Thursday, August 27, 2009

I choose my choice! I choose myself.

Last night I went out with a bunch of friends and Muckraker was there. It was suddenly as if a light had gone on (or off?) and as I was looking at him I realized I couldn't remember why I had ever found him attractive. (No, I won't go back into the blog archives to remind myself...!)

There was just-- nothing there. Phew! And more than that, bemusement as to "what on earth was I thinking was there in the first place?"

I think much of this came out of a realization I had over vacation. For the past 8-9 months or so I've been obsessing over muckraker and Science guy... as though I have to somehow choose between them (nevermind whether or not they actively want me/wanted me at various points in time.) As though these were somehow my only two choices EVER. Because if they didn't want me, who would?

And... Duh. This is a false dichotomy. Not only because there are more than those two guys in this world.... but because there's actually a third choice. And that third choice is myself.

And at this point in time? That third choice is a much better option than either of those two.

I'm not stopping my search, but it's good to realize I always have choices. And choosing myself is NOT a consolation prize... it's the GRAND prize. (This is not to say that finding someone awesome wouldn't ALSO be a GRAND prize... but that's the thing-- this isn't a zero-sum game. Both choices are/would be good ones. But it's so easy to get caught up in the dynamic of-- Oh, I HAVE to choose this person, or I'll LOSE by being alone FOREVER. And that's simply wrong.)


Perpetua said...

You're back! Hooray! So glad the light has come on and the flame has flickered out. :)

arf said...


Simone Grant said...

Yay you. You are SO not a consolation prize.

Hypatia said...

Thank you, ladies!