Tuesday, June 30, 2009

YOU are the reason you're single...

.... that is, according to dating guides.

Interestingly, I read two posts on dating guides today. One from Simone (aka SINgle Girl) in which she points out that dating guides basically say "Be somone other than you are to snag a guy, because guys don't like who you are!" And she rightly calls BULLSHIT on this.

Jezebel took on dating guides too with basically the same conclusion-- That is: "most books aimed at men seek to boost male self-esteem, books aim at women tend to tear it down" and that the reason you don't have a man comes down to one of three reasons:

1)You Don't Have a Man Because You're Fat and Ugly

You Don't Have a Man Because You Want a Career
"Interestingly enough, all the books I read aimed at men never asked them to choose between a woman and a thriving career. It was assumed they would have both.")

You Don't Have a Man Because You Look/Act Like a Man

"Now, if a man doesn't have a woman? It's probably because he hasn't gamed her properly."


Now, forgive me because I can't remember where I read this, but if I did I would totally attribute it to you-- so let me know if it was you!.... But I read something recently that part of the reason all these self-help books are aimed at women is because women are assumed to have no agency where relationships are concerned.

Women must (according to "tradition"... and according to these types of books) wait to be chosen, asked out, called, proposed to... etc. Given such powerlessness, it's only natural that women would then seek to gain some measure of control over their relationships by working on the one thing they do have control over-- themselves.

Yes, sometimes YOU (meaning me...) really are the reason why you're single.

Other times though? Guys are just schmucks. Just like sometimes women can be schmucks too.

To paraphrase (because I can't find the quote, even with googling)- If I'm too strong for some people, that's their problem. Yes, it might be part of the reason why I'm single... but let's face it, that's also who I am. Anyone who can't deal with that--- well, that person wouldn't be able to deal with me.

Best to get it out of the way early then, huh?

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