Lady in Waiting

I have some stuff on the horizon that I'm crossing my fingers about... Worried to jinx it by talking too much... But keep your fingers crossed for me!

I'm also hoping a part-time job I want will come through. It would be great-- something I can add to my resume that will help me in my field and it's something that I can do on my own time from anyplace I have an internet connection... Ok, ok... should I tell you what it is? It's reading admissions materials. Doesn't that sound like fun!? I'm a super fast reader and the admissions office is so overwhelmed that they require one (if one gets the job) to read at least 25 hours a week... but you can read more than that as you are able... I would LOVE to do this. *sigh* like everything else at this university hr moves slower than molasses in January... I left a message with the admissions office on Friday so hopefully I'll hear back this week.

It would totally help since Jedi and I are totally having money issues. I mean, we're not having money issues to the extent that we don't have food and shelter... but by having cable and internet we're totally living beyond our means. (But who can live without cable and internet these days?! Right? I mean, that's like asking me to live without running water. / )

We're puttering along ok. I admit wedding stuff is freaking me out to a greater extent that I wanted it to-- and I've found myself wondering more than a few times if I'm worrying more about the day itself than the future marriage. I mean, I like to think that simply by asking myself that question it means I'm in the clear, but I've found myself freaking out about potential table settings and centerpieces and it makes me want to hyperventilate.

To every bride, at every wedding I ever went to-- I'm really sorry for ever snarking about anything. My bad. I know realize just how much thought went into it and I know you did your best.

(Except to that one bride who totally didn't invite that someone that she totally should have to the wedding-- that was a bitch move and you totally deserved the snarking.)

Jedi Knows

My friend Meg convinced me that I can't marry Jedi and not tell him about the blog. After contemplation I realized she was right.

Our conversation went something like this-

Me: I have something to tell you.
Jedi: (nervous) What is it?
Me: I don't want you to get mad.
Jedi: Do you still love me?
Me: Yes.
Jedi: Are we still getting married?
Me: Yes.
Jedi: Then whatever it is doesn't matter.
Me: I have a blog.
Jedi: Really!? Does anyone read it?
Me: Yes... XXX number of people a month.
Jedi: That's so cool!

So. Huh. That was that! The only thing that annoyed him was that Ramses knew about the blog from the beginning. That ticked him off.

The funny thing is that he really doesn't seem to care about it one way or another. I know if someone had written a blog in which I feature prominently I would be scouring each entry for some mention of something I had done. Jedi read 3 entries and was like, "That's cool." And as far as I know he hasn't read anything since or expressed any desire to do so.

(He's kind of a weirdo. I would be obsessed!)

To hell with dresses

I went dress shopping again on Friday and Saturday. And you know what I've realized? EVERY SINGLE BRIDAL SHOP has the EXACT SAME 4 plus sized dresses in their collection. And they're all strapless beaded massive monstrosities. (Ok, ok, sometimes they'll have one or two other gowns, but really, it's amazing how they all have the same 4 ugly dresses.)

The other thing I hate about bridal shops? The saleswomen look at me like I'm gum under their shoes. Gee, if that's how you treat me BEFORE I buy anything, I just can't wait to see what the service is like afterward!

My mother and aunts HATE HATE HATE dress #5... and that's the only one that seems like a stand-out for me at the moment. My mom actually left me a terrible voicemail comparing the dress to a bad haircut that everyone will ooo and ahh over but only SHE will tell me the truth about how unflattering it is. This drives me crazy since I know if I get the dress on the wedding day she'll be all passive aggressive and say, "WEll, as long as YOU think you look good, that's what counts!"

Sigh. She upset me so much this weekend that I was sobbing and my dad was like, "I'm going to give you $1500 so that you can get the dress of your dreams."

Well, that's nice, and lovely... but... There's no way in hell I'm spending $2000-1500 on a dress! Do you know how many guests I could feed for that!? I could even pay for a honeymoon! (Or, more importantly, save up for a house!) I was very touched, but that's craziness. I did think (for half a millisecond) about doing a whole "Say yes to the dress" day and going to Kleinfeld's, but my budget at Kleinfeld's is about the equivalent to having $500 at other wedding shops.

It's totally not worth it for just one day... but it drives me nuts that --even with difficulty-- I can go into plus sized shops and find an entire closet full of flattering dresses.... but for a wedding dress I'm limited to basically a choice of 1 of 8 dresses. Oh, sure, many places SAY that their dresses are available in sizes 0-30... but if the store only carries 4 plus-sized dresses, where does that actually leave me? The saleswomen are like, "Well, you can just hold it up in front of you to get an idea." Bwahaha! YEAH. RIGHT. I'm going to purchase a WEDDING DRESS that I can't even try on!? Who the fuck came up with this system?!? it's the crappiest system ever!

If I had money I would totally open a plus-sized wedding shop... haven't these places heard that the american woman is an average of a size 14!? Maybe they'd get a bit more business (and stop being so bitchy) if they catered to that demographic.

*sigh*

I'm sick of trying on dresses. Do I just go with #5? And tell my mother to shove it? Tha's what I'm leaning towards, but will I constantly be second guessing myself? I don't know.

Dress Dilemmas

Hello again interweb friends!

This dress stuff is STRESSING ME OUT! Isn't this supposed to be fun? Well, it's not. Let me tell you, it's NOT!

The first reason it's not fun is that since I'm a "plus-sized" girl most stores carry 2-4 dresses in my size and the rest of the time I have to shimmy into a size 14 or so and get an "idea" of what it will look like. Well, here's a clue-- anytime you shimmy into a dress that is 3 sizes too small you will look like SHIT. And not want to buy that dress!

The other reason it's not fun is that dresses in my price range (technically $500... but it's been creeping upwards at an alarming pace...eek!) feel like they're made of shower curtain fabric. Given that I'm going to be wearing this in the middle of August and sweating up a storm this is probably not a good idea.

Another reason it's not fun is that while I can be in the store and say -- this dress is the best of the 4 "plus" size dresses that are available to me-- my mother, and aunt, and grandmother, and bridesmaids live all across the country (and in other continents.) So all they have to go on are the pictures.

When they tell me-- oh, this one looks terrible, that one looks terrible, I hate the hat, I love the hat, I hate that color, I hate beading, I love beading, that one looks like a nightgown, that one looks like a slip, that one has too much rouching, that one doesn't have enough rouching... etc, etc... (and believe me, there are a million etcs!) you can imagine that it does not make me a happy camper.

I really want people to see a dress and have it be so CLEARLY the stand-out winner that everyone says, "THAT'S THE ONE!"

And yet... the more people I ask for opinions, the more differing opinions I get!

Everyone also says, "It's your wedding! Wear what you feel comfortable in! Wear what you want!"

Well, when people tell you, "Oh, that dress is fugly." And that's the dress you wanted... and that person is your mother. Yeah. Good luck ever feeling comfortable in that dress again, right?

So, I was thinking about getting a dress made. (Esp. because the fabric-- even on the expensive dress ($700)-- was terrible.)

I met with a seamstress/designer yesterday... and whooo let me tell you. That was an ExPeRiEnCe. She was a very nice woman, very friendly-- VERY talkative... (too much, I have to say...) She was also more than a bit wacky. Within 5 minutes of meeting her she was telling me about her polyamourous lifestyle, crystal healing, etc... I'm sure you can picture it.

She quoted me $1500 to make me a dress (in beautiful silk). Well, on the one hand I was a bit relieved that it was out of my price range-- not because I didn't want to work with her, but because I was nervous about having a dress made anyway. At least with a store bought dress you know what you're getting from the get-go. With a specially made dress, if you don't like it-- you're shit out of luck.

So, I thanked her, told her it was out of my range... and figured that would be that.

Well, during our conversation I mentioned that I had taken costume design in college and she called me today to offer me a deal-- $800-- materials & labor, and all fittings included, if I worked at her shop (70hours-- $10/hour) in exchange for her making me the dress.

Part of me is tempted. Custom dress? Better fabric? Check & Check. The unknown scares me... the kookiness scares me... being beholden to someone scares me... not being able to have free time for 3-4 months scares me!

I feel like the seamstress is the type to get very emotionally attached and invested and if I piss her off in some way it would NOT be good. I also prefer to keep transactions like that financial so there's no confusion about boundries.

On the other hand... a custom dress... in silk! It is very tempting.

I'm not sure what to do.

I'm trying on more dresses on Friday but I think it's just going to be a variation of what I've tried on so far. There was one dress that jumped out at me (can you tell which one it is...???) but it has not been the favorite of my friends & family, which has been discouraging.

HELP!

Dress Poll #2

Hello everyone- Sorry for the wonky layout of these pictures... Blogger is acting up and I don't have the patience to fix it, so hopefully you can follow along!

Here's another poll--

#1) What do you think of the hat (above)?


Dress # 5 - Back

Dress # 5 Front








Dress # 6 Back

Dress # 6 Front-- (Now, I will tell you that Jedi has voiced a strong preference against anything asymmetrical... So, I'm thinking that I may have to keep to that.)





Finally, Dress #7 (Which can come in white on top or other colors.)


Thoughts? I have lots more to tell you about dresses-- and how trying to find one makes me want to kill myself-- but that's for another post.

A conversation about dresses with my mother:

M: All of those dresses are ugly. Why didn't you try on other ones?

H: I DID. I just only put up the pictures of the ones I liked.

M: Well I don't like any of those. Why don't you try a monique l'huilier or vera wang or something?

H: So... do you have $10,000 you're going to give me for that type of dress?

M: Well you can just get a copy made.

H: Even that would be $2-3,000!

M: Well, I think you should keep trying different dresses.

H: In my price point and being a "plus size" bride-- this is about what you're going to get! You'll get variations on this, but these styles are what look good and what I can afford .THIS IS IT.

M: Well, have you thought about losing weight so you can fit into more dresses?

H: Gee, Mom! That's a BRILLIANT Idea! Lose weight to fit into more clothes!? Why haven't I thought of that before! If only you'd mentioned this to me 10 years ago! All this time I've been wearing ugly shapeless clothing... but to think! If Only I'd thought to lose weight I could have had more options! Now that you've brought this to my attention I'm totally going to get on that!

H: You don't have to be sarcastic.

Wedding Dress Poll!

Dress #1

Dress #1 Back- (The lace up back is what they had in the store, but I'd get it like the one above if I got it, I think.)
Dress #1 Back






Dress #2- I was going for a "Mad Men" type look for a wedding dress, but I don't think this is as flattering... thoughts?







Dress #3- This was the saleswoman's idea.



Dress #4- Back
Dress #4 Front


--------------------------------------------------------------

Ok interweb friends! I know I said that I was ordering my dress online because I live in podunksville... it just so happened that I went to the moderately-sized city (3 hours away!) this weekend and it just so happened that they had a David's bridal there.

As you may recall I had wanted to order a dress (for $200ish) and then have my future MIL remake it in a NICE fabric. Frankly, the David's bridal crap feels like it's made from shower curtain liners. However, I do have to give them kudos for not only carrying plus sizes, but also for carrying them in the store!

I figured since I was there anyway I may as well try the dress I wanted on and at least make sure I ordered it in the right size. While I was there I tried on a few others and I sent the pics to my mom, future MIL and aunt...

... SIGH...

While I DO want their opinions I'm now terribly confused! They were pretty adamant the the dress they liked was NOT the one I had originally picked out. I'm not terribly keen on the one they liked best... but in looking at the pictures I do think it was more flattering than the original one I had picked out.

All this to say that I think I'm going to have to go shopping for more dresses!

Oh- one other problem with the dress they all liked? It's $600. And I would still want it in a different color/fabric. Sigh. That would probably bring the price up to $900 and I can't really see that making sense, yanoo--? I mean, if I'm going to spend that I may as well spend it on something I like to begin with! Not something that I would need to completely change! So now I'm totally freaking out about dresses!
(I'm also freaking out about photographers because they're crazy expensive, but that's a post for another day.)

So what say you, interwebs? Dress #1 #2 #3 or #4? Leave your answer in the comments! I can't do this without you!