Saturday, December 27, 2008

Even on a slow day I can have a three way... that is.

It's about 3:30am and I just got off the phone with Science guy. How did this happen, you might be asking yourself? I'm kind of wondering myself....

This was an interesting evening, especially as I have spent the past few days having a pity party (It's Christmas. Family will do that to you.) and I've been grody, greasy, and pigging out to fill the deep empty emotional hole inside me... (Ha. Ha. Yes, that last bit was mostly a joke. Really. I'm ok.)
So, all this to say that I wasn't feeling too hot about myself and generally feeling like I may as well call it quits where dating is concerned and perhaps there's a nice cave somewhere in France where I can go and live out the rest of my life. Ha. Ha. Ha. (No, not actually laughing this time.)

So I was on facebook, (yes, all my friends are very shocked, I know,) and Science guy messages me using the chat feature.

In short succession someone else messages me.... We'll call him Griffith. (Why? After Andy Griffith, that most famous of single dads... Again, Why? Because this guy has baggage---in form of a kid.)

A little background on Griffith-- He's cute, very Irish looking, a bit on the short side for what I usually go for, but he always has a grin and a gleam in his eye that seems to say to me "I"m thinking what you're thinking." And how do I know this? Because I sat across the table from him in our crappy, crappy grad course last term, which is where I met him. He's smart, he's funny, he's irreverent, and he seems like an all-around really decent guy.... and oh... did I mention, he has a kid??? Yeah, I'm a little hung up on that mostly because, ya know, I certainly don't need any baby mama drama... but I think there's an interesting story there. This guy has primary custody of his son (age 7), which is practically unheard of. The kid's mom is in WV, and so Griffith is going to school full time and raising his son on his own.

I find this to be... interesting... Don't know quite what to make of it.

So while I had good interactions with him, and I even mentioned to one of my friends that that I was kind of interested, I didn't plan on pursuing anything.

Griffith and I were chatting online, and though we've emailed and talked a few times I didn't really get a vibe that he was "into" me. As we were chatting though I started to think that-- ok, maybe he is. It turns out he's out of town for the remainder of the break, but he asked if I'd like to get together when he's back in town.

{Grin} Why yes, yes I would like to do that.

We chatted a bit more (all the while I'm carrying on a parallel conversation with Science guy, which was confusing... kept thinking I would write to the wrong one by accident), and dare I say it--flirted (???) a bit more too.

Feeling kinda good about that one.... Moving on to Science Guy.

I don't know how we got on the topic of our last date-- remember that? But do you recall how I felt he wasn't really into me because he didn't ask me to stick around for coffee or... well... anything after that movie? Well, it turns out he felt I was giving him the brush off because I had mentioned vague plans for later that day. And when he had mentioned plans to go shopping (which I read as--Brush off!), he had actually been inviting me to go with him.

Huh. Who knew. Guys are weird. (heh. He was all like- Chicks are weird. (and yes, I disapprove of the "chicks" label. We may have to work on this.))

So he starts writing to me and saying "I find you very cute, and very sexy, and very cute."

And I'm all--- um. ok. What do I say to that? His response-- "You have trouble accepting compliments, don't you?"

Why yes, yes I do. Thank you for noticing. * (Side note: I have trouble accepting compliments because, frankly, I always feel that people are lying to me. I have issues, I know, but that's one hurdle I just can't seem to cross... and so the more I'm complimented, the more I feel someone is lying to me, and the more I distrust them and start to disengage from them. Did I also happen to mention that-- "Yes, I know why I'm single.")

He also asked me, "When can I call you?" I replied, "I'm really not much of a phone person."

We ended our chat around 1 am as he was leaving early for a trip the next day (well, today!).

15 minutes later I get a text from him. I answer. He texts back. I answer... and he calls me.

"I just wanted to hear the sound of your voice before I fall asleep." he says to me.

We get to talking (of course we do!) and every time I start to say--" really, we should hang up now," he says, "No, please don't go yet!"

And so we talk and talk about all sorts of things that I've been thinking and mentioned on this blog, and he tells me about his past relationships, and how he was nearly engaged (Side note: Seriously! Why do I seem to be getting all of these people with relationship baggage! Is this just because I'm skewing old these days? Sheesh!), and what he's looking for.

We also had an interesting conversation and candid conversation about the fact that we're also looking at other dating possibilities online and elsewhere. Both very grown-up about it I think, and both agreeing that even if nothing were to work out between us we'd be able to remain friends.

He also discussed the fact that he finds dating difficult up here (being in the middle of nowhere!) and being Indian, and how women tend to dismiss him or have preconceived notions about him because he's Indian. He talked about how though some of his friends, and even his brother, looked to their parents for arranged marriages with traditional Indian girls, that he prefers more independent American girls. (Which, frankly, all well and good-- because traditional is sooooo not me!)

I pointed out that was the reason I had given him access to my facebook page-- because not much says "Militant feminist" the way my facebook page does. And really, isn't it better to know what you're getting ahead of time?

And he said yes, he got that from my page. He also added that there were some things we differed on. (Of course I jumped right on it and said... LIKE WHAT?)

He answered, that while I'm very sure of my beliefs, and very passionate about them, he doesn't get too worked up about anything. I pressed him on GLBT rights-- (Since that's one of my deal-breaker issues,)--and he said frankly he didn't care one way or another about them, and he thought there were much more important things people should be focused on-- like, say, the WAR--and why was every politician focused on gay rights at this point in time. We talked about it a bit, and I made it clear that it's one of my non-negotiables, but given how conservative India is when it comes to GLBT issues I almost feel that his "Don't care" stance, is practically equivalent to draping himself in a rainbow flag and leading the parade. (Don't try to dissuade me! My mind is made up! Heh.)

He also said he recognized the day that he met me that I have a "My way or the Highway" stance on life, (Which he thinks I should reexamine, but I feel he needs to get on board or get off the damn highway already, because he's blocking my path. Heh. Ok, Ok, Npapaya and Ro and others *might* have mentioned the same thing to me... )

Frankly, that he knows all this and *still* wants to get together is a pretty good sign, right?

We finally got off the phone at 3:30am.

Interesting night.

And oh, did I mention I have two more promising leads online?

Merry Christmas to me!

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