Monday, September 12, 2011

Where do we go from here?

When I started this blog a part of me thought I'd be single forever. Or, at least, if I wasn't single then I certainly wouldn't marry in any case.

Well, we know how that went.  Hmmm.  I'm still not quite sure how that happened. It's kinda fun having a blog detailing it, so that at least I can jog my memory once in awhile. I'm not shutting down the blog, but I am wondering where I go from here.  No, not in the white house, picket fence, 2.5 kids kinda way... (Though I wouldn't mind the house & fence, I certainly hope the kid (singular!) is a good 3 years away.)  But, mostly, I feel my life isn't very interesting. And I'm actually ok with that. I like that!  It's comforting to have routine and that the most exciting part of my day is when I had lunch on the Terrace @ the local inn.

I sometimes feel guilty for un-cluttering my life. (Though I am incapable of uncluttering my house... grrr.)  I'm not taking classes anymore, I've stopped babysitting/nannying for the most part, I don't really make plans with anyone other than close friends, I keep getting asked to be on various volunteer committees... I've limited my volunteer work to 2 orgs which equals about 4-5 days per month.

I know people with kids who do a lot more volunteer work. Who manage to see friends every night. Who host parties and benefits and go to the gym regularly.

Me? I'd rather have time to read a book. Watch the Real Housewives. Do NOTHING.

I feel kind of guilty about that. Society makes me feel guilty. After all, I don't have kids, what else do I have to be doing with my time, right? Couldn't I take on a few more things? And the tempting thing is that these are things I want to take on. I want to work on community theater. I'd like to help with the food drive or the sustainable yard sale. I want to be a "big sister" and work on the elementary school literacy project... I DO!  I just don't want to do any of those things more than I want to have time to go for a walk or have a free weekend to take an impromptu road trip. 

According to society, that makes me selfish. Society can go fuck itself. Why is it always women who are being asked to sacrifice their sense of self and sanity for the good of others. I can tell you that none of the (grown) men I know feel this kind of conflict.  (Interestingly , I do see it more in the students. However, working for Goldman Sachs seems to squash it right out of them.)

Jedi's cousin was talking about going on a trip and leaving her baby home with his grandmother overnight. The baby was born in May.  From the horrified looks she got you would have thought she had said she was going to be leaving the baby home alone with a beer and a pizza and he could fend for himself. Somehow though that's what society expects.

Well, I'm not to that point yet, but I think it's good to start the precedent, don't you? No, I will not cook something for the bakesale, and NO I will  not bring the treats for the meeting, and NO I will not collect signatures for that petition, and NO I will not help plan that benefit, and NO I will not go to the gym (ok, that one is more laziness than anything else...), and NO I will not reconsider, NO, not even just this once.

I do my part, but that doesn't mean I have to do everything. NO. NO. NO.

1 comment:

mmeperpetua said...

I've read your blog from the beginning, or near-beginning, I think, and yes, where DO you go from here? I'd like hearing about your work. Feminist marriage, for sure. Thoughts, if you have them, on the dudes once featured on this blog, in the pre-Jedi days.

Or: The Real Housewives. Because given the choice between going out and staying in, I'm also a stay-inner. And besides, saying NO is a skill! Flaunt it, lady. :)