Let's call the whole thing off

I think we have already established that I am a crazy person. And that, as Npapaya points out repeatedly, I don't actually want to be dating.

Mr.2Young has spent the night at my place for the last three nights... (yanno... because we can't spend the night at his place seeing as he LIVES WITH HIS PARENTS. Oy Vey.) It's been good. I've had lots-o-fun. He makes me feel really good about myself. Things I perceive as flaws about my body, he not only doesn't seem to mind them, he seems to enjoy them. (Weirdo.)

And he's kind, and attentive, and ... and... and... he has repeatedly said he wants more than a casual fling. In fact he's all, "Come to my house for dinner and meet the parents," "Come to this banquet as my date..."

Normally I would be all for this. In fact, I'd be super excited. And yet... and yet... I'm not. Because I don't see this going anywhere given where we are in life.

This is super odd for me (as my friends know, I'm a little nutso. After one date with a guy I'm usually envisioning picket fences and 10 year anniversaries. I am, however, smart enough not to actually MENTION these thoughts to anyone I'm seeing.)

And yet, when he asked me to do these things-- when he asked what we were to each other... Was he the "B" word? I think I actually, literally, recoiled in horror. (For the record, we settled on, "someone I'm seeing.")

No labels, no labels, I said. Let's just take this one day at a time... (because thinking further than that FREAKS ME OUT.)

He's very kind and patient... but my instinct at the moment is to just call the whole thing off.

I'm fighting that instinct, but it's stressing me out to fight it. I know this is totally about my own issues and not actually about HIM, so I'm trying not to do anything hasty. Right now though I'm kinda feeling like if I don't see him again for a month or so that would be just about perfect.

(Side note: I also learned a little bit about some of the other women he's dated. I don't think I have to worry about his mother disapproving of me anymore... At this point she probably thinks I'm heaven sent, compared to some of the others... one of whom was a 35 year old he dated when he was 19. Yes, I am weirded out by this...)

A Woman of Easy Virtue

I feel like I should send Ramses (who is fond of his new nickname!) a gift basket of some kind for introducing me to Mr.2Young.

I had a good time this weekend. A VERY good time.

It is totally not my M.O. to get physical early, or often, but Mr. 2young is great. Amazing. Fantastic. And so the rules went out the window. And he spent the night.

I feel good about it. He makes me feel great about myself, and for right now that's exactly what I need. I'm trying not to let all my own-self doubt shine through (hard to do!)... because, well. He thinks I'm great. It wouldn't do to spoil his illusions quite yet...

I don't think this is going anywhere. That might sound terrible, but I have a hard time picturing any kind of future. Usually that would be a dealbreaker right there, and I'd send him packing (I'm not a casual encounters kind of girl.)

But... in this case... I'm just going to take it day by day. And today? He makes me feel phenomenal. And that's what's important, right?

Tomorrow can worry about itself.

What do Women Want?

Like, totally, duh!

Dating site OKCupid has done an analysis of 500,000 inquiry messages in order to determine what keywords correlate most strongly with getting a reply or getting deleted. It has an interesting gender lesson.

Mentioning someone?s level of attractiveness decreased the likelihood of getting a response (for both men and women), though men were more likely to mention looks. But general compliments about one?s profile increased the likelihood of getting a response:

Like cologne, it's never good to come on too strong...

Or, alternately titled:
THE FADE.

RinkRat is creeping me out.

Like Mr.2Young he's come on REALLY strong since our last date... but unlike Mr.2young he doesn't seem clear on where the boundary lines are.

Nothing specifically nefarious or sinister... but he's left me uneasy. And I trust my gut.

Since this is a SUPER small town I was not surprised to find that we had a couple of the same friends on facebook. So, I asked our mutual friends what was up with this guy.

Answer #1) He met me at softball practice. He asked if I might like to play hockey sometime. I said sure. He emailed me... and emailed me... and emailed me... and is still emailing me. Even though I've never answered any of his emails after the first one to say I wasn't interested after all.

Answer #2) I lived next door to him. He seemed nice enough but was always coming over at odd hours, uninvited, and just hanging around all the time.

So.... not super awesome.

I've tightened up the settings on my facebook page, but I'm regretting letting him friend me. (Ah well, I'll do better next time!) I don't want to UN-Friend him because that seems like it would set me up for a barrage of more persistent emails/conversations.

I'm just going to do the "FADE"... y'all know what I'm talking about? Just because it seems like being direct with this guy would be counter to my best (safety!) interests.

I might be over reacting, but if the guy is THIS clingy now... who knows how much worse it would get if we actually dated!!?!

(Also, I have to compare and contrast with Mr.2Young, who has also been attentive and emailing/texting frequently. I think the distinction is that Mr.2Young is not aggressive about it. I'm 99% certain that if I told him to drop it, and not to contact me anymore, I wouldn't hear from him again. He respects boundaries and he's made that clear in our other interactions.)

Meet the Parents

It may surprise you to know that I've never actually met the parents of anyone I've ever gone out with, other than my very first "boyfriend" in high school. (I put that in quotes, because I don't think we did anything under the watchful eye of his parents other than hold hands.) But in that particular case I HAD to meet them because neither of us could drive.

But, even the guy I went out with on/off for eleven years... Nope. Never met his parents. And we lived only about 5 miles from each other. (But, that's a whole 'nother can of worms too. His family dynamics were messed up.)

I met Mr.2Young's mother today. These are the hazards of living in a small town where everyone works at one of 3 places.

His mother is my random colleague's assistant. (The one who set us up. Who is objecting to being called a "Random Colleague" on this blog. So... We'll call him Ramses.)

I have super-randomly been assigned to a committee that Ramses is chairing and that Mr.2Young's mother is assisting.

It was sssslllliggggttlly awkward, if only because I had no idea if she knew of my existence or not. (Not that there's any reason for her to, but I get the feeling that Mr.2young is the kind of person who tells his parents everything.)

It was a very brief hello. I went back to Ramses' office after the meeting, and when I left Mom2young asked if I wanted to stay for tea and cookies. (This is not as weird as it sounds. Ramses' office has tea and cookies every day at 4pm. Actually, lots of places on this campus do. We even have an endowment specifically for tea and cookies. It's my favorite endowment.)

I rushed out of there with the excuse of too much work. Which is not a lie but a stretch. I could have sat down and had tea, but I felt so awkward.

Mr.2Young texted me afterward to tell me that his mother was really nervous to meet me.

Huh.

That's... not what I expected.

I told him his mother was probably thinking I was way too old for him. He said no, but asked if that's what *I* was thinking.

I said yes... but that I was trying to overlook it because he seems like such a great guy.

It's hard for me to let someone like me. I'm working on it. I haven't canceled our sunday plans, which is kind of my panicky inclination to do.

It's a work in progress.

A tale of two dates, part #2

I went apple-picking with Mr.2Young this weekend. It was an idyllic day-- the sky bright blue and cloudless with red and green apples against it-- so gorgeous. We picked apples, and tasted, and sat under an apple tree until the orchard closed... and then kept sitting under the tree until we realized we were the only ones left at the farm! (On the plus side, the farmer had put the cash register away, and so told us to just keep the apples. Sweet!)

I keep fighting my instincts with Mr.2young because I really feel that he's not the one for me (not just because he's too young, but just where we are in our lives, which is only sort-of based on his age... )

However, he is outshining men who are twice his age. He could give lessons on how to date, because he's practically perfect. He makes an effort to dress up. He compliments me often (and sincerely! as far as I can tell...). He gets close-- but not TOO close. He's polite. He's generous (esp. given how poor he is.) He makes a point of telling me how he'd like to see me again without being pushy. He's forthright and lays his intentions all out on the table. He is really kind, volunteering his time to help at-risk kids. He sends me emails and texts to see how my day is going (while not coming off as pushy or intrusive.)

Just... all together... a well-played game. But he's not a player. He's just really, really, really nice. And he's made it clear he really likes me. Which kinda scares me... because that's a lot to live up to all at once without really knowing someone. And part of me is rather confused as to why he would like me... (and yes, I have let some of these insecurities show through... But I'm trying to do better at hiding them!)

I have problems letting people like me. Because the moment they like me is the moment I see what's wrong with them. And what's wrong with them is that they have the poor sense to like me!

If he were older/had his life more together though I think I would probably be mentally picking out wedding invitations at this point. (Because I get kooky that way...)

As it is, I'm kind of just wanting to ... well... run away. And fast... It's taking a lot in me to not just blow him off at this point, though part of me feels I should because I don't see it going anywhere, but I can see him being hurt and feeling I led him on. (or maybe I'm just projecting.)

I don't know. I feel really confused about this one.

It would be a lot easier if he was a jackass (and, also! If he looked older than 17! I mean, he's 22, but he looks even younger.)

I did make plans to get together with him next Sunday though...

A tale of two dates- Part #1

Two dates in one weekend? Wow...maybe this is the start of a hot streak!

Let's start with date #2. I went out with RinkRat on Sunday, just for coffee... and boy, did he live up to his name! Practically the only thing he could talk about was hockey.

It wasn't a bad coffee date. It wasn't a good coffee date. It was just kind of ...dull... But the guy seemed nervous, so I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. He was very, very, very quiet. I could barely make out 1/2 the words he said, and it always drives me nuts when that happens. I usually say something to make people speak up, like- "It's really loud in here! I'm having trouble hearing you!" But he was like, "I know, I didn't want to disturb people who were reading." Laudable, but I still couldn't hear!

RinkRat seems to have a good job, but he doesn't seem to do much other than play hockey and work. And, he lives in a house with an older landlady and some other people... Which I guess is not that unusual, but to me doesn't seem much different than living with your parents. (These aren't friends, he just rents a room in a house.)

He had apparently come from hockey practice and his hair was slicked back (greasy!), he was wearing a baseball cap, a t-shirt, some ill-fitting pants. Now, I would point out that I don't typically expect much from guys these days, so this is par for the course-- however, it was in sharp contrast to Mr.2young, so I feel that I ought to mention it.

After about 2 hours of sitting and drinking coffee, I began to make excuses about having to leave and do some grocery shopping... he was like, "Oh, can I come with you?" ... Not sure how to get out of it... and it was kind of curious-- so I said, "Sure," thinking that I might at least be able to hear something he said in the grocery store. But no. He stayed quiet.

(Oh, I should mention that he hardly asked me any questions about myself. I felt like I was carrying the whole conversation. This is part of the reason I was surprised that he wanted to come grocery shopping with me.)

When we left he gave me a hug and said we should do it again... I said, "Sure," still feeling ambivalent about it.

He has now friended me on facebook which I feel even more ambivalent about... because I've learned he can't spell. eeek.

I don't know-- He's such a blank slate. He's not unattractive, but I just don't find him very interesting at the moment.

I'll give him another chance... but given that *I* was the one to ask HIM out (After he'd been emailing for about 2 weeks) I don't know if he'll get up the gumption to actually ask me to do anything. And I'm not going to be the one to do so.

(Also... I'm a little freaked out by the fact that he seems to be going through my profile with a fine-toothed comb... commenting on pictures that are a couple years old... Sure, stalk me (heaven knows I do it to others...!) but don't be obvious about it!)

(Also, Also... I think part of the thing that freaks me out a little about him is the fact that he prefers those hockey masks that are the old-school horror movie type. Very scary looking.)

Quick update

I'm sooooooo tired, and about to go to bed... (Just getting off work. It's been a long week... and and even longer few weeks coming up.)

But, I did want to let you know that I'm going out with Mr.2Young on Saturday. We're going apple picking (because I need to bake a pie!).

And then, on Sunday I have a coffee date with a new guy- RinkRat (because he's a hardcore hockey player). Don't know how this one will be... hard to get to know much about him, although he's been pretty persistant in emailing me he never actually asked me out. After about 2 weeks of him being like, "How are you today... how's it going... etc." I finally just said, "wanna meet for coffee?"

I like someone who shows initiative. On this front, I've got to give Mr.2Young the advantage here.

However, I do like my men super tall... and Rinkrat is 6'4. Whoo hoo.

But! They both seem slightly immature... so... this is probably going nowhere.

I promise I'll try and have a good attitude though! Pinky swear!

In which Npapaya is right... (as always.)

I had a date with Mr.2young last night and I was surprised to find it more enjoyable than I had anticipated. (I know, I know... with such a great attitude, it's a wonder I don't date more often! Ha.)

We met up for drinks and had a good conversation for about an hour. He then asked if I'd like to continue on to dinner. We waited awhile for a table, and then eventually moved to the pizza joint down the street because it was taking too long. I covered the drinks (paid when he was in the restroom,) and he covered dinner.

He was cute, funny, down-to-earth, and really, REALLY nice. I have to give him major kudos for making an effort to dress up and look nice (and he did!). He seemed very considerate as well.

Now, for the down sides--His life is kind of a mess at the moment, but he's working to get it back on track, and he's back in school to become a history teacher (in the meantime he works in a warehouse). He also currently lives with his parents. In spite of my super-snobbish ways I don't fault him for any of these things... And this is really where his age is a benefit. If he was 28 or 29 and living with his parents I'd be running far, FAR away. But, I recall where I was at 22 and it wasn't much different from what he's doing. However... I see how far I've come, and there's a whole hell of a lot of learning between 22 and 28.

Given the age difference the fact that he said he couldn't see settling down at a 'young' age left me ambivalent. On the one hand I certainly applaud the sentiment, not being a big fan of settling down young myself. On the other hand, as I mentioned before, I can't really wait around for him to turn 30 (or older!)

I actually did have a good time. Other than the age thing (and, oh-- he's southern and really rather religious, which doesn't quite work for me...) if he were older and more established I would totally give him another shot.

Which means I should probably give him another shot now, right?

*sigh* I know, I know. It's like Npapaya has pointed out many times-- The truth is I just don't really want to be dating. (Ha... I'm like one of those republicans who SAYS she wants healthcare reform but then nixes any actual plans to reform healthcare... ha. Just as an aside.)

Oh. I should probably also mention that I did something that was in rather poor form last night. I kept mentioning that it was getting rather late, that I should probably be going, that I had to get up early tomorrow. (It's the truth. I'm just wiped out at the moment. It's a really busy season at work.) I eventually said I had to go, and I figured it was probably close to 11pm when I left. (Yes, I probably should have asked.)

Well... Imagine my surprise when I got home and checked the clock and saw that it was only 8:30pm. Ooops!

I figured he must have thought that I was giving him a total brush off!

However, he had emailed me before I had even gotten home to ask if I wanted to go to a concert next week. (I can't. I'm working!) I did apologize though and let him know that I really wasn't trying to make a getaway, and that I'd be happy to get together again.

We'll see. On the one hand I really do like him. On the other, I really don't feel like it has any place to go, so I shouldn't waste my time (or his.)

On the third hand, he seems to like me. And I like that. And he's nice. And I like that too. So... maybe I should give it a shot?

(Oh, btw... Since he was once studying to be a minister I really doubt I can anticipate any good ole fashioned fornicating. Bummer.)

When Jobhunting is like Dating

I'm not really jobhunting... Hell, I'm lucky to have a job. And there are a great many things I like about my job. However, it is not the job I was hired to do.

My place of business recently went through some restructuring. As part of that restructuring my position was eliminated. I was one of the VERY fortunate ones in that I was offered another position with the same company.

However.

The job I now do often fundamentally opposes ....mmmm....to say, "my morals" is too strong... but, my sense of "rightness," shall we say.

I'm not doing anything morally ambiguous by most people's standards, but some of the programs I have to champion I feel have misplaced priorities. And it's kinda hard to champion them when I feel that way. However, I do my best not to let my feelings show because... well, that's my job.

And so i'm not REALLY jobhunting, but every once in awhile someone shoots something my way that is appealing. I rarely apply for it (in fact, this is the first time in 2 years I've applied for something...), but in this instance there were enough pluses to go forward with it.

And there were some great things about the job-
1) The boss. The boss happens to be the husband of a friend of mine, and he's one of only 2 husbands I've ever met that I genuinely like as a person. (Note, this is not saying I dislike MEN, this is about the fact that when someone comes as an appendage to someone else it's not a given that you'll find much to appreciate about them.)

2)Much better pay.

3)Not having to deal with ambiguously 'right' situations.

.... there were a couple others, but that was the general idea of it.

But in my gut I felt something telling me this wasn't the right job for me. But I knew it wouldn't be a job I'd be able to refuse if it was offered to me (because it would be so obviously better than my current one.)

So, I was content to sort of let things play out, all the while waffling about what I would do if an offer were made.

Well, it didn't come to that. The boss for that position came to speak with me and we had a somewhat on the record/off the record conversation.

He's a really great guy and it was a good conversation. He brought up the fact that while he could see me in many positions in his office, for a variety of reasons this one didn't seem like a good fit, and he wondered what prompted me to apply.

I acknowledged that he was right, and we discussed the pros and cons some more. In the end we came to the mutual decision that I would withdraw my application.

I'm glad I did.

Like I said, in my gut I knew this wasn't the right path for me... and yet, I was content to continue down it for lack of any better options.

Sounds a lot like dating, huh?

It may sound crazy, but for most things in my life I've just KNOWN... somehow, KNOWN in my gut (not to be all George Dubya about it...) when I'm going in the right direction.

I'm just waiting for Something Wonderful.* Whether that's with a job or with a partner, I believe that in the end I'll know it's the right one-- that I'm on the right path-- because it will feel so very right. (Yes, I know I'm single in large part due to my own issues, which I've talked about at length, but I also feel that somehow I'll just KNOW when I meet the right one. Call me silly, but every single member of my family... (other than my own parents)... has said that when they met their spouse they just "knew" when they first met them. There are several people in my family who got married on their first date-- no joke.)

It's hard to keep the faith or to have patience on this journey most of the time but in a lot of aspects of my life I have felt that my life is going in a very specific direction and that whenever I try to go off-course God/the universe gently (or not-so-gently) directs me back again. I'm a very lapsed Baptist, but I do want to believe there's a plan out there for me. Yes, there's free will, but I want to believe that God is steering me towards a good end, and if I'm just attuned enough I can figure out what that path should be.

*(If you've read this book, you'll know why I linked it. If you haven't read it, you should get it. One of the best trashy romance novels ever!)

Well Done, Young Jedi!

I must say, thus far I am very impressed with Mr. Far-too-young-for-me! (And, I probably only say he's far too young for me because he's the same age as some of my students... though he is NOT my student.)

But, I have to give him massive praise for outshining men 20+ years older than he is!

When I told my co-worker to give Mr.Young my info, I didn't really expect him to be in touch. Hell, even guys many years older fail to be in touch, and it always is kind of an awkward scenario to cold-approach someone.

However, Mr. Young emailed me a nice, funny, cute, and direct email! Good job!! (He even used proper grammar! Bonus!) He endeared himself to me immediately, and he was very quick to say, "Would you like to get a drink sometime?"

Bravo!
He showed initiative! He was direct! He was courageous! (It does take courage to randomly approach someone!)

No wishy-washyness! No meandering emails that never go anywhere! No psuedo-passive-aggressive doucheyness!

Well Done. Well Done. He could teach his elders a few tricks.

We're getting together on Wednesday.

So, does this make me a "cougar"?

How young is too young for someone who is 28?

22 is too young... right?

(No, he's NOT one of my students.)

A totally random colleague wants to set me up with his AA's son. (Weird, I know.)

Ah, what the heck, right?

I do think I'll feel somewhat creepy though...

The TeaMaster

Did I mention that Descartes is a Tea Master ? (Ok, I'm not quite sure what this means... But I really LOVE tea! I do!)

Maybe The TeaMaster should be his moniker? (Oh, why am I even thinking about this, given that I know it's going to amount to nothing, and indeed-- that's part of the reason I like him. That, and the fact that since he's such an unknown he makes a good cipher to project my fantasies onto!)

But whatever... I still really like this picture above.

I bring him up because.... HE ASKED ME A QUESTION!

Whoo hoo! It's almost like we're having a conversation! (Yes, I'm being rather ridiculous!)

And to keep the conversation going, I asked him a question in return!

And he did say that he'd like to get (our dogs) together when he comes into town in the future... (which is... unknown. *sigh*) BTW, I'm going to go out on a limb and wildly state that "our dogs" is a euphemism for something else.... ha.

I'm not quite sure how to keep the conversation going... but hopefully it will.

(Nell tells me that she's betting her brother is pretty confused at this point-- Like, "Why is this girl so persistent! Doesn't she know I'm on the other side of the world!? She hasn't heard from him in awhile though.)

Nell did tell me something that I thought was rather amusing. I met her father last winter and had dinner with him and Nell. It was a fun time (the power went out, it was an adventure! The funny thing about that is that Nell had invited Muckraker to that same dinner in the hopes that he and I would get stranded up at the cabin together... ha ha! I only found this out recently. But I appreciate her ingenuity!)

I ran into her dad around town a few other times, and I said hi, but that was about it. Nell said that ever since last winter her dad keeps asking about me. She said, "Dad adores you! He thinks you're a firecracker." Ha ha! And then she added, "I think he talked to Descartes about you as well."

Ha. I would give a million dollars to know if that is true (Nell can be fuzzy on details. She's a little ditzy.), and if so, what was said.

I do like being labeled a firecracker!

Work on that attitude, young lady!

As I said in the comments to arf, but I'll repost here because I think it's important:

I have a terrible attitude about [dating]. (As Npapaya always says, "Are you sure you actually want to be dating?")

And I think that's the problem-- I DON'T actually want to be dating. I'd like to be WITH someone, but the dating part is effing annoying. Finding out whether or not someone is trustworthy, dependable, kind, etc... Takes time and effort. Time and effort I don't usually want to put in.

I think that's part of the reason I have a crush on Descartes... I can skip all those--"Can I trust you" stages because he comes with the Good Housekeeping Friendship Seal of Approval.


And so I know I need to have a better attitude about it. I'm trying, I really am.

So much so that I answered Coffeeguy's lackluster email. I didn't spoon-feed him a date option, but I left the door open for him.

(Which is better than he did for me, since his email included not a single question. As an Aside-- WHY DO GUYS DO THIS!? If I had a penny for every time I got an email from a guy on a personals site that doesn't include a single question, I could buy myself a happy meal. For the most part I don't bother answering those at all anymore. What's the point?

As an example, here's an email I got today from a random dude:
Hello,--- I read your profile, and thought it might be a good idea to send you a message, -- any way, write me back if you want to.

Gee. Nothing? Nothing like: "I noticed you like XYZ. I also like XYZ. What is your favorite XYZ of that particular artist/restaurant/whatever. You seem like an interesting person, I'd love to discuss XYZ with you. What do you think about XYZ?"

How enticing. Let me get right back to writing you- ... But I digress...)

I'd give coffeeguy another chance, to try and be fair, if he asks me out, but given that he didn't respond to me asking him to do something a week or so ago, I doubt I'll be hearing from him. I really think he just wants an ego-boost.

But, well, I'm working on my issues. And one of those issues is the fact that I don't really like to date!

Do you live in a black hole?

I got an email from the coffee date I had last week... almost exactly a WEEK after I wrote to him.

Now, I'm not one of those girls who thinks a guy needs to respond ASAP (ok, who am I kidding. I'm TOTALLY one of those girls. BUT I make a point to hide it well.) but I think anything over 3 days unless you have an excuse like, "I was out of the country," "My grandma is in the hospital," or "I went to a Buddhist commune for a week," is unacceptable.

Right? Right??? Am I right?

I had written to him after our coffee date to say that I'd be up for getting together this Thurs or Fri. Well, Now I have plans. (Not that he asked me to get together mind you... Actually, This is what he wrote-- I hope you had a nice weekend and you were out enjoying the sun. Sorry I didn't get back to you right away, I was visiting some friends and they didn't have a computer. I'm on my lunch break and only have a few minutes left, but hope all is well. -- Not much to go on, right? I mean-- what do I say to that?

If anything??? My inclination is to fuggidaboutit. What say you?

why I'm a fan of blogs...

Yes, I'm rather voyeuristic, but I'm also rather hopeful by nature as well. I know that's part of the reason I'm fascinated by random blogs I come across. I particularly like ones with archives dating back a year or more so that I can go back and read them.

The reason I like this? I'm a sucker for a happy ending. And going back and reading archives-- reading when someone first went out on that so-so date with the person I know becomes their spouse... or the woman who hopes for a child, and I know she ends up with a baby a year or so later... Those stories thrill me. They make me believe in life and love and mini-miracles.

Maybe that's why I'm sticking with this blogging thing even though the dating thing is not going so well right at this moment. Because maybe someday I'll be able to go back and read my own archives and recognize the strands of inevitability that lead to my own happy ending.
Hopefully.

Small inroads?

Since we have already established I'm a total dork, I don't mind sharing this with you, but please don't mention it to anyone else...

I was looking for reasons to talk (well... talk via facebook anyway) with Descartes... (hmmm... not fond of that nickname actually, but we'll go with it for now).

Looking back over some pictures I had I realized that on the day I'd met him I'd taken like 30 pictures of his dog. (This is not THAT weird. My camera was out because I was taking pictures of his sister Nell. We were having a picnic. Sadly, I did not get any pictures of Descartes...)

So, I tagged him in one of the pictures of his dog and his sister... Just... you know... so I would have a reason to communicate with him.

He wrote back to say, "Thanks, cute picture."

Hey! At least he wrote back, right!? *sigh* I know, I know... this is going no where... (Not the least of which because he lives in San Francisco. Which, yes, is farther than Boston, as Npapaya pointed out to me. She pointed this out because I'd been questioning the wisdom of going out with someone who lives in Boston, which is about 2.5 hours from where we live. SO. Yes. Touche.)

But, now that I've made small inroads, where do I go from here? If anywhere?

Not Surprised, Kind of Amused

So, it's been 2 days and I haven't heard back from the guy I went out on the coffee date with. I had emailed him after our coffee, and after he had indicated that he would like to see me again.

Therefore, why am I not surprised that I didn't hear from him? Because of the vibe I got from him when we met. He had very much the air of someone who had once been very popular in high school, but that his life hadn't quite lived up to that potential. Things like his insistance that he wasn't the type of person who HAD to go online to get a date (you know. Unlike the rest of us losers. Ha. Yeah right.) His mention of another girl he'd met online and how even though he didn't want to go out with her again, it made him feel good that she contacted him to get together again. (I don't blame him for this. I certainly feel the same way... in fact, sometimes when I'm looking for a bit of a self-esteem boost I'll put a profile up on some sites that I haven't been on in a long time. There's always a bunch of new emails when you're new on a site.)

Like I said, not much invested in this one, and the vibe was kind of off from the start. BUT I do find it amusing that he was really insistant about wanting to see me again when I left, and now he's not responded. Maybe this is progress... at some other times I would have been depressed by this, I think.

The OTHER thing I'm amused about is Muckraker. The dude has ISSUES. (Not that we didn't know this...) My friend Nell asked him out a little while back and evidently he got really uptight and said, "I don't think of you that way."

The reason this is funny is because we all have a mutual friend--Mary-- that I was having dinner with last night. Mary mentioned that Muckraker had confided in her earlier in the summer that if Nell were free (she is, she just had some lingering issues with an ex.) he would really like to date her.

I couldn't stop laughing... I think I know why this dude's single.

And in Not Surprised, but kinda bummed news: Descartes had written back to me after accepting my friend request, and I had written back a somewhat flirty little email.

No response.

*sigh* Nell says that she's not surprised, that her brother is the kind of guy who wouldn't know what to say because he's so shy.

My friend Dee thinks that I should email him again... but really? How could I really do that without coming off as a crazy person? I think I'll just have to keep my fingers crossed that he comes here for the holidays and try and engineer a get together at that point.

My Latest Crush...

I think it's always good to have a little crush. Good to daydream about, and helps to feel a little less hopeless about the whole dating thing.

My latest crush is my friend Nell's brother. (Hmmm Gotta get him a nickname perhaps... Descartes?) He's a pretty good crush as he lives across the country, and so there's not a chance of anything coming to pass... which makes him pretty safe to fantasize about, and not get my heart broken! (I know, I know... My issues. I'm working on them.)

I mentioned him briefly before (though I can't find the damn post. So much for my categorizing skills.) He is originally from this town, though he now lives WAY across the county on the West coast. He came into town briefly in the summer to donate a kidney to his sister. (Sniff... Sniff... Doesn't that make him lovable right there?!) When I met him I thought he was cute, but he seemed very uninterested. I ran into him and Nell again about a month after the surgery, and again-- he seemed nice, but uninterested. (As Nell keeps saying to me-- HE HAD OTHER THINGS ON HIS MIND!!! Like A KIDNEY.) Yes, yes... excuses, excuses!

She did mention to me after he'd left that he thought I was cute. To which I replied, "REALLY!? Because I thought he was cute! And did I mentioned I'd move across the country? Because I TOTALLY would...!" (And, he happens to live in San Francisco, where about 50 of my dear friends live, and they're always trying to get me to move out there. Tempting!) So, when Nell went to visit him a few weeks ago, she happened to mention that I liked him.

Apparently he's quite shy (and a total dork-- her words... But I'm a fan of dorks! He's a mathematician,) so nothing really would have come of that... except...

Npapaya was all, "You should friend him on facebook!" To which I replied-- "Um, that would make me look like a crazy stalker!" (Nevermind actually google-stalking him. I have no qualms about that. The APPEARANCE is what counts.)

When Nell came to visit me this afternoon though we were looking at people on facebook, and we looked up her brother. She was like, "You should friend him!" So, I wrote him a note telling him that Nell had told me to do this, that we were sitting here having tea, and that I always do what Nell tells me to do."

He accepted my friend request. (Phew! This will make stalking SO much easier... especially as he has a common name! ) He wrote back, a friendly response, and I sent him a kind-of flirty one. Hopefully he'll write back!

As I was perusing his facebook page though, I fell even deeper into crush with him... He's kind to animals! And small children! He's well traveled! He speaks French! He's a total dork who says things like, "nicotine is an MAO-B inhibitor," in random wall conversations! He is all together very adorable.

And... And... And...! I LOVE his family! (And isn't that 3/4ths the battle?) They are such good, kind, friendly people! I want them to be MY family! (Kinda like Laurie in "Little Women" huh? "I have always known I should be a member of the March family," and all that...)

He'll likely come back to visit his family over Thanksgiving/Christmas... I've told Nell she'd BETTER engineer a meeting of some sort... (and then disappear... ha! I do think she's kind of creeped out that I like her brother... because, you know-- he's her brother. She's like-- he's so weird. And annoying. Like I said. A normal brother.)

I know nothing will come of this crush... But at the moment, I don't really care. I'm on kind of a high... and as long as that high is not caused by anything illegal, I'm gonna keep on crushing...!

Better than I thought...

I had tea with my friend Nell today. We talked about a lot of stuff... (One of which, her brother, who is the subject of my next post...) including my coffee date this afternoon.

She rightly pointed out that with as enthusiastically as I was going into it, the poor guy didn't have a chance. (Which. DUH. Isn't that the point... ? Ha. Ok, ok, I know... my issues!)

So, as much as I felt trepidation about it, I decided to at least feign a good attitude.

And the date went well. Better than expected.

He was cute (if a bit shorter than I had expected... but, aren't they always?). He insisted on paying for my coffee, even though I had my wallet out and offered to pay for his. (So! Bonus points!)

He was polite in ways that count, and in ways that my mother would approve of... (For example, excusing himself when he coughed. Which is more than I expect of anyone, but indicates that he would excuse himself if he... oh, say... burped in my face. Which muckraker never did. Bleh. Let's not talk about him.... moving on.)

The conversation was a bit stilted at first, but that's to be expected.

One thing that did bother me a bit was that his eyes were darting all over the place when we talked. I took this as a sure sign of his disinterest... (I kept trying to check behind me to see if there was some unbelievably hot chick.)

He was a little hard to read-- there were a couple of red flags (ok, maybe pink flags...) He was talking about trying to find a new job-- which is fine-- except that he just started this job 10 months ago. And it's not like he's wanting to go into an entirely new field because he's burnt out or something, he wants to do the same thing-- only elsewhere. And apparently he's done the same thing in the last 2 jobs he's had.... suspicious.

He also talked about how his online profile wasn't filled out because he doesn't "DO" the online dating thing. (Except. You know. That he DOES. Because that's how we met... and he's gone out with other girls from the site.) But somehow his attitude that he wasn't one of THOSE people who NEEDED to date online really ticked me off. Like-- Dude? You're really not that much better than anyone else. Online dating is NOT for people who are maladjusted shut-ins. I just got the impression that he felt that he was too good-looking for it. Which-- he's not. (No one IS, but while he's not unattractive, he's not George Clooney either.)

On the other hand, the conversation flowed, and it seemed to warm up towards the end. He mentioned several times that he'd like to see me again. We had a couple good laughs.

All-in-all, one of the better coffee dates I've had.

I emailed to say I'd enjoyed meeting him and I'd be open to getting together again if he felt like it.

We'll see...