A total bust!

Ugh. Bad blind (or, not-so-blind) date!

(If you'll recall, Npapaya set me up on this. I'm really starting to question her otherwise infallible wisdom as this is the second terrible blind date she's set me up on.)

So-- What was wrong with this guy?

• WAY too short for me. (When I'd originally met him, he was sitting down. MISTAKE!) He was a good 6 inches or so shorter than I am. And I am not a super tall woman. (5'8)
• WAY too old for me. (Now, I know this seems odd, given that I like Muckraker and all that, and Muckraker is only about 3-5 years younger than this guy... but this guy just SEEMED SO MUCH OLDER! (Maybe this is also because Muckraker is so immature... hmmm.)
• I felt like I was having a conversation with one of my grandparents' friends... just, completely cross-generational. I would mention something from pop culture, and he would just stare at me blankly.
• No conversation. I felt like I did a good job of carrying the conversation... He put in an effort (for him) I think... but there were a lot of.... "yup." "MmmHmm" kind of responses, that make it difficult to carry on a conversation.
• Lack of ambition. He's in the same job he's been in for the last 10 years. And, he seems perfectly happy to plod along in it for the next 10 years. That would be perfect for some girl, I'm sure. That girl is NOT me. (Again, this is also what I like about Muckraker-- his rather risky and adventurous career choices. *sigh*)
• THE CHECK. Ok. I admit, I wouldn't have gone out with him even if he HAD picked up the check... But he didn't pick up the check. Even with all the purse fiddling I did. And... well, for all my feminist ways, I'm TOTALLY old-fashioned when it comes to this. I'm not a "gold-digger" by any means. I completely expect to support myself. When in a relationship I try to split the costs for things regularly (Not necessarily 50/50... but more along the lines of-- "Oh, you got the check last time, let me get it this time.") Science Guy and I do this all the time. (In fact, I have to give Science Guy a 100% satisfaction score on this point. He's very good at offering, even when I insist on paying. When I do insist on paying, he makes a point to grab the check at the next thing we do.)

I was talking to my therapist about the check-paying thing actually. She says that the men she talks to feel like they're in a terrible bind, that they're worried about offending women if they offer to pay... (Show me one woman who has ever been offended by an "OFFER*!?!)... I call Bull SHIT on that one.

Now, I can understand if that offer comes with strings attached-- even only implied, about what someone is "paying" for with that dinner. SKEEVY. I would be offended too.

But, a good date should be like going out with a good friend, I think. It shouldn't be a high-pressure thing. When I go out with Npapaya, sometimes I'll get the check, sometimes she does, sometimes we'll split it.

The one difference however? On a "first" date? The guy should really get the check. I'm sorry, that's just the way I feel about it. Most women I've talked to feel the same way.

If a guy DOESN'T get the check? That is my #1 signal that he is not interested in me. If he asks me out again, after not having gotten the check? Not only does that confuse me, but it also gives me a bad foreshadowing of any relationship... Just that he doesn't find me worthy of much consideration. Imagine what a 10th anniversary would be like with a guy like that? NO THANK YOU. Either way, no second date. Maybe that makes me a bitch... maybe.

So... long story short, I couldn't wait to get out of there with that guy. Glad that date is over with!

Ooops! Let's play catch-up.

I realize it's been a long time since I posted. Time has been getting away from me since I started classes and since I've been trying to wrap up some work as I'm transitioning to my new position.

So.... with that in mind, let's play some catch up!

Science Guy:
Remember how in that last post I mentioned that Science Guy was growing on me? ...Sigh... Seems like we take two steps forward and then one step back. We went out about a week ago, and things were going well until I brought up the whole "Girls Gone Wild" episode (I know, I know, I couldn't leave well enough alone.) It still bothers me that he thinks I'm over reacting, whereas I just think it's totally douchey. I know on some level he's just immature, and I know that I can't expect him to agree with everything I believe in, but to me this is rather important. I'm not even anti-porn, I just think Girls Gone Wild in particular is so disrespectful to women. (And now that I've mentioned "Girls Gone Wild" two three times in this post, I'm sure to have many new readers finding their way here!) I'm just not sure where that leaves us. Add to that the fact that he seems perpetually stuck in this place of expressing interest, but then backing away when I reciprocate, and I just don't know where to go from there.

Muckraker:
Speaking of immature.... ! Muckraker is WAY too old to be acting like a second grader. (I've spoken to a couple of my guy friends about him, and they were both saying "Oh, yeah. He's interested. That's how guys show their interested." Which, to me, just proves how weird, and how perhaps I'm not equipped to deal with men.) He passes me notes in class, and 'playfully' hits me... (DUDE! You're FORTY FUCKING YEARS OLD!)... And he's incredibly annoying....

And yet-- let's face it-- there's a part of me that gets off on the attention, the drama of the 'hot and cold' attention, he gives me, or I would just tell him to fuck off.

But there's another part too....
We had dinner with a couple of our mutual friends the other night. It was an impromptu thing, and I didn't really invite him to join us, a couple of the friends I invited to dinner did, (because they're both trying to play matchmakers...) Every once in awhile I would turn towards him and I would catch him staring at me. And he gets this expression on his face, this expression that somehow says, "You are the most beautiful, interesting, amazing person I've ever met." Maybe I'm projecting... maybe it's wishful thinking... but that's how I read it. And that expression stops me in my tracks and makes me forget all his douchiness. And that's what I really get off on. (Hell, I totally know I could be wrong. For all I really know, that expression actually means, "I'm constipated.")

New Guy... Let's call him ShyGuy...
I've been set up on a sort-of-blind date for this coming week. Npapaya's friend has been trying to set me up with ShyGuy for almost a year now. I'm pretty open to being set up, but this person is a (distant) colleague, and he's quite a bit older (Somewhere between 40-45... which, I know though Muckraker is 40, he seems younger somehow-- perhaps because I met him in my classes, I first met him when he was 39--which psychologically puts him in a different place, and...he's so fucking immature.) I had seen him from afar before-- he's not bad looking, though rather short, but he's also not someone who would make me turn around and take a second glance. Mostly because he seems very much like someone who would have three kids, and be settled down...

All that to say that I wasn't too keen on being set up-- not for any particular reason, but rather because there didn't seem to be a compelling reason to go out with him. Didn't seem like there'd be much in common.

Npapaya invited me to a July 4th party and ShyGuy was there. I didn't realize it was him since I'd not really seen him up close before (and frankly, I don't know that I'd be able to describe him now... like I said, not unattractive, but just nothing distinguishing, I think.) We talked a little bit...and the conversation was a little bit of a disaster. I believe I said something along these lines.

(About the brownie's he'd made.) Me: These are really good brownies.
Him: Oh, I'd be happy to give you the recipe. (In hindsight, this would have given him a good excuse to contact me. If I'd been thinking clearly, I would have realized this.)
Me: Oh. No thanks. I don't cook. I mean, I would... If I had anyone to cook for. But I don't. Because I'm single. But I'm a good cook. If I did cook. But I don't. Because I'm single. I mean, I don't mind being single, but I'd probably cook more. If I wasn't. You know. Single. Did I mention I'm single?

Doh. Now, normally such verbal diarrhea would indicate nervousness because I really liked this person, but in this case it was only because I was trying to keep the conversation going. I didn't really feel like we had much to talk about.

Npapaya and her friend were very excited the next day, saying, "It couldn't have better planned! What did you think of him!?" etc. I mentioned it was fine, but nothing exciting.

Npapaya asked me if I would want to go out with him? Did she want me to set something up. Again, no real compelling reason to go or not to go... I said ok. And, well, she did. And so we're going out sometime this week.

The reason I said yes is really because Npapaya and her friend have been really talking him up. "He's the nicest guy! Really sweet! Quiet and Shy. You just need to get to know him!" Ok. What's there to lose? Worst case scenario I'll have gotten to better know a colleague, right?