Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Any men out there?

Do any men read this blog? Cause I could really use some help with the male psyche!

Here's the deal...

okcupid.com has a matching feature... kinda like "hot or not" where you rate people, but it's nice in that they only tell you if you BOTH rated each other highly.

I was fooling around a few days ago and rated a guy who lives 5 minutes away from me (and is totally my type!) as hot. I found him very much my type, and totally adorable (and did I mention he lives 5 minutes away from me!? NEVER happens. I live in the wilderness. I am, in fact, a voice crying in the wilderness... (oh, I crack myself up with that reference. Give yourself brownie points if you get it too!)

Well today I got a notice that this guy rated me highly too. And I saw that he looked at my profile both before & after he rated me. buuuuuttttt.....

He hasn't contacted me.

Why not? What gives?!?!

Yes, yes, I suppose I could contact him, but I kinda feel like I did that by "rating" him first.... and now it's his turn. When I rate someone after they've rated me (you can tell by the speed which the "You're hot!" email gets to you-- if it's immediate, they rated you first. If it takes awhile (or never!), you rated them first.)

Maybe this is overthinking it--- but I feel like if a guy likes me why wouldn't he contact me? (ESPECIALLY if he knows I already think he's cute?) I kinda feel if he doesn't like me enough to contact me himself it's not going to work for me to contact him. (Note-- this does not apply if I don't think he's noticed my profile, in which case I'll drop a line and say "Hi, I noticed your profile. It seems like we have a lot in common. If you're interested in getting to know me, feel free to be in touch!") But guys who have clearly seen my profile? And even more-- RATED ME HIGHLY? Seriously, just contact me already!

I'm kinda like singlegirl (and Npapaya... and well, pretty much every woman I know!) I can't STAND indecisive men! Now, I don't want someone to walk all over me or ignore my opinion, but for heaven's sake! Make a decision! Show a little gumption! Have some confidence!

I don't know. Maybe I'm going about this all wrong, because obviously my methods are not working. Any men out there have some advice? (well, and I'll welcome advice from the female peanut gallery as well!)

12 comments:

Perpetua said...

I'm not a guy, so this may not be helpful, but...

my husband and I met on match (yes, I'm one of "those people"), but we almost missed each other because we looked at each other's profiles a bunch of times but didn't connect until he finally sent me a message. I didn't message him because I thought he was too cute for me (as in, I thought he was cuter than what my less-cute self could date), and he didn't message me because he knew I viewed his profile and was waiting for me to contact him first. He also assumed I wasn't interested because he knew I viewed him and didn't make contact.

That's a whole long story that could have been edited down to: we all have silly reasons for not contacting people, so you might as well send a message first and see what happens. :)

arf said...

I love what Perpetua said about people having their own reasons for not getting around to writing up something. I think you're over-thinking it. If you want to meet the guy in person to see if you click, send him a message.

Hypatia said...

Hi Perpetua (great name! Makes me think of Bridget Jones...)

I'm glad that worked out! Hey, don't knock being one of "those people"! I hope to become one of them! (and, several of my very good, very brilliant, stunningly beautiful, incredibly kind & wonderful friends met their partners online!)

Ok, you and arf (& Npapaya) are all in agreement... so I contacted the local guy.

Now, it's just a waiting game to see if he contacts me back!

(In the meantime I wrote back to the canadian, but Npapaya feels he has peter pan issues given that he's 30 and still at home. We'll see... his emails have been good. More on him perhaps later...)

Hypatia said...

BTW, arf-- You're totally right. I overthink EVERYTHING!

arf said...

It's a girl thing. We're just wired like that.

I'm grateful that I have great guys in my life that pull me out of the indecision spiral and distill long girly freakouts about things like long distance relationships down to sentences like:

"Why don't you just go out on your vacation with the man and have the-relationship-discussion while you're out there instead of worrying about it now?"
Except I think he said it even more compact than that. It might've been, "Go, get laid and figure it out in person."

Jan @ Struck by Serendipity said...

Another idea...

It's possible he thinks you're hot, but not compatible in other areas based on what you wrote.

I've seen lots of "hot" guy online that I know I have nothing in contact with.

I'm glad you messaged him so you can get your answer. :)

Simone Grant said...

Well, I'm so not a guy and am utterly clueless (clearly) but I'm glad you contacted him. I would have. The worst that could happen is that he won't reply. And then you know.

Maybe he rated you highly because he thinks you're hot but then (because we all do those rating things quickly) upon further reflection he saw something in your profile that made him realize you guys wouldn't be a good match.

Hypatia said...

Hi Jan & Simone,
Thanks for your comments!

Well, I think you're both correct since I never heard from him... *sigh*... nothing ventured, nothing gained, I suppose. But it does annoy me! I wish this wasn't so difficult! I know it's just the nature of dating, but ugh!

John Althouse Cohen said...

I don't understand why you wouldn't contact him if you're interested in him.

christinedepizan said...

I have to agree with Mr. Cohen - as I believe we may have discussed on the phone a few times, just put yourself out there. If it makes you feel better, just assume that the person died if he didn't call you back.

Hypatia said...

John, it's not that I wouldn't contact him-- it's that I felt I did contact him by highly rating him. He then reciprocated, but didn't actually email me....

Christine-- I think we must assume he's dead, for he has not contacted me. (Must be someone else operating his profile then, since he's still "active." hmmmmm. oh well. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!)

John Althouse Cohen said...

No, I mean why don't you contact him, as in send a message, not just rate him highly.