Just for fun

I discovered a blog devoted to hilarious (and offensive!) nail polish names!

Have fun wasting your time and procrastinating.

How to Marry Al Roker

So... Maybe there's still hope?

What are your chances of marrying by 40?

Then again, I suppose you'd feel like total SHITE if you ended up not getting married by 40 (assuming that you wanted to) based on these stats.

Sigh.

A lovely compliment?

Someone recently told me I remind them of the woman described in this song.

I hadn't heard it before. It's actually quite melancholy, I think. But I'm rather touched that someone would think such things, but at the same time I'm not entirely sure it's all complimentary.

The song is really very catchy though, and I now have it running on a loop in my head.




(While I think most of this song doesn't actually apply to me, I do go topless on the beaches in France. :-p Can't wait to go back this summer. )


Lyrics:

You talk like Marlene Dietrich
And you dance like Zizi Jeanmaire
Your clothes are all made by Balmain
And there's diamonds and pearls in your hair

You live in a fancy apartment
Of the Boulevard of St. Michel
Where you keep your Rolling Stones records
And a friend of Sacha Distel

But where do you go to my lovely
When you're alone in your bed
Tell me the thoughts that surround you
I want to look inside your head

I've seen all your qualifications
You got from the Sorbonne
And the painting you stole from Picasso
Your loveliness goes on and on, yes it does

When you go on your summer vacation
You go to Juan-les-Pines
With your carefully designed topless swimsuit
You get an even suntan, on your back and on your legs

When the snow falls you're found in St. Moritz
With the others of the jet-set
And you sip your Napoleon Brandy
But you never get your lips wet

But where do you go to my lovely
When you're alone in your bed
Tell me the thoughts that surround you
I want to look inside your head, yes I do

Your name is heard in high places
You know the Aga Khan
He sent you a racehorse for christmas
And you keep it just for fun, for a laugh haha

They say that when you get married
It'll be to a millionaire
But they don't realize where you came from
And I wonder if they really care, they give a damn

But where do you go to my lovely
When you're alone in your bed
Tell me the thoughts that surround you
I want to look inside your head

I remember the back streets of Naples
Two children begging in rags
Both touched with a burning ambition
To shake off their lowly brown tags, yes they try

So look into my face Marie-Claire
And remember just who you are
Then go and forget me forever
'Cause I know you still bear
the scar, deep inside, yes you do

I know where you go to my lovely
When you're alone in your bed
I know the thoughts that surround you
'Cause I can look inside your head

What not to do!

What Not to Do on an Online Profile

Many thanks to arf to this one!

And yes, I do think all those things apply to mens' profiles as well!

Also... interesting story to share about Science Guy... But that will have to wait until tomorrow or Wednesday, I think... :-P No time tonight to give it the dissection it deserves!

Why I don't troll for guys on craigslist...

(Well, not often anyway!)

Check out this fun list some smart girl has compiled!


?I am looking for a woman who takes care of her self? I would hope that would be one of your requirements. I can?t see someone asking for a woman who doesn?t shower? Doesn?t buy clothing that fits? Doesn?t pay her bills? I?m confused.

?i want to look into your eyes and tell you how much more beautiful they are than the stars.? Weed and Craigslist ads do NOT mix! Stop making me vomit. Punch me in the face or something instead?Jeez.

?I am looking to meet some one special that would like to start as friends and build from there.? Really? Because I prefer marriage immediately. F this friends sh*t.

?I also want to get to meeting without 6 mos. of useless messeges? Would 5 months be ok? I?m not sure if I?ll be able to tell if you?re genuinely not a serial killer until then.

?im only five eight 130lbs so no big girls or bbws? I dub this the ?no fatties? clause. Don?t you know big girls is [sic] freaks!?!11?! And eww, 130? I think my 95yo grandmother weighs more than that.

ClueStick!

You've been warned

Really, Really, Really NSFW.

But Really, Really Funny....

(Also? Best Quote "Sad, unrequited love... which is my favorite kind of love.")

A dedication

To Mr. Hot N Cold himself-**



** (No, not that it was ever serious (or even close to it), but the "hot n cold" thing? Dude seriously needs to grow up and cut that shit out.)

**(And not that I'm fond of Katy Perry's misogynistic tendencies either...)

In Case You Were Wondering

Here are some reasons why you might be single courtesy of Time Out New York!

(Ummm... yes, in the interest of full disclosure one (or more!) of these things apply to me, and I know it. I'll let you guess which ones they are...!)

Also, Feel free to add your own reasons in the comments section!

REASONS YOU'RE SINGLE:


Because you’re desperate

Because you’re afraid of commitment

Because you love the sound of your voice

Because you’re too shy

Because you’re too controlling

Because you’re cheap

Because you just got dumped and have pledged never to love again

Because you have too many roommates

Because you’re allergic to everything

Because you’re overweight

Because you’re obsessed with your pet

Because you only speak in catchphrases

Because you have bad breath

Because you’re a straight woman who only goes out with her gay friends

Because you’re a gay man who only goes out with his straight friends

Because you can’t get over your ex

Because your voice could cut glass

Because you have no style

Because you’re a gal who can’t stop dating musicians

Because you only like people who don’t like you

Because you’re in love with yourself

Because you’re secretly gay

Because you work till all hours

Because you’re a guy who’s too nice

Because you party too much

Because you don’t drink

Because You drink too much

Because you’re ugly

Because you’re too pretty

Because you blog about everything

Because you have a kid

Because you’re a short and skinny guy

Because you look like the Gotti kids

Because you’re addicted to sex

Because you hate yourself

Because you’re too close to your parents

Because you’re too picky

Because you’re too judgmental

Because you’re a homebody

Because you’re so damn angry

....And that’s why you’re single!

Whenever anyone you know exemplifies any of the categories above, take a sharp pencil, point it at them and say, “And that’s why you’re single!” It’s catchy and works for anything.

Even on a slow day I can have a three way...

...chat that is.

It's about 3:30am and I just got off the phone with Science guy. How did this happen, you might be asking yourself? I'm kind of wondering myself....

This was an interesting evening, especially as I have spent the past few days having a pity party (It's Christmas. Family will do that to you.) and I've been grody, greasy, and pigging out to fill the deep empty emotional hole inside me... (Ha. Ha. Yes, that last bit was mostly a joke. Really. I'm ok.)
So, all this to say that I wasn't feeling too hot about myself and generally feeling like I may as well call it quits where dating is concerned and perhaps there's a nice cave somewhere in France where I can go and live out the rest of my life. Ha. Ha. Ha. (No, not actually laughing this time.)

So I was on facebook, (yes, all my friends are very shocked, I know,) and Science guy messages me using the chat feature.

In short succession someone else messages me.... We'll call him Griffith. (Why? After Andy Griffith, that most famous of single dads... Again, Why? Because this guy has baggage---in form of a kid.)

A little background on Griffith-- He's cute, very Irish looking, a bit on the short side for what I usually go for, but he always has a grin and a gleam in his eye that seems to say to me "I"m thinking what you're thinking." And how do I know this? Because I sat across the table from him in our crappy, crappy grad course last term, which is where I met him. He's smart, he's funny, he's irreverent, and he seems like an all-around really decent guy.... and oh... did I mention, he has a kid??? Yeah, I'm a little hung up on that mostly because, ya know, I certainly don't need any baby mama drama... but I think there's an interesting story there. This guy has primary custody of his son (age 7), which is practically unheard of. The kid's mom is in WV, and so Griffith is going to school full time and raising his son on his own.

I find this to be... interesting... Don't know quite what to make of it.

So while I had good interactions with him, and I even mentioned to one of my friends that that I was kind of interested, I didn't plan on pursuing anything.

Griffith and I were chatting online, and though we've emailed and talked a few times I didn't really get a vibe that he was "into" me. As we were chatting though I started to think that-- ok, maybe he is. It turns out he's out of town for the remainder of the break, but he asked if I'd like to get together when he's back in town.

{Grin} Why yes, yes I would like to do that.

We chatted a bit more (all the while I'm carrying on a parallel conversation with Science guy, which was confusing... kept thinking I would write to the wrong one by accident), and dare I say it--flirted (???) a bit more too.

Feeling kinda good about that one.... Moving on to Science Guy.

I don't know how we got on the topic of our last date-- remember that? But do you recall how I felt he wasn't really into me because he didn't ask me to stick around for coffee or... well... anything after that movie? Well, it turns out he felt I was giving him the brush off because I had mentioned vague plans for later that day. And when he had mentioned plans to go shopping (which I read as--Brush off!), he had actually been inviting me to go with him.

Huh. Who knew. Guys are weird. (heh. He was all like- Chicks are weird. (and yes, I disapprove of the "chicks" label. We may have to work on this.))

So he starts writing to me and saying "I find you very cute, and very sexy, and very cute."

And I'm all--- um. ok. What do I say to that? His response-- "You have trouble accepting compliments, don't you?"

Why yes, yes I do. Thank you for noticing. * (Side note: I have trouble accepting compliments because, frankly, I always feel that people are lying to me. I have issues, I know, but that's one hurdle I just can't seem to cross... and so the more I'm complimented, the more I feel someone is lying to me, and the more I distrust them and start to disengage from them. Did I also happen to mention that-- "Yes, I know why I'm single.")

He also asked me, "When can I call you?" I replied, "I'm really not much of a phone person."

We ended our chat around 1 am as he was leaving early for a trip the next day (well, today!).

15 minutes later I get a text from him. I answer. He texts back. I answer... and he calls me.

"I just wanted to hear the sound of your voice before I fall asleep." he says to me.

We get to talking (of course we do!) and every time I start to say--" really, we should hang up now," he says, "No, please don't go yet!"

And so we talk and talk about all sorts of things that I've been thinking and mentioned on this blog, and he tells me about his past relationships, and how he was nearly engaged (Side note: Seriously! Why do I seem to be getting all of these people with relationship baggage! Is this just because I'm skewing old these days? Sheesh!), and what he's looking for.

We also had an interesting conversation and candid conversation about the fact that we're also looking at other dating possibilities online and elsewhere. Both very grown-up about it I think, and both agreeing that even if nothing were to work out between us we'd be able to remain friends.

He also discussed the fact that he finds dating difficult up here (being in the middle of nowhere!) and being Indian, and how women tend to dismiss him or have preconceived notions about him because he's Indian. He talked about how though some of his friends, and even his brother, looked to their parents for arranged marriages with traditional Indian girls, that he prefers more independent American girls. (Which, frankly, all well and good-- because traditional is sooooo not me!)

I pointed out that was the reason I had given him access to my facebook page-- because not much says "Militant feminist" the way my facebook page does. And really, isn't it better to know what you're getting ahead of time?

And he said yes, he got that from my page. He also added that there were some things we differed on. (Of course I jumped right on it and said... LIKE WHAT?)

He answered, that while I'm very sure of my beliefs, and very passionate about them, he doesn't get too worked up about anything. I pressed him on GLBT rights-- (Since that's one of my deal-breaker issues,)--and he said frankly he didn't care one way or another about them, and he thought there were much more important things people should be focused on-- like, say, the WAR--and why was every politician focused on gay rights at this point in time. We talked about it a bit, and I made it clear that it's one of my non-negotiables, but given how conservative India is when it comes to GLBT issues I almost feel that his "Don't care" stance, is practically equivalent to draping himself in a rainbow flag and leading the parade. (Don't try to dissuade me! My mind is made up! Heh.)

He also said he recognized the day that he met me that I have a "My way or the Highway" stance on life, (Which he thinks I should reexamine, but I feel he needs to get on board or get off the damn highway already, because he's blocking my path. Heh. Ok, Ok, Npapaya and Ro and others *might* have mentioned the same thing to me... )

Frankly, that he knows all this and *still* wants to get together is a pretty good sign, right?

We finally got off the phone at 3:30am.

Interesting night.

And oh, did I mention I have two more promising leads online?

Merry Christmas to me!

Yes. This. Exactly.

From Sex, Lies & Dating in the City

She said it much better than I could, so I'll just quote her below in the part that particularly resonated... But go read the whole thing...

* * *


A few years ago I cut a certain friend out of my life. There were a lot of reasons for it. But the moment I knew I had to do it was when I was trying to explain to her that I was upset with her complete and utter lack of support for me, when I needed it, and her response was, "But you're so strong. You don't need anyone."

There are people who see me that way. Men who look at me that way. Who look at me and assume that I am invulnerable. That all I need out of a relationship is some interesting dinner conversation and hot sex (yeah, those things are good, too).

The man I am looking for, the one who will be my appropriate and ideal partner (ideal is such a hot button word, but I'm going to go with it here) will see me and understand that what I need almost more than anything is someone I can be vulnerable with. Someone who will let me be weak around them. Someone who will understand that all of that strength is exhausting and takes its toll, year after year and that one of the greatest gifts that he can give me is the ability to just let him be strong for me, sometimes, so that I don't have to hold the weight of the world on my shoulders every second of every day.

And how does a guy do that? Not by being arrogant or displaying his innate, superior value. One minute of that crap and I'll laugh in his face. On my more charitable days I say that everyone on the planet is of equal value (on other days I mutter about how most people are worthless pieces of shit). No, it's something I can't really articulate well. But there are men who understand how to be strong and confident without being arrogant. Who can lead without being pushy. Who can take control of situations without being a bully.

This is why you're single

So, evidently there's a tv show I was unaware of on TLC called This is why you're single.

As I haven't heard of it, I suspect that it's not super awesome. However, I do have DVR so I'll record a couple episodes and let you know.

Head meet Desk

Muckraker? Is that you?

Do I recognized my pathetic self in this article? Oh, yes... Yes I do...

Yes, this was my ACTUAL result...

A little uncanny...????!!!

Quiz by Onlinedating.org
Quiz brought to you by Online Dating

Overthinking

Yes, I over think things. Duh. I shouldn't, I know.

One of the ways in which I over think things is that when I like someone I imbue any emails/texts etc. sent with all sorts of mille-feuille levels of meaning. As if he's going to somehow divine what I really mean when I say, "I had fun last night.: (Secret meaning? Take me now, I'm yours.)

So I realized today that there are 3 other guys I'm currently corresponding with who are straight and single. I'm corresponding with them as friends, really have no interest in them, and they're about the same level of acquaintance friends that Muckraker is.

Do I double, triple and quadruple think what I'm emailing to these guys? No, no I don't. Do I think they're secretly reading "I want you" messages in my mundane emails? No.

So why do I do this with Muckraker then? It's silly. I know, I've got to stop. I am stopping.

I saw something online this evening that made me think of Muckraker. Were he a "normal" friend (one in whom I don't have an interest,) I wouldn't think twice about sending the link to him. So why was I hesitating?

Guess what. I sent the link. Whoooooo! Shocking, I know. (Shrug).

Oh well. If that makes or breaks this thing, there wasn't much there anyway, right?

And if I can't treat someone I like as my friend, what's the point? Right?

Nothing much to report

So here's some fun stuff from jezebel. Go read the whole thing.


"Oh, and let's not get started on the whole bullshit "nice guys don't get the girl" that all these guys re-hash. Well, yeah, sure, if The Girl is the head cheerleader (and she always is) — but were they ever asking out the girl who was President of Students Against Drunk Driving and the German club (i.e., dorky, awkward me)? Some of them were, sure, but I'll be damned if most of them aren't happily married to truly pleasant women who they adore. My photo albums from high school to this day are a virtual pantheon of sweet, dorky guys who asked me out or who I asked out, most of whom were actually as nice as they look and none of whom were bad boys.

I dated two legitimately bad dudes in my life — the first one, in high school, I dumped rather ungraciously on our second date for grabbing my ass, and the second one more recently who I dumped, equally ungraciously, after about a month of jealous fits. One of the supposedly nice ones tells Hymowitz:


According to a “Recovering Nice Guy” writing on Craigslist, the female preference for jerks and “assholes,” as they’re also widely known, lies behind women’s age-old lament, “What happened to all the nice guys?” His answer: “You did. You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy.”
Oh, so, the only reason you were ever nice to a girl, the only reason you ever got close to a girl, was to fuck her? Don't worry, dude, you were never a nice guy. You probably didn't get fucked more because when you were holding a girl crying she caught you feeling up her boob. By comparison, at least a bad boy doesn't lie about his intentions or caring about your feelings.

So, look, the problem is that there are no rules, and there is no one end game any more. Great. I'm glad there's not. I don't mind paying for dinner, or going to see a hockey movie on Valentine's Day, or calling first or opening my own fucking doors — and I don't mind being paid for, or getting roses or being called or having a door opened for me — and I am damn glad that I don't have to hang up my dating spurs at 31 and call myself a spinster and start knitting booties for my younger sister's eventual children. And, yes, it's more difficult because in the absence of rules and regulations, in the dearth of universal social expectations and proscribed life paths, no one knows what anyone else is really looking for in a two minute interaction. But this is solved by actually not expecting things from people you don't know, and by treating women as individuals worth more than the sexual pleasure they might or might not eventually afford you. And it doesn't help to bitch about how all women are shallow, money-hungry harpies who you're just going to game the way they've gamed you. Maybe you've been gamed because as a shallow, money- and pussy-obsessed prick who isn't interested in getting to know a person, you missed out on more than just being played."

Too Funny not to Share!

Ok... this has nothing to do with dating, but it had be cracking up, so I thought I would share.

Why you shouldn't put a garlic clove up your vajayjay.

Yeah, I know... I'm astonished anyone thought this might not be the best idea too! Ha!

Memoirs Of A Dater: Let's Be Open About It!

Memoirs Of A Dater: Let's Be Open About It!

I discovered this blog from Npapaya... Amusing story! Check it out!

Don Draper makes my heart beat faster