I'm a planner at heart. However, the best laid plans... ha! And as you can tell from the blog title, my plans have a way of making God laugh.
I was thinking about plans on 9/11 because, well, who doesn't remember what they were doing, or exactly what type of person they were in that moment-- it's a very 'crystallized in time' kind of moment, you know? Mostly I can't believe how long it's been since it happened, and I also can't believe that THIS is my life.
THIS? My 19 year old self says to my now-self.
Yes. This.
Really? THIS?
Yes. THIS.
Not that THIS is bad, in a lot of ways, THIS life is pretty great. If I hadn't lived this life I would never have met Jedi, and he is wonderful and more than I could ever have hoped for in a partner. (Well, other than the independently wealthy part . Drat.)
And I feel like I have accomplished a lot in the past 11 years-- I've had as many careers as most people have had in a life time-- I've been a costume designer, real estate agent, a carnival worker, a radio DJ, a secretary, an event planner, a student adviser. I've gotten my second masters... (and am now working on my 3rd... what? um...)I've lived in France, I've lived in Ireland, I bought a condo, I got a dog; I met and married an amazing man.... not bad actually.
So why do I still feel like I let my 19 year old self down? I guess I pictured myself more as living in Europe living a bohemian lifestyle, working in theater...
And yet... I DID that! And I kind of hated it. I mean, I loved it, but I hated the insecurity of it. On some level I love the idea of adventure more than the reality of it-- at the end of the day, the comfort of my own bed and my own comfortable surroundings are a powerful draw, moreso than never knowing where my next pay check is coming from, where I'll be sleeping from one night to the next.
But there's a part of me that still has a bit of that wanderlust, and as I keep thinking about what my next steps are (because they're coming up faster than I can imagine!) I am torn between staying where I am-- in my comfortable surroundings, where in-laws and family, and established friendships are--- or making a leap for the unknown and uprooting us for the exotic shores of....Canada? Maybe :-) Socialized medicine is a powerful draw!
I was thinking about plans on 9/11 because, well, who doesn't remember what they were doing, or exactly what type of person they were in that moment-- it's a very 'crystallized in time' kind of moment, you know? Mostly I can't believe how long it's been since it happened, and I also can't believe that THIS is my life.
THIS? My 19 year old self says to my now-self.
Yes. This.
Really? THIS?
Yes. THIS.
Not that THIS is bad, in a lot of ways, THIS life is pretty great. If I hadn't lived this life I would never have met Jedi, and he is wonderful and more than I could ever have hoped for in a partner. (Well, other than the independently wealthy part . Drat.)
And I feel like I have accomplished a lot in the past 11 years-- I've had as many careers as most people have had in a life time-- I've been a costume designer, real estate agent, a carnival worker, a radio DJ, a secretary, an event planner, a student adviser. I've gotten my second masters... (and am now working on my 3rd... what? um...)I've lived in France, I've lived in Ireland, I bought a condo, I got a dog; I met and married an amazing man.... not bad actually.
So why do I still feel like I let my 19 year old self down? I guess I pictured myself more as living in Europe living a bohemian lifestyle, working in theater...
And yet... I DID that! And I kind of hated it. I mean, I loved it, but I hated the insecurity of it. On some level I love the idea of adventure more than the reality of it-- at the end of the day, the comfort of my own bed and my own comfortable surroundings are a powerful draw, moreso than never knowing where my next pay check is coming from, where I'll be sleeping from one night to the next.
But there's a part of me that still has a bit of that wanderlust, and as I keep thinking about what my next steps are (because they're coming up faster than I can imagine!) I am torn between staying where I am-- in my comfortable surroundings, where in-laws and family, and established friendships are--- or making a leap for the unknown and uprooting us for the exotic shores of....Canada? Maybe :-) Socialized medicine is a powerful draw!
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