Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Plans, plans, plans

I'm a planner at heart.  However, the best laid plans... ha!  And as you can tell from the blog title, my plans  have a way of making God laugh.

I was thinking about plans on 9/11 because, well, who doesn't remember what they were doing, or exactly what type of person they were in that moment-- it's a very 'crystallized in time' kind of moment, you know?  Mostly I can't believe how long it's been since it happened, and I also can't believe that THIS is my life.

THIS? My 19 year old self says to my now-self.
 Yes. This. 
Really? THIS?
Yes. THIS.

Not that THIS is bad, in a lot of ways, THIS life is pretty great.  If I hadn't lived this life I would never have met Jedi, and he is wonderful and more than I could ever have hoped for in a partner. (Well, other than the independently wealthy part .  Drat.)

And I feel like I have accomplished a lot in the past 11 years-- I've had as many careers as most people have had in a life time-- I've  been a costume designer, real estate agent, a carnival worker, a radio DJ, a secretary, an event planner, a student adviser. I've gotten my second masters... (and am now working on my 3rd... what? um...)I've lived in France, I've lived in Ireland, I bought a condo, I got a dog; I met and married an amazing man.... not bad actually.

So why do I still feel like I let my 19 year old self down?  I guess I pictured myself more as living in Europe living a bohemian lifestyle, working in theater...

And yet... I DID that!  And I kind of hated it.  I mean, I loved it, but I hated the insecurity of it.  On some level I love the idea of adventure more than the reality of it-- at the end of the day, the comfort of my own bed and my own comfortable surroundings are a powerful draw, moreso than never knowing where my next pay check is coming from, where I'll be sleeping from one night to the next.

But there's a part of me that still has a bit of that wanderlust, and as I keep thinking about what my next steps are (because they're coming up faster than I can imagine!) I am torn between staying where I am-- in my comfortable surroundings, where in-laws and family, and established friendships are--- or making a leap for the unknown and uprooting us for the exotic shores of....Canada? Maybe :-)  Socialized medicine is a powerful draw!

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