Are you a Grown Up YET?

Well, interweb friends, I feel like I can only tell y'all this. (Ok, ok, I know some of my real life friends will likely read this too...) But I'm super annoyed with Jedi.

Isn't it funny? I feel like I can't tell my RL friends this because it's kinda like-- "Well, you made your decision! Now you have to live with it!"-- in terms of "picking" him. And that any complaints about Jedi will be seen as if I'm doubting my choice.

I know that's ridiculous, but I can't help the way I feel. And so, I feel like I can't be open about my frustrations with my RL friends without possibly getting some variation of, "Maybe you should rethink this whole engagement thing."

So let me just start off by saying-- I'm not rethinking this whole engagement thing... (yet. Ha. Ahem.) But I am royally annoyed with Jedi today.

As you may recall, Jedi is not super-scholastically gifted and he also has a video game addiction. He is currently enrolled in an Associate's Degree program. He had been working on both issues and last term he got A's in both of his classes.

Well, this term he struggled quite a bit. He was taking an English and a Math course and he contemplated dropping his English course. However, since it was halfway through the term, he wouldn't get money back, and his professor was willing to give him extensions on his assignments I (along with several others) convinced him not to drop it.

Frankly-- let's be Effing honest here. This is a community college English Course. I think that is the very definition of CAKEWALK!

Jedi had PLENTY of time this term to buckle down and do really well in his classes. The number of times I saw him open his English book though? TWICE. The number of times I saw him playing his effing gameboy? Seriously, well over one hundred.

I didn't want to be his mother, but I was concerned. I knew he probably wasn't doing his homework, so I kept asking-- How is that class going? Have much work? Have you gotten everything done?

"Fine. No. Yes." were pretty much the answers.

Ok. I suspected he was not really being forthright... but everyone works to a different pace. I'm a procrastinator too. For example, I wrote 90 pages of my thesis in 3 days. I had about 6 months to work on it... but no, I have waited until the very last possible moment to write 90 pages. That's just how I work.

I don't know what his process is, but I figured-- I'd be annoyed if people were constantly asking me-- "Are you SURE you're going to get it done? It's due in a week, you know... " When I knew VERY WELL that I'd pull it together at the last minute. So, while I suspected there was a lack of schoolwork going on, I didn't push it.

How has he done in his classes this term?

A "C"... and an "F." .... AN "F"!!!! Are you EFFING KIDDING?

*sigh* I know he feels bad about it. Yesterday he didn't come home until almost 10pm and he came home bearing gifts.

BUT. BUT. BUT.

Feeling bad about it doesn't change the fact that this was ENTIRELY in his control. I don't have any sympathy, and frankly I'm pretty pissed off. It's not that he struggled to understand the material, it's not that he has a learning disability (which he does), it's not that he just was overwhelmed and didn't have enough time. NO. He failed because he DIDN'T FUCKING DO THE DAMNED WORK.

This is somewhat his M.O. actually. It's not that he's unproductive (he's not) or that he's lazy (he's not), it's that there are certain things he's just not really interested in doing-- even though he KNOWS he should be-- and so he just doesn't do them. If you talk to him he'll agree with you and say, "Yes, you're right. I'm going to do XYZ now, I know it's important." But something just keeps him from following through.

Well, FOLLOW THROUGH is part of being a grown-up. And it's one of the parts that he's most lacking. The same situation can be said about his lack of follow through with applying for a passport. Yeah, sure, it's a pain. But I travel overseas a lot-- and my family is overseas. So, if you want to be with me, overseas you'll go! And he's agreed to this. He's said he's getting a passport... he's going to fill out the papers this weekend... or maybe next weekend...

Yeah. those papers have been in his care for MONTHS.

I told him last night that while I love him, I'm not waiting around for him. Metaphorically or physically. I told him, one of these days I'm going to book a vacation overseas, and you won't have gotten your shit done in time and you won't be able to go. Too bad for you.

Is that harsh? Maybe, but at this point I think he needs harsh.

When I said that he started putting on his shoes and coat to go get the papers from the car. I told him, "What do you think you're doing?" He said, "I'm going to go fill out those papers." I told him, "No, you're not. It's 10pm."

I just felt that was another level of his immaturity-- him running out there at 10pm. He's had plenty of time to get it done, and rashly running out there just because I was pointing out his lack of follow through isn't going to prove anything other than I (apparently) need to be pushing him every step of the way.

And I'm not going to. That's not my job.

He said he was going to give up video games.

{{{SNORT}}}

Yeah. Right.

I believe his intentions are good... that he means it RIGHT NOW.

A few weeks from now though? He'll think-- "Hey, I've got some leisure time. I can do this." and pull it back out again.

Part of being a grown up is also being able to do things in moderation--Recognizing your responsibilities and what will interfere with getting those accomplished.

Right now, it doesn't seem like he can do that.

I'm just REALLY frustrated.

I have faith that he can learn. That's part of the reason why I'm with him. It's also the reason why I've told him there's no wedding until he graduates... I've also told him that failing a class isn't a deal breaker, but that the underlying causes of WHY he failed the class (Not taking responsibility, lack of follow through) very well could be.

As I've said before-- Emotionally, he's very mature. Kind, loving, slow to anger, understanding, thoughtful... etc.

In the realm of responsibility though? Not so much.

And frankly? I want to be with someone who is an effing grown-up.

... end to the cliffhanger!

Sorry to leave you all hanging like that! It's been an INSANE week...

I completed 63 pages of my thesis! Yippee... (Um, now I just need to write about 63 more before Tuesday. Should be awesome considering I have to work all weekend as well!)

So, well, I'm sure you're all wondering WHAT HAPPENED!?!

So, well... here's what happened.
As I said in my last post, Jedi and I had been discussing making things official for a little while. Frankly, it just got to the point where the pretense was mostly for my non-freaking out benefit, yanno? As in, I could say, yes I plan on being with him... but to make it formal? WHOA! Hold on, Nellie.

And then I realized... I felt at peace about it. That there's no one else I've ever met who makes me feel as good, as safe, as loved, as precious, as he does. Why WOULDN'T I want to purchase instead of lease (so to speak... ha.)

So, on Friday I mentioned to him that I thought it might be time to make things "official." We went out that night to a very nice restaurant and at the beginning of the meal he presented me with his great-great-aunt's ring. His mother wanted me to have half of the diamonds to be put into the setting I picked out (The other half of the diamonds will go to Jedi's sister when she's older.) I was REALLY touched-- to me, to do something like that is really to welcome me to the family FOR REALZ, yanno? (BTW- Have I mentioned that I LOVE LOVE LOVE Jedi's mother? She is SO sweet! I'm so lucky.)
There weren't any big speeches (Everyone's asked this question-- "How'd he do it!? SQUEEEE!") because the truth is that we've given the speeches to each other about a million times. There isn't a single day that Jedi doesn't tell me how much he loves me and why he loves me and why he wants to be with me. I have no doubts about any of it.

He did say that he would refrain from getting down on his knees as he knew that would offend my feminist sensibilities! Ha! Did I tell you he's the guy for me, or what!?

Well... soon after this a minor shit storm happened...
See, I figured that one of the first people to know it was "official" should be Ramses, who DID set Jedi and I up on our blind date, after all! So I texted him the news, but didn't hear back from him. A few seconds after I texted him my mother called just to chat, and so I spoke to her for about 15 minutes to tell her the news.

I LITERALLY got off the phone with my mom, and my phone rang IMMEDIATELY... It was Npapaya... and her first question to me was, "So what's this I hear about you being engaged?"

....ARGH!...

Sometimes I HATE living in small towns!!!!

Ramses had texted his friend who also happens to be friends with Npapaya our news... and well, the rest is history, obviously.

Npapaya was a bit miffed that I hadn't told her myself.

Well, I swore all these people to secrecy (as much secrecy as there is in this town, which means I may as well have taken out a billboard!)... but... well...
Of course, since I NEVER learn from my mistakes I did this not once, but TWICE. As I mentioned, It's been an insane week, and I've been out of town for most of it. I've not wanted to tell people over email or phone, so I've been holding off on telling people until I can see them in person. Additionally, I've not told my dad or grandparents since I'll be seeing them at Easter

Well, on Tuesday a former colleague emailed me about a random question, and told me that her daughter had just gotten engaged. Thinking nothing of it since she no longer works with the people I wanted to tell in person, I told her that I had also just gotten engaged.

Um. Yeah. THAT was a mistake.

About 10 minutes after that I get an email from my friend Di who is all, "WTF!?" and Also, "Why the hell did I have to hear about this from TESSA!"
For the record-- I can't stand Tessa... so as pissed as Di was, I was pissed too! I started getting emails from all sorts of people saying, "Congrats!"... grrr!

And then I realized... Tessa works with Gail. Gail happens to be best friends with my stepmom... and I can just see her calling my stepmom up and being all... "I just heard the good news!"

Argh! So, tomorrow morning I need to head her off and hope she hasn't already made that call! Eeek!

Oh-- did I mention the ring? That's always the first question people seem to have-- (That, and...When's the date! ARGH! The date will be sometime in 2012 I think, and I don't want to think about it yet...Seriously, what is wrong with people!)

As for the ring, this is what it looks like... (Smaller diamonds from Jedi's aunt's ring will be set in the swirls.) I went to go look at it today... I know it shouldn't matter what it looks like, but it gives me warm fuzzies to know that I will (Hopefully!) be wearing this ring for the next 50+ years! (eeek!)

Official?

So... I think we might be getting engaged. Jedi & I, I mean. (Well, Obviously.)

(Though am I only engaged if I have a ring? That seems like such an artifact of a time when a women's worth was LITERALLY measured in terms of monetary units. If so than I might not be getting engaged QUITE yet.)

So, basically for a month or so everyone has been asking... "So, would you marry him if he asked?" "Do you think you guys are SERIOUS?" ... or some variation of it. And the answers have been Yes, and YES.

And the truth is, he HAS asked me... numerous times. It's been more playful than serious (Well, the first time was serious... the rest of them have been, "Are you SURE you still want to marry me?"), but we've both been talking about the future in less and less hypothetical terms and more and more in concrete "When we do XYZ." terms. I gave him a ring a few months back... because I'm all non-traditional and awesome like that, and people have been looking at it askance and asking questions like... "Sooooo what does that ring mean???"

Do I love him? Do I want to be with him? Is it still scary? Yeah, absolutely.

Is it TERRIBLE of me to think-- "Hey, an engagement is JUST an engagement. It's not a marriage or anything!" Cause, frankly, I picture a long engagement-- 2 or 3 years. So, what's the difference if we get engaged now or a year from now if our goal isn't to get married tomorrow?

Well, for me it's just a higher level of commitment.

You know, I went to an awards ceremony for Jedi's grandfather. I was seated with his family in the FAMILY section. They asked the family to publicly introduce themselves. I introduced myself as "Um... well... Jedi's girlfriend."

There's nothing wrong with that, in and of itself. But his family treats me like family. They feel like family. Jedi's mom keeps saying to me, "Oh, I can't wait until you're my daughter in law!"

My mother (ever the party planner) can't seem to help herself from planning the wedding (Even though I keep saying, "NOTHING IS OFFICIAL!!!") My mother's planning has gone from the hypothetical to "I'm putting the event package together. What do you think about these flowers?" (Do you think that's weird? you don't really know my mother...) But it just seems WRONG not to include Jedi's mother in this... which I don't feel comfortable doing since nothing is "official" yet. (As for me being involved in it? Just tell me when & where to show up. I don't want to have to think about it.)

So, all of that would be easier if we would just make things official. So, well, I think we're going to talk about that tonight-- the official officialness of it all.

(And yes, it does all still feel a little weird!)

Happy (Month Early) Birthday to Me.

When Jedi has money in his pocket he is seemingly incapable of keeping it there. He has good intentions about saving but his generous impulses get the best of him.

I've been doing my best to keep him from spending his tax refund ($3,000). I don't know how much is actually left! Most of it, I think... but... who knows. He wanted to buy me an engagement ring with some of it, but I told him I'd rather he saved $100 a month and save the $3000 for an emergency fund. (Note: The ring we looked at is only $900... no way would I let him spend a ton on a ring!)

Well there were 2 examples of his generosity last night--

The first is that I need to get my sliding doors replaced. Ugh-- they are SO bad. They are terribly draughty and create a constant mold problem. It just can't go on! So, I got some quotes and it will probably be about $3,000 to get them replaced. AAARRRGGGHHH!!! (Did I mention that I have $6,000 of Credit Card debt from being in school that I'm hoping to pay off this year? Grr! Additionally, my car is going to die any day now, and I need to be prepared to replace it.)

I was mentioning this to Jedi and he said, "Well, if I pay $1500, and you pay $1500, that's doable." And I replied, "What do you mean, you'd pay $1500?" He said, "Well, I live here too, I'll enjoy the new doors, and we're a team."

I said, "I can't let you do that!" (While my brain was telling my mouth, SHUT IT!)
He said, "Why not?"
I said, "Because it's way too much!"
He said, "Well, what if I pay 1/3."
I said, "Let's talk about it again when we get all the quotes in."

So... I have thought about it... I think I'm going to let him pay 1/2 if that's what he wants to do. I hadn't intended on doing that, but I realized that I really am subsidizing his life. $1500 over the course of the year is not even everything it would cost him in terms of electric/ heat/ cable/ fees etc.

I still feel guilty about it though...

As for the second generous thing--
(Oh! One other thing you should know about Jedi is that he is incapable of NOT giving someone a gift he's just bought them... even if that gift is for a birthday a month away!)

There's a book I love called "The Lost Queen of Egypt." I read it in 5th grade and it CONSUMED me. It was from the middle school library and I always renewed my borrowing rights and never let it out of my hands. Then... tragically... in between 5th and 6th grades the library location moved and they either lost (or weeded-- it was a book from the 1930s) that book! I was DEVASTATED! You think I exaggerate? I had hand-copied paintings and drawings from that book a hundred times... In journals I still have, I have all of those drawings. I made not one, but TWO plaster masks based on the main heroine of the book. *sigh* I LOVED that book.

Well, I mentioned it to Jedi awhile back when we were at an antique shop and I added that whenever I go into stores that carry old books I always keep an eye out for that book. I mentioned that a copy would come up on Amazon every once in awhile, but it was usually around $100-150, which was CrAzY. I figured at an antique shop or used book store they might not really realize how valuable that book is. Every time we went to an old store after that he would check out the book section to see if they had it, though I had long ago given up hope that it would turn up.

So you see where this is going? My birthday is a month away, but yesterday Jedi presented me with a copy of that book. He was so excited he couldn't wait.

*sigh* Be still my heart! I was REALLY, REALLY touched. (And wanted to yell at him for being so extravagant! CRAZY PERSON!) When I told him he really, really shouldn't have spent that kind of money he said, "It's not just for you. Someday I want you to read it to our child." (I know, that should freak me out a little... and it's a bit schmaltzy, but I am not too proud to admit it brought a tear to my eye and melted my frozen heart.)

Dilemma solved!

So, in the comments of the post below, Perpetua wondered what the insulting things were that Muckraker had posted and she also suggested that I send Jedi to pick Muckraker up from the hospital.

The insulting things were along the lines of-- (After posting a news article about economic gender disparity)-- "Oh, Poor Hypatia! The world is really conspiring against you. Boo Hoo Hoo. Yes, it's all an elaborate plot to keep you down." There were a couple more comments along those lines that I just didn't even bother responding to. It's one thing to disagree with me, but to turn it into something personal (when it wasn't to begin with?) WTF is that? Not worth getting into it.

I jokingly suggested to Jedi that I would send him to pick Muckraker up from the hospital and he said, "Only if Muckraker wants a punch in the face." Ha.

Well, in any case, I solved my dilemma of the previous post by asking a mutual friend of mine and Muckraker's if she would be able to pick him up from the hospital. She said yes.

I now feel absolved of any lingering sense of responsibility. Well...Conscience SEMI clear! Why do I say that? Well, because the friend I asked to pick Muckraker up is Nell. This is what you have to know about Nell-- She's a very smart woman. She's actually an engineer working on hybrid technology. HOWEVER... She is the FLAKIEST person I know. Like, a croissant has nothing on her.

To give you an example, last week we were supposed to have lunch on Monday. She had to cancel. We moved it to Tuesday. She had to cancel. We moved it to Wednesday. She had to cancel. We moved it to Thursday. She had to cancel.

She SWORE up and down that we would do it on Friday, no excuses. We made plans for noon. Well, on Friday at 11:45 I was in a meeting and my assistant tells we (when I get out at noon) that a woman had stopped by for me. I assumed Nell would be back in a little bit and come and get me at our agreed upon time.

12:00...12:10...12:15...12:30.... No Nell. I'm hungry and fed up at this point, so I leave to go grab a bite and take a walk.

I come back and there's a note on my desk and a slice of Pizza from Nell. She wrote, "Sorry I missed you! I stopped by to have lunch at 12:45, but you weren't here. Oh well! Have a good day."

Like, seriously?

Ok, so you're probably thinking, why are you friends with someone like that? Well, like I said, you just have to accept that she is terribly scattered and know that she's not very reliable. She's a good friend when you're with her, and really fun, but you just have to know you can't really count on her for much.

Heh. Heh. Heh.

Um. Does that make me kind of evil to entrust her with picking up Muckraker???

I told Muckraker that the next time he was gearing up to ask me a favor he might want to try using a little more honey and a little less vinegar.

Don't Call Me Carrots!

I've not posted about Muckraker recently because he's really quite irrelevant at this point-- someone I considered a friendly acquaintance at best.

If you may recall, back in January he asked me for a small favor (to pick up and mail something to him). He's now popped back up on facebook in the past couple of weeks making comments that are progressively more and more asstastic. I can't say there's anything particularly -- I don't know -- despicable about them, but the comments are rather mean-spirited nonetheless.

The thing is, I don't think he'd consider them mean-spirited... he would consider them teasing( and think that I'm being (a) humourless (feminist... is there any other kind?) about it.) His comments are basically the facebook equivalent of pigtail pulling-- annoying and generally unkind, but done in an effort to elicit a very specific response from me.

You'll be proud to know that I've completely ignored him. I have no need to engage in that bullshit (though, admittedly, this time last year I probably would have been tee-hee-heeing about it and feeling ever-so flattered. Damn! Was I ever a fool!!? THANK GOD I found Jedi.)

Are you wondering what Jedi thinks about all this? He thinks Muckraker is an ass, and he wanted to respond to the comments on my wall (Which I told him he was free to do... but as a general rule you shouldn't feed trolls as they grow in to even bigger monsters.) Jedi doesn't really care about Muckraker though since I've made it clear that for all of Muckraker's accomplishments Jedi is 100% the better man and there's no one I would rather be with.

So... why haven't I blocked Muckraker yet? Hmmm... that might be a good question... I certainly toyed with the idea this week since he's been so fucking annoying. There are basically 2 reasons. The first is that we're all part of the same group of friends. To do that would certainly cause a rift in the group which is, frankly, not worth it. The second is that for all the favors Muckraker has asked of me, I plan on calling in a few of my own someday. Muckraker is in a field I hope to get into, and frankly, I want the contents of his little black book.

Why do I bring all of this back up now? Well, because after all of the BS Muckraker pulled this week he has the NERVE to ask me for a favor! And a pretty big favor too! He wants me to pick him up at the hospital after surgery. He says he feels comfortable being 'vulnerable' around me. (Gack... just gag me. Like I said, 12 months ago that would have made me melt. How embarrassing to think about it!)

But... well... the worst part is that I'm actually considering doing it. Is that terribly foolish of me? I guess I'm just feeling compassion because of my own recent surgery. I know how lost and alone I felt and I had wonderful friends taking care of me, and I'm so grateful for that. I feel like I need to 'pay it forward' and put a good deed out there in the universe, yanno? I mean, for all of his bluster and bravado, Muckraker is really alone and probably pretty miserable, i think. (Not because he's alone... I know plenty of people who are happy being alone... but because of his assy personality that doesn't let anyone close.)

I haven't spoken to Jedi about this, but I know all he'll do is roll his eyes and be like, "This guy is a jerk. Why are you doing this again?" But the truth is he won't really care... (And Jedi is such a kind sucker himself he'd probably offer to drive Muckraker himself if he was asked... I say this with authority as Jedi has a couple of friends who are part of the douche-brigade and Jedi still manages to see the good in them.)

Anyhoo... I haven't gotten back to Muckraker. I think if I do I'm going to tell him that I can't believe he's asking me to do this after his douche-tastic comments. But, like I said, I do feel like I need to put good karma out there to the universe so I'd probably end up doing it.

Thoughts, interweb friends?

Who are we kidding?

Jedi and I went out of town this weekend (which sounds more exciting than it is...) to visit one of my former colleagues and to do a little shopping. Sadly, for us, a "little shopping" entails at least an hour drive, which explains why we're nearly in April and I still haven't used my Target gift card from Christmas. I haven't been NEAR a Target in since November. (Feel sorry for me... feel very, very sorry!)

So we made our bi-annual pilgrimage to that self-same hallowed store. We wandered around quite a bit, idly gawking at all the shiny, glittery things we could purchase that we would never be able to acquire in our po-dunk town.

Jedi and I have been talking for awhile about getting various pieces of furniture -- such as armoires or storage ottomans-- because at the moment all of his clothing and other possessions live in plastic boxes under my bed.

We came across some flat-pack furniture which was actually quite nice, and on top of that it was discounted 50%. Not bad! After a little thought and discussion, Jedi decided to purchase a dresser.

We had dinner with Npapaya latter that evening, and Jedi said something along the lines of, "Now I can store a few of my things at Hypatia's place."

To which she replied. "Who are you kidding? It's not just Hypatia's place anymore. It's your place too."

Hmmm... I think a few months ago I would have taken issue with that. Now though? I'm surprisingly ok with it.

Jedi put together the dresser as I slept this morning. He woke me up like a little kid at Christmas to show me what he'd done. He said, "Now it doesn't just feel like I'm visiting..." Awww.....

He also said, "You need to watch the knob on this dresser, it's a little loose. So if you put away my laundry, be careful."

Bwahahahaha.... Oh. wait. Was that a intended as a SERIOUS statement? Bwahahahaha..

ControverSunday: Pre-Pregnancy Edition

So, I should be working on my thesis (still on page 1! Whoo hoo... Ahem) rather than on ControverSunday (Gah! How many more Sundays will I have to add that caveat?! Interweb friends! Keep me accountable! Make me work on my thesis!)But, well, since I'm not, I suppose I may as well write a little about this whole culture of pregnancy thing.

Actually, what I think is more interesting than that is the culture of PRE-pregnancy in this country. I mean, when you're pregnant, I think you kinda get sucked into the culture--yanno? Well, you're pregnant. It's not like you can really AVOID it... unless you go all crunchy-granola and live in a commune or something.

Part of the reason I find the whole pre-pregnancy culture so fascinating (which is all part of the Madonna-and-child pseudo-worship going on as well) is how little care the culture has when that baby-bump turns into an ACTUAL real-live BREATHING, Kicking, Screaming, Pooping, Boob-milk drinking, Daycare-needing baby. Before that it's all "Let us meddle in your business!" After the birth it's all, "You're on your own, suckers! You made a choice (nevermind that we try to eliminate your choices!), you better live with it!"

But I digress...

I think it's all part and parcel of the same disdain the culture in general has for women's autonomy. What do I mean? Well, how's this for a concrete example--

Young women are often discriminated against when seeking sterilization. Many doctors ask offensive questions ("What if you met a billionaire who wanted to have kids with you?"), state categorically that their patients are too young to consider the surgery, and generally act as though, as one woman who tried unsuccessfully to be sterilized at the age of 21 in the U.K. put it, "just because I was a woman, I'd reach a point where an urge to breed would overcome all rational thought." (Perhaps unsurprisingly, that woman's 25-year-old husband faced no such presumptions when he asked his doctor for a vasectomy. The procedure was quickly approved.)

(Or how aboutThis story?)

I had friends argue with me that women don't really know what they're doing when they opt for steralization, that they shouldn't be allowed to do it because it's permanent, they'll change their minds, they're too young... etc. To that I say... SO THE FUCK WHAT?

Maybe they will change their minds. Maybe they will regret it. Does that mean they shouldn't be allowed the option? We let people make stupid decisions all the time-- People get tattoos on their faces. People marry ax murderers who are in still in prison. People have 19 kids and counting. People have ONE kid and end up regretting it. But shouldn't they have the choice? But it seems to be only women who shouldn't have a choice where their reproductive options are concerned because...women don't know what they REALLY want or what's good for them. And women are fickle creatures who will change their minds anyway...

But society limiting women's choices is only one aspect of the whole "Pre-pregnancy" culture. Additionally are all the recommendations that women who plan or "MIGHT" become pregnant should avoid fish... should take folic acid... should eat organic vegetables... should avoid milk with artificial growth hormones...etc. Now, mind you, I think these are all good recommendations. The catch is, I think these are all good recommendations for EVERYONE-- but they are couched in terms of not what is best for the WOMAN, but what would be best for the fetus that she MIGHT someday carry. WTF? Why can't women be healthy for their own sake's as well?

There is also generally the assumption that ALL women will eventually have children. (And if they don't WTF is wrong with them?!) I don't care what laws or rules are in place-- if you don't think the thought is going through some employer's mind when s/he interviews a 25-35 childless woman that they're going to lose that woman to maternity leave at some point in the near future, and that that doesn't affect hiring decisions, I'd say you're crazy. Because, you know what? I've interviewed people, and it's gone through my mind. Yes, it's wrong, (but I can honestly say it didn't affect my decisions, since I hope to be going on maternity leave in the next 5 years or so myself...) but I have some friends who are ADAMANTLY "child-free" folks and they are my age. A potential employer would have no way of knowing which camp anyone falls in, but I'd be willing to bet they'd assume that hypothetical woman will be jumping on the mommy-train shortly.

So, this isn't a particularly well-thought out post, because it's midnight and I'm avoiding my thesis... I know are other examples of the pre-pregnancy culture that I'm not thinking of-- I'm sure y'all have some of your own. Feel free to post some in the comments!

Grown Up Busy Work

So I am spending my day doing the grown up version of busy-work. You know those worksheets you had as a kid? The ones designed to keep you occupied while the teacher did other stuff? Yeah. That's what I'm doing now. I'm doing database clean-up for data that no one will ever look at. SWEET.

I feel SOOOOOO motivated. Well, being able to pay my mortgage and have health insurance keeps me motivated. Yippee.

When have I ever told you to hurry?

Jedi is sick, poor guy, with a sore throat, congestion, and terrible hacking cough. I actually think it's a virus we've been passing back and forth for awhile and that it's part of the reason it took me so long to recover from surgery.

As a result of his illness it hurts to talk so this morning as we were getting up he was pantomiming instead of talking to me.

Now, you have to know this about me... I'm usually late. I know, I know, it's a terrible habit. The problem is that-- in my head-- it somehow makes total sense that if I'm supposed to BE someplace at 6:30, if I leave the house at 6:30... it's exactly the same thing. FAIL. And yet, left to my own devices, I would just do it again and again and again.

Jedi on the other hand is usually early.

In the mornings he gets up before I do to shower (I shower in the evenings because if I had to shower in the morning I'd never even make it out of bed; that task would just seem too daunting.) When he gets out of his shower he usually wakes me up, and I usually say... "Give me 5 more minutes." (I say this about 3 times usually... sometimes 4... sometimes I say-- "I'll drive myself to work." Just so I can get 30 minutes more sleep. BAD!)

This morning as I was in bed he holds up both hands with his fingers outspread. I didn't understand what he meant. He made some other gestures I didn't understand, which I took to mean "Hurry up!... you only have 10 minutes!" (Which, under the circumstances would have been appropriate.)

A bit annoyed I said to him, "Are you telling me to hurry up?!"

Exasperated, he croaked, "I was telling you you look like a perfect 10. When have I ever told you to hurry?!"

That, dear reader, is precisely why I love him. Not because he thinks I'm a perfect 10 (that just tells me he's a myopic crazy person,) but because he's never told me to hurry. And he HATES being late.

But he's never told me to hurry.

He hears me complain about my weight.

But he's never told me to put down those nachos.

He hears me complain about my lack of money.

But he's never told me I shouldn't buy that dress.

He hears me complain about my thesis.

But he's never said, "How much did you get done today?"


I think 9 out of 10 guys WOULD say those types of things. It's not something I would tolerate if they did, but I would understand the impulse (because *I* have that impulse too!)

But Jedi? He's just completely accepting and non-judgmental, even of things that drive him crazy.

He is pretty damn awesome.

(And I need to be a better girlfriend and get up earlier so that I don't drive him crazy, I realize this...!)

Not a Controversy, just an update

It's ControverSunday so I feel like I should write something controversial. I've also been neglecting my blog of late because my job makes me want to kill myself and I've got no energy to do anything but collapse.

Hating my job is not exactly controversial, I know. A lot of people hate their jobs. I was thisclose to quitting on Friday. I've been on disability leave for a month and I asked for a day off... this coming JUNE... and my boss responded by saying that I've been passing my work off onto other people and this is unacceptable... etc. I was LIVID... and upset... and crying all day.

I'm just SOOOO DONE with this job. It leaves me unable to think,breathe, do ANYTHING other than work and stress about work. I've made no progress on my thesis (Which I just want to FINISH ALREADY.)

In the midst of all this though Jedi showed again just how amazingly sweet he is-- I'd spoken with him on the phone about how upset I was and he came home with flowers and ice cream for me. He really is thoughtful. (Oh, and he just made me a sandwich! Cause I said I was hungry! What a gem! And he did the dishes before I got up this morning! I'm so in love!)

Is that selfish of me? To love him in large part because of how much he does for me? It makes such a difference in my life though-- and I find it such an important demonstration of love. I think if he wasn't constantly going OVERBOARD my general inclination would be to doubt the sincerity of his words. His actions make how much he cares about me indesputible though.

So... a controversy... I feel like I should be able to think about one.... But I've got a migraine, so I'm going back to bed. Talk amongst yourselves!