Tuesday, May 8, 2012

You and Me Against the World, Baby

The best part about marriage, in my humble opinion, is that I know it's Jedi and I against the world.

The world has been kind of a bitch lately.  Ok, not as much as it has been in the past-- I've definitely experienced worse.  But it's been bad lately - I feel stressed and overwhelmed because I'm doing 2 jobs and getting paid for one, and we're behind on bills, and we will never have enough money to move out of our 600sq ft apartment that has crazy NYC prices even though we live in the middle of nowhere. I'm also starting grad school in August and I'm worried about making the right choice and about taking out student loans... hell if I can't pay off my $5k of credit cards, what makes me think I can pay off $45k of student loans I might take on? So I'm worried about that.

And I'm just generally super depressed-- I'm feeling a bit like Mindy Kaling book cover these days:

Cause really? Are they? It kind of feels that way too. 

And Jedi, my amazing Jedi, is so kind and loving and thoughtful.  But I know he's stressed and depressed too. He's working 5 jobs (not an exaggeration) to try and make ends meet, as well as going to school part time.  It's not good for him-- even if he loved those jobs. But his main job, he hates-- (And his boss is a crazy person who nearly drove Jedi to quit today.)

And so I just wonder... will there ever be a point when we're not stressed about money? about space? about jobs? about school? ... cause I feel like I've been stressed about that forever, and I'm just at my breaking point.

My therapist upped my sessions to 2-3 days a week, which is good, but I hate having to do it. 

So, it feels like the world is crumbling around me, which is half-true, and half-in my head. (But as Dumbledore would say, "Of course it's happening inside your head, Harry, but why should that mean that it's not real?"

But in the midst of all this, I have Jedi. And he has me. And we have each other.  And I ask him to tell me that everything will be okay, and he does. And he asks me to tell him the same thing, and I do.

1 comment:

mmeperpetua said...

So, I'm just right now for the first time ever noticing that you changed the title of your blog (a new title made funnier by the former title--longtime readers get an inside joke, huzzah!)

So, anyhow, just stopping by to say: 1) hello!; and 2) still reading!; and 3) hope all is well!