Phhhhheeeeeewwwww... Hello again, dear readers.
I've only semi-dropped off the face of the earth. As I mentioned before, these 2 weeks are CrAZy! Working from 7am-11pm every day, plus family coming from out of town...
and, oh, yeah... Jedi & I set a wedding date.
I felt good about it for a few days... and now I'm totally freaking out.
Frankly, I'd be good with the status quo forever, but a wedding is important to Jedi. Not just a wedding, (e.g. we can' t just elope), but the whole she-bang with reception & flowers and stuff.
Ok, ok. I'm going with it. Frankly it took me about 2 days to plan it.
Reception hall- Set
Church - Set
Rehearsal dinner- Set
Hotels for out of towners- set
Band - (semi-set)
I finally decided to do it where I work -- which I originally wanted to avoid because that made it seem like this wedding would be a work-related event. But, eventually, I decided it was stupid not to take advantage of the resources here. I really wouldn't be able to this for less than I can do it here. I already have relationships with the various vendors because of my job... and, again, this means that I was able to plan the whole damn thing in 2 days.
Done & Done, right?
Jedi & I got into... well, not a fight precisely... last night, but I did a lot of yelling and stomping around.
My mother, rather shockingly enough, offered out of the blue to contribute $1500 to the wedding. I admit, we were going to make the pitch, but she offered it before we could do the asking. My dad (parents divorced) is matching it. Jedi & I had planned to each put in $1000. We had planned to ask his parents to match what my parents put it.
Well, last night Jedi told me that his dad told him that all they're planning on paying for is the rehearsal dinner. And this is after the fact that I had told his family that I had planned on the rehearsal dinner being hamburgers/hot dogs at a local campsite. (Call me classless, but frankly I think a fireside cook out with smores & stuff near a lake would be fun and economical.) So, let's see... even on the EXPENSIVE side, that type of rehearsal dinner would prob. be less than $300.
His dad said, "Well, it's the responsibility of the bride's family to pay for the wedding."
So, tell me dear readers, was I wrong to stomp and yell?
Ok, I was wrong to stomp and yell at Jedi as if this was somehow his fault (and I did apologize for it)... but, oooooo! I got so steamed up! I had to leave the house to get some air.
It took talking it over with my therapist today to really get to the depths of why this made me so mad.
I mean, it's a little bridezilla-ish of me to be expecting them to pay for anything I suppose, isn't it? I suppose I should say, "Thanks for paying for the rehearsal dinner" and STFU about it. But I just can't.
Mostly for 2 reasons:
#1) That whole "The bride's family pays" is such an archaic bullshit holdover from a time in which women were such worthless commodities that families literally had to pay some schmoe to take her off their hands.
#2) Jedi has a 16 year old sister. Basically what his dad is saying is, "We'll pay for your sister's wedding, but not for yours." Given how much preferential treatment his sister is given in general (Jedi is the product of his mother's first marriage. His "dad" is his mom's husband. Jedi doesn't have any contact with his biological father.) I was so pissed on his behalf.
#3) I was perfectly happy to either-- not have a wedding, or -- to elope. Jedi's family strongly objected to both options. (And, well, so did Jedi.) For them to then decide not to contribute just felt like such a shitty thing to do.
#4) I've had a good relationship with his parents, but this really felt like a slap in the face. It felt like them saying, "well, we don't REALLY support this."
(ok, so that was more than 2 reasons... whatever.)
Now, I know $1000 is a lot of money, and no one on either side really has any. However, when one considers that this is more than a YEAR away, it does seem like it's pretty crappy to be like, "It's too much trouble to put $75/month away." I mean, yeah, no one is rich, no one is destitute either.
So, what say you interwebs? Am I a heinous bitch for expecting his parents to pony up $1000? (Please bear in mind that they're getting off CHEAP! I'm getting $1500 from EACH of my parents... to be even we should technically be asking his parents to match that and give us $3000. Additionally, my mom is working a second job to help pay for my relatives to fly in for the wedding.)
Anyhoo-- this may all be a mountain out of a molehill since his mom and I had a talk this afternoon and she said that Jedi's dad is totally old-fashioned and she would talk to him and that she thinks they'll be able to give us $1000.
We shall see how this all shakes out, but frankly the whole bruhaha just made me want to call the whole thing off.