block her on facebook... but frankly I don't care enough--she's just annoying, I'm not worried about him cheating, and this lets me keep tabs on her comments...)

Jedi says he hasn't been texting her/communicating, and I believe him.

Grrr... One night I contemplated texting her back and saying, "We're in the middle of having sex. Do ya mind?"

Not that it would HELP matters, of course...

Dr. Feelbad

Mr.2young and I went to see Hamlet last night. Npapaya couldn't go (a group of us have season tickets) and so gave him her ticket. We met a bunch of my other (work) friends for dinner ahead of time... they're kind of a rambunctious crowd, but good-spirited. When Mr.2young stepped away at one point one of my friends said, "Two thumbs up for this one!" and at the end of the night another friend embarrassed him (and me!) by saying, "Gee, Mr.2young... I hope we'll be seeing a lot more of you! How about it, Hypatia? Will we be seeing him again?"

He's spent the past few nights at my place. He's actually now leaving his toothbrush at my place and keeping an overnight bag in his car. (Yes, this effing freaks me out.) He also referred to an event we're going to and said, "All the girlfriends are getting together afterward...." and including me in the "girlfriend" category. I kind of lost it, actually... I think I rather hurt his feelings, but that wasn't my intention. But at the same time I feel like I needed to be honest.

I went to the doctor's today to get the pill. I think anyone reading this blog would know that I'm not one to rush into things... Mr.2young is the only "whatever the hell this is" I've ever rushed into. I think I've mentioned in the past that I was raised Baptist-- "hellfire and brimstone and disease and death are the only things that can come out of premarital relations"--school of thought.

It has taken me A LOT to get over that... to the point that this casual "whatever the hell this is" is both an anomaly and probably pretty good for me personal-growth wise. And my therapist... who has been following me for 3 years... completely agrees.

Which is why I'm SO EFFING ANNOYED at the doctor I saw today. It was a new one in the same practice (because the other one didn't have any openings until November for non-emergency stuff.) And you would have thought this (young-ish) doctor was a doctor out of 'Mad Men'! She said to me "I really don't recommend you being intimate with someone you've known so little... Sex should be reserved for a long-term committed relationship... Is he putting undue pressure on you? what are these bruises? are you in an abusive relationship...?" Seriously, I got a 1 hour lecture, and she was like, "I'm only prescribing you birth control because you're going to do it anyway, but I really don't think it's in your best interest..." She kept giving me dire warnings about AIDS and Chlamydia and Syphilis ... It just brought me back to the whole abstinence-only education (Which we know works SO Well!

I tried to stay polite... (Because I needed a damned prescription!)... but I wanted to say to her-- "Lady, I'm 28 and I'm overly educated and overly cautious. I know what I'm getting into... but even if I was sleeping with a knuckle-dragging mouth breather, it still wouldn't be any of your damned business!!!)

I was angry... but that doesn't mean her words didn't get to me. Because they're the same words that were drilled into my brain from the time I was 3 to the time I was 21. That's a lot of indoctrination to drown out. It took a lot of self-growth to get to the point where I feel comfortable with my decisions about my body, and I feel like I'm back in a pit of self-doubt at the moment... Like that I'm somehow going to become a bad Lifetime morality tale and I'm going to wind up pregnant with the clap living with an abusive boyfriend because I dared to have sex outside of the church's permission. Ugh.

(The other thing the doctor was shoveling was a lot of gender stereotyping about how "Men will say anything to have sex... Men can have sex without emotions but women can't..." I tried pointing out to her that I was the one who had initiated things with Mr.2young, and her response was, "Well, sometimes it can feel that way, but men are crafty manipulators and will say they don't want to do something when they're really trying to get you to do it." Talk about a mind-fuck.)

Even though I know it's totally irrational it has only intensified my feelings of ambivalence about the whole "whatever the hell this is" situation with Mr.2young. We're supposed to get together on Friday, but I'm really not feeling it at the moment...

Do you live in a black hole?

I got an email from the coffee date I had last week... almost exactly a WEEK after I wrote to him.

Now, I'm not one of those girls who thinks a guy needs to respond ASAP (ok, who am I kidding. I'm TOTALLY one of those girls. BUT I make a point to hide it well.) but I think anything over 3 days unless you have an excuse like, "I was out of the country," "My grandma is in the hospital," or "I went to a Buddhist commune for a week," is unacceptable.

Right? Right??? Am I right?

I had written to him after our coffee date to say that I'd be up for getting together this Thurs or Fri. Well, Now I have plans. (Not that he asked me to get together mind you... Actually, This is what he wrote-- I hope you had a nice weekend and you were out enjoying the sun. Sorry I didn't get back to you right away, I was visiting some friends and they didn't have a computer. I'm on my lunch break and only have a few minutes left, but hope all is well. -- Not much to go on, right? I mean-- what do I say to that?

If anything??? My inclination is to fuggidaboutit. What say you?

Glutton for Punishment

Muckraker stopped by yesterday to chat. He was the one who had asked to stop by, but he acted like I had asked him, saying, "What did you want to talk about?"

Whatever.

I was immediately put off.... and he exhibited massively rude behaviour that I know I would never be able to tolerate in someone I was dating. I had to bite my tongue to keep from telling him, "I know why you're single... it may have something to do with your belching..." So grossed out.

Last week we had talked about some writing I had done, which was not coming along well. He had offered his critique-- some points were valid, some points were really because he doesn't appreciate/get the type of writing I do--- which is very woman-centered, and focusing on emotions. Since I have yet to ascertain whether or not he actually has emotions, it's not surprising that he didn't like it.

All the same, I was rather put off when he said to me. "I was disappointed in you. I think you're a much better writer than this, and you're not pushing yourself."

It hurt. Yes, yes it did. Part of it is because I know he's right-- it's not the best writing I've done. The other part is that I know he wouldn't like much of any writing I would do. And the third part is that I know I'm taking the path of least resistance where this project is concerned, but because of work circumstances it's what makes the most sense.

But mostly I was angry. Who the fuck are you, dude, to tell ME that YOU'RE disappointed in ME? WHO are YOU to ME? No one. What gives you the right? Asshole.

On the plus side, this exchange really helped convince me that I need to get back in the dating game more seriously. I don't know why I keep waiting around for various people to grow the fuck up. (Maybe because it's easier than meeting new people?)

I need to find some people who are grown ups already.

and the usual shadiness...

Muckraker is back to his usual... "super attentive/I'm going to ignore you now" ways.

Super attentive on Tuesday (and slightly shady... having to leave at 9pm for some mysterious "something else"). Asking if we could get together on Wed...

... Standing me up on Wed... (well, standing me up may be too harsh-- he said "Let me stop by sometime, and then late in the afternoon said he was running behind on stuff, could we meet on Friday." Sure, I said.)

Wed night party... Totally shady... taking a year off to do... "something I can't talk about..." (so he won't be graduating with our class after all.)... Randomly ignoring me.... Overheard him talking to a mutual friend about some girl-- sounded like he was setting up a date with her... (Which, for eff's sake, if he's as shady with potential girlfriends as he is with his "friends"... well, let's just say, "I know why you're single.")

Ugh. Can't stand any of it.

I've promised Npapaya I won't mention him to her anymore. (Which is a good thing, really. Because what is there left to say? It's been like 9 months of the same hot/cold shit.)

But, he is still under my skin.

Perhaps random making out with other people will make me want to stop scratching this particular itch.

Mindgames

I think... in fact, I'm pretty sure... in fact, I'm nearly certain... that Muckraker is flirting with someone I can't stand just to drive me nuts.

Ok. Maybe he's not doing it just to drive me crazy. But that is the unfortunate side effect.

Blegh.

I can't believe I'm still wasting brain power and energy thinking about him. And yet, I am. Because I see him at least 6 hours a week.

And sometimes he's super flirty. And sometimes he gives me great conversation. And sometimes he asks me to get together. And sometimes he looks at me like I'm the only person in the world.

And other times he's a total fuckwit who flirts with a whory coke-head (who has more ex-husbands than common sense) in the midst of my class project presentation, and my mind wanders, and I babble incoherently in front of the professor and 100 other students, because I'm too busy paying attention to the cozy little flirty drama happening in the third row to put my mind to anything useful.

... Um. Hypothetically speaking. Not that anything of the sort happened... MmmHmmm... All hypothetical...

Something in the stars? Or just in the water?

As I mentioned, I'm getting all sorts of random calls this week.

Science guy is suddenly in touch again, as I mentioned. He wants to get together, which I felt rather ambivalent about. Again, I'm not sure what he's after since he's been all, "I want to be friends!" but is also, let's hang out at my place and rent dvds... (Which, hmmm... doesn't that usually lead to making out? Hmmm...)

I think I'll give him another shot though. His good qualities do outweigh his few douchey lapses, I think. He always does make me feel better about myself, he is very kind, and he is thoughtful (most of the time.) I don't think anything will go anywhere, but I wouldn't mind a little human contact these days, so-- well, why the hell not.

Muckraker on the other hand? I think he has gone of the deep end. Perhaps he always was off the deep end and I had too many stars in my eyes to notice (Um, and I can hear Npapaya saying, "DUH!")

After he called me several days ago (and might I add, he called me three times. On my work phone. After I made it clear I couldn't talk.) I called him back the next day. I figure y'all would be proud of me for not calling him back asap, but the truth is it wasn't calculated. I was tired and I forgot about it until it was too late to call. (I've been working crazy hours for the past 2 weeks and I'm exhausted!)

Unsurprisingly he wasn't calling to whisper sweet nothings, he was calling because he needed something. He is charming, and so I didn't notice it at first, but I do think he's quite a user. I mean, he was asking for advice and recommendations for housing in our area, and it's not a big deal-- not something I would fault a friend for asking-- but that's just it. He doesn't comport himself as a friend or anything else. He contacts when it's convenient, being excessively charming, raising expectations, and then disappearing. And I am SOOOOO over it. You would be proud how much I'm over it.

I was probably rather curt on the phone, but polite enough I think, and offered him my suggestions, and that was that. Or so I thought.

A couple days later I was working in the office I'd been relocated to for the 2 weeks we were doing this --well, conference, is probably the best word for it. I was in the "welcome" center where there was an office on one side and a lounge on the other. I was having lunch with Npapaya when suddenly I spot Muckraker coming out of my office.

Apparently he'd come looking for me. I introduced him to Npapaya (who kept rolling her eyes at him whenever his back was turned.) and we made a bit of small talk. Again, he had come looking for something-- he was looking to find out if someone was attending the conference.

I went to my office and checked the list, and I asked him more about this person. Turns out that he was looking for someone he'd never met before, someone a friend of a friend once knew. WEIRD. I told him he should probably just try and find her on facebook... (instead of stalking her at this conference... mmm hmmm... didn't say that part, but wouldn't anyone find that totally creepy???)

He asked if I would be in his class this summer (yes) and he said he was glad to hear it. And then he left.

Again, Npapaya rolled her eyes at him, and she asked me, "Do you think he was really looking for that woman? Or was he looking for an excuse to come and see you?"

The truth is, I don't know. If he was looking for that woman, that is rather creepy/weird. If he was looking for me, he has had ample opportunities to be in touch before this, and he has not indicated he's interested.

The worst part though? (And Npapaya can stop rolling her eyes!) is I do still find him very attractive. Like, I'm weak in the knees, attractive. (Yes, this is weird, because I'm probably the only one who does think this amongst my group of friends-- the rest of them are like-- "Hands down, Science guy is better looking." But it's less about actual looks I think, and whatever paticular alchemy makes one person attractive to another. There is no reasoning with that, I think.)


But! But! But! Our story does not end there!

This morning I was working on finishing up the last details for the conference--processing payroll, getting payments, and dealing with a bunch of incidents that involved security being called last night. There were about 10-15 people in the tiny space of this office all morning, and it was pretty bustling. That's why I didn't notice Muckraker come in until one of my co-workers (or, co-irkers in this particular case) says to me, "Who was that guy?"

That guy? That I spotted leaving the office? Was Muckraker. Apparently he'd come to my desk and been rifling through papers stacked on it. And then he left. All without saying a word.

I am LIVID. This is so beyond the realm of acceptable behaviour I don't even know where to start.

Perhaps he was innocently (but STUPIDLY) looking for info on this old friend of a friend he was trying to get in touch with. Or, given that in his trade he's a reporter, perhaps he was looking for actual confidential information.

I don't think any confidential info was in the stack on the desk he was apparently looking at, but over the course of this weekend I was working with the private information of both a senator and of a high-profile actress. I'm about 99% certain that while he may have seen lists with their names on it, the confidential info was in my database. But I am SO ANGRY that he put me into that position of potentially being compromised and risking my job.

I don't know what his deal is, but I am completely DONE with him. SO, SO, DONE.

I wrote him an email this evening that basically said, "What the FUCK were you doing this morning!?"

He has yet to respond, but given that it's him, I don't really expect him to. That is, until he needs something else....

UGH.

Science Guy Story

(Thanks to ARF for the reminder... )

Yes, Science Guy is yet living! In spite of having no contact with him for about 4 weeks, he suddenly IMs me on facebook.

(I think this may have to do with the fact that I changed my profile pic to one with me & a rather handsome man nuzzling my neck-- (don't get too excited-- one of my totally gay BFFs) and I changed my status to thank a kind anonymous handsome stranger for some much needed help..)

So, Science Guy's IM pops up and his question is, "Who is the handsome stranger?"

I respond with, "I'm surprised to hear from you."

Him: Why is that?
Me: Because you dropped off the face of the earth... (left unwritten, but I thought it... After your super douchey behaviour!)
Him: I've been busy, family has been in town.
Me: ok
Him: So who is the handsome stranger?
Me: Oh, just someone who helped me with some car trouble.
Him: Did you get his number?
Me: No.... I was not really dressed for impressing. I'd been gardening and I was covered in mud and wearing sweats.
Him: I bet you still floored him.


As I read this, I'm just like-- WTF!? As you may recall, Science Guy is the one who wanted to be "just friends" but he keeps pulling out these random throw-away compliments. (Which, frankly, is part of the reason I keep talking to him... because he is very good for my self esteem.) But really? REALLY?

I mean, what am I supposed to do with that? (Npapaya & I were watching "He's just not that into you" yesterday (terrible movie, btw!) but the one funny part was the line with the little interlude by Frangela on how guys dump you but make it seem like you're idea... saying things like, "Girl, I am gonna be so jealous of the man who gets to be with you." And their response was.. "Wait.. Hold on. Up until 5 seconds ago, that man was YOU!" That's kind of what my response is with all these little offhand compliments from Science Guy.)

And then... to finish off the conversation, he asks me to dinner with his parents. After I haven't heard from him in 4 weeks. After he was totally douchetastic. WTF?

(No, I did not got to dinner.)

As a side note, he also emailed to say that he wanted to set Npapaya up with his coworker. But then he refused to send her a picture or any info or give me a name so that we could look him up.

Again, WTF?

A real winner!

This one was sent to Npapaya.... Poor Npapaya! Sorry, babe! :-( Sucks for you... amusing for the interwebs!



I'm very unconventional and in need of a female friend 2 share pleasure with most
importantly, but i need friends as wel. yes, i'm married, i won't lie about it,
and love my wife, but we haven't had a sexual relationship for over 10 years.
have always had an open marriage as musicians,but now that she's lost her sex
drive, and she's actually relieved not 2 have 2 battle with the conflicting
feelings and demons that still can haunt her, due at least partly 2 having been
molested as a pre-teen by step relatives many times, so i'm on my own looking 4
intimacy and have so much passion in me i need 2 share. i'm unbelieveably young
in every way for my age, and very oral (giving a woman oral makes me very high),
prefer 2 develop a relationship with a lover, but NEED and will have sex as
well, and, having been a musician, have engaged in many sexual situations
including group sex, although i should mention that i am straight, but am very
turned on by bi-sexual women. no longer able 2 get at least some of my passion
out! i need 2 get it out. i'm open 2 interesting, intelligent women i can learn
from and share ideas with.

Things could always be worse!

Things could always be worse! I could be dating this asshole!

Another one bites the dust.

Science Guy & I had tentative plans to meet up on Saturday night... So, yanno... I shaved my legs, got my place tidied up... etc. etc.

I give him a call. He says "My friends and I are going out for drinks, you're welcome to join us, and after that we're going to [local nightclub]."

I reply, "Thanks, but [local nightclub] isn't really my scene."

He says, "The guys and I are really excited about it because they're filming Girls Gone Wild there this weekend! If you pay $15 you get to be the guy who pours water on the girls for the wet t-shirt contest! Whoo- hoo! We're all psyched."

Dead silence on my end.

Then. "Are you serious? That's totally degrading."

He laughs, "Yeah, it's really sleezy, but it's fun."

Me- "What on earth would your mother think? And if I meet her in a few weeks, should I mention it?"

Him- "What's your problem? It's all in good fun. Why don't you get off your high horse? When did you get to be such a killjoy?"

Me- "Have we met? how is this different from any other views I've ever expressed? Go. Have fun." Click.

Aaaaannnnndddd.... That was the end of our conversation.


Ugh.

Your regularly scheduled programming:

or... "So, why precisely did you contact me???"

Received today:

Hi-
I am not a feminist, I'm a take charge alpha male...is that a poroblem?
You should have a positive attitude, be educated, intellegent[sic], and believe in Jesus. Please no : single moms, convicted felons, liars, drugs, party girls, or mental disabilities. If by chance you are one out of 100 girls who passes that rigorous criteria, you must be attractive as well. I prefer girls who are taller than me [yes, he is short], and who have long hair, ( but I will consider others )[wow... how special of him].



By the way, his profession was listed as "Actor/Lawyer/Bartender." Haaawwwwt! How can I contain myself???

Men Make NO Sense

I went to the movies, as previously mentioned, with a few friends today. Included in that group was Science Guy.

(Muckraker did not attend... I did not expect him to, though he was invited, but I did spy him wandering around town a bit later that day. Seriously, what a tool. So done with him.... well, mostly. Given that I still have 7 weeks of classes left with him, I'm sure he (and his nonsensical behaviour) will make a few more appearances in this blog.)

Interestingly enough, I would not have included Science guy in the invite had he not made it clear that he "just wanted to be friends." Because really? Unless I want the scrutiny of my friends, or unless I'm serious about someone, I don't really introduce them to my inner circle. Introducing a "friend" to my friends though? Sure, why not...

We all went out for a drink after the movie, and it was perfectly pleasant if a bit subdued. We all went our separate ways afterward, and I went out grocery shopping-- not realizing that my phone was still on vibrate because I'd turned it off for the movie.

I got home, started making a pretty complicated dinner, and saw that Science guy had called. I was online and saw him there, and we started chatting. Turns out he was calling to ask me to dinner. Since I was in the process of making dinner, that was out of the question, but Science Guy kept asking if I wanted to go out, or if he could come over. (No, and NO.)

I tried to put him off to next weekend (frankly, I don't have much energy to be hanging out with people in the "getting to know you" phase right now), but he kept asking, "When can I get some time with you? I know you're busy, but I really want to see you." He said that a few times actually, "I really want to see you."

Nice, huh? Except... we're just friends, right?

Well, I told him we could have lunch tomorrow, so he's going to pick me up at work and we'll have lunch outside of town.

I love his attentiveness, I really do. (And it doesn't come across as creepy/stalkerish-- if it did, I would cut him off ASAP.) And he seems very nice...

But the truth is that I was relieved when he told me he only wanted to be friends because that was what I was feeling as well. (Yes, though I was only feeling that because I was so hung up on muckraker. Not much has changed. I'm still hung up on muckraker, and as a result I still want to be "just friends" with Science Guy.)

I don't think I'm wrong in thinking Science Guy wants to be more than friends, am I? He is being awfully persistent for a "friend."

Who knows though. Men make no sense. I've given up. I know the cliche is that men don't know what women want, but really we're very easy to read if you -- ya know-- pay attention. (Most men don't pay attention, which is where they get into trouble, I find.)

But men? I get the feeling that they change their minds the way the wind changes direction, and for about as much reason-- (which is to say, none.)

Playing Catch Up

A quick run-down of my week by Muckraker interactions:

Monday: Ignored!

Tuesday: No class, no contact (But lunch with a friend who said "Either let go, or force the issue, but do one or the other.")

Wednesday: A little flirty, but still nothing much to indicate interest

Thursday: Muckraker randomly... deliberately... sits several rows away in class. (He usually sits next to me.) I call him on it, and he comes to the back and is all flirty and shit. After class, as I'm leaving towards the back of the classroom he calls after me. He asks where I'm off to, and I say I'm probably going to grab a bite. One of us, I don't remember who, (but I'm pretty sure it was him) suggests grabbing lunch in town.

On our walk to town he asks me about my plans for the weekend. I mention I might go see a movie and ask if he'd like to join me and some friends. He says that he probably can't because he has to be away this weekend. He gets all cagey when I ask what he's doing-- he says he can't talk about it, which pisses me off.

He asks where we should have lunch, and I suggest a quick sandwich shop, where we could grab and go. He asks if I have time for a sit-down meal, and suggests chinese food.

The conversation is more stilted than our previous encounters-- due in a large part to the fact that I'm rather pissed off at him. But a couple of things stand out-- 1) his lamentable table manners, and 2)When I offer to share my food with him (he accepts...) he doesn't offer back. No, those aren't *big* things, but they annoyed me, more so than they would have if he hadn't just spent about a week ignoring me, I might say.

So. Pretty uneventful for a lunch actually. What did we talk about? Nothing of significance or that would give me hope that he's into me. Oh, yeah... We each paid for ourselves-- which would seem to indicate "He's just not that into me" also.

(I know all of you playing along at home are like-- does this girl just need to get hit by a clue-by-four, or what???)

Friday: A friend asks me to dinner and Muckraker happens to be there along with 8 other people. It's a nice, fun dinner-- though Muckraker is at the opposite end of the table, and he and I don't really talk.

At my end of the table though people are talking about their plans for the weekend... In listening to their conversation I figure out (without any difficulty) what Muckraker's "mysterious" plans for the weekend are-- the ones that he refuses to tell me. The dude is working on a group project. Seriously... Why the fucking secrecy? I don't get it. I don't get his deal, whatever the fuck that is.

We go out for drinks after dinner, and I end up sitting next to him. I can't say the conversation is particularly sparkling, but I can say that a sparkle is gone from his eye in the way that he looked at me a month ago.

You know that certain-- je ne sais quoi-- that people give off when they're into you? You can't define it, but it's almost like a vibration? He doesn't give that off anymore.

He left early, but before he left asked if I was going to another party later that night and said he would be there, and that I should stop by. (I contemplated it for half a millisecond before concluding that I would only end up more frustrated and depressed if I went. I went home instead.)

Lena, a girl in our program turned to me after he left and said, "I feel a certain vibe between you and muckraker, what's going on?" I gave her a bit of the background. Her response, "If you like him, go after him! He's a prize! He really is! Yeah, his thing is to be all weirdly mysterious, but don't let that stop you. Chase him!"

My response? I have too much pride to want to be with someone who obviously doesn't want me. If he likes me, he can get his act together

* * * * * * * *

So that's that. Given all the NOTHING going on, I'm sure you're wondering why I'm even blogging about muckraker anymore. Believe me, so am I.

In the meantime, things are--- interesting--- With science guy. Unlike with Muckraker, he is (SHOCKING!) attentive! I do so admire that trait in a man!

I invited science guy to the same movie I invited muckraker to. HAHA! Yes, both of them, same movie, same place. Why not, right? I'm "Just friends" with both of them. A few other of my friends will (Hopefully!) be there-- or it could just be me and Science guy, I don't know. I don't anticipate that muckraker will show up, though he does know the time and the place.

Science guy also called me tonight, just to see how my week was, and to see if I wanted to have lunch tomorrow. I couldn't... but I appreciated the thought!

********************


Don't know where all of this is going... probably nowhere with both of them... I'll leave it up to the universe.

Yes, Yes, I know he's just not that into me...

Muckraker again proved just how NOT into me he is by virtually ignoring me in class today.

Let's see... Npapaya, Ro, Jan, Nell, Di, Kay, Megs (and probably many of you out there) have a uniform response. "We don't like him." "He's just not that into you!" "Don't waste your time!"

And as Ro said... "If you value our opinions at all, you'll move on."


I do. And I am.

But....

No, really, I am.

But....

I swear, I totally am.

But....



But, like I told Nell... I'd feel really bad if there was something going on in his life-- like his mom is sick or something-- that is distracting him. So, ---mmmmaaaayyybbbeee--- I could give him one last shot, before I'm like "DONE!" ????

(Ok, yes, I can hear the collective heads hitting the desks. Yes, even I know this excuse is TOTALLY feeble.)

Ro says to me, "I've known guys like him-- they get off on the attention, and the moment you stop giving it to him he'll be all back into you again." (Which is more than likely true, I know. And if he were to demonstrate a massive amount of interest again? I can't say I wouldn't fall for it again. I could lie and say I'm stronger than that... But it would be a lie and y'all would see right through me.)

I think a big part of it that makes me want to hold out and hope has to do with the books he wrote. Really, they were beautiful and sensitive! And I have trouble picturing someone able to write those things being a complete dolt! I know it's entirely possible, but somehow that's the reason I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt.

*sigh*

That, and the fact that there are no good prospects around here!

*Sigh*

Yes, I know it seems like I date a lot, but the amount of effort it takes for me to date that much is excruciating! And exhausting! And the prospects are so dismal!

Which is a big part of the reason I'm so reluctant to let go of this one, I know. There are so many things right about him.

Oh, yea... except for that one little thing wrong with him.... that he's demonstrated that he's just not that into me.

THUNK! kjsf92035r830 5uiodfjn dls
{Yes, that was the sound of my head hitting the keyboard.}

Shady McGrady

Well, that's what Npapaya calls Muckraker. I have come to the point where I agree with her, as sad as I am to say that.

Monday was a promising day, if you'll recall... and then? Nothing.

That's right... NOTHING.

In fact, on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday Muckraker all but ignored me. After Monday's interactions the WTF??? Response to this I had was off the charts.

My friend Jan (Thank goodness she's in my class and there to back me up on this or I'd be going out of my mind thinking I had imagined his interest and then subsequent disinterest,) thinks his behaviour is totally shady too.

What's the reason for this Hot/Cold mess? I don't know, and I don't care anymore.
Tonight, I am officially done with Muckraker (the Weirdo) as Nell calls him, with "the adventurer" as another friend calls him, and with Shady McGrady as NPapaya calls him. Ok, so this is a very one-sided DONE as he doesn't care one way or another apparently, but it's good to finish it in my own mind.

So why this tonight? Well, here's what happened (or didn't happen...)

On Monday I asked Muckraker and a few other mutual friends to go to Nell's exhibition. Muckraker responded quickly saying "I'm There!" (Promising, right?) Today (After basically being ignored for several days) he says to me-- oh, that thing tonight? I may not be able to go. I have some other plans." Jan, hearing this, rolled her eyes at me, and I just responded to him, "Ok, well, see you if you get there."

This evening I was looking... dare I say? Cute?! Hot? Well, as hot as *I* get, which may only be as hot as my grandma's mildest chili, (but it was about as good as I get.) I went to the exhibit with a couple of my gay boys (still hoping to see muckraker, I admit.)

We were there for a fairly long time-- probably about an hour before muckraker finally showed up. He came and talked to us for about 2-3 minutes, and then went to go congratulate Nell.... and then he never came back...

My boys and I were waiting for Nell to finish the exhibition so we could go out to eat, but it was taking much longer than expected. We decided to head out to a restaurant to grab a bite to eat, and so we tracked muckraker down to ask him if he wanted to join us (which, frankly was the plan to begin with when we were all talking about going out that evening.)

Muckraker informed us he was meeting up with some people at a local indian restaurant, and that we could join him if we wished. I asked him "oh, who are you meeting?" and he responded, "Are you being discriminating?" My response? "Yes! I have no wish to hang out with people I can't stand!" (In addition, Nell was planning on going to a restaurant across the street with some of her other friends, and we didn't want to ditch her.) Muckraker headed out without waiting to see if anyone else was coming... and, well, that was that.

My boys and I ended up grabbing a bite elsewhere, and that was that too...

Crappy evening overall, huh? (All that cuteness totally WASTED!)

I was hopeful. Perhaps too hopeful. Muckraker's issues... I don't know what they are, but if he persists in being -- well, a total douche -- there's nothing I can do about that is there? Except not waste my time.

So this strikes me particularly hard this evening as another internet connection has fizzled out, and since Science guy is no longer in the picture (being super attentive. Ok, yeah, he was kind of a douche too.)

It's on nights like this when I ask myself, "Why do I even try? Why do I put myself out there? Why do I put myself up for rejection? Why do I care?" I could be sitting at home every night and have the exact same results I do now-- which is to say, NONE AT ALL!

I don't know, maybe Muckraker liked me (or he liked the chase, and when I started to reciprocate it was no longer fun for him.) Whatever. I at least feel reassured by some of my friends' observations enough to tell myself that at least I wasn't imagining his demonstrated (real or feigned) interest. What happened between demonstrating that interest and TONIGHT? I have no fucking clue. Maybe he got sick of me, maybe he found himself a girlfriend, maybe he's just an annoying fuck.

As for me? I'm fucking sick of this whole fucking dating game. I'm not having fun anymore and I don't want to play.