So... I think we might be getting engaged. Jedi & I, I mean. (Well, Obviously.)
(Though am I only engaged if I have a ring? That seems like such an artifact of a time when a women's worth was LITERALLY measured in terms of monetary units. If so than I might not be getting engaged QUITE yet.)
So, basically for a month or so everyone has been asking... "So, would you marry him if he asked?" "Do you think you guys are SERIOUS?" ... or some variation of it. And the answers have been Yes, and YES.
And the truth is, he HAS asked me... numerous times. It's been more playful than serious (Well, the first time was serious... the rest of them have been, "Are you SURE you still want to marry me?"), but we've both been talking about the future in less and less hypothetical terms and more and more in concrete "When we do XYZ." terms. I gave him a ring a few months back... because I'm all non-traditional and awesome like that, and people have been looking at it askance and asking questions like... "Sooooo what does that ring mean???"
Do I love him? Do I want to be with him? Is it still scary? Yeah, absolutely.
Is it TERRIBLE of me to think-- "Hey, an engagement is JUST an engagement. It's not a marriage or anything!" Cause, frankly, I picture a long engagement-- 2 or 3 years. So, what's the difference if we get engaged now or a year from now if our goal isn't to get married tomorrow?
Well, for me it's just a higher level of commitment.
You know, I went to an awards ceremony for Jedi's grandfather. I was seated with his family in the FAMILY section. They asked the family to publicly introduce themselves. I introduced myself as "Um... well... Jedi's girlfriend."
There's nothing wrong with that, in and of itself. But his family treats me like family. They feel like family. Jedi's mom keeps saying to me, "Oh, I can't wait until you're my daughter in law!"
My mother (ever the party planner) can't seem to help herself from planning the wedding (Even though I keep saying, "NOTHING IS OFFICIAL!!!") My mother's planning has gone from the hypothetical to "I'm putting the event package together. What do you think about these flowers?" (Do you think that's weird? you don't really know my mother...) But it just seems WRONG not to include Jedi's mother in this... which I don't feel comfortable doing since nothing is "official" yet. (As for me being involved in it? Just tell me when & where to show up. I don't want to have to think about it.)
So, all of that would be easier if we would just make things official. So, well, I think we're going to talk about that tonight-- the official officialness of it all.
(And yes, it does all still feel a little weird!)