Sunday, May 3, 2009

What a girl wants... (Or, well, at least THIS particular girl.)

I've been MIA for the past week or so for a few reasons-- Partly because there's really nothing going on on the dating front (other than a few lovely IMs from guys asking how big my boobs are. Hawt!)

I haven't heard from Science Guy since that exchange detailed below, and it's probably just as well. He was nice enough, if fairly immature, and I am not content to sit around and wait for him to grow up. (As for Muckraker? Over him, really, I am.)

arf asked if I had detailed what it is I want, either in this blog or elsewhere. My diary (when I used to keep one!) is probably elsewhere, but not very useful for these circumstances.

First of all, I'm looking for someone who finds all my super annoying traits terribly endearing. I know! You'd think this would be simple, but apparently, it's not!

I'm looking for someone who would be a really good friend.... Because, really, if you don't LIKE the person you're dating, what's the point? (Though, heaven knows I know a great number of people who don't seem to get this!)

I won't bore you with the litany of things that are (or should be) universally looked for in a mate: Kindness, thoughtfulness, empathy, generosity of spirit, loyalty, smart, funny, attractive (to me), passionate about life/work/hobbies... and then of course there has to be chemistry-- a certain je ne sais quoi.

OH. Yeah. One more thing. This person has to find ME attractive and feel all those similar things towards me! (Yeesh! I've got the unrequited love thing down. Don't need to go down that road again.)

So, that's a simple list. You'd think that I'd have no problem finding someone to match that criteria-- there are probably a million people who would match that criteria (yes, but do they live in Podunk, USA? Probably not.) There's also that little caveat of "attractive to me."

Now, I think most of my friends would acknowledge that I am actually quite generous in what constitutes "attractive to me"-- quite a range... but as general guidelines -

1) Taller than I am. (I'm 5'8 and for some reason men who are 5'6 and smaller seem to loooovvvvee me.) This probably makes me quite shallow, but I have a hard time picturing myself "matching" with someone terribly short.)
2) Good teeth. (Or, at least-- HAS teeth.)
3) No 'weak' chin.

Annnnndddd..... that's pretty much it.

As for what an ideal relationship would look like? Well, I have a pretty good model for that. The problem is that my model is a sexless model, so it's not ideal... But then again, what is? I lived with my friend-- we'll call him Polyglot, for awhile when I was in college. Now, he is as gay as a lark, but he is also the only person I've ever lived with that I've not gotten sick of or wanted to strangle. There was always a comfortable comraderie there, but he always pushed me to be a bit better than I was, to try new things, and he also wouldn't let me get away with crap. We would cook dinner together, and make bread, and explore the city we were living in, and talk openly and honestly about absolutely everything. And I looked forward to seeing him everyday. Yeah, we had fights, and he got on my nerves at times, but we fought fair, and we always made up, and we were always better friends for it. So-- My ideal relationship? Looks an awful lot like that. (Except with sex. Lots of sex. :-)

I don't know if that anwers your question, and I don't know how helpful it is either given that it's what just about everyone is looking for in a relationship.


arf said...

thanks for humoring me. When I was in your situation, my sister asked me to list attributes (using positive language) of what I wanted in a partner. She and I believe that visualizing what one wants helps create clarity.

Makes it easier to hit the "block" button on folks that just want to see titties.

SINgleGIRL said...

I like your list (well, you did much better than just make a list). The teeth thing made me laugh. I had a date recently with someone who had bad teeth and I couldn't stop staring at his mouth. After the date I called a friend and asked if I was a shallow bitch because I could never see myself kissing a guy with bad teeth. The friend said no. Bad teeth are a dealbreaker.

Hypatia said...

Arf-- Did it work for you?

SingleGirl- I wish I could say that the Teeth thing was always a dealbreaker... but no. That one came after some real-life experiences. SADLY.