Tuesday, October 11, 2011

I'm more brilliant in my head

Hey my semi-faithful readers! Did you know that I compose posts in my head at night before I fall asleep? Approximately 0% of those posts actually get written, but I assure you-- they're brilliant! And insightful! And witty!

Tragically for  you, you are stuck with the daytime-me who can barely pull a comb through my hair. It's amazing, you should ask Jedi-- I'm actually super-productive starting at about 10:30pm... but the rest of the day, forget it.

So, all that to say that I had a wonderful post all planned out about how I wanted to put my life more into balance.  Ah! Balance! Or, should I say, "Ooooommmmm" {picture lotus pose here}

Except, I might be inviting more un-balance (ok, I know that's not a word!) into my life.  Because....

..... I just got accepted into "Regional" University to pursue an Ed.D in Higher Ed Administration.

Yippee! Right? (I know you can't see me, but picture Debbie Downer saying, "Yippee" and you've got the picture.)

I mean, yes, this is a good thing. I wouldn't have applied if I hadn't wanted to go. I evaluated my options and this is really the best program for me out there. This one allows me to keep my full time job (a good thing in this economy), take courses over the internet & the equivalent of 1 weekend/month & a few weeks in the summer.  It's relatively quick-- 2 years for the coursework, 1 year for the dissertation.  It's very reasonable, comparatively speaking-- $23,000 for the entire program.

So. All good things. All things that say, "DO THIS."  And I know I will probably do this. Doing this means that I can apply for jobs that pay more money, which is a mostly good thing -(mo' money, mo' problems though... in the management side, I mean. So, I'm actually kind of ambivalent about that.) Doing this means I have more options for the future, so yeah, I should do this.

But. *sigh* on the other hand... balance. I already feel like I've taken on too much between the two-ish jobs I'm doing, the additional (unpaid! yippee) work I've been asked to take on, the church stuff I keep getting voluntold to do, the community work I do, and the after-hours student programs I do.  It wouldn't be a lot for most people, probably (Just do all that and toss a couple kids in the mix, I know...) but I just feel like I need time for reflection.

And, also, I keep thinking-- is this what I want to be when I grow up?  I mean, is it?  It's kind of late to change now, practically speaking. And I like what I do, really, honestly, I'm very lucky to do what I do.  But who, on their deathbed, has ever said, "Gee, I'm so glad I was a mid-level college administrator all my life!"  (Not that I want to be a high-level college administrator; that just leads to lots of headaches.)  It's just that I want my life to be about more than that, and right now it's not.

I keep going back to the idea of writing. But, you know, I've had time to write. Lots of time. And I haven't done it. (And, honestly, I may not even be particularly good at it, but that's ok-- I'm not trying to write a magnum opus or anything.) But I keep having this dream. And I'm paralyzed by fear and indecision.

But I think I've come to a semi-decision.  I have three weeks to accept the offer of admission, in which case I would start in January.  Or, I could defer my start date until the spring.  So, I think that what I will do is devote some serious time in these next 3 weeks to writing.  If it goes well, if I make progress, if I feel like I can keep going... then I'll defer until the spring.  That's a good compromise for now, right? Right.

Now how to find time to go the the gym? Hmmm... maybe we'll stick with only one major life change at a time, eh?

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