I'm not really jobhunting... Hell, I'm lucky to have a job. And there are a great many things I like about my job. However, it is not the job I was hired to do.
My place of business recently went through some restructuring. As part of that restructuring my position was eliminated. I was one of the VERY fortunate ones in that I was offered another position with the same company.
However.
The job I now do often fundamentally opposes ....mmmm....to say, "my morals" is too strong... but, my sense of "rightness," shall we say.
I'm not doing anything morally ambiguous by most people's standards, but some of the programs I have to champion I feel have misplaced priorities. And it's kinda hard to champion them when I feel that way. However, I do my best not to let my feelings show because... well, that's my job.
And so i'm not REALLY jobhunting, but every once in awhile someone shoots something my way that is appealing. I rarely apply for it (in fact, this is the first time in 2 years I've applied for something...), but in this instance there were enough pluses to go forward with it.
And there were some great things about the job-
1) The boss. The boss happens to be the husband of a friend of mine, and he's one of only 2 husbands I've ever met that I genuinely like as a person. (Note, this is not saying I dislike MEN, this is about the fact that when someone comes as an appendage to someone else it's not a given that you'll find much to appreciate about them.)
2)Much better pay.
3)Not having to deal with ambiguously 'right' situations.
.... there were a couple others, but that was the general idea of it.
But in my gut I felt something telling me this wasn't the right job for me. But I knew it wouldn't be a job I'd be able to refuse if it was offered to me (because it would be so obviously better than my current one.)
So, I was content to sort of let things play out, all the while waffling about what I would do if an offer were made.
Well, it didn't come to that. The boss for that position came to speak with me and we had a somewhat on the record/off the record conversation.
He's a really great guy and it was a good conversation. He brought up the fact that while he could see me in many positions in his office, for a variety of reasons this one didn't seem like a good fit, and he wondered what prompted me to apply.
I acknowledged that he was right, and we discussed the pros and cons some more. In the end we came to the mutual decision that I would withdraw my application.
I'm glad I did.
Like I said, in my gut I knew this wasn't the right path for me... and yet, I was content to continue down it for lack of any better options.
Sounds a lot like dating, huh?
It may sound crazy, but for most things in my life I've just KNOWN... somehow, KNOWN in my gut (not to be all George Dubya about it...) when I'm going in the right direction.
I'm just waiting for Something Wonderful.* Whether that's with a job or with a partner, I believe that in the end I'll know it's the right one-- that I'm on the right path-- because it will feel so very right. (Yes, I know I'm single in large part due to my own issues, which I've talked about at length, but I also feel that somehow I'll just KNOW when I meet the right one. Call me silly, but every single member of my family... (other than my own parents)... has said that when they met their spouse they just "knew" when they first met them. There are several people in my family who got married on their first date-- no joke.)
It's hard to keep the faith or to have patience on this journey most of the time but in a lot of aspects of my life I have felt that my life is going in a very specific direction and that whenever I try to go off-course God/the universe gently (or not-so-gently) directs me back again. I'm a very lapsed Baptist, but I do want to believe there's a plan out there for me. Yes, there's free will, but I want to believe that God is steering me towards a good end, and if I'm just attuned enough I can figure out what that path should be.
*(If you've read this book, you'll know why I linked it. If you haven't read it, you should get it. One of the best trashy romance novels ever!)
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