Saturday, January 3, 2009


Just a (hopefully!) quick update since I've been MIA over vacation.

I was supposed to get together with Science guy tomorrow-- we had made plans for lunch and then errands (sexy, I know-- but we're both crazy busy.) In fact, we're both so crazy busy that our plans got postponed to next weekend. I'm not really disappointed, which tells me a lot, I think. I like science guy, I think he's great-- (And he's very attentive, which is appreciated! He's called, and texted me more times than I can count over these last 2 weeks -- (well, I could count, but it's probably in the 15-20 range. No worries, I don't get a stalker vibe from him :-)

As attentive as he is, I (being the difficult girl I am) can't help but wish that attentiveness was coming from someone else. What can a girl do? A crush wants what a crush wants! There's obviously no logic behind it, because logic tells me to go full force ahead with science guy and to put Muckraker out of my head.

And yet, during this vacation I kept finding my thoughts involuntarily straying to Muckraker. Not simply in the "Gee, does he like me, I hope he likes me!" sense, but in that I would think of something funny.... and want to tell him, because I knew he would get the joke. Or, I'd be having a discussion on something obscure and not able to recall if something happened during the reign of Justinian I or not-- and I knew Muckraker would know, and my instinct was to say-- "OH, Muckraker, what is xyz?" or "Oh, Muckraker would know! Let me ask him!" He really is the most brilliant, amazing man-- a true polymath. Though the content of his character is still fuzzy for me at the moment, even if I didn't have a crush on him I know I would want to have discussions with him. He's not showy about what he knows, completely the opposite in fact. You would never realize the extent of his insights until you got deeply into conversation with him, because (unlike me!) he doesn't trot out facts and figures and put them on display as though they were show ponies. And so, whenever I got into a discussion in the past few weeks, I kept wanting to ask him what his thoughts were on a particular subject.

This is, as I said, completely involuntary (and CRAZY) behaviour on my part. Believe me, I know this. I want to stop this. I want to exorcise this crush! If anyone has any hints, do let me know!

I will presumably be seeing Muckraker on Monday. (Yes, I decided to take the class I mentioned in a previous post-- and in spite of some concerns that readers expressed to me privately, it's not really because Muckraker is taking the class that I'm in it. I had signed up for it long before I knew him, and was debating between 2 courses. In the end this course will be the lesser of 2 evils and keep me from having to take a worse course this summer.) Though, of course Muckraker could have dropped the course, or any number of things could have happened, and it's possible I won't see him.

My friend Meg thinks I should go up to him and say, "I missed you!" I think this is MUCH too forward for me though. She wonders if he knows how I feel and I have to say that I think he does. Is it wrong for me to sit back and let him come to me though? I just want a bit of the same kind of attentiveness that Science Guy has shown me. Maybe that is wrong of me to expect, but it's what I want.

Well, time will tell, and I should probably know in the next week or two if there is any real possibility with Muckraker, or if I need to call in some voodoo priestess to rid me of my crush. (Anyone got one on speed dial?)

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