We're already 7 days into April and I haven't posted anything!? Bad me! Bad me!
It's even more terrible when you consider the fact that I visit many blogs (probably the blogs of many of you reading this!) and I'm terribly impatient with the posting schedules and check back to see if there's anything new almost hourly! (On the other hand, I doubt that I have such a rabid following... mostly the one or two of you out there and the others that I see in person practically daily. Ahem. Dreams of internet glory down in flames!)
Part of the reason for my sporadic posting has been ... my thesis! Not that there has been much ACTUAL work mind you... but there has been a LOT of . Why not procrastinate on my blog? Well, that would be because if I'm going to be doing any typing I feel guilty when it's not PRODUCTIVE typing... especially when I'm behind.
But guess what interweb friends! I'm still (somewhat) behind... but I have COMPLETED MY THESIS!
(You may feel free to send me gifts!)
Ok, ok, I just completed the (very) rough first draft... but DAMN! Does that feel good! 112 pages done and written! (Did I mention that I wrote all of that in just four days? Um... don't tell my advisor!)
So, revisions galore this month, but I'm not (terribly) worried about that. Final copy due May 15th, and then... GRADUATION! PHEW! I will be glad to have this under my belt, behind me, and moving on.
I finished the thesis on Monday night. Both Jedi & I took Monday off for the holiday, but ended up turning it into a working day instead.
As I mentioned, Jedi is not doing too well in his classes... HOWEVER, he was not TOTALLY forthright in saying that he got an "F." Yes, he CURRENTLY has an "F," but that's because he's not turned a damned thing in!!! However, there is still the possibility he could turn this around and get a "C" or something... If he contacts his prof and arranges to ACTUALLY DO SOME OF THE ASSIGNMENTS.
So. That's what HE was supposed to be doing on Monday while I was finishing my thesis. Is that what happened?
Now, I'm not saying he didn't do work... I'm just saying that he procrastinated and didn't get nearly as much done as he could have gotten done.
I think this is a case of letting little birdies leave the nest and fly or fall on their own.
The problem is that I've signed on to be with him for that flight or fall.
School is DEFINITELY not his "thing." He's going to school (associate's) to be a teacher, but we all know that's not going to happen-- Not that he won't finish his associate's, I mean, but that being a teacher would NOT be a good fit career-wise for him.
But what DOES he want to do? That's the problem. He has no idea.
Ok, he's 23. It's understandable, which is why I'm trying to be understanding. When I was 23 my life was aimless and I was freaked out about it too and didn't know what to do.
He's only got 3 more terms to finish before he gets his Associate's. There's NO reason he can't/shouldn't finish. He wants to go on to get a Bachelor's, but I don't know how well he'd do and he doesn't even know what he'd want to study.
Npapaya asked me how I would feel if he decided all he wanted to do was work at Home Depot, and be a general clerk, and that was enough for him. I thought long and hard about it, I really did.
I can't say I would be THRILLED, but at the same time I want him to find something he's passionate about. If he decided he was passionate about helping people pick out tile, and he couldn't wait to get to work every day to do that, and he just loved mixing paint colors, and that fulfilled him...???? Well, I guess I could get behind that. I just want him to find something he loves to do... (Besides me, I mean. Ahem. Thank you, Ladies and Gentleman! I'll be here nightly, feel free to tip.)
Now, you may say to me... But Hypatia! You've told us that your job is soul-sucking and thankless! Isn't this a double standard?
Well, no. I would say, this isn't my dream job, but it's a job that's helping me to work toward that dream. And in the meantime? It pays the bills and offers me opportunities to travel and study (for free). Jedi's job at the moment is just a soul-sucking, thankless, and DEAD END job.
I want more for him... but he needs to want it for himself more that I want it for him-- And that's not something I can do on his behalf.