Updated 103 days ago

... or, My! How time flies!

... or, Fuckity, fuckity, fuckity, fuck!

Remember how, oh, probably about 103 days a go, give or take, I had said something along the lines of, "I really need to start writing regularly on that book I always say I'm going to work on..."

No? You don't remember?

Oh, well, apparently neither did I.

Well, ok, that isn't quite true... I've thought about writing numerous times. Believe me, I know that writing is a muscle that if not exercised (like my flabby behind) will atrophy.  I can't even say that it's because of a lack of opportunity. Nope. Nuh-uh.  I've found myself with more free time--in the last two months especially, having changed jobs to one that doesn't expect me to work every night and weekend-- and in being out of grad school-- than I have had in the past 3 years.

I'm kind of kicking myself since it's not like I've used that newly found free time to actually go to the gym or take an art class or take up cake decorating (um, maybe I should put that one on hold for awhile and stick to trying to go to the gym, huh?).  I've definitely THOUGHT about writing. Like last night. I thought about it. Then I decided to check a few more blogs and fiddle around on the internet and watch a dvr'd episode of Oprah. (Have I mentioned that I could really use a new car, Oprah? That would be awesome!)

There's nothing like logging into google docs though to have your procrastination documented literally in front of your face. "Last updated 103 days ago." Eee gads!  Even if I had only written one page per day (the very modest goal I set myself) that would mean I would have 103 more pages than I had 103 days ago. In a year I would have 365 pages and that's a whole damned book.

Oh, internets! How I disappoint myself!

Don't get me wrong-- it's not as though I think I somehow have the next great American novel in me or anything. No, I have no goal other than to write the next great trashy romance novel. Why? Because I love them-- I love the wonderful escapist fantasy of it, I love that everything works out in the end and the bad guys get their comeuppance... and I love that it's one of the most commercially successful genres and it's something I might actually be able to make a buck off. (As opposed to the great American novel which only my heirs would be able to make a buck off of once it becomes required reading in every high school in the country.)

That is- I could make a buck off of it if I ever got off my (flabby!) arse to write it! Come to think of it, I don't even need to get off my arse at all. And isn't that the whole appeal of writing?

I had tried to form a critique group with a couple of friends who are aspiring writers but that fell flat and then so did my motivation to get things written by certain deadlines.

So... any motivational ideas, interweb friends? If you come up with the winning solution I might just have to dedicate my (sure to be award winning) book to you!

(expedient) Feminist Convictions

I have been accused of being negligent in my blogging duties. (Hi Camera girl.-- To which I pointed out, I am much more apt to blog when I get comments. Then I don't feel like I'm just talking to myself. I mean, I know there are more of you out there-- I have methods of finding out, you know.)

I would say that my lethargy is not limited simply to my blog posting-- it's extended itself into my work too. Oh, I get my stuff done... but I don't get additional stuff that I really should be getting done at some point started. Because, you know, it's not due tomorrow. Bad me! But hey, I get stuff done when it's due, and isn't that what really counts?

In the meantime let's talk about weddings and what a PITA they are, shall we? Hmmmm.  So, I may have mentioned previously that I'm totally opposed to having my father walk me down the aisle. This does in fact stem from my feminist conviction that it is nothing more than a symbolic transfer of property from my father to my (soon to be) husband. Ick. Ew. Phooey. I protest mightily!

My grandmother was trying to convince me to reconsider by pointing out that it's important to my dad (who never has an opinion about anything, but has expressed an opinion about this. *sigh*) by saying, "I view it as a symbolic moving from my father's house to my husbands."

*Sigh* Also- Ick. Ew. Phooey.

Hell, if ANYONE is moving from their parents' house to their spouses' house it would be JEDI. Perhaps his parents should be walking HIM down the aisle?

I am also mightily opposed to a father/daughter dance because... Ick. Ew. Phooey.

One of the major reasons for all this-- in addition to my feminist convictions-- is that is just not the relationship I have with my father.  It's the relationship he thinks we have, but it's not actually the one we have. I haven't lived with my dad since I was 3. There were no good night stories or special outings or birthday surprises when I was growing up.  When I was visiting him he spent more quality time with his TV than he ever did with me. I learned at an early age not to expect the phone call or card that he would swear would arrive because at least 3/4ths of the time they wouldn't.

To suddenly pretend at my wedding that my dad has been there for me my whole life and that he was the rock on which I built my foundation is not just icky and disingenuous, it's something I find maddening. Why should I put on this charade for family and friends? Why should my dad get a bunch of unearned accolades for being a great dad?

I mean, that's not to say he was a BAD dad, don't get me wrong. He's just a dad who tends to show his affection through money because he doesn't really know another way to do it. ... actually... that's not quite true-- he's a great dad to my brother (age 16). But the dad my brother has is not a dad I ever knew.

Because of the various issues outlined above-- and my parents' acrimonious divorce-- my mother has always insisted that if anyone is going to walk me down the aisle, she should be the one to do it.  *sigh*
I know she'll throw a hissy fit if I did have my dad walk me down the aisle so my feminist convictions are pretty convenient in this regard.

I still don't know how I'm going to get out of the father/daughter dance since Jedi is adamant that he wants a son/mother dance.

I did have a dream last night that my father died very suddenly and then I was filled with remorse that I hadn't had him walk me down the aisle after all. I'm still leaning toward NOT having him do that, but that feeling of remorse is a tough one to shake today and I'm wondering if I made the right decision.

Poor Jedi

Jedi's got a case of the blues already-- Seasonal affective disorder or something. It's grey and cold and rainy and not at all cheerful here -- so nevermind that he has a great new job starting on Monday. Doesn't matter when you've got the blues. I get it. I've been there.

Well, he now found out that his best woman and her husband, who was going to be a groomsman, may not be able to be at the wedding AT ALL. They're in the military and it's very likely they're going to be shipped out shortly so.... Well. Not much to be done about that, but it is very unfortunate.  Not just because of us mind you-- I'm not as coldhearted as that. I wish no one had to ever go off to war, much less people that are important to people who are important to me.  But, to be slightly selfish on Jedi's behalf, we're having a very small wedding party. Just 2 people on each side, and his 2 people are not going to make it.

Jedi doesn't have very many close friends, so this is hitting him particularly hard, and he's feeling down anyway. I'm not sure what I can do for him. I'm going to suggest he ask his sister to stand with him instead as they're very close. I don't care about the "matchy/matchy" aspect that so many brides seem to obsess over. If he has 1 person on his side or if he has 5 it doesn't make a difference to me-- but I feel sad for him that his closest friends probably won't be able to be there on a day that's so important to him.

Another Option

Hey! So we may have found a happy medium between price/experience!

This Photographer

Pretty good, right? And he's available on our date, and he won't break the bank! ($1395 for 8 hours. Super!)

Thoughts?

In Which My Mother Makes a Good Point:

(Ahem. So, I got the actual numbers from the good photographer today... It's actually $4000. Gack! Yes, that sound you hear is me choking on my own inhaled breath.)

This is the email my mother sent in regards to this issue. For once, she actually has a good point. (Shocking I know!)

Bonjour,

 

I could hear you on the phone yesterday and knew that the photos are very important to you.

I looked at both sites.  Yes, there is a difference in the style of photos...but could you possibly show her the style you like as input?  Is it really worth a $3000 diffrence???

 

Also, just an observation from one who has made many mistakes in my own marriage by doing what I wanted more than making a decision as a couple.

 

Obviously, since [Jedi] said that the could go with the lower cost one, the photos are not his utmost priority.  He will go along with you because he will do anything to please you and make you happy right now.  Believe me, people build unspoken resentment though and it comes out sideways years later.  (I still heard in recent years how my head flower piece was more expensive than his suit.....:(

 

Anyway, think about it this way, now that you will no longer be single, by a couple.  What would you think if [Jedi] spent $4000 of your common budget on something that was not THAT important to you (whether it is for the wedding or else). 

 

As my sister told me this week, ([She] wanted to rent a chalet in the mountains for all the [Family] this coming Christmas).  Quand on n'a pas de sous, il faut pas essayer de faire les riches...:)

 

Think long and hard before you commit.  Good luck with your decision.  

 

Is it bad that I still REALLY REALLY REALLY want the amazing photographer though? I mean, REALLY?

Budgets

Wedding Budget:

Me - $1000
Me extra - $350
Jedi - $1000
My Mom- $1000
My Dad - $3000
Jedi's Parents- $1500

= $7,850

Now, yes, my original budget was $5,000... Thank God my dad kicked in a bit more!

This seems like a crazy big budget until you start dividing it up...

But, in reference to the post below let me just say that we end up about $100 over budget if we go with the "good" photographer and about $800 over if we go with the really good photographer.

Photographer redux

Ok, I have a bit of a dilemma... I think I can kind of guess how some of you will come down on it (well, some of you  anyway... who will remind me what Suze Orman would say, but I don't want to listen to Suze right now!!!)

I have a photographer who is starting out (as previously mentioned)-- who has never done a wedding before-- who has offered to give me 10 hours of coverage plus all the digitals plus a free engagement sitting for $1100.  Yes, that seems like an insane amount of money... until you actually start pricing out wedding photography and then you realize it's the deal of the lifetime.

Here is her website-- http://chocolatepipsphoto.zenfolio.com/

Frankly, they're nice... some are even very pretty... but they don't blow me away.

On the other hand we have a different photographer who is ---GULP-- Twice as much for half the time. (Can I afford twice as much? Um, well, if you mean, do I have the money in hand... um... well... let me get back to you on that.)

However, the pictures blow me away. http://garonephotography.blogspot.com/

(Also, an acquaintance  recently used them, and her pictures are STUNNING. I figure if they can make her look good, I"ll look FABULOUS! ;-)

I know, on the one hand... MONEY MONEY MONEY.... on the other hand all I'll really have left of the day (Other than Jedi, obviously!) is the pictures. 50 years from now will I be regretting that I went with a budget photographer... um... likely? Maybe?

I know Suze Orman would say that it's not worth clearing out my bank account for this (Or maybe she would? People first, remember!)... And it really would be coming out of my own budget since Jedi is really opposed to spending the extra money. I'm thinking I would pick up a holiday job/reunion job or something to help make up the difference.

What do y'all think? Am I being unreasonable in wanting the more expensive photographer? I feel like I'm heading into crazy bride territory...  I also feel really bad about this where the first photographer is concerned because I met her and she's a lovely woman and she does have a good eye... I can tell she'll be a great photographer someday... right now she's good, but not "magazine editorial" good the way the other photographer is.