Monday, September 21, 2009

A tale of two dates, part #2

I went apple-picking with Mr.2Young this weekend. It was an idyllic day-- the sky bright blue and cloudless with red and green apples against it-- so gorgeous. We picked apples, and tasted, and sat under an apple tree until the orchard closed... and then kept sitting under the tree until we realized we were the only ones left at the farm! (On the plus side, the farmer had put the cash register away, and so told us to just keep the apples. Sweet!)

I keep fighting my instincts with Mr.2young because I really feel that he's not the one for me (not just because he's too young, but just where we are in our lives, which is only sort-of based on his age... )

However, he is outshining men who are twice his age. He could give lessons on how to date, because he's practically perfect. He makes an effort to dress up. He compliments me often (and sincerely! as far as I can tell...). He gets close-- but not TOO close. He's polite. He's generous (esp. given how poor he is.) He makes a point of telling me how he'd like to see me again without being pushy. He's forthright and lays his intentions all out on the table. He is really kind, volunteering his time to help at-risk kids. He sends me emails and texts to see how my day is going (while not coming off as pushy or intrusive.)

Just... all together... a well-played game. But he's not a player. He's just really, really, really nice. And he's made it clear he really likes me. Which kinda scares me... because that's a lot to live up to all at once without really knowing someone. And part of me is rather confused as to why he would like me... (and yes, I have let some of these insecurities show through... But I'm trying to do better at hiding them!)

I have problems letting people like me. Because the moment they like me is the moment I see what's wrong with them. And what's wrong with them is that they have the poor sense to like me!

If he were older/had his life more together though I think I would probably be mentally picking out wedding invitations at this point. (Because I get kooky that way...)

As it is, I'm kind of just wanting to ... well... run away. And fast... It's taking a lot in me to not just blow him off at this point, though part of me feels I should because I don't see it going anywhere, but I can see him being hurt and feeling I led him on. (or maybe I'm just projecting.)

I don't know. I feel really confused about this one.

It would be a lot easier if he was a jackass (and, also! If he looked older than 17! I mean, he's 22, but he looks even younger.)

I did make plans to get together with him next Sunday though...


Perpetua said...

Ooh, tough one. I'm inclined to believe that if you aren't feeling it, you aren't feeling it. It's possible for him to be a totally awesome guy...for someone else.

However. You do have the pesky "You like me? What's WRONG with you?" problem. Ugh. Maybe just give it some more time? You aren't responsible for worrying about his feelings until you have the "Are we a couple?" conversation.

Hypatia said...

Yes, I'm going to give it more time. Mostly because I rarely-if ever- "feel it."

In fact, over the last ten years I've only been REALLY into a guy twice. (One of them was Muckraker. So. Yanno... Maybe "feeling it" is not really the best indicator a good potential relationship.)

Mr.2Young is super nice. For right now, that should be enough. (It's hard to convince myself of that though.)