Thursday, November 12, 2009

Crossing Boundaries

I've mentioned before that Jedi likes to be with me 24/7... Which is overwhelming. He constantly tells me how happy I make him. I also find this overwhelming. I can't be responsible for his happiness! I am barely able to be responsible for myself!!!

I mentioned that he conveniently "forgets" stuff at my house so he has an excuse to come over. (And I'm a sucker because I once he's there I totally want to make-out-n-stuff and so I totally let him stay.)

I put my foot down for the past few days though and made if very clear-- NO COMING OVER! Absolutely NOT! Nuh-uh! NO WAY! (And, that we're TOTALLY going back to the system of "days of the week"... so, he'll get Wed & Fri, and MAYBE another day during the week.)

And he's been good about it...


That he's shown up at my office both of those days with rather flimsy excuses. (Ok, one day wasn't an excuse. He was having a tough day at work and needed some TLC.) In both cases he didn't actually enter my office, and he only stayed 2-5minutes. (Part of his job requires him to make deliveries and his route takes him past my office.)

I feel like he's pushing boundaries... but... not to the point where I need to do anything about it (yet.)

On the other hand, as I said, I find it overwhelming that he needs to be in contact with me so much. It makes me uncomfortable to be so vital to someone's perceived well-being.

We had a long talk about this the other night, (in which I totally hurt his feelings, but it couldn't be helped.) I know it makes him feel rejected that I don't feel the need to be by his side all the time, or texting, or calling, or otherwise thinking about him.

But, that's not going to change. Heaven help me if I ever feel my happiness is totally dependent on one person! That, to me, is the mark of a totally unhealthy relationship. I told him, also, that one of the other big issues I have is that I feel that before I could get serious about him, he'd need to have lived on his own for a couple of years.

Not because I feel like he needs to be a 'grown-up' and have enough $$ to have a place of his own (Though, well, there is THAT. But that's not the primary reason!) It's because so much PERSONAL GROWTH happens when someone is living on their own! I would not be who I was meant to be if I had gone straight from my parent's house to my (hypothetical) husband's house. I know there are people who do it- (different strokes and all that)- but it doesn't seem like a good idea to me. So, even setting aside the issue of me needing my SPACE, I wouldn't even entertain the idea of letting him move in with me for personal growth reasons.

That bothered him too.

He said something about "...when you let me move in with you..." (I forget the exact phrasing)... And I recoiled and said something like, "Nightmare scenario!"

He replied saying, "I was only kidding! You were supposed to laugh!"

I said, "That's not a funny joke."

He said, "Why are your jokes funny and not mine?" *

*(Side note: I'm constantly making cracks about how I can't hang out with him because I'm going out with my "other boyfriend." He knows I'm not seeing anyone else, but he doesn't find these jokes funny. Npapaya and I find them HILARIOUS.)

I replied, "My jokes are funny because they're preposterous. Your joke is not funny because if I ACTUALLY said, "I want you to move in with me," you would reply, "give me 20 minutes to pack up my stuff and I'll be right back," wouldn't you?"

He buried his head in his pillow and nodded.


I did give him a drawer.

*** Other side note: I should also add that it's not bad to some extent that he's pushing me. I tend to be very laissez-faire about relationships. Science guy and I "went out" for 8 months with about 8 dates and only a little hand-holding throughout that entire time period. If Jedi wasn't constantly saying "When can I next see you?" I'd probably be content with seeing him once every couple of weeks or so.

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