He's really grown on me

I had a long chat with Science guy tonight. Unfortunately it was over the phone... I would have preferred that it be in person. I've been thinking about him a lot the past few days... really missing being with him actually, which has surprised me. All I know is that I was feeling down tonight, and he's the one I wanted to be with.

I think he likes me in that way still.... but, well, it's still hard to tell since the last few times he's been the one to say- "Let's just be friends." And now that I'm finding myself really into him, I'm worrying that he may be totally over me.

Maybe it's too late and I blew my chance already? I mentioned perhaps doing something with him this weekend, but that my family was going up to the lake camp, and I wasn't sure if I should join them. He said he thought I should go with my family. I thought about inviting him to go to the cabin, but ... that might be would be totally awkward, given that I've never introduced ANYONE to my family.... and science guy & I are at a totally ambiguous place right now.

I still really want to spend time with him this weekend though.

Apparently he also goes to a coffee shop just a block from my work every day at 7am (Which is crazy because it means he has to drive several miles past where he works to go there.) He told me I should join him for breakfast.... Too bad that will NEVER happen. I'm still totally conked out and in bed at 7am. (Though, I'm starting to think he might just go there to see Npapaya, since that's HER morning place. Hmmm. Suspicious.) I told him he should come to my house and bring me coffee tomorrow. He just laughed. Sadness!

He might come over for dinner on Thursday though. (Hmmm. Maybe I can get him to spend the night? Hopeful thoughts... ;-)

YOU are the reason you're single...

.... that is, according to dating guides.

Interestingly, I read two posts on dating guides today. One from Simone (aka SINgle Girl) in which she points out that dating guides basically say "Be somone other than you are to snag a guy, because guys don't like who you are!" And she rightly calls BULLSHIT on this.

Jezebel took on dating guides too with basically the same conclusion-- That is: "most books aimed at men seek to boost male self-esteem, books aim at women tend to tear it down" and that the reason you don't have a man comes down to one of three reasons:

1)You Don't Have a Man Because You're Fat and Ugly

2)You Don't Have a Man Because You Want a Career
("Interestingly enough, all the books I read aimed at men never asked them to choose between a woman and a thriving career. It was assumed they would have both.")

3)You Don't Have a Man Because You Look/Act Like a Man

"Now, if a man doesn't have a woman? It's probably because he hasn't gamed her properly."

_________________________

Now, forgive me because I can't remember where I read this, but if I did I would totally attribute it to you-- so let me know if it was you!.... But I read something recently that part of the reason all these self-help books are aimed at women is because women are assumed to have no agency where relationships are concerned.

Women must (according to "tradition"... and according to these types of books) wait to be chosen, asked out, called, proposed to... etc. Given such powerlessness, it's only natural that women would then seek to gain some measure of control over their relationships by working on the one thing they do have control over-- themselves.

Yes, sometimes YOU (meaning me...) really are the reason why you're single.

Other times though? Guys are just schmucks. Just like sometimes women can be schmucks too.

To paraphrase (because I can't find the quote, even with googling)- If I'm too strong for some people, that's their problem. Yes, it might be part of the reason why I'm single... but let's face it, that's also who I am. Anyone who can't deal with that--- well, that person wouldn't be able to deal with me.

Best to get it out of the way early then, huh?

So... Maybe there's still hope?

What are your chances of marrying by 40?

Then again, I suppose you'd feel like total SHITE if you ended up not getting married by 40 (assuming that you wanted to) based on these stats.

Sigh.

What a nice change of pace

I met Science Guy for brunch and then a matinee on Sunday.... and I had a really good time. Sure, he has his moments of immaturity and cluelessness (let's chalk this up to age, shall we? He's 27.) But overall he's just a genuinely nice guy. Note: he's not a faux nice-guy who is constantly going on about what a "Nice Guy" he is, and why he can't get the girls. When I observe him I just see him doing little things that add up to a lot.

Little things like:

*Holding the door open. (Not in an obnoxious-show-offy-way.)
*Helping old ladies up the stairs. (Again, not in a show-offy way. (And I think we can all agree that we know when someone does something for show as opposed to because it's who they really are.
*Noticing that the brand of sweetener we both use is down to the last packet, and offering it to me.
*Insisting on paying. (Note: I didn't let him pay for breakfast, though he wanted to, so he covered the movie.)
*Asking if I wanted anything from the concession stand.
*Asking if I wanted the air turned on in the car
*Asking which station I wanted to listen to
*Asking if I minded if he turned up the sound when a song he liked came on.

*Randomly giving me compliments that were just little throw-away remarks.
-I'll highlight this one because it's something he does often. This time it was about my writing, and he mentioned that he thinks I'm a fantastic writer. (Note: untrue, but appreciated!) But he makes small off-hand remarks that always lift my spirits, and again-- I don't think they're calculated, which make them seem much more genuine to me, much more believable. Other people... (ahem. who shall remain nameless)... have given me compliments, but they've always felt very pre-thought out, very calculated to elicit a certain reaction. I might be over thinking it, but all I know is that Science guy makes me feel really great about myself.

I'll add also that he was looking very handsome on Sunday, and he was very flirty. I do think that there can be something there if I want it, and I'm starting to think more and more that I do.

He's made no bones about the fact that he doesn't want to date around though-- that he wants to find "the one" and settle down. I find this a bit scary, though, ostensibly it's what I want as well. (...I think I'm just worried about making a mistake and picking the wrong "one"... which, you don't really know until it's too late.) Anyhoo, it was all very much couched in hypotheticals though it was clear we were talking about ourselves.

I think at this point I'm the one who needs to make a move if anything is going to happen, and that makes me nervous. I'm a liberated woman, yeah, but I don't like to be the one who is the aggressor.

I have found my soulmate!

This guy is AMAZING.

Or. Well. He's certainly SOMETHING.

Arhem.

[Forgive me while I dissolve into giggles.]

Why I love romance (novels)....

(Hey, I have always (tragically) maintained I'm a 13 year old girl on the inside.)


The Birth of Romance Novels

The books effectively recreate the world of high school romance, when every nuance contained volumes. In grade twelve, there were girls who, simply by saying hello, could make me mute with joy, whose touch on my forearm was electric. There were always misunderstandings and misinterpretations and sexual dramas. Even the breakups had terrific appeal, those first forays into angry soliloquy. The chief attraction was its all-consuming aspect, that you felt so vivid and so adult. Meanwhile, the adults were settled in the suburbs, battling mortgages, complacent or murderous in their marriages. And that?s why so many Harlequin books end where they do, at the moment that all the drama and misunderstandings and the guilty/fulfilling sex are over. Because after that moment, you step into Updike territory, the land of ennui and bitter divorce.

I should've blogged instead.

I thought about not posting this... But hell, you're all close friends or totally anonymous strangers! So, wtf, it's not like you either #1) don't know this anyway.... or #2) will be very scandalized by it.

I was feeling crummy. About a number of things... work, personal life, etc.

It was 11 pm. I called my mother. I should have called my therapist instead. (Yes, I have one. Haven't you heard? I have issues.)

I totally regressed. I totally made some poor choices. (Let's face it... I totally wanted to make them.) Cutting is the only way I can make myself feel better when it gets to this point.

Fuck.

I should have thought this through.

Fuck.

I should have picked a less visible place.

Fuck.

This is gonna leave some scars.

Fuck.

I do feel quite a bit better though.

In which you would be somewhat proud of me. I think.

I went to a party today for members of the program I'm in. I anticipated Muckraker might be there, but I was determined not to let it bother me.

He came, and chitchatted a bit with me, and made some flirty/assholish comments (you know the type. Like, 2nd grade hair pulling kind of stuff to deliberately get a rise out of me.) I did not respond in kind. He even commented on the fact that I wasn't reacting to comments of the sort that I would normally react to.

(Yea, me!)

I was civil, but hopefully distant.

I spent most of my time talking to other people.

However... (shamefully!) ... I have to admit that I was aware of his every move. Like radar, I couldn't help myself from constantly keeping track of where he was, who he was with, etc. I don't WANT to do this, believe me. Frankly, it's almost what I heard an addict feels like with alcohol... People around them think that they're engaged in what's going on, but the truth is their attention is always on where that alcohol is, and when can they have their next drink. That's the way I felt about muckraker.

(Yes, I'm now hiding my head under the pillow after writing those words. I am such a LOSER!)

My friends invited me out for drinks after this... I hesitated, but then turned them down. I knew it would be a late night. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't join them because it would be so late. The only reason I was contemplating going out was because Muckraker would be there.

That's not a good reason.

So, I pick an early night's sleep instead. (Which I need, because I was up until 4am last night tossing & turning while thinking about the summer ahead and the torture my classes are going to be with him in them.)

Aren't you proud of me?

I have decided to studiously ignore him. (Do you think he'll notice? Hmmm... Probably not.)

Why even bother looking?

Remember THIS guy? The one who rated me highly, and then I got in touch with him, but he never wrote back to me?

He keeps checking out my profile. Like, 3 times in the last week.

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT?

WHY would someone do this?

Now, frankly, I don't even want him to get in touch with me because there's obviously some issue there... But really, why does he keep looking at my profile if he knows he's not going to contact me?

I don't get it. Someone please explain?

In which I mindfuck this situation to death...

Muckraker wrote back with an explanation.

Well, his first email back to me was rather combative, but was essentially: "I wasn't going through your stuff. I was looking at something I had looked at before. I don't get why you're making such a big deal about this."

My email back to him was: "Given what I was told, can't you see why I would think what you did is a big deal?"

His response: "Yes, I can, but I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. I was looking for the list you had already shown me, and I didn't want to bug people in the office who were already stressed with other stuff for help." He ended it with, "Still Friends?"

I thought about responding with "Still friends??? When were we EVER friends? Friends don't fall off the face of the earth for several months, or not return emails, or only be in touch when they need something. Asshole. No we're not Still friends because we were never friends."

But, of course, I didn't do that. I basically said, "Sure. But next time, when you have a question, actually address it to ME instead of helping yourself."

He responded rather oddly to that by saying that he was busy until the end of the week, but that after that he wanted to tell me about his spring and he wanted to hear about mine. And Oh. He also mentioned that we'll be having not one, but TWO classes together this spring. AWESOME. (/sarcasm)

I'm not saying that sarcastically because I DON'T want to see him, I'm saying that sarcastically because I DO want to see him. Even after all this. Even in spite of his super douchey behaviour. Even in spite of the fact that I've rarely had an interaction with him in which I've not felt worse about myself afterward. Like I said, he's totally under my skin. And so, I know that wanting to see him is the height of self-destructive behaviour. That I won't be able to concentrate the rest of the summer is the least of it. That I'll drive my friends BAT-SHIT insane, is bad, but that's not the worst part. (Well, Npapaya might think that's the worst part.) The worst part is that I know he's going to make me feel worse about myself.

One of the classes I'm taking is a writing course, and I do NOT want him to read my writing. I feel-- very stupidly-- that his opinion of my writing carries much more weight than it should. I know I should not care what his thoughts are about what I write as long as I like it.
And yet... What he thinks matters to me. And I know that if he doesn't like what I've done it will crush me. And... I also know, just by the genre of what I write, that he won't like it. So-- nice fucking catch 22 I have there, isn't it? Yes, I'm trying to convince myself that his opinions won't matter... I'm trying to psych myself up already. I doubt it will work.

Because I'm mindfucking this to death, I am also dwelling on the fact that he opened an eharmony account very recently, as evidenced by the fact that we just got matched. What does this say to me? That he's SO COMPLETELY uninterested in me that he'd rather go to the interwebs to find a date than ask me out. (Yeah, yeah... I'm on there too, but I was on there long before I even met him, and I made it plain this winter that if he asked me out I wouldn't say no.)

So. I feel like this is a rejection, almost as if I HAD asked him out, and he said no.

Now, don't get me wrong-- I know that if we went out it would totally implode & end badly, but at the same time I take as a sign the fact that he went to eharmony AFTER he knew me as an indication that I'm really not desirable. (Ok, yes, I DO realize that these are my OWN very fucked-up issues inside my head and that I'm reading way, way, WAY too much into this. Believe me, I KNOW that. But what a person KNOWS and what a person FEELS are two different things. And what I feel? Is like undesirable leftovers.)

Bah.

I had found equilibrium when he was gone.
He's not even been back for 5 days and he's got me totally fucked up with his mind games.
Why I'm trying to read his cryptic responses like tea leaves, I don't know. As Npapaya said, What makes me think that I'll ever be able to figure him out? He LIKES this. He gets off on it. It makes him feel important.

Npapaya was all for me cutting him off completely, which I was actually in favor of, and I was going to attempt it. Easy enough to avoid him in a lecture hall, even if we did have class together. In the writing class though? There are 5 people. Impossible to avoid him, or his critiques. (I need this credit, but I actually contemplated trying to get out of this class. (Ha ha... like Edward Cullen trying to get out of biology... I guess Muckraker is my own personal brand of heroin? Ha ha. Yes, I am behaving about as fucking stupidly sensibly as Bella, aren't I? Gawd, that book is crappy. And how crappy is this... infatuation... if I'm comparing it to the shit-fest of teenage melodrama & creepy stalkerish bad-boyfriend behaviour that is Twilight? Extra specially crappy, with a cherry on top. Believe me. I am aware of this.))

Bah humbug.

This will be a torturous summer.

Did I mention I live in the world's smallest town?

Muckraker & I just got matched on eharmony.

FFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

One has to laugh, or one will cry!

He also wrote back to me about the email I sent him about what he was doing in my office. I don't believe a word of it, and Npapaya has been good about helping me to draft a cool-collected-and professional response, I think, telling him how inappropriate what he did was.

Does he have aspergers? Was he dropped on his head as a child? I don't know-- I also don't know how someone can think that going through someone's private documents are ok.

Science Guy is looking like a prince in shining armor in comparison.

Song to Fall Asleep To

Goodnight... Yawn... I'll leave you with the song I've been falling asleep to for the past few weeks. I think it's one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard.

A lovely compliment?

Someone recently told me I remind them of the woman described in this song.

I hadn't heard it before. It's actually quite melancholy, I think. But I'm rather touched that someone would think such things, but at the same time I'm not entirely sure it's all complimentary.

The song is really very catchy though, and I now have it running on a loop in my head.




(While I think most of this song doesn't actually apply to me, I do go topless on the beaches in France. :-p Can't wait to go back this summer. )


Lyrics:

You talk like Marlene Dietrich
And you dance like Zizi Jeanmaire
Your clothes are all made by Balmain
And there's diamonds and pearls in your hair

You live in a fancy apartment
Of the Boulevard of St. Michel
Where you keep your Rolling Stones records
And a friend of Sacha Distel

But where do you go to my lovely
When you're alone in your bed
Tell me the thoughts that surround you
I want to look inside your head

I've seen all your qualifications
You got from the Sorbonne
And the painting you stole from Picasso
Your loveliness goes on and on, yes it does

When you go on your summer vacation
You go to Juan-les-Pines
With your carefully designed topless swimsuit
You get an even suntan, on your back and on your legs

When the snow falls you're found in St. Moritz
With the others of the jet-set
And you sip your Napoleon Brandy
But you never get your lips wet

But where do you go to my lovely
When you're alone in your bed
Tell me the thoughts that surround you
I want to look inside your head, yes I do

Your name is heard in high places
You know the Aga Khan
He sent you a racehorse for christmas
And you keep it just for fun, for a laugh haha

They say that when you get married
It'll be to a millionaire
But they don't realize where you came from
And I wonder if they really care, they give a damn

But where do you go to my lovely
When you're alone in your bed
Tell me the thoughts that surround you
I want to look inside your head

I remember the back streets of Naples
Two children begging in rags
Both touched with a burning ambition
To shake off their lowly brown tags, yes they try

So look into my face Marie-Claire
And remember just who you are
Then go and forget me forever
'Cause I know you still bear
the scar, deep inside, yes you do

I know where you go to my lovely
When you're alone in your bed
I know the thoughts that surround you
'Cause I can look inside your head

Something in the stars? Or just in the water?

As I mentioned, I'm getting all sorts of random calls this week.

Science guy is suddenly in touch again, as I mentioned. He wants to get together, which I felt rather ambivalent about. Again, I'm not sure what he's after since he's been all, "I want to be friends!" but is also, let's hang out at my place and rent dvds... (Which, hmmm... doesn't that usually lead to making out? Hmmm...)

I think I'll give him another shot though. His good qualities do outweigh his few douchey lapses, I think. He always does make me feel better about myself, he is very kind, and he is thoughtful (most of the time.) I don't think anything will go anywhere, but I wouldn't mind a little human contact these days, so-- well, why the hell not.

Muckraker on the other hand? I think he has gone of the deep end. Perhaps he always was off the deep end and I had too many stars in my eyes to notice (Um, and I can hear Npapaya saying, "DUH!")

After he called me several days ago (and might I add, he called me three times. On my work phone. After I made it clear I couldn't talk.) I called him back the next day. I figure y'all would be proud of me for not calling him back asap, but the truth is it wasn't calculated. I was tired and I forgot about it until it was too late to call. (I've been working crazy hours for the past 2 weeks and I'm exhausted!)

Unsurprisingly he wasn't calling to whisper sweet nothings, he was calling because he needed something. He is charming, and so I didn't notice it at first, but I do think he's quite a user. I mean, he was asking for advice and recommendations for housing in our area, and it's not a big deal-- not something I would fault a friend for asking-- but that's just it. He doesn't comport himself as a friend or anything else. He contacts when it's convenient, being excessively charming, raising expectations, and then disappearing. And I am SOOOOO over it. You would be proud how much I'm over it.

I was probably rather curt on the phone, but polite enough I think, and offered him my suggestions, and that was that. Or so I thought.

A couple days later I was working in the office I'd been relocated to for the 2 weeks we were doing this --well, conference, is probably the best word for it. I was in the "welcome" center where there was an office on one side and a lounge on the other. I was having lunch with Npapaya when suddenly I spot Muckraker coming out of my office.

Apparently he'd come looking for me. I introduced him to Npapaya (who kept rolling her eyes at him whenever his back was turned.) and we made a bit of small talk. Again, he had come looking for something-- he was looking to find out if someone was attending the conference.

I went to my office and checked the list, and I asked him more about this person. Turns out that he was looking for someone he'd never met before, someone a friend of a friend once knew. WEIRD. I told him he should probably just try and find her on facebook... (instead of stalking her at this conference... mmm hmmm... didn't say that part, but wouldn't anyone find that totally creepy???)

He asked if I would be in his class this summer (yes) and he said he was glad to hear it. And then he left.

Again, Npapaya rolled her eyes at him, and she asked me, "Do you think he was really looking for that woman? Or was he looking for an excuse to come and see you?"

The truth is, I don't know. If he was looking for that woman, that is rather creepy/weird. If he was looking for me, he has had ample opportunities to be in touch before this, and he has not indicated he's interested.

The worst part though? (And Npapaya can stop rolling her eyes!) is I do still find him very attractive. Like, I'm weak in the knees, attractive. (Yes, this is weird, because I'm probably the only one who does think this amongst my group of friends-- the rest of them are like-- "Hands down, Science guy is better looking." But it's less about actual looks I think, and whatever paticular alchemy makes one person attractive to another. There is no reasoning with that, I think.)


But! But! But! Our story does not end there!

This morning I was working on finishing up the last details for the conference--processing payroll, getting payments, and dealing with a bunch of incidents that involved security being called last night. There were about 10-15 people in the tiny space of this office all morning, and it was pretty bustling. That's why I didn't notice Muckraker come in until one of my co-workers (or, co-irkers in this particular case) says to me, "Who was that guy?"

That guy? That I spotted leaving the office? Was Muckraker. Apparently he'd come to my desk and been rifling through papers stacked on it. And then he left. All without saying a word.

I am LIVID. This is so beyond the realm of acceptable behaviour I don't even know where to start.

Perhaps he was innocently (but STUPIDLY) looking for info on this old friend of a friend he was trying to get in touch with. Or, given that in his trade he's a reporter, perhaps he was looking for actual confidential information.

I don't think any confidential info was in the stack on the desk he was apparently looking at, but over the course of this weekend I was working with the private information of both a senator and of a high-profile actress. I'm about 99% certain that while he may have seen lists with their names on it, the confidential info was in my database. But I am SO ANGRY that he put me into that position of potentially being compromised and risking my job.

I don't know what his deal is, but I am completely DONE with him. SO, SO, DONE.

I wrote him an email this evening that basically said, "What the FUCK were you doing this morning!?"

He has yet to respond, but given that it's him, I don't really expect him to. That is, until he needs something else....

UGH.

Butt Dialing

I got a random phone call that was nothing but static on my voice mail.

I didn't recognize it, so I googled the number.

Turned out to be the number of a guy I went out with about a year ago.

He took me dancing about an hour away from here.... and invited his ex-girlfriend to come with us. The highlight of the evening for me was when I got hit on by a drunk lesbian who kept telling me "You're so beautiful!" and hanging on me all night. (In hindsight, I should have gone home with her.)

No, I did not see him again. Somehow I didn't make the cut and he never called me back. (What can I say. Poor judgment on my part that I was still willing to give him another chance.)

I can only presume that he was butt dialing, but this is whole random-dudes-who-dropped-off-the-face-of-the-earth-and-are-now-randomly-calling-me thing is a little bizarre this week.

More on this in the next installment....

Two Hundred

This, according to blogger, is my 200th post.

I can only say that #1) I don't know that I ever considered getting to 200 posts-- it probably seemed like something that would take years, if I considered it at all-- and 2) I would have hoped that I might no longer be single 200 posts in, or that I would have learned something about this whole dating business. And yet... no.

Bah humbug.

(But thanks for coming along for the ride!)

Out of the Blue

you will NEVER believe who just called me....

Muckraker.

On my work line.

From the other side of the country.

After having been absent since March.

After not answering my emails in April.

But he just called.

Just... yanno... to chat.

He said he had 3 things he wanted to talk to me about.

1) Was I mad at him?

2) what's the latest school news

And then his phone cut out before #3....


WTF was that about?


Do NOT let me go down this road again....!

This does not help me at all!

Dear Gay BFF,

Thank you for letting me know we both know a straight single guy whofinds me attractive. That was a boost to my self-esteem.

However, unless you tell me HIS NAME, this is not going to help me any.

Laughing at me does not help me either.

Hugs & Kisses,
Me

Do I know you from somewhere?

So, yesterday I was holding a training for some temporary workers, and someone I recognized was there.

He comes to me, and is like-- "You look very familiar. Have we met before?"

I just waved my hand breezily... "Oh, you know, I'm sure you've seen me around or at some event or another!" La dee dah....

I did NOT say... "Oh, you know, you only contacted me on chemistry.com, eharmony, okcupid, and yahoo personals..." La dee dah...

Freaking small town.

(****Please note, this is NOT the same guy from below that I actually went out on a coffee date with. I never met this guy (above).)

How do I know you again?

I saw someone on okcupid who seemed cute, and we had a high match percentage. I thought about contacting him, and as I was looking at his profile I realized he seemed very familiar, but I couldn't quite place him.

Given the interconnected web of people in this town I thought it was best to hold off on communicating until I could figure out how I knew him. Boy, I'm glad I did!

I was talking to Npapaya about the poor guy I blew off (see previous entry!), and she said, "Oh, is that the guy I saw you with at the bookstore."

Yes, in fact that guy was... but that made me remember another guy I met at the bookstore (yes, it does happen to be my #1 first meeting location because it has the best coffee in town and because it provides an easy escape if things are not working out.) And I realized that the guy who seemed familiar on okcupid was someone I had met about a year ago for a coffee date at the bookstore.

I also remembered why things did not work out...

1) He showed up to the "date" looking like he'd just rolled out of bed. (It turned out he had, he confessed in the conversation.) He was wearing dirty & holey sweats, and teva sandals with socks. EWWW.

2) In spite of his terrible attire which indicated he had not had the time to change his clothes or even shower that morning he had found time to .... put on eyeliner.

3) As we spoke, it became increasingly clear to me that he was secretly gay and totally in love with his roommate. (You know that way that people have of name-dropping the name of the person they're obssessed with ever-so-casually? (Not that I have ever done this... nope. No siree...) Yeah, he was totally doing that, in addition to mentioning how He and his roommate would go away for long weekends to B&Bs, or go and take special trips to see Broadway shows together. I mean, not to go all stereotypical... but really? REALLY?)

So, what's the moral of this story? I don't know. Move to a bigger town maybe? Stop dating gay men? (That one would be a good start. It's really easy to have a fantasy relationship with my gay bffs. Recently one of my friends-- we'll call him Quebecois-- has found it very amusing to introduce me to everyone as his wife. He also proceeded to drag me into a jewelry shop and made me try on engagement rings while telling the salesperson how in love we were and all about our imaginary wedding plans. This is evidently how he enlivens his day. Awkward! I could have killed him.)

Little town, it's a quiet village...

Once again, I'm presented with an example about why it's terrible to live in Podunk, USA. (Or, perhaps I'll take to calling this place Mayberry, because that's totally what it is.)

I'm currently hiring temporary workers for my office and I got an email forwarded to me by our assistant letting me know that someone was interested in the position.

Do I recognize the name....?

Oh yes. Yes I surely do. And I'm totally mortified....

The person applying for the job is a guy I went on a coffee date with... and then I totally blew him off when he wanted to see me again. (I know, I know. Bad Karma. I'm a terrible person!)

He was actually a very sweet guy, and what was "wrong" with him wasn't actually anything that was wrong--- it just made him not-quite-right for me. He was very young, just barely out of college. (I'm 28.) He didn't know what he wanted to do with his life, and had moved back in with his parents. He was also very short and very skinny.

Again, none of these are terrible qualities, and given his stage in life I don't fault him for living with his parents... and one can't help one's stature or build, so I don't hold it against him.... it just, as I said, added up to not quite right for me.

And yet he was very nice, and so when he contacted me again to go out I talked myself into it. Because after all, my concerns were (are) totally shallow. And then when he made repeated attempts to contact me to solidify plans, I kept putting off responding because I wasn't sure if I should go ( knowing, in that way you just KNOW, that nothing was going to come of it, but who knows, miracles can happen, and oh, he was so nice...) or if I should just be honest and say "I don't think this is going to work. But thanks, and good luck."

And so I kept putting off responding because I couldn't decide. And stuff in my life came up, and again, I kept putting it off... Even though I totally intended to respond. Until eventually I honestly just forgot to respond.

Ooops.

Whenever I thought back to it I felt a twinge of remorse, but so goes the dating game, I figured. Certainly it's not anything that hasn't happened to me, and while it's not awesome, it also isn't something I dwell on.

And then now he pops up in my inbox, asking for a job. Ooops! Mea Culpa, universe! (No, he doesn't know I'm the one doing the hiring.)

(BTW, I'm totally making one of my coworkers respond to his request. Because I'm a wimp that way. Oh yeah, I totally own it.)

Out of my league... in one way at least

I just got contacted by a guy on plenty of fish. (Now, mind you, I just keep a profile up there for blog fodder purposes these days because most of those guys on there are CRAZY.)

This guy's email was short, and nice, and used proper grammar--all pluses! So I wandered over to his profile.

His profile was actually quite good in the written section (and we know how hard that can be!) Funny, introspective, not-overly high on himself, yet illustrating his good qualities. All in all, yes, I would respond to this person. (Though, he doesn't have a college education, which is something I find problematic. Classist perhaps, but there you have it.)

And then the pictures....

This guy is good looking. Like, really, really ridiculously good looking.



Yet, the problem is that he's stereotypically good looking-- out of my league good looking. Not really my type because these guys tend to be incredibly shallow and want to date supermodels- good looking.

I know, I know... I can't fault the guy for being ridiculously good looking, right? But can I fault him for the cheesy zoolander-esque pictures at least? Of him in a wifebeater... of him riding a horse bareback... of him weight lifting... of him extreme skiing... of him mountain climbing...of him on the cover of a skiing magazine... of him looking strongly off in the distance with his cleft chin jutting out as he stands atop a mountain? Seems a bit... much.

Especially as I am just about the least athletic person you could possibly meet. If fact, I'm ashamed to say that I am a complete couch potato & a junk food junkie... (And more that a little plump. No need to be crane lifted out of my house... but there you have it.)

And so, I'm really surprised a guy like that would contact me... especially since I haven't updated my POF profile in a long time-- and I realized that the picture of me on there is of me about 20+ pounds heavier than I am now... and yet he still contacted me. And his profile actually makes mention of the fact that even though he's athletic, he's not necessarily looking for the same thing. Huh.

Interesting.

So, you'll be glad to know that I didn't hold his ridiculously good looks against him, and I told him we could get together when he comes back to town.

To leave you with some idea of how out there he is... here's a video of the type of skiing he does. (Extreme heli-skiing)



I can already tell you this is going to go nowhere... but it should be an interesting meeting in any case.

Science Guy Story

(Thanks to ARF for the reminder... )

Yes, Science Guy is yet living! In spite of having no contact with him for about 4 weeks, he suddenly IMs me on facebook.

(I think this may have to do with the fact that I changed my profile pic to one with me & a rather handsome man nuzzling my neck-- (don't get too excited-- one of my totally gay BFFs) and I changed my status to thank a kind anonymous handsome stranger for some much needed help..)

So, Science Guy's IM pops up and his question is, "Who is the handsome stranger?"

I respond with, "I'm surprised to hear from you."

Him: Why is that?
Me: Because you dropped off the face of the earth... (left unwritten, but I thought it... After your super douchey behaviour!)
Him: I've been busy, family has been in town.
Me: ok
Him: So who is the handsome stranger?
Me: Oh, just someone who helped me with some car trouble.
Him: Did you get his number?
Me: No.... I was not really dressed for impressing. I'd been gardening and I was covered in mud and wearing sweats.
Him: I bet you still floored him.


As I read this, I'm just like-- WTF!? As you may recall, Science Guy is the one who wanted to be "just friends" but he keeps pulling out these random throw-away compliments. (Which, frankly, is part of the reason I keep talking to him... because he is very good for my self esteem.) But really? REALLY?

I mean, what am I supposed to do with that? (Npapaya & I were watching "He's just not that into you" yesterday (terrible movie, btw!) but the one funny part was the line with the little interlude by Frangela on how guys dump you but make it seem like you're idea... saying things like, "Girl, I am gonna be so jealous of the man who gets to be with you." And their response was.. "Wait.. Hold on. Up until 5 seconds ago, that man was YOU!" That's kind of what my response is with all these little offhand compliments from Science Guy.)

And then... to finish off the conversation, he asks me to dinner with his parents. After I haven't heard from him in 4 weeks. After he was totally douchetastic. WTF?

(No, I did not got to dinner.)

As a side note, he also emailed to say that he wanted to set Npapaya up with his coworker. But then he refused to send her a picture or any info or give me a name so that we could look him up.

Again, WTF?

A real winner!

This one was sent to Npapaya.... Poor Npapaya! Sorry, babe! :-( Sucks for you... amusing for the interwebs!



I'm very unconventional and in need of a female friend 2 share pleasure with most
importantly, but i need friends as wel. yes, i'm married, i won't lie about it,
and love my wife, but we haven't had a sexual relationship for over 10 years.
have always had an open marriage as musicians,but now that she's lost her sex
drive, and she's actually relieved not 2 have 2 battle with the conflicting
feelings and demons that still can haunt her, due at least partly 2 having been
molested as a pre-teen by step relatives many times, so i'm on my own looking 4
intimacy and have so much passion in me i need 2 share. i'm unbelieveably young
in every way for my age, and very oral (giving a woman oral makes me very high),
prefer 2 develop a relationship with a lover, but NEED and will have sex as
well, and, having been a musician, have engaged in many sexual situations
including group sex, although i should mention that i am straight, but am very
turned on by bi-sexual women. no longer able 2 get at least some of my passion
out! i need 2 get it out. i'm open 2 interesting, intelligent women i can learn
from and share ideas with.

What not to do!

What Not to Do on an Online Profile

Many thanks to arf to this one!

And yes, I do think all those things apply to mens' profiles as well!

Also... interesting story to share about Science Guy... But that will have to wait until tomorrow or Wednesday, I think... :-P No time tonight to give it the dissection it deserves!