Monday, August 6, 2012

Tuition & then some

So, it's official. I'm going back to school full time. I feel good about that. I'm going back to a program that in March of 2011 I had made the decision not to attend because to do so would have meant that I would have had to quit my job, and I just couldn't fathom quitting my job.

And then I was upset with that decision and back in August of that year I had decided to reapply.  And then I had withdrawn my application because I just couldn't justify the uncertainty of being in school fro 2 years full time while Jedi was still trying to figure out his own life.

And then my work turned to crazy-town a few months ago. As, in everyone lost their fucking minds.  And I could stay in this mess, but if I did, I would lose my mind too. And it's fucking water-torture to be here as it is.  And right around the time everyone lost their minds, the school I had originally wanted to attend contacted me to say, "hey, we still have your materials on file..."

And so, I applied.  And I got it. And I am going.  And I am leaving these lunatics to their lunacy.  And I feel good about that.

What I don't feel good about is money.

I have a part time job, and I have the financial aid lined up-- but, oh, lordy, lord do I see how people get into the financial aid messes in this country, and I pray I will not be one of them.  This program will cost $50k to complete.  It's a 2-year program, and it will cost $50k total.  They are letting me borrow $44k for the first year.  Now, I realize I don't have to take it, but I do wonder how many students get into trouble with this type of thing and end up borrowing $88k for what should be a $50k diploma.  Far too many, I think.

But I am worried about money-- I've done the "watered down vegetable soup & toast" every day for 2 weeks dinner far too often in my life. When I was a kid, that was most of my childhood.  I can actually handle that. Deprivation is nothing new to me-- school lunch tickets, toys for tots, sleeping in the car with blankets on the windows in Wal-Mart parking lot. That was my childhood.  Jedi? Every time he went to the store, he came home with a new toy.  If his mom was poor for a very brief period of his childhood, he sure doesn't remember it.  And so, I hate having to be the bad guy all the time, telling him, "No, you can't buy that root beer, because it costs $1.99, and that's not in the budget."  But it's true, and we can't.

But, it's not even 2 years. It's 18 months. And it's for the greater good in the end.  And, God might be up there laughing, because this sure wasn't my plan, but I have to pray that it's the right one.

A year ago I couldn't have predicted this... but 2 years ago, I couldn't have predicted that a year ago I'd be getting ready for my wedding right around this time.  Who knows where I'll be a year from now.  I've learned not to bother making plans...

No comments: