(If you'll recall, Npapaya set me up on this. I'm really starting to question her otherwise infallible wisdom as this is the second terrible blind date she's set me up on.)
So-- What was wrong with this guy?
- WAY too short for me. (When I'd originally met him, he was sitting down. MISTAKE!) He was a good 6 inches or so shorter than I am. And I am not a super tall woman. (5'8)
- WAY too old for me. (Now, I know this seems odd, given that I like Muckraker and all that, and Muckraker is only about 3-5 years younger than this guy... but this guy just SEEMED SO MUCH OLDER! (Maybe this is also because Muckraker is so immature... hmmm.)
- I felt like I was having a conversation with one of my grandparents' friends... just, completely cross-generational. I would mention something from pop culture, and he would just stare at me blankly.
- No conversation. I felt like I did a good job of carrying the conversation... He put in an effort (for him) I think... but there were a lot of.... "yup." "MmmHmm" kind of responses, that make it difficult to carry on a conversation.
- Lack of ambition. He's in the same job he's been in for the last 10 years. And, he seems perfectly happy to plod along in it for the next 10 years. That would be perfect for some girl, I'm sure. That girl is NOT me. (Again, this is also what I like about Muckraker-- his rather risky and adventurous career choices. *sigh*)
- THE CHECK. Ok. I admit, I wouldn't have gone out with him even if he HAD picked up the check... But he didn't pick up the check. Even with all the purse fiddling I did. And... well, for all my feminist ways, I'm TOTALLY old-fashioned when it comes to this. I'm not a "gold-digger" by any means. I completely expect to support myself. When in a relationship I try to split the costs for things regularly (Not necessarily 50/50... but more along the lines of-- "Oh, you got the check last time, let me get it this time.") Science Guy and I do this all the time. (In fact, I have to give Science Guy a 100% satisfaction score on this point. He's very good at offering, even when I insist on paying. When I do insist on paying, he makes a point to grab the check at the next thing we do.)
I was talking to my therapist about the check-paying thing actually. She says that the men she talks to feel like they're in a terrible bind, that they're worried about offending women if they offer to pay... (Show me one woman who has ever been offended by an "OFFER*!?!)... I call Bull SHIT on that one.
Now, I can understand if that offer comes with strings attached-- even only implied, about what someone is "paying" for with that dinner. SKEEVY. I would be offended too.
But, a good date should be like going out with a good friend, I think. It shouldn't be a high-pressure thing. When I go out with Npapaya, sometimes I'll get the check, sometimes she does, sometimes we'll split it.
The one difference however? On a "first" date? The guy should really get the check. I'm sorry, that's just the way I feel about it. Most women I've talked to feel the same way.
If a guy DOESN'T get the check? That is my #1 signal that he is not interested in me. If he asks me out again, after not having gotten the check? Not only does that confuse me, but it also gives me a bad foreshadowing of any relationship... Just that he doesn't find me worthy of much consideration. Imagine what a 10th anniversary would be like with a guy like that? NO THANK YOU. Either way, no second date. Maybe that makes me a bitch... maybe.
So... long story short, I couldn't wait to get out of there with that guy. Glad that date is over with!