A picture is worth a thousand words!

Really, you might say in your profile that you're single, and well-adjusted, and totally normal....

But if there's a girl in your picture, (Or worse, a girl cropped OUT of your picture!), I'm moving on!

Yes, that girl might be your sister, or cousin, or dog-groomer. But I have no way of knowing which one it is. And frankly, it makes you look like a douche who is trying to show me how popular you are with girls. Just don't.

And if you have so few good pictures that you have to crop a girl out of one to use it for your profile? I don't know that I want to meet you in person... who knows how you'll REALLY look in broad daylight!? (And, actually, it just makes you seem like you're NOT QUITE over that ex. Even if that is only your mama in the photo. That's the vibe you're giving off. And really, is that the vibe you WANT to be giving off?)

Just sayin'........

From NPapaya... Good times, good times... reminds me of some dates I had not too long ago...

(Also reminds me not to be so dismissive of Atlas. I'll admit that I'm gowning fonder of Atlas the more I think about him. Not ready to give up on him just yet.)



Recently someone looked at my online profile, but hadn't contacted me. This
happens a lot and to be honest, most of the time I am glad they just kept on
truckin'. But this one didn't look so bad and he lived nearby. The downside -
kind of old by my standards for dating :46 (I'm 33).Not being super picky these
days I email him and he responds immediately. We make a plan to meet for coffee.
The night before I take another look at his profile to remind myself what he
said about himself. I take note of his height which I apparently glossed over
before: 5'6". Huh. Missed that one. I'm not quite 5'5" and I prefer someone
tall, but as long as you're taller than me we're in good shape.

When he arrives for our coffee date I am thinking - he is short. I mean, I'm
wearing nearly flats and looking him in the eye. But he does look like his
profile which means he's not bad looking, but I'm not ready to suggest we get a
room.

Next thought: poor guy, he's got something stuck in his teeth. Bummer on a first
date. We sit and chat. He smiles a lot which is good and bad. Good because it
shows he has a cheery disposition. Bad because it is clear he does not have
something stuck in his teeth. He has rotting teeth. 4 words: Veneers are your
friend.

More chatting ensues and I am aware of doing my own song and dance routine with
little audience participation. Oh, he's answering questions beautifully with
some detail, a few stories. But he's not dishing it back. I am exhausted looking
at his bad teeth and trying to think of things to ask him. Then I notice 2 of
his fingers have some sort of nail fungus and are oddly short. The freak show
must end.

As we leave I notice he is not the same height as me with my shoes on. So, he's
probably closer to 5'4" than he wants to admit. A fairly nice man to be sure,
but this was too much even for me and my new "baseline" standards. I fled.

So nice it kills me!

Message I just got from Atlas:


Thanks for meeting up with me today. It was beautiful outside, and I had a fun time browsing the books and watching the movie. (stuff about the movie)

So, you're leaving on Wednesday, right? Do you need anyone to take care of the puppy while you are gone? Also, do you need a ride to the airport or anything?

Later,
Atlas

Omigawd... Super nice, right? I mean-- a driving to the airport offer is pretty awesome of him.

Seriously, I thought he was pretty bored today and was going to give me the brush off (which would have been a relief). But no, instead he goes and does something super sweet!

eeek! (I know, you're thinking-- problems? what problems?)-- But I do feel like I'm being very unfair to him! In continuing to go out with him am I implying that I like him more than I do? Probably. Do I hope I can like him more than I do? Yes.

NPapaya said she was rooting for Atlas. Me too!

(sigh)

I know. It's a non-problem kind of problem. But how long do I let this go on and just keep hoping my feelings for him will develop?

How many more dates do I sit through where I spend the time looking at my watch and waiting to leave?

(sigh)

Don Draper makes my heart beat faster

Obviously going nowhere...

I just wrapped up a date with Atlas, and it was perfectly fine... but sooooo boring! I think he sensed it too. Every minute I was with him I felt like-- "Ok, can I go yet? I'm so bored, and I have a million things to do!"

Terrible, terrible, I know! He's so sweet, and so nice... and I really like him... But I think I have to conclude- "Not in that way."

Which makes me very depressed given that I was just contacted by 4 other guys who are obvious NOs (Though not entertaining enough for this site!)

So, it's like-- why would I throw back a perfectly nice guy, when those are the other options out there?

I know, I'm trying too hard to make this work. It shouldn't be this hard I think.

God, he's so nice.... I hate myself for feeling -- well, nothing!

Do I keep going? Or break this off?

Frankly, I almost get the sense that this is reciprocal, that he thinks I'm perfectly nice, but hasn't found a reason to throw ME back yet! (Though reasons are aplenty, I assure you!) Maybe I should break the ice about this?

On the other hand, I'm leaving on a trip and I'll be gone most of this week and most of next, so perhaps absence will make the heart grow fonder. (Or, out of sight, out of mind!)

Actually, I think you might be better off meeting my friend...

...proper grammar!

hey i just want to say that ur sexy and pretty and i like the way u smile, i will really like to know u more better if you dont mind

Well I certainly know why YOU'RE single!

Received today... You might remember this guy! This is the same moron who wrote to ask me why I was looking for people across the state line!
Don't you think he should be grateful I didn't answer him the first time?

Do you think I should answer him after this missive...?

If someone takes the time to write maybe you should answer them. I don't care how much your bikini shots* get you mail--civility's for everybody.

Maybe to inform him what a douchebag he is? Anyone have some creative responses? Or do we give this exactly the response it deserves... which is nothing...

*There are no bikini shots in my profile. I don't even own a bikini. There's one of my face when I'm obviously at the beach.

If you have to ask....that's the answer...

Can I date ur mom? Ahh.. just kidding... Couldnt resist..wait.. Ive a personality disorder.. nevermind... here's a question.. how does a person know if they have a personality disorder?

If you were the bride, how would you react?

Worst Best Man Ever @ Yahoo! Video

I actually think I would laugh. But I'm weird that way.

I don't understand either! Your message that is...

Received today:
Subject Line: Sorry, I don't understand
Hi,
If you live on the other side of the border how you can you 'meet' all of the people from [other state]? Wouldn't that be somewhat arduous?



Really? Is this a hard concept to understand? It's called a car.

And no, I wasn't planning on meeting all the people from the other state. Just the ones who weren't morons.

Why we (by which I mean *I*) secretly love jerks...

The Don Draper Effect


To me this is the crux of the argument..."a person who has voluntarily put himself second... is, ironically, not erotic..."

This may be why I'm having trouble turning up the heat with Atlas.... We had a great conversation the other night-- he's certainly a feminist, doesn't believe in traditional gender roles, thinks it's A-ok if dads are stay-at-home parents... etc, etc...

Which is all I could ever ask for, right? It's certainly what I say I want... Is it perhaps not? I mean, logically I know that it is what I want, but at the same time I can't help wanting someone with a bit more edge.

Ro (& well, a multitude of others, but she said it first), says I need a guy like Petruchio in The Taming of the Shrew-- that I need a guy who will push back, who will challenge me, who will push me to be better than I am. (But will still let me win at least 50% of the time....;-)

While being compared to a shrew is never a good image (though Ro insists she meant it in the nicest way possible,) I have to admit I recognize a grain of truth in what she says.

I want Don Draper. I want Petruchio. I want James Bond (the Casino Royale version.) In Theory

In the day to day living of things? I know those types of people would be pretty unbearable.

So... Could I get a reasonable mix? Say 80% nice guy, 20% jerk?

Thanks, Universe. That would be awesome!

***

You could certainly argue that in painting Don Draper as so complex, so tortured, so stealth-enlightened, so handsome, the Mad Men writers are doing women and men a disservice. They've endowed a definition of pre-feminist masculinity — a composite of all traditional manly virtues — with hints of modernity that make him appealing to women who can fancy he would have swept them off their feet while secretly supporting their dreams of equality. There's a sense on the show that his wife can't keep his interest purely because she's so docile and subservient; we could, we think. Who can compete with that?

Kissaster!

So, I went out with Atlas last night. How did it go? You're wondering...

I think the video explains it all....



More details coming soon....

I'll bet you think your cat talks back to you, don't you?

well.. i hate drugs and smoking.. voted for George since Kerry scared me.. but at least theres only a few more months left of W..
TNG is really the only STrek.. yet SWars is better! :)
I found a new Thai buffet that im dying to try!

And what, exactly, is the point of your message?

Probably NSFW

By popular acclaim...

Well, I'm only posting this because there's been so much demand for it.... :-p (ok, ok, only one demand for it (hi arf!), but that will sufice!)


I went out with Science Guy last night. I met him on eharmony, he's in the process of moving here and his company flew him out to find an apartment.

I wasn't sure what to expect because based on pictures he didn't seem like he'd be my type. Still, we'd had a good email exchange back and forth and I figured, "what the hell."
So, it turns out that he's really not photogenic-- at all-- but in person I found him attractive.

It's funny though, because I can say that Atlas is actually much more attractive than Science Guy-- I think objectively most people would agree on that, but I found myself more attracted to Science Guy... based on his build I think. He's taller and more solidly built, and since I'm not a tiny thing, it seems like a better fit somehow, physically I mean.

I took him on a walking tour of the campus where I work and I was much more talkative than I should have been on a first date, I think, but the truth is I didn't really care all that much since I went into it with no expectations.

I looked like crap actually, didn't have time to redo my makeup, wearing perhaps not the most flattering clothes (yes, I need to do laundry!), and I was hoping the evening would be over quickly because I had a ton of other things to be doing.

I ended up having a very good time with Science Guy though, and after our walk he asked if I'd have dinner with him, his treat (important for later in the story.)

I said yes, of course, and rattled off the restaurants in town. He picked the most expensive ($25 entrees) place in town, which I objected to as being too extravegant (To which my friend Ro replied, "What's your problem! It's a free dinner! You should have ordered 2 entrees!"), but he insisted.

We had a good conversation, and I enjoyed myself.

There were a couple of red flags for me though-- don't know if I'm making too much out of it, if it should/shouldn't be an issue, so I welcome your thoughts!

#1) He encouraged me to order dessert, and when I said I couldn't, he said that it was on his company, to go ahead. To which my mind went "WTF?! SHADY!".... So, basically after he said dinner was his treat, it turns out he was expensing it to his company because he was in town on business. Ro didn't see a problem with this, but I found it ethically problematic. Any differing opinions?

#2) He's not a US citizen (He's from Bombay originally), but I asked him who he would vote for if he could vote. He said he didn't know (which, really, WTF?!), that if McCain hadn't picked Palin as a running mate he might have given McCain some thought. (Which, frankly, what is there to think about?! McCain is a fear-mongering whack-a-loon.) So... worrisome!

#3) Money. Rather, how he spends it. So, Ro is like, "What's your problem, it's not YOUR money." No, it's not, but it does give me pause. He seems not to worry about it, which to my mind means he's either really good with money, or really bad with it. For example, of the places he's looking at-- the cost of the apartments are CRAZY! Easily the cost of a mortgage on a decent house 2x over! And he's looking to buy a new car... apparently a BMW. And he says he never does laundry--- he sends everything out to a laundry service. Now, it could be that he does all of that and still puts a large chunk away in savings... or it could be that he does all that and spends to the last penny and then some. At the moment I have no way of knowing, but it does make me wonder.

So, the above things make it sound like I've written him off, but I haven't. The truth is I had a fun time with him, and--frankly-- I even wanted to make out with him a little. I'm certainly wary about him... much more so than I am with Atlas.

Atlas seems like an all around, super nice guy. A guy who would never break your heart, who would never treat you poorly, who would always put someone else's needs above his own. All-in-all, the type of guy you want.

Science Guy was perfectly nice, but he seems to have a bit more of an edge. I don't have anything concrete to back it up, but I get the feeling that he could be a bit of an ass at times, and that he's someone who would put his needs and wishes above someone else's .

Like I said, I don't have much to base either impression on at this point, but that's my gut instinct.

Sooooooo....... How am I supposed to make up my mind??? Now I just need to make out with both of them to see how they compare....

I think you're just too picky, who doesn't like knuckle-dragging mouth breathers?

From my friend "D"--

I went on plentyoffish.com, thinking I would try a free site first, and replied to one of the few reasonable guy's ads my town of 10,000. Here is his reply:

i love football but im not into fantise football,what are ur likes and dislikesim 6f2in,240pounds,brown hair,blue eyes,wear glasses,i have a 9yearold daughter,what teams do u like in football? talk to u later

If you can't form a full sentence, shouldn't you be disqualified? He probably grunts instead of talks. By the way, EVERY SINGLE guy up here likes the "outdoors, hunting and fishing." UGH.

Why exactly is this a point of pride?

Received today:

Hate to brag but im a normal guy; no surprises, complications, weird tendancies...
Enjoy meetin new ppl a lot :)

My world's on fire, How about yours?

So, given that I haven't even held hands with Atlas, I certainly don't owe him anything.

So why do I feel guilty for having another eharmony date on Friday?

I'm nervous because this is such a small town. I just know I'm going to run into Atlas, or one of his newly-met friends, and I'm going to have to introduce eharmony guy, and there will be awkwardness all around.

Heaven help me.

But why do I feel this way? The truth is that if Atlas were to get all clingy and get upset that I was on a date with other eharmony guy I'd dump Atlas in a heartbeat for being so jealous and controlling. At the same time though, I can't help but feel like I'm being dishonest with him in some way.

"We're sorry, you're just not right for this role. Better luck next time."

Atlas had me and some of his friends over to his house for dinner. He made pasta (Nice gesture.... but worst pasta ever) and we all played games.

It was perfectly nice, and fine, and enjoyable.

And yet........ weird.

So, his friends consisted of "Married couple A", "Married Couple B", and "Married Couple C"..... and.... us.

Mind you, this is the 5th time we've gone out and he hasn't even made a move to hold my hand.

Anyone else have that Sesame Street song in their head? "One of these things is not like the other"? Yea, it was kinda like that.

And while everyone was perfectly nice, everyone was talking marriage, and babies, and I was a little freaked out. It felt less like Atlas was interested in me than it did that I was auditioning for a role.

I may be projecting. I probably am. But that's totally how it felt.

He's asked me to go apple-picking. With his friends.

Actually, a picture is worth a thousand words.

I received a perfectly nice email from a guy with no profile picture.

The message below was at the end.

PS-
I don't really find that pictures change anything in the end. The mind is more important. But if you'd like, I can scrounge up a picture from somewhere, but I'm not very photogenic and as a result, don't have too many.


Now, some may consider me shallow, but frankly-- if you don't have a picture (or a very compelling reason why you don't have one on your profile.... like, say... you're a teacher and you don't want your students finding you (but you're willing to email me a picture).... or.... you're George Clooney, and you don't want someone falling in love with you for your looks-- (That's ok George! I love you for your politics!!!)), then, well, I don't really want to waste my time.

Look. My picture is up there! (In his email, my looks were in fact the very first thing this guy mentioned-) So, um really, your picture should be up there too.

At least it should be if you want a response from me.

Just a moment please, while I stop laughing...

"Let's make beautiful children together"


Bwahahahahaha!

I mean, really! Does this ever work for anyone?

Saying it with a smilely doesn't make it hotter!

Enough with my angst! Back to the real reason you frequent these pages.

Received today:

nice pics :P

seems u got hot boobs :P

Haaawwwwttt! I am telling you! Nothing turns me on more than a perfect stranger telling me that I have hot boobs!


And now that I've said "hot boobs" two three times in one blog post, my google traffic is going to skyrocket! Wave hello to the creepy guys everyone!

I know why I'm single.

I wouldn't want to be part of a club that would have me as a member.

Yes, it's a crazy making situation, and it's my own issues getting in the way. (Hell, just because I can easily point out OTHER people's issues, doesn't mean I'm not allowed to have any of my own!)

So, yes. I do typically find something wrong with the guys I date around or before date 3, and say "Nice knowing you."

But the only thing wrong with Atlas? (Thus far! Thus far!).... Is that he seems to like me.

I know, I know. How horrible of him!

And yet, it does leave me bewildered and thinking that perhaps he's not quite right in the head.

(I know! I know! Don't worry, I'm seeing a shrink.)

And I like Atlas, I do.

And that's part of the problem.

Because I don't give a damn about being rejected by someone who is an asshole, or someone I don't respect, or someone who has a major personality disorder.

But if I let myself like him... And then he rejects me?

I know... it's Psych 101...

And I don't know how to let myself go enough-- how to let go of control enough-- to actually like someone who likes me in return.

To clarify-

Atlas is the guy I've seen 3 times now. He's nice. He's cute. He has a decent job. He's good with money. He's thoughtful. I'd like to hang out with him.

But.

I don't feel the need to MAKE out with him.

What to do?

Went out with Atlas at lunch.
It went fine...

*sigh*

But still not really attracted to him in spite of the fact that he is attractive and he seems like a nice guy...

He asked me out again...

I should be happy...

But it seems like a chore...

But at the same time, I keep thinking that I should give it a chance..

*sigh*

A couple of good ones today...

"hmmm interesting quote however wouldn't you call that a generality or a formula for all matters posed?....

Ummmm.... To which quote would you be referring? The one that's not in my profile? (And yes, that was the ENTIRE email.)

And this other gem...

"bush iz dum lol.

P.S. So are you!

Yes, my antipathy towards the shrub in chief is highlighted in my profile, but I'd rather (well, almost rather) be with someone who likes bush and is articulate about it than someone who reflects my same views in such an illiterate way.

Morons.