Hair!

I should apparently make this blog about hair-- at least, that's what I understand based on my traffic reports. My blog posts about hair get by FAR the most traffic from all over the world.  Hey, I get it... my little life is pretty mundane... I write mostly for myself.

But, in the spirit of giving my limited readership what they want, here's a little post about hair.  I got about 8" chopped off today, and it sure felt good.  Very freeing, psychologically speaking.  I have a tendency to hide behind my hair... and now, whoosh! It's gone. (I also have a tendency to put it up into a French Twist, which is only a fancy-pants looking version of the lazy-girl's go-to Ponytail... essentially, unless it was for a special occasion, I just would wash... and twist.)

Well, no more washing & twisting... here is the short bob I got today!

Ok, no, I'm not secretly Candace Cameron!  But, I saw this super cute short bob on the TV show "Make it or Break it" (Yes, I'm addicted to bad TV, especially bad TV that airs on ABC family.  Don't even get me started on "The Secret Life of the American Teenager"  ...  And yes, I'm ashamed of myself.)

In the spirit of helping out other people who are no doubt typing the words "cute short bob" into google as we speak, here are some more shots of the same cut... (Don't you love having more shots you can bring to your stylist! To make sure s/he does NOT.SCREW.IT.UP! Don't mess with the HAIR!)

When I saw this cut on TV I knew I wanted it, so I grabbed the screenshots-- You are welcome internets! Now go! Get yourselves some good hair!

:roll eyes:

You know how sometimes you're facebook friends with people who are totally random acquaintances, and you're like- Wait, how do I know you again?  But, hey, they're harmless enough, so you keep them on.

It's also an interesting little glimpse and window into how other people live, and how other people live? It does not compute for me, dude.

Approximation of facebook conversation:

Aquaintance:  Other new moms, how do you deal with having to go back to work?

Her Friend: It's tough, especially when you're breast feeding, trying to take care of the other kids, take care of the chores, and all of that.  I'm lucky though! My husband agreed to cook dinner once a week. I love Wednesdays!

I have to admit, my head kind of cocked sideways, like my dog does when she's looking at something she just does.not.understand.  Like, what do you mean, your husband "agreed" to cook dinner once a week? It sounds like you're doing pretty much everything. Why doesn't your lazy-ass husband cook dinner every night of the week? What else is he doing? You're making food with your God-damned body. What are his magical powers?  And you consider yourself "lucky"?    

Your life makes me sad.

Did I mention I was feeling groovy?

Jedi and I got some super good news today! We were invited to move into the apartment in the basement of our church! Why does that make it today our lucky day, you may ask!?  Well, for one, our church is located in the center of town, walking distance to my job and Jedi's job -- like, hop, skip, jump!  Now that we've sold one of our cars (did I mention we did that? Cost-cutting!) that is a super bonus.  Jedi's been taking the bus to work, but it means he gets to work an hour early, and if a colleague can't give him a ride home it usually means he has to wait an hour for the bus home. (Even though we only live a 10 minute drive away.)

But the super-dee-duperty big deal?  This is a practically FREE apartment!  We only pay a small contribution toward the heating costs, but other than that we get the apartment in exchange for opening and closing the building every day, and doing small jobs around the church, like setting up tables and chairs for meetings and shoveling the walks when it snows.  (And let's be real-- Jedi will be doing most of that. Ahem.) Pretty sweet!

This ALSO means that we get to rent out my condo, which has been driving me crazy with worry... we've been wanting to get out of my condo for awhile, but we could never make the math add up. One of my big worries was that if we rented out the condo, and then we got locked into our own rental someplace else, if we had a tenant flake out-- or if the condo sat vacant for 3-4 months-- we would basically wipe out our savings. We wouldn't be able to pay the rent on another place AND cover the costs of the mortgage on my condo.  Which basically left us paralyzed and stuck where we were...

But now we can move out, not have to worry about covering both costs (because we could if we needed to), and hopefully build up enough of a nest egg so that if/when we move out of the church apartment we'll have enough of a cushion to cover the carrying costs on the condo to rent it out without having to worry.

PHEW!!!

Additionally, with the internship coming up in the spring I may... just may... have to quite my part-time job.  I really don't want to, because I quite enjoy it.  But I'm having trouble seeing how I can make the scheduling work.... 2 days a week for classes (driving 1.5 hours each way), 10 hours at the clinic at school, 20 hours a week at the internship site (driving 1.5 hours each way in a different direction), and then 20 hours a week at my part time job.   The part time job is pretty zen and gives me lots of reading time... but it's the sleeping time and driving time I'm worried about... as in, I'm not a good driver, and I fall asleep behind the wheel.  *sigh*  I've looked into public transportation, but the options aren't good. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that some sort of carpool might materialize... but, I won't worry about that for now.

For now, I'll just be happy that we're moving...!  Eventually!... Not for a couple of months still-- which is actually good, since that gives me time to get rid of my junk pack some of my precious belongings.  Hey, with the holidays coming up, the opportunities for regifting are endless!

Feeling Groovy

So we fought the law and... we won?

My cohort and I staged a little mini-revolution this past week.  The requirements for some of our classes (the online ones in particular) were INSANE. So, we rebelled, and called a meeting, and presented a list of demands, and it seems like the school has backed down. Yea!

Lest you think we are a chronically lazy bunch, please believe that the requirements were whackadoodle.  For example-- We had 3 group projects due PER WEEK (group projects in an online course? Whose brilliant idea was this?), 2-4 major writing assignments per week, 3 forum posts due per week, and 200+ pages of reading due per week (plus often a video or two to respond to.)  We are taking FIVE classes, and these are the recs for just ONE, and we have about 10 hours of clinic work on top of that, and then whatever else life throws at us.... (I can't even imagine my colleagues with kids... One woman in my classes has 3 kids under the age of 5 and is doing all of this. Insanity!)  The major thing though was that the assignments weren't particularly useful-- they felt like "check box" assignments to make sure that we had done our reading.  I think this is because it's the first time the school is doing online courses, and they're really not sure how to deal with it.

So, our cohort had our meeting, and we got them to significantly modify the workload and streamline it. Yea!

The reason I'm feeling groovy though is because I've been talking to a woman who was a recent graduate of the MA portion of the program I'm in.  Jedi and I have been talking, and I think I've come to the conclusion that if I can't get someone else to pay for the PhD, I'm going to be done with school-- it just doesn't make financial sense to continue, I think, in other circumstances.  The school I'm currently at, I can continue with the PhD there, but financially I just don't think I'll want to.

Well, the recent alumna is in a great program that not only covers the cost of the PhD, but also offers an amazing stipend-- $25k.  (As I was talking to her my ears perked up wildly when I heard that!) They do only accept 2-3 people a year, which is not surprising given the incentives. The work done is also pretty interesting-- it's the only program in the country that has this particular focus, so it's pretty unique, which gives it's graduates a nice niche. She gave me some great advice too, and one of them was to do my upcoming Spring internship at a regional hospital that is affiliated with this PhD program to up my future chances.  So, you know how I like plans... It's nice to have something to plan towards!

Jedi is also rooting for this particular program over others I'm looking at because it's in his childhood hometown. (Not that most of his friends live there anymore, mind you!)  When I mentioned the program he was ready to start packing boxes then and there-- (which speaks more to how ready he is to move out of where we are now, I think, than to anything else actually!)

So, feeling good, finding a routine, making plans for the future...

The little things

Time for a little schmaltz.  It's been awhile, right?  I try to keep it off facebook for the most part, because I know how annoying it is to read "kisskisshughugsmoochsmooch" from couples all the time.  It's like-- ugh! What are you trying to prove.

And I'm NOT trying to prove how "in love" Jedi and I are, mostly because I think that's dumb. Love isn't a contest or a zero-sum game.  But what I DO want the world to know is how fucking amazing Jedi is.  I would write that shit on facebook everyday if I didn't think everyone would defriend me. (And believe me, enough people have already defriended me for my political posts. Heh.)

Jedi  is just the most incredibly thoughtful person you could ever hope to meet. He is always thinking about someone other than himself-- and yes, that often includes me (which is an awesome feeling)-- but it's definitely not limited to me.  He's often thinking about the nice things he can do for his sister, or his mom, or my nephew, or the people in his office.

For me? Doing nice things is just second nature.  He scrapes my car windshield in the mornings even though he takes the bus.  He makes me tea, even though he doesn't drink tea.  He always carries in the groceries and puts them away. He is always asking if I want a back rub or a foot rub (ok, he often asks for those too... :-)  He never needs to be asked to do anything-- he just does it out of loving kindness... chores that should be mine, like feeding the dog, or picking up after her-- if he notices I haven't gotten to it, he'll just do it, and never say a word about it.   He always calls and texts to make sure I got to school and work safely, he sends me notes to tell me how much he loves me, he remembers the anniversary of the day we met and reminds me every month that it was the happiest day of his life.

He's a hot nerdy feminist, and he's all mine.  And, amazingly enough, HE thinks HE'S the lucky one to have found ME! I don't know how I managed THAT Jedi mind trick.

Breathing

School is hard.  This week I have 3 ten page papers due, a group project, a chapter outline, and 3 discussion forum posts due.... and that's for ONE class.  Out of 5 classes.  I won't even bother to list what I have due in my other classes.

I've also started seeing therapy clients, which was slightly nerve-wracking at the beginning, but I was pleased that my supervisor didn't call into my sessions once (she called in to one of my other classmate's sessions 3x!), and after my first session she told me she was proud of me, and that I could do my next sessions with only video supervision (instead of having her there live.) So, I feel like that's a pretty good stamp of approval.

And I feel like I'm running around all over the place trying to get things done, and failing, and letting Jedi down (especially with housework--because I've NEVER been good with that, but since I'm home more I should really be better, but I find that I'm still insanely busy, and so I'm not... And I always really suck at housework.)

But here's the good thing too.  For all that I'm stressed with school, for all that I'm stressed about the future, and where I'll get an internship, and where I should go to school next.... I find that I'm breathing easier.

That tightness that comes from always feeling like you're watching what you say? It's gone.  That feeling you have when you're always watching your back? It's gone.  Not having to deal with two-faced, backstabbing people? That will make you breathe easier.

The next couple of years will be tough-- Jedi keeps asking me, when will we finally have a life that feels "settled?" ( I don't know the answer to that actually, because my student-loan-repayment plan will probably have us feeling unsettled for awhile, actually.)  But I feel really good about the choice to go into a profession that will, at the end of the line, give me a lot more latitude and freedom with what I want to do with my life, and will also give me the freedom to decide which types of people I want to surround myself with.

And doesn't everyone need more breathing room? Ahhhhh....

Plans, plans, plans

I'm a planner at heart.  However, the best laid plans... ha!  And as you can tell from the blog title, my plans  have a way of making God laugh.

I was thinking about plans on 9/11 because, well, who doesn't remember what they were doing, or exactly what type of person they were in that moment-- it's a very 'crystallized in time' kind of moment, you know?  Mostly I can't believe how long it's been since it happened, and I also can't believe that THIS is my life.



THIS? My 19 year old self says to my now-self.
 Yes. This. 
Really? THIS?
Yes. THIS.

Not that THIS is bad, in a lot of ways, THIS life is pretty great.  If I hadn't lived this life I would never have met Jedi, and he is wonderful and more than I could ever have hoped for in a partner. (Well, other than the independently wealthy part .  Drat.)

And I feel like I have accomplished a lot in the past 11 years-- I've had as many careers as most people have had in a life time-- I've  been a costume designer, real estate agent, a carnival worker, a radio DJ, a secretary, an event planner, a student adviser. I've gotten my second masters... (and am now working on my 3rd... what? um...)I've lived in France, I've lived in Ireland, I bought a condo, I got a dog; I met and married an amazing man.... not bad actually.

So why do I still feel like I let my 19 year old self down?  I guess I pictured myself more as living in Europe living a bohemian lifestyle, working in theater...

And yet... I DID that!  And I kind of hated it.  I mean, I loved it, but I hated the insecurity of it.  On some level I love the idea of adventure more than the reality of it-- at the end of the day, the comfort of my own bed and my own comfortable surroundings are a powerful draw, moreso than never knowing where my next pay check is coming from, where I'll be sleeping from one night to the next.

But there's a part of me that still has a bit of that wanderlust, and as I keep thinking about what my next steps are (because they're coming up faster than I can imagine!) I am torn between staying where I am-- in my comfortable surroundings, where in-laws and family, and established friendships are--- or making a leap for the unknown and uprooting us for the exotic shores of....Canada? Maybe :-)  Socialized medicine is a powerful draw!