Breathing

School is hard.  This week I have 3 ten page papers due, a group project, a chapter outline, and 3 discussion forum posts due.... and that's for ONE class.  Out of 5 classes.  I won't even bother to list what I have due in my other classes.

I've also started seeing therapy clients, which was slightly nerve-wracking at the beginning, but I was pleased that my supervisor didn't call into my sessions once (she called in to one of my other classmate's sessions 3x!), and after my first session she told me she was proud of me, and that I could do my next sessions with only video supervision (instead of having her there live.) So, I feel like that's a pretty good stamp of approval.

And I feel like I'm running around all over the place trying to get things done, and failing, and letting Jedi down (especially with housework--because I've NEVER been good with that, but since I'm home more I should really be better, but I find that I'm still insanely busy, and so I'm not... And I always really suck at housework.)

But here's the good thing too.  For all that I'm stressed with school, for all that I'm stressed about the future, and where I'll get an internship, and where I should go to school next.... I find that I'm breathing easier.

That tightness that comes from always feeling like you're watching what you say? It's gone.  That feeling you have when you're always watching your back? It's gone.  Not having to deal with two-faced, backstabbing people? That will make you breathe easier.

The next couple of years will be tough-- Jedi keeps asking me, when will we finally have a life that feels "settled?" ( I don't know the answer to that actually, because my student-loan-repayment plan will probably have us feeling unsettled for awhile, actually.)  But I feel really good about the choice to go into a profession that will, at the end of the line, give me a lot more latitude and freedom with what I want to do with my life, and will also give me the freedom to decide which types of people I want to surround myself with.

And doesn't everyone need more breathing room? Ahhhhh....