Friday, December 18, 2009

I've grown accustomed to his face...

Has it been a whole week since I updated? Damn! Bad blogger! Bad! In my defense, this has been a HELLACIOUS week at work... (and awesomely, it only promises to get better in the new year...)

The hellaciousness (and impending layoffs!) at work have led me to be clicking incessantly on job sites looking for something else. But not just something else, something better... because as far as things go, objectively, I know my job (I'm an event planner) is one a lot of people would kill for. As for me? It just gives me an ulcer because I'm so high stress. Event planners need to be laid back people-- and I'm totally high strung. The "free" trips out to San Francisco or Florida in the middle of winter in the Northeast seems like an amazing perk to some people... FEH! It's not a vacation, believe me. It's very high stress.

But I digress... I have a pretty clear picture of what I want to do next. I feel like it would incorporate the aspects of the job I enjoy while doing away (or minimizing) the aspects I dislike. Ideally, I would like to stay with the same university I work with now, but working in the admissions office, but in general I feel like admissions work is something I would both be good at, would enjoy and find challenging... but I would not want to kill myself at the end of the day. (Always a plus!)

One other thing that I've been thinking a lot about is moving back overseas. I lived in France and in Ireland for many years, and now I'm settled in a quaint little town... and worried I'll end up spending the rest of my life here! I have a friend who is moving to Abu Dhabi... and I'm all like, "Pack me in your suitcase!"

Well, yesterday I saw two positions in an admissions office at a school in Paris posted. I was like, Hello, universe! Are you sending me a sign???

Except... well... Except... what about Jedi?

BELIEVE ME, I know I will not make life-altering decisions or make my life revolve around a guy. I promised myself that a long time ago.

But. Well. I know he wouldn't be able to come with me... not in the near future, and not in the far future either. He would have really no job prospects there (for a variety of reasons.) (Interestingly enough, he'd probably do better in Abu Dhabi than France since English is the lingua franca there.)

And while he wouldn't be the deciding factor... at this point... well, he's become a factor.

I did the whole living in France thing for 5 years. And while I love the city, I love my family there, I love the culture... I was terribly lonely and miserable. Not because I didn't have a guy (believe me, I know having a man/not having a man is not the root cause of my issues), but I know I spent an awful lot of time wishing I could just find someone who loves me....

...loves me the way Jedi already does.

... Yeah.

I spent 10 years being single. I mean, yeah-- sure, I dated a lot. But it never went anywhere-- and I sure as hell met a lot of frogs. Now that I met a guy who's not one, why do I want to run away from that? I'm thinking I don't want to run away right now,and, as my therapist pointed out, that's a hell of a lot of progress.

Jedi's not perfect, but I'm starting to think he might just be perfect for me.

I've grown accustomed to him. Having him around my house all the time seems normal. I miss him when he's gone (the horrors!). I enjoy his company, whether we're actively doing something or not. Ok, yeah... I know that some of you are probably thinking, "DUH! Dummy! This is what dating is about!!!"

But, well, it's new to me. So, let's go with it for awhile....

(Pssst! I am, however, going to be applying for those jobs. As Npapaya points out, we can cross that bridge when we come to it. And there are layoffs coming up! Gotta be prepared, right!?)


Perpetua said...

Wow, France for five years? That's pretty awesome. And it brings up another point in Jedi's favor: he's not intimidated by you, or by having a smart/accomplished girlfriend. Yeah, it might scare him sometimes, but from what you've said here it seems like he's good with it. That's great!

And you should def. apply for the jobs. No sense rejecting an offer you didn't get yet. :)

Hypatia said...

Yes, I have to say that one of his best points is that he's proud of what I've done, and encourages me to apply for jobs or other opportunities that would take me away from him, even though he'd rather I stayed in the area. If he wasn't, I'd know he wasn't the guy for me... but I still find it pretty amazing that he encourages me to do things that would be great for me, but not so great for him.

arf said...

always apply. You can always turn down an offer, but you can't get a job you don't apply for.

Apply, and when you have a decision to make, make it.