Wednesday, November 24, 2010

(expedient) Feminist Convictions

I have been accused of being negligent in my blogging duties. (Hi Camera girl.-- To which I pointed out, I am much more apt to blog when I get comments. Then I don't feel like I'm just talking to myself. I mean, I know there are more of you out there-- I have methods of finding out, you know.)

I would say that my lethargy is not limited simply to my blog posting-- it's extended itself into my work too. Oh, I get my stuff done... but I don't get additional stuff that I really should be getting done at some point started. Because, you know, it's not due tomorrow. Bad me! But hey, I get stuff done when it's due, and isn't that what really counts?

In the meantime let's talk about weddings and what a PITA they are, shall we? Hmmmm.  So, I may have mentioned previously that I'm totally opposed to having my father walk me down the aisle. This does in fact stem from my feminist conviction that it is nothing more than a symbolic transfer of property from my father to my (soon to be) husband. Ick. Ew. Phooey. I protest mightily!

My grandmother was trying to convince me to reconsider by pointing out that it's important to my dad (who never has an opinion about anything, but has expressed an opinion about this. *sigh*) by saying, "I view it as a symbolic moving from my father's house to my husbands."

*Sigh* Also- Ick. Ew. Phooey.

Hell, if ANYONE is moving from their parents' house to their spouses' house it would be JEDI. Perhaps his parents should be walking HIM down the aisle?

I am also mightily opposed to a father/daughter dance because... Ick. Ew. Phooey.

One of the major reasons for all this-- in addition to my feminist convictions-- is that is just not the relationship I have with my father.  It's the relationship he thinks we have, but it's not actually the one we have. I haven't lived with my dad since I was 3. There were no good night stories or special outings or birthday surprises when I was growing up.  When I was visiting him he spent more quality time with his TV than he ever did with me. I learned at an early age not to expect the phone call or card that he would swear would arrive because at least 3/4ths of the time they wouldn't.

To suddenly pretend at my wedding that my dad has been there for me my whole life and that he was the rock on which I built my foundation is not just icky and disingenuous, it's something I find maddening. Why should I put on this charade for family and friends? Why should my dad get a bunch of unearned accolades for being a great dad?

I mean, that's not to say he was a BAD dad, don't get me wrong. He's just a dad who tends to show his affection through money because he doesn't really know another way to do it. ... actually... that's not quite true-- he's a great dad to my brother (age 16). But the dad my brother has is not a dad I ever knew.

Because of the various issues outlined above-- and my parents' acrimonious divorce-- my mother has always insisted that if anyone is going to walk me down the aisle, she should be the one to do it.  *sigh*
I know she'll throw a hissy fit if I did have my dad walk me down the aisle so my feminist convictions are pretty convenient in this regard.

I still don't know how I'm going to get out of the father/daughter dance since Jedi is adamant that he wants a son/mother dance.

I did have a dream last night that my father died very suddenly and then I was filled with remorse that I hadn't had him walk me down the aisle after all. I'm still leaning toward NOT having him do that, but that feeling of remorse is a tough one to shake today and I'm wondering if I made the right decision.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That really sucks. I share your feeling about being walked down the aisle, but the fact that your dad both wants to do it and doesn't actually deserve to do it complicates things.

Probably the easiest fix is to have Jedi's parents walk him down, and both your parents walk you down. It sort of skirts the patriarchal vibe, and it looks more like a family event than a "here's my daughter, just for you." Gross-out.