Saturday, October 4, 2008

I know why I'm single.

I wouldn't want to be part of a club that would have me as a member.

Yes, it's a crazy making situation, and it's my own issues getting in the way. (Hell, just because I can easily point out OTHER people's issues, doesn't mean I'm not allowed to have any of my own!)

So, yes. I do typically find something wrong with the guys I date around or before date 3, and say "Nice knowing you."

But the only thing wrong with Atlas? (Thus far! Thus far!).... Is that he seems to like me.

I know, I know. How horrible of him!

And yet, it does leave me bewildered and thinking that perhaps he's not quite right in the head.

(I know! I know! Don't worry, I'm seeing a shrink.)

And I like Atlas, I do.

And that's part of the problem.

Because I don't give a damn about being rejected by someone who is an asshole, or someone I don't respect, or someone who has a major personality disorder.

But if I let myself like him... And then he rejects me?

I know... it's Psych 101...

And I don't know how to let myself go enough-- how to let go of control enough-- to actually like someone who likes me in return.

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