Monday, January 25, 2010

Folie a Deux

It was a rough business trip. I was COMPLETELY on the other side of the country, and the night before the morning I was supposed to catch a plane at 6am I came down with... the stomach flu.

Ewww. Gross, right? Not much worse than having the stomach flu (and... um... other manner of gastrointestinal distress... we'll leave it at that...) while travelling.

I ended up staying over an extra day... still not feeling so hot, but about 80% ok... and I caught the red-eye back the next day. Did I mention I live in the middle of NOWHERE? After this delightful 6 hour flight (+3 for waiting at the hospital) I would then need to catch a 3 hour bus ride home... (and wait 2 hours at the airport for the next bus to arrive.)
Ugh. Not exactly a dream trip, huh?

Well, Jedi was the exemplary boyfriend that he is and he volunteered to pick me up from the airport... even though this meant getting up at 4am and driving 6 hours round trip to come and get me. What a guy, huh?

You know, for some reason (probably deep-seated childhood issues) the airport "test" is a biggie for me. I've dated guys who would have said, "Suck it up. Get the bus." On some level, I wouldn't even be able to blame them... (SIX HOURS ROUND TRIP. Sheesh. *I* wouldn't volunteer to pick MYSELF up.) But with Jedi, there was no hesitation. He just said, "I'm coming to get you."

Be still my heart.

I missed him while I was gone. I missed him a lot.

Some of this was due in part to the fact that I was sick, I know. I wanted someone to take care of me and I knew he would do it willingly.

And so... perhaps I demonstrated my ardor and affection a bit too enthusiastically when I got home. I got a bit carried away... Saying things like, "I can't imagine being without you..." "Can you just hold me forever..." (Yes, I'm gagging just typing that. Please excuse me, I had a fever. That's my excuse.)

And so, I went along a little further than I otherwise would have in his, "I really want to marry you," fantasy.

"Sure," I said, "I want to marry you too."

And I do... in the theoretical sense. In the, I'm so infatuated at the moment I want to spend every second with you sense.

I KNOW that this is complete NONsense. Well, and that it certainly doesn't help to feed his clingy nature, and given his history of rushing into relationships it doesn't help to add fuel to those white-picket fantasies.

But I recognize my part, I do. I meant it when I said those things... I just didn't mean, "I want to marry you tomorrow."

But I should have known better. Because he took it to mean, "I want to marry you tomorrow." And he started saying things like, "Show me pictures of a ring you would like," and "When should we tell our parents?"

Did I regain my senses? Did I say, "SLOW DOWN, YOUNG JEDI!!" No, I did not... I did the worst thing possible.

I showed him a picture of a ring.

{eeek ducking eeek} (Ok, I can totally hear Npapaya and Ramses screaming at the computer screen now, and I TOTALLY deserve it.)

On the other hand, when he started talking about wedding dates and making up invite lists {ducking again} I did tell him that I would only marry him once he graduated... Which should be in about 3 years.

So. That is my totally lame defense.

I admit, I got caught up in the fantasy myself. The truth is, I never really pictured myself as the "marrying kind." I always pictured myself as spinsterish forever, and while on one level I was ok with that, on another level I was pretty wistful at the idea that I'd never meet anyone who would love me enough to want to be with me forever... that I'd never go through those rites of passage other girls go through of getting rings, and picking out dresses... etc. Even as I completely DISDAIN all of those things, a small part of me wondered what it would be like to be one of those girls that things like that happen to.

And so I let it go too far... Mea Culpa.

We're going to have to have a conversation.

See, the thing is that for me, I don't really see engagements as binding. I see them as a higher commitment, sure, but still a "I'm testing out the merchandise phase" and a "I'm perfectly happy to be engaged for 3-6 years" phase. But Jedi? Nuh-uh. He sees it as a "Let's go to the courthouse tomorrow phase." (Um. And he totally said that this morning. He said, "Let's go to the courthouse tomorrow." You will be happy to know I had regained my senses in time to tell him NO. And that we still have a lot of issues to work through before we get to that stage.)

He texted me to see if I wanted to go ring shopping this week. I told him that since he's so poor, I can't in good conscience let him do that and that he should put away $25/month to save if he really wants to, and then we can revisit the idea when he has enough.

That should buy me about 2-3 years, I think...

(Oh... and adding even more to the Super Bad Girlfriending in this post? I gave him my stomach flu. Poor Jedi... :-(


Perpetua said...

Holy. Moly. Oly.

He IS a good boyfriend, which is good. I will let your real-life friends throw things at you for the ring part and just say that it's hard NOT to get wrapped up in someone else's fantasy, especially when you missed that someone a lot.

Also, the first thing that came to my mind? Wait 'til Cruddy finds out! Oy.

Hypatia said...

Hmm... yes, my friends yelled quite loudly. I don't blame them.

But, I have to say, Jedi took our conversation well... Normally he'd freak out at any backtracking on my part and say, "Does this mean we're over?" He was cool with it.

Ha ha ha... Oh... the impulse to harass Cruddy is great. But I shall refrain from doing so...

Anonymous said...

I totally understand why you said all those things, spur of the moment. Someone who would drive 6hrs for you, is a phenomenal catch. Gosh, i'm trying not to be insanely jealous